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GuardAwakening
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:35 pm
Posts: 347
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2022 3:29 am 
 

someone really needs to explain what the things in the last 2 posts are

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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 930
Location: Unknown
PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2022 10:11 am 
 

A few more things:

- The user AmeenKloe. For whom is not familiar with him/her, this user has absolutely zero comments, reviews, band submissions, modification contributions and items on the collection. But search for any quite unknown to well famous band in the board and check their "similar artists" section and you'll certainly find AmeenKloe's upvotes or downvotes there;

- Connor Betts;

- Szatan. Also google for the person's name that is referred on many of their full-lenght's songs;

- Giggolo Records Worldwide (the issued album covers are very NSFW);

- Janaza and Seeds of Iblis. Quite well-known, but still interesting nonetheless, could be on the upper part of the iceberg;

- Sanjiv, same as the one above;

- Cemetary;

- HellBentForLeather25 bad vocal covers megathread (RIP) (for page two onwards);

- Rammpage;

- Kisaragi313 / Kisaragi Hina

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thereflectingskin
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2022 10:38 pm
Posts: 102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2022 11:30 pm 
 

thereflectingskin wrote:
HUMAN BEANS



HUMAN BEANS was a short-lived poster who only ever posted the phrase "HUMAN BEANS", which they posted multiple times in different threads before being banned. Idk, people used to remember it here and it was an in-joke for sometime.

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GuardAwakening
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:35 pm
Posts: 347
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2022 11:51 pm 
 

MDL wrote:
A few more things:

- The user AmeenKloe. For whom is not familiar with him/her, this user has absolutely zero comments, reviews, band submissions, modification contributions and items on the collection. But search for any quite unknown to well famous band in the board and check their "similar artists" section and you'll certainly find AmeenKloe's upvotes or downvotes there;


seriously hate that guy, he upvotes the five most basic entry-level bands for literally anything that says "deathcore" in the genre even if it's the most convuluted variant of the genre or if the band is some small band nobody has literally ever heard of....like the genre can be "post-technical deathcore/metalcore" for some band with 400 fb likes and every time it comes into the site EVERY SINGLE TIME like "oooHhhhHHh BetTer UpvoTe Job for Cowboy, Thy Art Is Murder and Whitechapel xD". It's the most annoying thing, especially considering how these bands he upvotes never even sound remotely similar so i dont see how it even helps at all..... it's very obvious how he clearly doesnt listen to the small bands he ever upvotes

MDL wrote:
A few more things:


- Connor Betts;



HOLY FUCK i didnt even know he was on the website, i knew he was in a band but i wasnt aware he had a page

MDL wrote:
- Giggolo Records Worldwide (the issued album covers are very NSFW);


lol thats so cursed.
i actually just edited that page to give it a description cuz i truly feel like it deserves one.

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GuardAwakening
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:35 pm
Posts: 347
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 12:16 am 
 

thereflectingskin wrote:
thereflectingskin wrote:
HUMAN BEANS



HUMAN BEANS was a short-lived poster who only ever posted the phrase "HUMAN BEANS", which they posted multiple times in different threads before being banned. Idk, people used to remember it here and it was an in-joke for sometime.


since starting this thread im trying to remember this joke band name that people in the forum would say. they would refer to the "band" name usually as a strawman whenever trying to make sarcastic remarks about something

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Lord_Of_Diamonds
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 1444
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 12:57 am 
 

GuardAwakening wrote:
HOLY FUCK i didnt even know he was on the website, i knew he was in a band but i wasnt aware he had a page

Yeah, porngrind kinda got a mainstream media spotlight for a hot minute whenever he did the shooting because he was in a porngrind band.
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VaderCrush wrote:
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GuardAwakening
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:35 pm
Posts: 347
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 1:59 am 
 

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
GuardAwakening wrote:
HOLY FUCK i didnt even know he was on the website, i knew he was in a band but i wasnt aware he had a page

Yeah, porngrind kinda got a mainstream media spotlight for a hot minute whenever he did the shooting because he was in a porngrind band.


well he wasn't "in" the band, he just did live vocals for Menstrual Munchies during an occasion or two. Still it was a really bad look for heavy music with the way reports tried to corelate it with his needless act of violence. It's even worse that he was wearing a The Acacia Strain hoodie when he committed the attack and died in it too.

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thereflectingskin
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2022 10:38 pm
Posts: 102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 2:02 am 
 

GuardAwakening wrote:
thereflectingskin wrote:
thereflectingskin wrote:
HUMAN BEANS



HUMAN BEANS was a short-lived poster who only ever posted the phrase "HUMAN BEANS", which they posted multiple times in different threads before being banned. Idk, people used to remember it here and it was an in-joke for sometime.


since starting this thread im trying to remember this joke band name that people in the forum would say. they would refer to the "band" name usually as a strawman whenever trying to make sarcastic remarks about something


Regurgitated Cow Fetus?

