Ever since I got a stupid MP3 I was attracted to rock and nu metal, soon I got into emo music, then goth and slowly into heavier metal. Till recently I felt like the music I listened to brought me closer to others but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore… I feel like I can’t enjoy the bands I like because they’re popular, the communities online which used to make me feel so welcomed (I don’t have that irl) are unnecessarily critical, they’re almost forcing u to find other artists to prove you’re actually into metal. Don’t get me wrong, I love discovering new artists, but at my own pace…

I’ve struggled with depression (it’s gotten better) but music has always been there for me. However, I’m kinda losing interest into all types of music. I feel like it’s becoming performative which makes me incredibly sad and confused. I don’t know where my own music taste ends and the pressure of others begins… Do i even enjoy anything in my life at the moment? Not sure. I just want the feeling of excitement back and a positive environment…

I’ve been thinking about buying an electric guitar bc i used to play music but I stopped bc of my uni entry exams… Do you think this could help me regain that feeling? I really hope you understand where I’m coming from:)

UPDATE: I wasn't expecting so many supportive and thoughtful replies! You've all been so helpful and I feel like I'm already changing the mindset I had. Thank you so much, I'm planning on replying to each one of you when I get the chance:)

Listen to what you enjoy listening to. Perhaps unplug from social media and other platforms where you are worried about broadcasting your taste.

Remember, for every metal elitist you worry over there is an elitist of jazz, dub, math rock, trance, etc. Somebody is "disappointed" in you for whatever you enjoy or dislike. All that matters is what you enjoy.

follow your own nose/ear and find stuff that naturally calls out to you, don't worry about others. This is about your enjoyment. Your taste is what makes you you. By all means, read reviews and what other people say on forums if you want but don't check it out unless it actually interests you.

Your putting to much of an onus on others accepting you when you should be doing things for yourself that bring you happiness. If your around people that require you to change to meet their standards then they are not people you want to be around period. I listen to Thrash, 80's metal, etc, and most of my friends listen to either Indy music, or hiphop. Live and let live. You can love metal but you don't need metalhead friends to be proof of that. Be around people that make you happy regardless if they like metal or not.

Most important thing is: Don't push it
Don't push anything

Just listen to whatever you feel like. Don't involve too much in online communities because it is often riddled with negativity.

Feel like listening to a metal album? Pick whichever one comes to mind and just enjoy it.
Feel like another genre? play it. Just try not to care about popularity, other people, whatever.
Enjoy some music and let it take you into its world

You seem to be falling into the trap of outsourcing your self-worth to others rather than deriving it from yourself - don't do that.

One of the beautiful things about art is that it speaks a little differently to everybody who perceives it. One person might hear an album and think it was garbage while you may be completely blown away at having found a new favorite. Neither of these people are "wrong" as there's no objective authority who decides whose music taste is "correct". When you put it in these terms it seems ridiculous, yes?

Work on developing your own taste. Don't try to just copy some random community or group of people. What you'll find is that like-minded people tend to group together and thus form a consensus, which can convince an "outsider" to said group that this consensus is the correct one and that their own differing opinions are an aberration. Don't be afraid to cultivate your own identity and not be a clone.

To echo what's been said already -

Listening to music comes down to personal enjoyment, and in the end there's little reason to do so when the enjoyment is lacking. (Except for certain research/educational purposes...?)

Talking about listening to music can indeed have a competitive, performative aspect, as you describe - like, "How does my taste 'measure up' against theirs, and theirs against mine?" etc. - which is unfortunate, but aside from that, the talking is also valuable as a means of discovering additional music to experience. Some of it will move you, some of it won't, and nobody's experiences are "correct." The performative aspect of the dialogue, IMO, is the baggage that goes along with it, and it has little if any value apart from assisting you in your listening journey (and possibly meeting some like-minded folk along the way).

There's a famous saying, BTW, that "talking about music is like dancing about architecture." What people say about music is inescapably subjective in a way, and need not dictate your own enjoyment of music. So the whole business can be taken with a grain of salt if it isn't helping you; there aren't any "authorities" here.

Best wishes in your battle with depression, too.

Don't pay mind to those trying to push you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. Like what others have already said, like what you like, and don't force yourself to like something just because someone forced you to.

Echoing everyone else here. Like what you like and don't feel obligated to listen or not listen to anything. Your tastes are your own.

Like you, I have nobody to share my favorite music with. But it takes no enjoyment of the music away from me.


There you go. I might not understand what people still see in Amon Amarth or in Sabaton these days, but who am I to take it away from them?

