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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 8102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 5:23 pm 
 

Video of the assault:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Byu5SpMj-Ke ... 5zv2e27nhn

Her follow up post:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Byu7LWqD2YJ ... mq790ftw7q

Her full Facebook post with all the allegations (long read, so spoilered):
Spoiler: show
CW. Abuse, addiction,

Hello friends. It’s not hard for me to write this, but it is hard for me to admit its content. I’ve felt like a failure for so long, like a bad feminist hypocrite stubbornly clinging to a sense of misplaced duty instead of paying attention to my own rights and well-being. A few people are aware of how my marriage has been deteriorating, especially over the past two years. For those of that aren’t, here goes.

Let me start by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for keeping this from so many of you - I really thought it would get better. I thought I would be a burden if I reached out for help - and I’m still afraid people will be angry that I didn’t tell them sooner. I was so inundated with admiration for the public aspects of my/our life, that I dared not let anyone down by telling the truth. You can only imagine the mental toll it takes when, for 8 years, I was repeatedly abused then gaslit out of my mind, believing him whenever he flew into a rage and told me I needed to keep “our business between us”.

I’m sorry for how I’ve let this situation alienate me from my friends, forced myself to hide things from my family, and sometimes caused my personality to warp and distort into the worst version of myself. I’m sorry for not intervening when I knew he was lying to other people in his life. I’m sorry for putting up walls. I’m sorry to any Vektor fans - I’ve experienced some of my favorite music ruined by harsh truths about fallible people, and now I’m wracked with guilt, feeling like I might be taking something away by speaking out. I’m also sorry David - despite it all, I don’t want his life to be bad. I just want my life to be good. And that can’t happen while I’m keeping these secrets.

There is no perfect way to handle this. I feel it’s best for me to release this information all at once, instead of letting the rumor mill leak and distort the truth. I expect to get blowblack, hate mail, invasive questions no matter what I do (as has every other abused woman who’s come forward in the 21st century) but for now I feel like I’m doing what’s rational.

The thing with abuse is, you don’t see it coming. If you knew someone had the capacity to be awful, the relationship never would’ve started (presumably). Unfortunately, as in my case: narcissists are very good at being flashy and flattering to keep you distracted until it’s too late. Down the road this turns into pervasive manipulation that warps your perception - a spiritual death by a thousand cuts. Some victims never see their way out of it.

But who, me? How could it happen to me? I’m too smart, independent, take-no-shit kinda gal. I’d never let that happen to me, right? But here I am. So now I know. It can happen to anyone.

For those of you I’ve met more recently / don’t know my background: Almost nine years ago, I connected with someone who seemed like a smart, talented, ambitious man (at least by the standards of someone barely into the naive wilderness of their 20s) and seemed eager to make my life wonderful. In the years since, we made monumental accomplishments - there’s no denying that. We planned a future, adopted animals, toured, traveled, bought a house. (Perhaps it was the relentless pace of progress that kept me going in spite of obvious problems.) He bought me gifts and provided material things. It crushes me to say that on a parallel timeline, I’ve watched pre-existing, untreated (or under-treated) mental illness and alcoholism erode his mind and expose the monster hiding inside.

I soldiered on in the worst of times, hoping against hope that he would get better. I’ve been given so many promises that never came true. He sometimes made sincere improvements, all of which were ultimately negated by selfish enablers and his own bad choices. Many, many people have been caught in the same trap as me - only seeing the single glimmer of hope in a briar patch of lies, believing that love can cure all ails and overpower addiction. I still believe sometimes, it can. But not in this case.