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Liquid_Braino
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:25 am
Posts: 582
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 2:20 pm 
 

Crappy Diem deserves a mention, especially for "nothing but grains in her face" or whatever that was.

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King_of_Arnor
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2020 12:35 pm
Posts: 524
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2022 3:52 pm 
 

The "Metalploitation" bands:
https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Th ... 3540357540
https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Ki ... 3540357589
https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Ka ... 3540371718

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 2477
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 9:38 am 
 

Did anyone mention Penis Metal yet?

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EvergreenSherbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:48 pm
Posts: 1167
Location: Directly behind you
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 12:39 pm 
 

Yes.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
I don't feel anything except melancholy or rage most of the time.

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GuardAwakening
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:35 pm
Posts: 347
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2022 7:53 pm 
 

Alternate title for this thread:
"the most cursed shit Encyclopaedia Metallum has ever had on it"

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Sepulchrave
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:29 pm
Posts: 1938
PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2022 8:28 pm 
 

- grains on her face

And at the very bottom

- bass lurk deep
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wizard_of_bore wrote:
I drank a lot of cheap beer and ate three Nacho BellGrandes. A short time later I took a massive messy shit and I swear it sounded just like the drums on Dirty Window from Metallica's St Anger album.

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Rosenthorn
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 11, 2013 8:51 pm
Posts: 501
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2022 4:29 pm 
 

Morn Of Solace wrote:
Obey the Dolphin


I am proud to have witnessed this live. Reminds me to read the more recent Crappy Diem submissions.

Edit: for the uninitiated:

Diamhea wrote:
The rebuttal:

Spoiler: show
Image


https://forum.metal-archives.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=14619&p=2570809
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CAAdhAcC wrote:
I like this music, which is good. but the dolphin did not want that. dolphin say no, they say: no for you.

Obey the dolphin!

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newp
Veteran

Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:07 pm
Posts: 2691
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2022 5:33 pm 
 

MDL wrote:

I think this one might be lost on anyone who didn't frequent the musicians forum back then. Guy must have gone through half a dozen similar aliases all with varying posts of "I sing metal am I good?"

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Sepulchrave
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:29 pm
Posts: 1938
PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2022 8:05 pm 
 

Rosenthorn wrote:
Morn Of Solace wrote:
Obey the Dolphin


I am proud to have witnessed this live. Reminds me to read the more recent Crappy Diem submissions.

Edit: for the uninitiated:

Diamhea wrote:
The rebuttal:

Spoiler: show
Image


https://forum.metal-archives.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=14619&p=2570809


Oh my god I remember this. His username was so funny to me too, it's like he wrote down his angry splutters as soon as he registered for the website.
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wizard_of_bore wrote:
I drank a lot of cheap beer and ate three Nacho BellGrandes. A short time later I took a massive messy shit and I swear it sounded just like the drums on Dirty Window from Metallica's St Anger album.

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DecemberSoul
Mirties Metafora

Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:46 am
Posts: 1245
Location: Switzerland
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2022 3:42 am 
 

Taigensis needs to mentioned as well.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2022 8:43 pm 
 

I found a My Little Pony-themed progressive metal band.
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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EvergreenSherbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:48 pm
Posts: 1167
Location: Directly behind you
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2022 10:04 pm 
 

Link it so I can torment my friends with its existence
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
I don't feel anything except melancholy or rage most of the time.

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Wed Oct 19, 2022 10:18 pm 
 

EvergreenSherbert wrote:
Link it so I can torment my friends with its existence

https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Eq ... 3540375454
_________________
recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 2477
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2022 11:35 am 
 

LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
EvergreenSherbert wrote:
Link it so I can torment my friends with its existence

https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Eq ... 3540375454


It's instrumental, and yet Rainbow Dash handles the vocals and nothing else..... Interesting, interesting....

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EvergreenSherbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:48 pm
Posts: 1167
Location: Directly behind you
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2022 11:42 am 
 

Strange.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
I don't feel anything except melancholy or rage most of the time.

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10556
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2022 5:47 am 
 

I know this thread is basically just "MA Inside Jokes" listed out but the fact that my quick skim didn't turn up Lars Ulrich posting as anal_gladiator and getting banned or the infamous 4chan post about a dude stealing and putting his dick in a skull he stole from the Paris Catacombs crossposting about it here and getting busted as the same guy in real time means I'm either old enough that everybody else who remembers these things isn't here anymore or you're all seriously slacking.