If someone doesn't see the amazing thing that you like about your favorite music, it's their loss. I can't stress this enough - I am not joking when I say that I genuinely love the music that I listen to. If I am told black metal is just noise and chaos, I know for a subjective fact they're wrong, and that's enough for me. I listen to metal and folk because no other genres "do it" for me, you know?
No other genres evoke the feeling of horror and unease quite like Akhlys' Melinoë does for me. Or how I'm unsettled by the unknowable cacophony of Blut Aus Nord's Disharmonium. Or how I'm fully convinced that if Bible's version of the apocalypse ever arrives, it's going to sound like Bestia Arcana. Heilung's or Danheim's ritualistic chants are like nothing I've ever listened to. If you think all of these bands suck, it's okay, and also I absolutely do not care.

The amazing thing about taste and opinions is that they only belong to an individual; them being incorrect to someone else doesn't make them invalid. Aside from being a Nazi, that is. Fuck Nazis.

Use your head

Follow your boner.

My two cents as someone with below-average-joe level of qualifications to speak on this matter:

Is the problem here losing the passion for music, or losing the sense of community and closeness to others that you had through music?

If it's the first, then as others have said, don't overthink or place too much importance on what others say. Listen to whatever you like and makes you feel good. Exploring other genres might even tap into some new part of your brain and revitalize your passion for music. This certainly happened to me going from metal to electronic music.

If it's the second, then I similarly advise you diversify and branch out to different communities if this one makes you feel rotten. I understand it sucks if you don't know any IRL people you can share your passion for metal with. What other interests or hobbies do you have, IRL or otherwise? Do their communities have any dedicated online spaces? Also yes, definitely pick up the guitar.

If I ever see you at a show I'll buy you a beer.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from music. Listen to podcasts or audiobooks or if you want to take a break from looking for new metal bands, that’s fine too. Explore heavy music that isn’t metal and only dip into metal when it’s your favorite bands or bands you know well. I find that can help me “reset” my appetite for new metal music. Explore some shoegaze, witch house, or electronic / industrial bands on Bandcamp and see if anything stands out.

Or sometimes it can be helpful to force yourself to listen to new stuff just to reset it. I’ve found my “Wishlist” on Bandcamp getting too long so there are days where I just force myself to listen to like 10-15 albums on that and either pull the trigger and buy it or take them off. Sometimes that directed action can be helpful.

Firstly, judging by your profile, you're 18, and while I'm not going to do the You Don't Know Anything At Your Age thing, you're not alone, and most people at 18 have no idea about anything, some just fake it better than others. Depression, anxiety, and identity issues are incredibly common when you're young, and are part of becoming an adult and the experience of life.

You can listen to metal while still having your identity. Friendships are based on mutual interests. It might be something as basic as enjoying a drink at a bar, studying the same subjects, being invested in sports or fashion, whatever. You can have friends that know nothing at all about metal and still have plenty of mutual interests to bond over.

In a lot of cases, people who base their entire identity on metal are often some of the lamest people to know. You probably aren't missing out on much if you're not connecting with people like this.

This is what i do on bandcamp as well, my whishlist is well into the hundreds again so it needs another listen / cull

Depression can hit like a ton of brick, and what you're describing as a general loss of interest for all things you enjoyed is a pretty clear symptom of it. I think fitting environments that are more suited to you is essential, of course, but getting professionnal help is also very important when it comes to stuff that might actually be clinical depression. I do, respectfully, recommend that you seek professionnal help if you feel like youre situation might be getting worse and worse.

Still, I get what you mean when talking about the whole "perfomative" aspect of being in a music community, especially one as "scholarly" and dedicated as the metal community can be. Sometimes you feel like you have to listen to the "real" bands. I've felt that pressure. Forced myself to listen to "real" death metal like Cryptopsy when I was a teenager because others said it was cool (they were right though, Cryptopsy is a kickass band, but that's beside the point). There is no perfect solution to this, except maybe sticking to your identity and being true to yourself, I guess? Like just trying to listen to things that you know you want to listen to? I don't know. This one is hard, because the peer pressure sure sucks, but at the same time, the metal community helped me discover a great deal of things I would have missed on if they didn't repeatedly tell me they were great. I'm going to use the Cryptopsy example again. At first, they sounded like a jumbled mess of noises to me, and I kept relistening because people said they were great. So I kept at it, and eventually it clicked. I didn't "force" myself to enjoy them, but I wanted to understand them, and when I did, I started to enjoy the music a lot.

On the metal side of the equation though, and on the whole "positive environment" and discovering music at your own pace, I think Metal-Archives as evolved quite positively over the years, and the regulars on the forum here are mostly nice people. We bicker and tease a bit, but most of the time it's all in good fun. I've found the community here to be quite welcoming and healthy, without too much elitism and gatekeeping. Which is impressing, to be honest. Usually, people who know a great deal about something might turn into pretentious shits who look down on others, but the most knowledgeable people around here are mostly nice.

I see that you're new here on the forum. I recommend you look around the threads, no need to even post stuff. Lurking might be a good place to start. Recommandation threads are nice, and so are the threads about releases of the ongoing year (you'll usually find this one on page one of the general "Metal discussion" forum).

