Pretty self-explanatory from the title, I thought of this when David Vincent's band 'I Am Morbid' came up in the current Pantera thread. Most agree this is just a lame band name, for whatever reasons, and it would've been so easy to come up with almost anything that was better. It's somewhat subjective, of course, but did Vincent really think that was a cool name or was he being somewhat lazy and presumptuous? I won't get into that, but you're welcome to give your thoughts on the "whys" of whatever you find to be sub-par in quality with whatever band names, song titles, or lyrics you wish to bring up.

With song lyrics, it can be just one line in there that kind of kills it for you, or it can be the majority of the lyrics in a particular song.

With band names, I think there is sometimes a case to be made as to how deciding to call their band by that particular name may have strongly limited the reach and ultimate success of a particular band. But it can be a successful band with a dumb name also.

To get the ball rolling, I'll mention Dim Mak, the band which spun off from the remains of the great early '90s death metal band, 'Ripping Corpse'. Dim Mak is actually a pretty cool name in that it means "Death Touch" in Chinese. However, might that name have limited their reach early on when trying to gain traction, simply because most potential fans (not to mention record store owners/merchandise buyers) would probably have no idea wtf it means or that it was even death metal?

Impaled Nazarene enters the battle








Edit: I read "what were they thinking" instead of "what you were thinking".

But basically I have always laughed and will always laugh at the sperpentic lyrics and titles of Impalez Nazarene's first two albums, I guess the rest of their discography will be along the same lines but I haven't listened or paid attention to them.

For the band name, I've always thought that Dew-Scented sounded strange. First of all, what the hell does it mean? Second, it sounds completely non-threatening and weird for a metal band.

I believe the name is inspired by Edgar Allan Poe, but I don't know enough about his books to understand the reference.

Pretty Maids is a name I could never get on board with.

It was always irked me that Darkthrone was one word instead of "Dark Throne." Especially since their logo separates it into two words.

Mammoth Weed Wizard Bastard sounds like a joke parody stoner doom band name.

Wizardthrone immediately conjures images of bad Electric Wizard copying, not a melodic death metal band.

Nothing wrong with the name, it certainly sounds original and fit for a... folk metal band, certainly not a fucking thrash/death one

It's like finding out that band with a name like Vulvectomy or whatever gruesome procedure plays power metal. Just inappropriate.

You think? I've always though Dew-Scented sounds like the name of a bottle of perfume.

Some obvious ones- R U Dead?, Jumpin' Jesus, Molested

Pink Cream 69 takes the cake for me as the worst band name ever.

Make a Change… Kill Yourself, obviously. I can’t get over the fact that a grown ass man came up with such a fucking stupid name. Some of his lyrics are among the cringiest stuff I’ve ever read. I understand there is a language barrier and thus some limitations, but come the fuck on.

LOL....totally.

Slauter Xstroyes is such a bizarre band name. Apparently the members came up with it while they were getting high in a basement.

I can't get enough of how silly the name Goatpenis is.

Funny, but Dew-Scented is one of those names I've seen periodically but which I've never even felt the impulse to look into because of the name. In the back of my mind I think I always just figured it must be some weird folk or power metal hybrid or something like that, but looking at their page, I now realize they're a death/thrash band which I might possibly like. I mean, I love The Crown and they're listed near the top as a 'similar artist', but yeah, that name just automatically repelled any curiosity I might've had before.

And how do you land on a name like that if you're a death/thrash band? Assuming it's more or less a democracy, were there really 3 or more members of the band going, "Fuck yeah, 'Dew-Scented'! That's it! That's what we'll call ourselves! Fucking Dew-Scented!"

I do recommend checking out their albums. While one could argue that a lot of the albums sound the same, it is pretty kick-ass thrash/death that's definitely worth a listen. They also had this thing of beginning all their albums with the letter "I" for some reason.

I recommend starting with Inwards, Impact or maybe Issue VI.

Edguy

Strange when not a single band member is named Ed.