Oldest inside joke that I can remember that I think might be gone is the lulz filter. I'll only know if it's still active after I post this.

EDIT: Apparently not. "lulz" used to autocorrect into "big cocks in my ass" but it's honestly for the better that we dropped that ye olde internet homophobia for a cheap laugh
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The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
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EvergreenSherbert
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:48 pm
Posts: 1167
Location: Directly behind you
PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2022 11:04 am 
 

BastardHead wrote:
...Lars Ulrich posting as anal_gladiator and getting banned

wait, is this real?
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
I don't feel anything except melancholy or rage most of the time.

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Hexenmacht46290
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 8:30 pm
Posts: 676
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2022 6:08 pm 
 

I read about Lars' "anal-gladiator" account at work, and was laughing out loud, the rest of the day. I couldn't wait to tell all my friends. What did he get banned for?

lulz
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The only “-isms” you need, are individualism, and GISM.
I like Slayer solos
Spoiler: show
With my weed, I smoke every day
If I'm not high, the hate will escape
I smoke and smoke, stoned as a fuck
Weed is my life, weed is my love…
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Goatfangs
Wicker Mantis

Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:02 pm
Posts: 2731
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2022 2:00 pm 
 

I'm gonna need more on this anal_gladiator story

the dick in skull one too for the lulz.

And I remember when that was filtered to "big cocks in my ass" as well. Kinda cringe but the word "lulz" was so overused back in 2006-2010 that it kinda deserved it.
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Openly LGBTQ+
In defiance of Christofascists

And they'll tell you black is really white - The moon is just the sun at night - And when you walk in golden halls - You get to keep the gold that falls - It's Heaven and Hell
RIP DIO

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Morrigan
Crone of War

Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 7:27 am
Posts: 10389
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2022 4:30 pm 
 

Fun fact is that I now say lulz almost non-ironically nowadays. My way of saying "this is mildly amusing in a sardonic way but not enough to warrant a LOL". But that takes too long to write (lulz)
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Von Cichlid wrote:
I work with plenty of Oriental and Indian persons and we get along pretty good, and some females as well.

Markeri, in 2013 wrote:
a fairly agreed upon date [of the beginning of metal] is 1969. Metal is almost 25 years old

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5730
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 24, 2022 4:49 pm 
 

I still find the fact that the hedgehog humping filter is still in here despite that joke probably being lost to anyone who's come around since those days.
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RYM
Stygian Narcosis - My concert photography Facebook page - Instagram too

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2022 8:54 pm 
 

Goatfangs wrote:
I'm gonna need more on this anal_gladiator story

I can't seem to find the account either. What happened?
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10556
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2022 9:04 pm 
 

Due to some weird phpbb issue that I've never fully understood, every thread from before 2006 or 07 or whenever all got purged on accident. So when it comes to old stories and in-jokes like those, you've just gotta decide whether or not I'm telling the truth.

Also Vomit Sodomy on the bottomest layer.
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niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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Lord_Of_Diamonds
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 1444
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2022 10:20 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Oldest inside joke that I can remember that I think might be gone is the lulz filter. I'll only know if it's still active after I post this.

EDIT: Apparently not. "lulz" used to autocorrect into "big cocks in my ass" but it's honestly for the better that we dropped that ye olde internet homophobia for a cheap laugh

This reminds me of the rule on this forum that can still be found in the rules post:
Quote:
3. Avoid memes, image macros, and linking unrelated YouTube videos as a response. Memes and similar shit include degenerate bastardizations of the English language - ex. "O RLY?" "/thread" and pretty much anything that a civilized person would need to look up on UrbanDictionary to understand.

degenerate bastardizations of the English language
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VaderCrush wrote:
jerking it rules

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Nocturnal_Evil
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2021 12:00 am
Posts: 428
Location: The Summerlands
PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2022 4:19 pm 
 

LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
Goatfangs wrote:
I'm gonna need more on this anal_gladiator story

I can't seem to find the account either. What happened?


Yes, could a wise elder elaborate on this story?
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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 4786
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 1:03 am 
 

I joined in early 2008 so I feel like I only got in for the tail-end of the "early" period when a lot of the deepest cuts were happening, most of which have already been mentioned here. That said, a few come to mind:

(Edit: I guess a lot of these were already posted in this thread, but I'll give a cliffs notes version of my favorites: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=114257)

- The WetPussy fiasco, where a user (originally named MegaHassan) offhandedly mentioned how he was at a party and saw a cat drowning in a swimming pool but didn't bother helping it because he didn't want to break away from the person he was talking to. More or less the whole forum tore into him for his shittiness, and the mods gave him the aforementioned name. As far as I remember he stuck around for a few more years afterward.