If you no longer want to listen to metal then don't, maybe its a phase you went through, maybe after a few weeks or a month you'll come back to it feeling refreshed and reinvigorated. You dont need a bunch of people on the internet to tell you who you are and what you should do with your life and or listening habits.

The best part about metal to me was it was something I have always been passionate about and has always struck some sort of chord with me. Thats what seperates a great band or song from just a meh type band that has everything good but just doesnt grab you. When your passions dont move you maybe your passion is gone. We cant give it back to you, much less should you be seeking others to tell you what you should and shouldnt like.

When I struggled with depression was helped by punk music and sport…

How about some feedback? Have we been encouraging enough?

Hey man.
I know this is late after you initially posted but I'll give it a shot regardless.
Don't listen to anyone who has you do something to "prove yourself" in anything; whether it be music, skills, experience, etc. That person is just on a high horse and feels unnecessarily being better than others.

So yeah, I would recommend getting the electric guitar. That's the best way to connect with music in general imo, if I could play I would.

I myself am very much focused on riffs in a metal song than other things. But that's just me.

But yeah, in regards more to what you're mentioning, it's something you have to figure out yourself. I get it, losing interest in music, happened to me too a ways back. Finding a new band to listen to can really throw you back into listening to music real quick; I found a new band months ago and listen to them on a daily basis. All it takes is to move forward to start.

Hope this helps!

I would like to know the same.

You're not alone in feeling this way. I definitely struggled with something very similar, although I'm was too embarrassed to publicly address it like you have here, so kudos for that. For me the solution was decreasing my involvement in certain music oriented communities and branching out into other ones. I went through a very long period of checking out lots of different genres of music, at the expense of my metal listening time. It was jarring at first, since metal is what really sparked my love for music generally. While you will find elitists and assholes everywhere, if you still wish to discuss music, finding a space that is meant to cover more ground that one tiny corner of the vast universe of musical expression can lessen that competitive feeling, because everyone is coming from different contexts and theres just naturally less hegemony of taste.

And on another note, I'm glad to hear your depression is getting better, but do not shy away from treating it if that begins to change. I can tell you from personal experience that shit can absolutely ruin you, and you might already be too impacted by it to notice or care while it is happening. And losing interest in music generally sounds like a symptom. Just something to keep an eye on.

I have heard from quite a few people who suffer from chronic forms of depression that lack of emotional engagement with music, and other things that are perceived as passions, is a pretty common problem. I think it's something that comes and goes for many. I would try not to worry about it too much and just listen to what you want, when you feel like doing so. yes, playing an instrument might be really great for you.
At first I struggled to understand what you meant by stating that music was becoming "performative" as a negative thing. Music is after all a performative art form. But I think I get it: You are feeling that peoples' music appreciation, not the music itself, is a kind of performance.
I guess for some it might be, but I think this is something that's really overstated sometimes. People just like what they like, for whatever reasons are true in the moment. Some people stick to something forever because they are passionate about it. It's ok if that's not the case for everyone, and I think it's also ok if people are excited about what they listen to, enough to put it on display somewhat. i think a lot of metalheads do like doing this -- it also helps us find each other in a crowd sometimes I suppose.
But you don't have to do anything. Music can be a totally private thing. It increasingly is so, for me. I've now been into metal for close to thirty years, and I don't love it less than I did in the beginning, but I do feel my expression and way of appreciating has changed somewhat. It's still exciting but I don't feel the need to tell the world about it.
If you have the time and the money and inclination, attending some shows might also be something that's good for you and assessing your passion for music.

Seriously why do you care what others listen to or what they think of what you listen to? Just listen to what you like simple as that. Do what makes you happy and fuck everyone else ya?

Nah bro don't listen to anyone tell you about metal at all, most of the fanbase are just full of shit anyway.

Don't buy into the jean jacket and leather to feel more metal thing that's total bullshit

Don't buy into being all typical modern liberal sophisticated dude as a reaction against the jean jacket thing

Be an elitist not because of how much you know but because of how much other people really don't know

Don't respect a certain person who's music you love beyond the music

And don't shun other music but don't look at it in terms of how much it is or isn't like metal, chances are you're stuck with us for life

And id ask someone pressuring you to hear more stuff and more out there stuff ask them why they like it, and look for how much the word different is used, if someone uses the same adjective to describe their enjoyment that's the same as the description of the music, they have no business telling you that you don't know, they can't even describe in their own words the music that apparently shapes their entire being.

Just look for the bullshit and call it out, you stay yourself if you look for what you don't like more than what you do

Another interesting thread from a lad that never came back after the OP.

He was discouraged about returning to MA

Yah, I see he edited his OP. Takes guts to lay it all out like that.