The warning signs were there from the beginning, but my optimism and his manipulative love-bombing overshadowed them again and again. I should’ve known when he stole our wedding money and spent it on booze because he’d been fired from his job for showing up hungover too many times (or not showing up at all). I should’ve known from the compulsive and incessant lying. I should’ve known when he strangled me in that San Antonio hotel room until my cries for help prompted another room to call the cops. I should’ve known the handful of times he claimed he was sobering up - until I inevitably found all the empty liquor bottles and beer cans he’d been hiding. I should’ve known from that time I was sexually assaulted in SLC and he locked me in a basement and told me to not talk about it. I should’ve known when he showed preference to other women just to try and make me upset. I should’ve known from the literally thousands of times I
was told that his indiscretions and abuse were my own fault. I should’ve known when he tried to rape me. I should’ve known when he smacked me across the face with his phone. I should’ve known when he slapped me and threw me against the wall because I tried to move his beer. I should’ve known when he picked me up in the air, slammed me on our bed, and hit me over the head as hard as he could with a cushion. I should’ve known when he’d fly into jealous rages, fabricate scenarios, and punish me for things *I never did or said* (things that existed only in his imagination, but had real life consequences). I should’ve known when he punched holes in our bedroom door and later justified it by saying I should calm down, it could’ve been my face. I should’ve known when he locked my dog outside in below-freezing temperatures for over an hour. I should’ve known when he vandalized our house with spray paint and told me to clean it up. I should’ve known when I was standing in the police station at 2am, trembling, filing a report but begging them not to arrest him because I had no money and I’d lose everything if he went to jail again. I should’ve known when he repeatedly abandoned his own dog so he could stay out and get drunk. I should’ve known the dozens of times he put our lives in danger by picking me up from work drunk - and the hundreds of times he’s put other people in danger by driving drunk (sometimes to the point of blacking out) all over town while insisting it’s his right to do so. I should’ve known every time he weaponized other people as tools of abuse - falsely claiming others did or said things in attempts to undermine or humiliate me. I should’ve known every time he left me crushed, crying, alone, confused, then apologized and did it all again.

I should’ve known, but I didn’t - because a person who confuses narcissism with love, slowly conditioned to view abuse as acceptable, isn’t thinking clearly.

I also should’ve known it was a mistake to let myself become financially dependent on him. This, above all, left me trapped far longer than I would’ve been otherwise. After years of equally sharing all household financial burdens, I pushed aside my skepticism when he told me that he could support both of us with the business I helped him start, the staff I helped him acquire, the client base I brought to him, if I quit my paycheck job and fully pursued my apprenticeship. I rationalized it by telling myself I’d done my part in supporting him for so long in all his professional pursuits, so I didn’t feel badly about letting him return the favor. (I was also still somewhat in denial of the severity of my situation) Now, I cringe when I realize how I played right into his trap. Once I did go all-in, instead of being a loving benefactor to a long-time partner, he used it to ramp up his control of me. Whenever I expressed dismay at any of his reckless, illegal, or abusive actions, he would respond by using escalating threats of abandonment to scare and silence me. He knew loss of his income would lead directly to my financial and professional ruin, and reminded me of it frequently.

I’ll always have love for the good version of the person that used to be inside him. But memories can only steel you against pain for so long. During all this, I’m not sure what exactly was the tipping point where I realized I was living as a shadow of myself, acting as my own prison guard. But, something did eventually snap - and for at least the past *year and a half*, I’ve been adrift as a living widow. Realizing the man I married was gone, but still unable to leave my castle - only imagining my life on the other side of the walls while trying to exist in an unstable reality.

During this transitional phase, I became increasingly exhausted by his denials of events and started recording many of our conversations and arguments (with his knowledge) to guard myself against gaslighting and assess what my contributions were to the conflicts (which is how I wound up with the footage attached this post). I’ve also taken advantage of the past year to learn more about my legal options and rights.

Thankfully, I’ve gained more emotional and mental strength in recent months, and I’ve been lucky to know a few amazing people who’ve helped me see up from the depths and/or reconnect with my self-worth (I can never thank you enough for that). I’ve worked very hard to learn how to leave the past behind and now I’m speaking for the present. I’ve stopped begging and started bargaining. We’ve “agreed” to separate multiple times - with him offering to continue temporary financial support in order to be rid of the “burden” of me, as he puts it - but he never actually leaves. He yells, threatens, runs away, disappears, etc but then he wants to pretend everything’s fine the next day. I’ve been living in a Lynchian purgatory, never knowing where he’ll be, what version of himself I’ll be confronted with, when I can let my guard down. Still constantly being assigned blame for all
problems. Despite my efforts to stop enabling his addictions and behavior, the abuse continues whenever he gets an opportunity.

Now that I’ve exposed my private life to an almost pedantic point, the obvious question is: Why am I doing this so suddenly, all at once, now? It’s not an emotional knee jerk, to be sure. It’s been so long coming. I’ve long since cried all my tears and mourned the loss of the future I thought I was building and the person I thought was my best friend. I’m able to stop hiding and share the situation with you all because I’ve had enough, and finally filed a PFA which will grant me temporary protection until an official hearing. A PFA (Protection from Abuse) order can be issued by the Family Courts of Philadelphia in cases where an individual seeks physical and legal protection from an abusive person outside of criminal charges (which I could file, but I’m not). I also have reason to be concerned that some individuals may catch wind of what’s happening and will try to protect David by slandering or disparaging my reputation while I wait for the official hearing, so I feel it’s important for me to take ownership of this publicly.