- That guy who flipped out about his band being on the database and everyone thought he was one of those people being obsessed with anonymity, only for him to say it was because his band's ID ended in 9 and "numbers that end in 9 are incomplete." In retrospect this one just makes me kinda sad.

- I wasn't aware of this one until another old-timer bought it up in a similar thread a few years back, but apparently there was some user early on who mentioned the word "viscera" or "visceral" in literally every one of their posts. Nobody knows if it was a bit or they were a little unhinged. I'm too lazy to search for it, but I think their posts are still out there.

- There were a few "Metal Archives Soap Opera" threads (either 2 or 3 I think, with the last one going on in 2008) where posters would continue a story over the course of thread where the MA was a physical location and the forum members were people there. If memory serves, the last one involved Manowar being "stolen" from the archives and a hunt to find the perpetrator. This one really strikes me as a relic of mid-to-late-2000s forum culture, as I remember doing the same thing on a few other forums I frequented at the time. I briefly proposed getting another one going in 2013 before realizing it wouldn't really work anymore, that particular humor style feeling pretty outdated now.

For newer stuff:

- AntonTheReaper, despite being a 15 year old with quite a few issues, being possibly the only person in MA history to say "you guys suck, I'm making my own metal database"...and actually doing it, however poorly, for a few months.

- This may more of a personal favorite rather than something with any kind of historical value, but I've always thought MysticWoods' blowout in the rejection appeal thread to be the funniest rejected-band argument in the history of that thread.

And since we've mentioned HUMAN BEANS and the dolphin, how about "What a sex!"
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Slayer are not as uneducated as people think, some of them did know how to read.

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Razakel
Nekroprince

Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 8:36 pm
Posts: 6138
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 1:45 am 
 

I still sometimes think about that AboveTheThrone guy from a few years back who used to talk all the time about being this private detective trying to crack some murder case. He eventually got banned for being a dumbass and then immediately made another account pretending to be someone else and made a few posts under that account in the FFA about how he was a close friend of AboveTheThrone's and that we were all being too mean to his friend and should unban him. I may have fudged some of the details, but I remember almost being unable to believe the pure comedic gold at the time.

There's also droneriot's descent into insanity.

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 1:56 am 
 

Razakel wrote:
There's also droneriot's descent into insanity.

Do you mean the time he argued with TrooperEd about Motley Crue and then said he had "no further use for this forum"?
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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~Guest 334273
Veteran

Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:19 am
Posts: 2513
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 2:04 am 
 

Two pages in and still no mentiom of Fastowl, the fastest band of Latvia? You guys are the opposite of fast!

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=50322&hilit=fastowl

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10556
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 2:32 am 
 

Man, drone could fill an iceberg all on his own. Massively weird guy with obvious, serious problems that he either wouldn't or couldn't get help for.

Funniest moment of his is a twofer. First people were floating the idea of adding cis/trans/NB tags for artist profiles and he got super indignant about how he would NEVER accept "cisgender" being under his name, which led to his custom title becoming simply "cisgender". The second half came when he decided to start a youtube channel, and the one video he shared was one of him wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses ranting about how the #MeToo movement was autistic genocide because he already struggles with social cues so now he lives in crippling fear of maintaining eye contact for one picosecond too long and being thrown in the Social Justice Gulag or whatever. His title then changed to "incelgender".

Saddest was right around the time I joined iirc, though it happened in the old IRC channel I never used so I can't say for sure, but he attempted suicide while still using the chat and basically "livestreamed" it all via text. Afterwards he claimed to be disappointed in the community because everybody was pleading with him not to do it and tried to help however they could, which led to him saying that everybody "sounded like the Christians they all claim to hate."

Dude had serious problems and was notable for being the most abrasive asshole on the site for nearly two solid decades before finally getting banned. I don't even remember why. Probably all just got sick of dealing with his shit every day.


Also, one for the Inner Circle: "I don't even know how to dub tapes!"
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The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 3:11 am 
 

BastardHead wrote:
The second half came when he decided to start a youtube channel, and the one video he shared was one of him wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses ranting about how the #MeToo movement was autistic genocide because he already struggles with social cues so now he lives in crippling fear of maintaining eye contact for one picosecond too long and being thrown in the Social Justice Gulag or whatever. His title then changed to "incelgender".

Link to that video?
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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~Guest 334273
Veteran

Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:19 am
Posts: 2513
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2022 5:04 am 
 

He took it down the same day IIRC, and it was not something anybody should or would want to watch :(

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