Of all the bands I love, there's only one I would never wear a shirt of because their name is just too stupid.

That band is Vulvagun. Terrific band, but that name, my god...

THIS pile of shit from Morbid Angel's I.D.I., which I finally heard the other week:

Radikult 07:37
"Killer kult kult
Killer kult
Killer killer killer kult..."

The lines have long been drawn
Between the life and death,
The right and wrong
But what's the reason,
What's our reason?
The walls are high we know
They've gotta come down

'Cause we've been crossing the line since 1989
We're moving the world
Because our power is a shining
Sick groove with fucking magic to prove that
The radicals are here to stay!

We're living hardcore and radical
We'll always be maniacal and animal
They fear us cause we're physical irrational
Our radi-killer kult is thriving!

Setting fire to everything we see
Fill the rage inside the music... What will be
Given reason then taken away
Because the boundaries are coming down...

'Cause though we live
And breathe we're like nasty machines
Taking out targets and we do it with ease
We've been called,
We scream back never the same
And we tear it up as radicals!

We're banging hardcore radical
Maniacal and animal
Beast stomping with an appetite insatiable
We are the radikult...

We're living hardcore and radical
We'll always be maniacal and animal
They fear us cause we're physical irrational
Our radikult is thriving!

Bang it hardcore and radical
Maniacal and like an animal
Beasts stomping with an appetite insatiable
We are the radikult...

Our beats down
One step close to the fiery end
Just take another dose of our insane world
It all gets better
Feel next to nothing 'til we drop it again
Radical
Radikul
Never made to order unpredictable
Demoniacal and so fanatical are the
Zealots and the martyrs of the radikult
--------------------------------------------------

What "edgy" 13 year old boy wrote this crap???

That DOES explain it.

THIS! So stupid.

At least go all the way on being "offensive" by calling it GOATCOCK.

Prostitute Disfigurement makes me go into full body cringes even when just thinking about it.

Does merch count? Cuz if so, man... this Sanguisugabogg longsleeve. Are there actually people who would walk around in public with "I eat my own cum" written on their back?



EDIT: added spoiler

Cool, thanks for the recommendation! I'll give 'em a listen on YouTube... I can always go for some kickass death/thrash. I'm actually listening to Disfear's Live the Storm at the moment, which is more in the crust punk realm, but still, it has that thrashy/death energy and I thought of them earlier when The Crown came up. Love this stuff

God, those are horrible lyrics. Edgy 13 year old, exactly.

Also, meant to respond to Forever Underground on Impaled Nazarene's lyrics posted above- I have to agree they go a little overboard with their anti-Jesus rants. I can tolerate it but, having been brought up Catholic, I always find myself asking if it's really necessary to go that far with it. Seems rather juvenile. I like their early music though otherwise.

Most of their merch is intolerable as well.

I know this one often gets mentioned, but Job For A Cowboy I've always thought was a pretty silly name for a metal band.

These lyrics by Forgotten Tomb:

It was a nickname for their maths teacher when they were in school (which you may already know). The band formed when they were 14, so it probably seemed hilarious back then, and they just stuck with it. Certainly not your standard power metal sort of name. In fact, I probably swerved them because of it, until I saw them live at a festival.

I think I mentioned this in another thread, but Fvneral Fvkk certainly doesn't make one think of epic doom metal.

I love bandnames that are outside subgenre dogmas. It often pisses off or keeps out the gatekeepers (that is real karma eh) and other fundamentalists.
I don't have many 'wtf were you thinking' moments concerning bandnames or songtitles. it is what it is and I like it or not.
Many bandnames that were cool in the eighties are now cliché and/or cheesy. so who gives a F. A lot is a sign of the times anway.
Lyrics.... 99% of the time I care little about lyrics in metal as they are rarely eloquent or intellligent. But it is not what I'm looking for in metal anyway.
Good lyrics are a bonus, not a standard

So IF I have a "what were you thinking" moment it is mostly about artwork really or bandpictures/outfits. There are still so many eighties albums I love to listen to but never bought because the band just were too silly looking or the artwork too stupid to have it my collection.