So, in conclusion: my life has looked shiny on the outside but inside it’s been a living hell. But, the tide is turning, and we will no longer be living together or functioning as a romantically married couple. I’m unsure of his next moves, but I will be in the same house and attending work as normal.

However, my mortgage, my health, my credit are still at risk. My current income won’t even cover my basic expenses for a week, let alone a month or more. It could take several months for any court ordered spousal support to support to kick in, if it’s granted. I know I’m doing what I need to do, but I’m somewhat at a loss of how I will deal with this going forward. If anyone has any input, I’m open to it.

Since you’ve made it this far, I hope I can count on your support as I go through these final stages of a difficult time. Even though I’ve been to therapy, there’s still human connection that’s needed. And, besides my financial and physical status, I have other concerns. I don’t know how to take care of my dog while I work 12 hour days. I don’t know to finish renovations on the house. I don’t know a lot of things.

What I do know is I’m able to move forward. I’m also scared, determined, relieved. I don’t have to keep feeling ashamed for hiding things from people I care about. I can be myself again and pursue rewarding relationships with good people. It’s time to bring back / experience more positivity. I have so much to offer the world, a partner, my friends. I never want to waste another day on some bullshit. I want to get back a simple, normal life. It’s my own fault that I’ve made myself go through this alone for so long, but I hope the road forward won’t be as lonely. I hope to see much more of you soon. Thank you for reading. I love you all very much

______
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you have protections. Contact me or google victim advocate services in your state. In PA, contact WAA

If you think you may be suffering alcoholism or mental health issues, please GET HELP
_____


Well, that’s pretty damning if you ask me. Hasn’t stopped people from victim blaming her, though.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 5:39 pm 
 

Very valuable information about heavy metal music and not tabloid-level gossip at all.
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Skweaver
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed May 15, 2019 4:47 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 6:15 pm 
 

Didn't all the other members of Vektor quit the band?

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 6:57 pm 
 

Because, you see, trying to handwave spousal abuse by a guy who can write good music is totally the right thing to do.
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I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:22 pm 
 

Yes, I realise I'm neglecting my duty as District Attorney of Philadelphia.
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ChineseDownhill
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:19 am
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:35 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
Very valuable information about heavy metal music and not tabloid-level gossip at all.

Ehhhhhhh, tabloid-y stuff is "Guitarist from Metal Band used an anti-gay slur on Twitter in 2011" like I'd read at MetalSucks. This is a lot more serious than that.

And in a twisted way it ....... kind of is an update on Vektor. I wasn't all that confident they'd recover from losing 3 out of 4 members at once. But now? It's hard not to file them under "stick a fork in 'em, they're done."
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:42 pm 
 

Skweaver wrote:
Didn't all the other members of Vektor quit the band?


Several years ago, yeah. It’s just been David solo since like 2016. Guess we know why now.
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I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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Chaosmonger
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Apr 29, 2006 5:59 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:53 pm 
 

Subrick wrote:
Because, you see, trying to handwave spousal abuse by a guy who can write good music is totally the right thing to do.


offensive

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raumr
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:11 pm
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Location: Norway
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 7:56 pm 
 

Who is Vektor?

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:11 pm 
 

Tech thrash band from America. They put out three great album from 2009-2016, and then the whole band quit on the founder, so they’ve been kinda dormant ever since then.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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kluseba
Making Metal Archives Reviews Great Again!

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:36 am
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:46 pm 
 

Terrible news. I hope his wife moves out, turns the page and never looks back. DiSanto needs to get help. Music should be the least of concerns right now.

Spoiler: show
It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.
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Last edited by Zodijackyl on Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Frank Booth
Can Bench 450

Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2012 9:29 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 8:50 pm 
 

kluseba wrote:
Terrible news. I hope his wife moves out, turns the page and never looks back. DiSanto needs to get help. Music should be the least of concerns right now. It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.

Get the fuck out of here with that incel bullshit.

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at the gaytes
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:07 pm
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Location: Bangladesh
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 9:26 pm 
 

If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved

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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 9:28 pm 
 

Yep, looks like Vektor is canceled. Good thing he never announced any of the new musicians he was working with, I imagine they’ll be dropping out after this.
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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 9:58 pm 
 

kluseba wrote:
It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.

