That kinda reminds me of the best pick-up line I've ever used.

"Hey if you're ready for the worst three minutes of your life let's do this."

Not sure what's funny about that. Online dating is different from talking to women in person. It's harder to gauge someone's true character through text, alone.

Do people actually use pick up lines? Because most of the mare so terrible that there's no way that they can lead to success.

I don't know, man. I can only imagine "Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot kids inside you" leading to one roping heavy into a woman.

They're definitely a dying art. I guess what's common now is to basically go for the equivalent of a boxing sequence of 'jab, jab, haymaker'. Reminds me of a Tinder screenshot I saw the other day:
A: "how much does a polar bear weigh?"
B: "enough to break the ice? Haha"
A: "actually they average about 982 pounds"
A: "so you into having your ass eaten?"
Shit along those lines apparently either kills or bombs

Fuckin hell man lmao

Everyone thinks they're good at picking up on things like that. Everyone thinks they're clever and better than most at something.

You're quite the straight-talker, aren't you?

AboveTheThrone can of course do as he wishes; injuries are the leading cause of humans' learning processes, after all.

However.... ahem.

- Most people who claim that their ex is a psycho are actually worse themselves. If someone has spent enough time with someone else to have kids with the other person, they are either gullible and disgusting idiots, or labeling the ex psycho is a post de facto kind of display of resentment and regret. Such people are usually BAD relationship material, and preparing for being labelled a psycho afterwards is something worth preparing for in advance. Also, a reasonable person does not bash an ex in an insane manner. There might be criticism, but saying someone is a psycho and dwelling on that is a sign of a goofy person.
- Sex is yummy. Occasionally, very very yummy, better than pizza with caviar and Parma ham on it with a 9%ABV beer. However, if a woman says she likes sex several times a day, it's not quite as reliable evidence of a future filled with joyous carnal gymnastics seven times a day as it might appear. Especially with kids in the house. Just take it from someone with experience.
- Kids are a hassle, and depending on their ages, you would be well advised to expect a heavy emotional backlash from them, if your plan is to replace their father as a live-in grownup within six months of their parents' separation. No, a pound of candy and a carnival ride does not quite patch that. And no, I do not believe the father was quite bad enough to make them see any adult as a saviour and a safe haven that can immediately start fornicating with their mom as a payment for the security services. More likely, assuming the mother's tales have a fragment of truth in them, they will be sharing the bed with her for the foreseeable future.
- No, you're not going to get sex several times a day after day three.
- You're actually being used as something that is called a "pomppulauta" or "springboard" in Finnish. She needs to get out and regain her feet, and getting out is easier with someone with a bit of funds and visible security as a safety net. She might even think she's serious with you and believe the story herself, but you will most likely end up being used for up to four months, and then hear the traditional "I don't think this will really work out" comedy routine.
- A dead baby? Sheesh... I have no words, no experience, and no wish to even think about the consequences, reasons and effects this might have on her and her life.

Do as you wish, but there's a scent of a toxic asset lingering in the air.

God, I'm so glad I met my girlfriend in real life so I can at least pretend to be a normal, functioning human.

*blush*

One last post on the situation:

One last reminder: you getting sex in exchange for providing her support until she can get her crap in order does not really count as "friends with benefits" situation. There's another word for it.

Also remember that you've only heard one side of the story. The more messed up one side of a situation sounds, the more likely it is to be horrible from the other perspective, too. Screencaps or not.

Napero, don't forget that AboveTheThrone is unemployed right now. Is exchanging services for other services still prostitution? Can barter count as foreplay?

I'm not using her. She was the one who kept the dialogue going this whole time. I was helping her because I'm worried about her and she keeps begging for me to fuck her after I sent her dick pics (at her request). Call it what you will, but there's an obvious tone of bitterness in your repeated attacks against me.

Edit: This was geared towards failsafeman, not Napero.

Yeah, perhaps it's best if we all tone down the snark a bit.

In any case, let him make his own mistakes and learn from them.

He's Finnish. He and the rest of the nation are wrapped in a many-layered aura of finely crafted, age-tempered bitterness!

And this doesn't strike you as at all odd? And not to be a dick here, but it sounds like you're unhealthily attached to this woman far too quickly.

I know it looks that way. I'm mostly just worried about her, really. Her husband seems batshit crazy and he's acting like he's in denial that she's leaving him, plus he does have a history of abusing her. I'm just trying to help her get out of there for now.

See normally I would applaud you for sticking by this girl and helping her through a shitty situation, that's a very tough thing to do.

But. You're bumping uglies with her. So sorry but this is just bad.

It wasn't my plan, though. I didn't realize how bad shit was for her until after we did that, and I wasn't planning on actually meeting her until a few days ago. In all seriousness, though, she constantly complains about her sex life being "ridiculous" for the past four years and it sounded like she just wanted to hook up. But in any case, I'm just gonna help her until she's more stable.

Listen, Spiderman, you have zero responsibility to put yourself in an obvious powder keg just because you're trying to convince yourself that you're doing this insanely stupid thing purely for the warm and fuzzies of helping out a poor wilting flower, while simultaneously humblebragging about how often she likes to fuck and HOORAY THAT MEANS I'LL GET TO FUCK TOO IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME HOORAY! I don't care how shitty your current situation is, I don't care how bad she says hers is, I can guaran-goddamn-tee you it'll only get worse if you go through with something this blatantly shortsighted. Oh gee she has an abusive boyfriend/husband she hasn't even broken up with yet but I'm going to swoop right the hell in and steal her and move in with her and doink her all the time and it's gonna be great! You're trying to play White Knight, and you're chasing a Siren Song directly into the dragon's lair, completely unequipped and unprepared because you think walking into the tower and sweeping the princess off her feet is going to be 1000000x easier than it actually is. Plus there's kids involved? Did you stop to think for one fucking attosecond what this could do to them? Do you think suddenly replacing their father is going to go off without a hitch? Do you think they have any idea what you're planning? Do you think they have any idea there's any abuse even happening? If they do, do you think they're going to trust you one iota? No, you're using your penis as a dowsing rod and giddily sprinting pelvis first into a fucking volcano.

I'm not going to be as nice as others here, and I've seen that you're obviously not listening to anything resembling reason here, but this is pants-on-head-retarded and you need to understand how stupid this is. Knock it off.