I always found it funny that Anthem's arguably heaviest album was titled Domestic Booty.

This is what I call an "ESL album title". Nothing wrong with being ESL, of course, but it's funny when an album is called something no native would ever think of. Another great example is Scald's album "Will of Gods Is a Great Power".

Vio-lence dealt with serious topics on their first two albums so it was very surprising that they included the back to back salvo of "Gutterslut" and "Dicks of Death" on the Torture Tactics EP. It was probably funny for its time (1991) but even though I'm not a woke kid, I still find the lyrics cringe-y reading it now:

I'm sure there is so many things that could go in this thread if I actually sat back and thought about it, but since I've been spinning "Molesting The Decapitated" quite a bit the last few days I couldn't help but laugh at the line in "Fucked to death" "I must take shit on this fuckin' bitch
I let one fly onto her face" lmao, I mean, i realize Devourment's lyrics are over the top and not meant to be taken seriously but I was under the impression they were trying to atleast sound menacing or tough and violent, that line is just comically cheesy.

Also gonna throw all of the racist bands in this category, your music may or may not be good, but i'd prefer you keep that dumb bullshit to your own pathetic minds.

I guess my view on these things is too boring/simple, but I really do not mind "cliché"/"typical" band names in certain subgenres of metal music, and I'm rather positive about them.

For example, I like "sad and atmospheric" names (such as October Tide, Trees of Eternity, Shape of Despair, Forest of Shadows, etc.) in melodic and atmospheric doom and doom/death metal - it turned out that many bands with these kinds of names became my all-time favorites, and I always check out new bands that have these kinds of names.

When it comes to a question about bands in these subgenres who have names that are very non-standard/"out of place" for the subgenres, I think it would make the most sense in cases where a style of music/lyrical themes/imagery of such bands were also non-standard/too specific. For example, there was this band - https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Vi ... ation/3026 which also has an album that is melodic doom/death metal musically but at the same time which has much more extreme and atypical themes/imagery for this subgenre. Yes, the band name is very "out of place" for the subgenre because it makes you think that this band has more extreme music but at the same time it is still quite informative because the name is related to and fits their imagery/lyrics (and there are people like me for whom it looks way too extreme and unacceptable, regardless of the relatively accessible music).

This shirt basically screams "Effort, what's that?"

All for non-genre conforming names and titles, but Metal Church - Hanging in the Balance is too much. And the name Vulvagun makes them too goofy to discuss with anyone not already really deep into that style of power metal unfortunately.

There was some Arizona band called Pedifile back in the late 1980s. They were on one of those compilations "Satan's Revenge Part 2" or something, I think. I can't imagine getting away with calling your band that, even back then. That's one of those lines you just shouldn't cross. I remember hearing that particular compliation (I think New Jersey Unsane and Necrovore were on that comp. too) but Pedifile were...lets just say, not one of the better bands on there.

Iwrestledabearonce, Job for a cowboy, car door dick smash...there are tons of examples out there with utterly stupid band names. In most cases, the music is almost as bad as the band name.

Some of these names and lyrics are cracking me up. Anyway, this feels harder to think about than I expected, I know some "proto" names for bands can be pretty bad (Gypsy's Kiss for Iron Maiden, The Polka Tulk Blues Band for Black Sabbath, etc), but these obviously shouldn't count. I feel like mentioning grind bands and the like also is missing the point for most of them, since they're supposed to be silly, juvenile and tongue-in-cheek. I won't count joke bands either for the same reason.

I guess as far as really questionable stuff goes when it comes to more serious bands, Helloween is the first one that comes to mind. They have some weird ass titles for a few songs and albums like "Heavy Metal Hamsters", "Don't Spit on my Mind" (I don't even know wtf is that supposed to mean), "Pink Bubbles Go Ape" (again, I have no idea) and some more.