Is this guy for real?
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Frank Booth
Can Bench 450

Joined: Fri Aug 31, 2012 9:29 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:06 pm 
 

Twisted_Psychology wrote:
Yep, looks like Vektor is canceled. Good thing he never announced any of the new musicians he was working with, I imagine they’ll be dropping out after this.

If he ever had them. I doubt he did.

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ambientsorrow
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:25 am
Posts: 202
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:07 pm 
 

Frank Booth wrote:
kluseba wrote:
Terrible news. I hope his wife moves out, turns the page and never looks back. DiSanto needs to get help. Music should be the least of concerns right now. It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.

Get the fuck out of here with that incel bullshit.


Hahaha, if anything, I burst out laughing when I read that.

Subrick wrote:
Skweaver wrote:
Didn't all the other members of Vektor quit the band?


Several years ago, yeah. It’s just been David solo since like 2016. Guess we know why now.


Comment section on the MetalSucks article from 2016 when the 3 others quit indicated it was Katy that drove a wedge between DiSanto and 3 others that led them to quit. I guess I kind of wondered why initially she would write "I also have reason to be concerned that some individuals may catch wind of what’s happening and will try to protect David by slandering or disparaging my reputation while I wait for the official hearing, so I feel it’s important for me to take ownership of this publicly."

Regardless, shitty thing she went through and it's great she got the the strength to move on.

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Morrigan
Crone of War

Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 7:27 am
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:13 pm 
 

at the gaytes wrote:
If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved

What a grossly ignorant thing to say.
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HideYourHole
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 15, 2013 12:28 am
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:15 pm 
 

Frank Booth wrote:
kluseba wrote:
Terrible news. I hope his wife moves out, turns the page and never looks back. DiSanto needs to get help. Music should be the least of concerns right now. It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.

Get the fuck out of here with that incel bullshit.


This is how people convince themselves they aren't to blame for their failures in life.

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 8102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:18 pm 
 

dystopia4 wrote:
kluseba wrote:
It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.

Is this guy for real?


It's kluseba, so probably.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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BastardHead
Worse than the PMRC

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 9124
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:19 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
Very valuable information about heavy metal music and not tabloid-level gossip at all.


at the gaytes wrote:
If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved


I expected this thread to get immediately shitty in these ways.

kluseba wrote:
It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.


This however was a total curveball.
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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:21 pm 
 

Subrick wrote:
dystopia4 wrote:
kluseba wrote:
It's baffling how often abusive men manage to be in relationships while true gentlemen often remain single for prolonged periods of time.

Is this guy for real?


It's kluseba, so probably.

Easily one of the most insufferable regulars. Not surprised he's spewing incel/MRA type shit.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:23 pm 
 

Imagine if Kveldulfr was still here. He'd probably blame the wife for getting in the way of his fists or something equally idiotic.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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HideYourHole
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 15, 2013 12:28 am
Posts: 136
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:34 pm 
 

Subrick wrote:
Imagine if Kveldulfr was still here. He'd probably blame the wife for getting in the way of his fists or something equally idiotic.

He who must not be named.

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Razakel
Nekroprince

Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 8:36 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:22 pm 
 

That was a really brutal read and I'm sure DiSanto's career is almost certainly over. Talk about falling from a high place. Also a shame that we have such consistently shitty regulars here, but it's a good thing they get called out by the more sensible ones.

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Vadara
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:14 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:42 pm 
 

Damn. I had always been interested in Vektor as I have passing familiarity with thrash and the idea of a progressive/technical take on it sounded like a dream, but had never gotten around to it.

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HideYourHole
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 15, 2013 12:28 am
Posts: 136
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:58 pm 
 

Razakel wrote:
That was a really brutal read and I'm sure DiSanto's career is almost certainly over. Talk about falling from a high place. Also a shame that we have such consistently shitty regulars here, but it's a good thing they get called out by the more sensible ones.

You probably missed this one before it got deleted: "Vektor>some instagram thot"

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Ace_Rimmer
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2017 11:30 am
Posts: 888
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:09 am 
 

Vektor is really killer, the last two were awesome. Too bad they fell apart.

Though isn't listening to great music made by scumbags, murderers in some cases, a metal tradition?

