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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 7:49 pm 
 

So, right now I had the misfortune of seeing the band photo on the page for the brutal death metal band called UwU. I'm genuinely surprised such a shitty band photo could exist.

From the guy's fucking ugly neckbearded face, to his lack of enthusiasm or any emotion in his expression, to the just simple blandness of just having the image be a closeup of his face makes for one of the worst band photos I have ever seen. Anyone else know of any of some particularly bad band photos?
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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EvergreenSherbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:48 pm
Posts: 1164
Location: Directly behind you
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 8:33 pm 
 

Image
I rest my case. No I'm not gonna resize it either.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
I don't feel anything except melancholy or rage most of the time.

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AuthorOfWoh
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:52 pm
Posts: 31
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 8:39 pm 
 

Oh fuck off, it's a homoerotic treasure.

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draconiondevil
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 4:21 pm
Posts: 555
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 8:45 pm 
 

Whoever is afraid of Manowar is afraid of himself.
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goetia_unreleased wrote:
We need to do something about the posers if we are to save heavy metal.

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yungstirjoey666
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 23, 2019 8:47 am
Posts: 407
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 8:51 pm 
 

That technically is both the worst and best band photo of all time

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 9:02 pm 
 

AuthorOfWoh wrote:
Oh fuck off, it's a homoerotic treasure.

My genitals agree.
_________________
recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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EvergreenSherbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:48 pm
Posts: 1164
Location: Directly behind you
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 9:27 pm 
 

yungstirjoey666 wrote:
That technically is both the worst and best band photo of all time

Exactly. He gets it.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
I don't feel anything except melancholy or rage most of the time.

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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 930
Location: Unknown
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 9:31 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image


https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Cuntscrape/102249

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 9:53 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image


https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Brat/3540492625

Only the guy on the right looks like he belongs in a metal band. The girl would be fine if not for that weird shirt she's wearing.
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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Endarkening
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2018 11:51 pm
Posts: 182
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 10:09 pm 
 

Honorable nod to Sorrow.

Image
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Petrus Thomas Ratajczyk, 1999: "I hate myself, wish I'd die".

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true_death
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:47 pm
Posts: 2389
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 12:58 am 
 

A few "cursed" photos I've found via the "random band" function over the years:

Image
Dude just went "band photo at 5, business meeting at 6...easy fix" :thumbsup:
Image
Camo shorts...hell no, camo corpsepaint, that's where the money is!!
Image
Harvey Dent's favorite black metal band.
Image
Just love the awkwardness of this photo, the empty gaze on the guitarist is just *chef's kiss*
Image
I guess they couldn't find a leather jacket big enough for Rush-shirt guy :(
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"My lifestyle, determines my deathstyle"

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pyratebastard
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:05 pm
Posts: 277
Location: Chula Vista, CA, USA
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 10:21 am 
 

LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
So, right now I had the misfortune of seeing the band photo on the page for the brutal death metal band called UwU. I'm genuinely surprised such a shitty band photo could exist.

From the guy's fucking ugly neckbearded face, to his lack of enthusiasm or any emotion in his expression, to the just simple blandness of just having the image be a closeup of his face makes for one of the worst band photos I have ever seen. Anyone else know of any of some particularly bad band photos?


After seeing that guy is from Kingman, I looked him up on Facebook, and of course, we have mutual friends. That was an interesting few minutes that I will never get back.
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Thrash, Death and early Black Metal Fanatic

Purveyor of absolute bastardry.

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
So, there's the album "Reign in Blood" with the song "Rainin' Blood" on it. I wonder if that naming choice was intentional.

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21stCenturySkippyMan
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2021 9:30 am
Posts: 28
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 11:54 am 
 

EvergreenSherbert wrote:
Image
I rest my case. No I'm not gonna resize it either.


No way. This is the greatest.

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RestlessChild
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 51
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 11:58 am 
 

EvergreenSherbert wrote:
Image
I rest my case. No I'm not gonna resize it either.


Bands like Eternal Champion and many others have almost naked guys with muscles on the cover all the time. One I can think of is Scavenger's "Battlefields" from '85.