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cultofkraken
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:18 am
Posts: 1979
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:16 am 
 

Those instafucks need a fist upside their heads. Poor woman I hope this guy gets fucking buried.
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schizoid
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Joined: Mon Jul 19, 2004 8:35 am
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:08 am 
 

Who the fuck goes to instagram with this shit? If there's actually been an assault, go to the police.
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tahu157
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:09 am 
 

at the gaytes wrote:
If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved

She does say that she was manipulated into being financially dependent on him in the FB post.

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 8102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:28 am 
 

schizoid wrote:
Who the fuck goes to instagram with this shit? If there's actually been an assault, go to the police.


I’d go into the whole “The cops will victim blame her even if she has video evidence, which she does, and we know they’d do this because it happens all the fucking time”, but I know you won’t believe me if you’re gonna say stupid shit like that.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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SkullFracturingNightmare
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2013 7:20 pm
Posts: 1086
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 1:48 am 
 

Really shitty news. I expected much better of David, dude really needs help.

Pretty much every bit of news involving Vektor (or just David) has been bad news since they put out Terminal Redux. I'm glad I was able to see them on their final tour before the rest of the guys all left, but this is just awful.
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CrippledLucifer
Metalhead

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 5:08 am
Posts: 468
Location: Denmark
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 4:12 am 
 

at the gaytes wrote:
If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved

You can try reading DiSanto's ex-wife Facebook post for one, she even gives an account of how it's possible for an otherwise strong and capable person to fall prey to that slow process of manipulation and abuse, specially if you love and care for the person who turns out to be your abuser. If you have ever met a narcissistic person you may get an idea of how easy it is to buy into their bullshit without even realizing it.

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praey
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 1:33 am
Posts: 634
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 4:20 am 
 

This is just horrible. Good for her for speaking out.

It feels like Vektor have now become a tragic story of unfulfilled potential. Back when Black Future came out these guys were the best band in the new wave of thrash, and that album remains my favorite thrash album released this millennium. Outer Isolation was a bit of a step down but at least it kept the momentum going. Then a five year gap between albums, 3/4 of the members leaving, and now this? Vektor had the potential to be huge but never capitalized on it and with this the band has essentially imploded. Hard to see the project continuing now unless David makes amends with his wife and gets himself together. Even then, it'll probably be years down the road before we see anything.

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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6309
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 5:00 am 
 

at the gaytes wrote:
If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved


I used to think along these lines a fair bit but yeah abuse is so much more complicated. Especially when you factor in things like kids, financial dependency etc. Not easy to move out in a day, especially if you're legitimately scared of your physical safety. Where do you move to (how can you afford it)? What if the abuser comes after you? So on and so forth.


A shame as Terminal Redux is probably my album of the decade. Well, it's a shame on a lot of other more meaningful levels than that, but it's a shame on that level too! Hope she goes OK.
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putrevomitory
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 7:36 am
Posts: 422
Location: Crystal Monte Carlo
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:25 am 
 

at the gaytes wrote:
If my wife hit me, I would simply get the fuck away. I have no idea why any self-respecting woman would stay for years with some douchebag, unless there's some financial dependence involved

Problem is she narrates how she invested in the relationship for her livelihood to now depend on it. Alcoholism is David's problem, with some underlying issues. He probably transformed into a psycho, based on the statements and video, but he is excelling at what the manosphere puts out when stating how problematic modern relationships are — this time round it's actually a man who is the emotional narcissistic manipulator. Are the same monosphere ideologies of divorce-rape to the guy the reason he couldn't just let her out of his life? Well, maybe, given a guy like Tim was choosing to off his partner than just file for divorce, even as her non-financial input to the relationship was something he was willing to overlook. Wish her all the best though, and just maybe David will seek help or it will unfortunately be RIP Vektor.
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Dandelo
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:08 am
Posts: 1001
Location: Ireland
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 11:38 am 
 

This is horrible. I guess we know why the other three lads left.

I'm pretty disappointed as a fan. In terms of guitar playing I looked up to this guy.

I hope his wife gets herself into a better place.

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Abominatrix
Harbinger of Metal

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2003 12:15 pm
Posts: 9113
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:18 pm 
 

I think it's pretty brave of her to reveal all this, whatever else one might think about how it could have all been handled "behind closed doors". That couldn't have been easy for her. I didn't watch the video -- but it reads like pretty damning evidence against him. Perhaps he can turn himself around. I hope so; i rather like the music myself, especially Outer Isolation (not a step down to me at all).
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Required Fields
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:32 pm
Posts: 443
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:52 pm 
 

How unfortunate.

I sure hope that this story doesn't spread outside of the metal community, as they'll blame his actions on metal.
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