Is there a difference whether it's a painting or the motherfuckers in real life?

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Ace_Rimmer
Veteran

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2017 11:30 am
Posts: 3203
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 1:06 pm 
 

Some would say a Vallejo Conan-esque painting as an album cover is different than the sheer glory and power of Manowar showing posers how real men look in real life.

Most bands are too wimpy and poserfied to pull that off.

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Hexenmacht46290
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 8:30 pm
Posts: 672
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 1:59 pm 
 

The band in the first post is truth in advertising. It’s a neckbeard, and it’s a weeaboo hentai band. Both are disgusting. It’s a good picture, for a bad thing.
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The only “-isms” you need, are individualism, and GISM.
I like Slayer solos
Spoiler: show
With my weed, I smoke every day
If I'm not high, the hate will escape
I smoke and smoke, stoned as a fuck
Weed is my life, weed is my love…
-John Gallagher

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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 5952
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 2:22 pm 
 

Seeing that Manowar picture come up in every single discussion like this with the same cliche comments has made me rather desensitized to it at this point.
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Lavaborne (Power Doom): https://lavaborne.bandcamp.com
The Skyspeakers (Heavy Psych): https://theskyspeakers.bandcamp.com/

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RestlessChild
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 51
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 3:28 pm 
 

Ace_Rimmer wrote:
Some would say a Vallejo Conan-esque painting as an album cover is different than the sheer glory and power of Manowar showing posers how real men look in real life.

Most bands are too wimpy and poserfied to pull that off.


I think the guys who don't like seeing Manowar almost naked are just confused about their own sexuality. It messes with their minds and feelings.

Over here, no problem. It's just metal as fuck.

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RestlessChild
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 51
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 3:33 pm 
 

What about the Accept photo from 1984 that came with Balls To the Wall LP? HAHAHA. Now that's something I wouldn't hang on my wall...

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10799
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 9:13 pm 
 

Shouldn't this thread be pretty much cover this thread? Last post was only <2 months ago.

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=100673&hilit=photos&start=1360
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gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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thrashinbatman
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:31 pm
Posts: 1464
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 11:37 pm 
 

Hexenmacht46290 wrote:
The band in the first post is truth in advertising. It’s a neckbeard, and it’s a weeaboo hentai band. Both are disgusting. It’s a good picture, for a bad thing.

looked at the song titles of that first album and had my eyebrows blasted off. feel bad for the guy who inputted that into the Archive.

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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 10113
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2022 10:12 pm 
 

A Czech band called Enochian has this fucking thing as their profile pic. It's been this one since V1.

Image
_________________
Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

Blacksoul Seraphim Gothic Doom Metal
Autumn's Ashes Melodic Death/Doom Metal

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CreepingDeath16
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2021 12:49 am
Posts: 504
Location: Hyperborea
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 12:42 am 
 

Subrick wrote:
A Czech band called Enochian has this fucking thing as their profile pic. It's been this one since V1.

Image

I feel the pain of the guy in the back left, he has real sadness in his eyes, understandably so. I wonder what the shirt of the guy in the right says, probably some Czech sneaker company. The corrupted(?) lower portion of the image file is a nice touch, too.
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Eternal halis......

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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 930
Location: Unknown
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 8:32 pm 
 

This one is not bad, per se, but quite adorable, in its own way:
Image

https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Ebreche/3540266278

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Required Fields
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:32 pm
Posts: 1124
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 8:45 pm 
 

Here is a pic of Saxon. On another message board I posted at back in the day, someone did some amusing commentary of the photo.

Image
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Required Fields on YouTube

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Lord_Of_Diamonds
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 1438
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 10:22 pm 
 

Subrick wrote:
A Czech band called Enochian has this fucking thing as their profile pic. It's been this one since V1.

Image

I looked at their artist page and... they have an album cover with some... anatomy on it that I really would have preferred not to see.
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VaderCrush wrote:
jerking it rules

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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 10113
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 10:31 pm 
 

And just to add to it all, their music fucking sucks!

_________________
Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

Blacksoul Seraphim Gothic Doom Metal
Autumn's Ashes Melodic Death/Doom Metal

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Metal Shark
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:54 am
Posts: 827
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2022 11:19 pm 
 

yungstirjoey666 wrote:
That technically is both the worst and best band photo of all time


Correct!

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ShadowPagen
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Aug 13, 2021 1:36 am
Posts: 3
PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2022 4:51 am 
 

Christ. That Manowar picture-and basically every other similar band photo to it-makes me think, “yeah: these guys were definitely getting bent over the executive’s desk”.

Honestly, we could probably be here forever if we tried listing every terrible band picture. I don’t know why metalheads take such bad photographs.
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I’m a woman.

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Crossbones
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 7:21 pm
Posts: 96
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2022 5:54 am 
 

Image

Geezer's nipple-high trousers and powdery blue jacket.
Pear-shaped Bill Ward wearing ball-stranglingly tight red leggings.
Ozzy having been woken up five minutes before they did this shoot, with the full intention of going back to bed afterwards.

Only Tony kept his dignity here.

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D4nzig
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:21 pm
Posts: 77
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2022 6:07 pm 
 

Image

Gorgoroth, Incipit Satan era


No comment

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CreepingDeath16
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2021 12:49 am
Posts: 504
Location: Hyperborea
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2022 6:14 pm 
 

Crossbones wrote:
Geezer's nipple-high trousers and powdery blue jacket. Pear-shaped Bill Ward...

Erm, that's where the bellybutton is. Also, Geezer is just as dapper as Tony in this picture and you need to change your fruit vendor. That being said, the leggins and the kimono are an eyesore and the album deserved a better cover concept.
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Eternal halis......

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TheUnhinged
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:28 pm
Posts: 398
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2022 9:49 am 
 

Image

I present Embracing Carpathian Mourning, where one of their main lyrical themes is being unwanted.
_________________
FLIPPITYFLOOP wrote:
EvergreenSherbert wrote:
I like the idea of a bunch of dudes recording a funeral doom album among the penguins.


I actually heard their albums are just field recordings of penguin colonies slowed down 99%

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firelord_
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2015 2:01 pm
Posts: 150
Location: DMT space
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2022 10:06 am 
 

true_death wrote:
A few "cursed" photos I've found via the "random band" function over the years:


Lost it at the camo corpse paint :D These pictures may be awful, but it's why I love metal. "You do you" culture in its essence.
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Zoning out

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TestChamber
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2022 4:52 pm
Posts: 24
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2022 10:34 am 
 

MDL wrote:
This one is not bad, per se, but quite adorable, in its own way:
Image

https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Ebreche/3540266278

This pic is awesome, I love it

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AuthorOfWoh
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 06, 2022 1:52 pm
Posts: 31
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2022 11:21 am 
 

ShadowPagen wrote:
Christ. That Manowar picture-and basically every other similar band photo to it-makes me think, “yeah: these guys were definitely getting bent over the executive’s desk”.


Uh...what?

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Hexenmacht46290
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 8:30 pm
Posts: 672
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2022 4:16 pm 
 

AuthorOfWoh wrote:
Uh...what?

It’s the same reasoning, as when teenage boys who don’t have girlfriends, and are jealous of the football team members, for being more popular than them, and having girlfriends, and are usually subjected to anti-homo insults themselves, say: “oh yeah, did you know that football is actually gay? They grab each other’s asses, and take each other down to the ground, from behind!
_________________
The only “-isms” you need, are individualism, and GISM.
I like Slayer solos
Spoiler: show
With my weed, I smoke every day
If I'm not high, the hate will escape
I smoke and smoke, stoned as a fuck
Weed is my life, weed is my love…
-John Gallagher

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Crossover_Kid
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:03 pm
Posts: 30
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2022 12:11 am 
 

I love Sodom but this one always cracked me up
Image

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Metal Shark
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 9:54 am
Posts: 827
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2022 12:25 am 
 

Crossover_Kid wrote:
I love Sodom but this one always cracked me up
Image


The Scythe gave him that haircut!

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