Rotteranian sounds like a good OSDM name.

If I absolutely knew I'd be successful in whatever I wanted to be doing I'd save a lil cash, book a few escorts, have my respective appointments with them and then drink a lil bourbon alone for a bit. The morning after that I'd completely and utterly destroy this planet. I'd become a gargantuan, disembodied foot floating outside of earth's atmosphere and I'd forcefully punt the ol ball of blue right into the gosh dang diddly sun. Then I'd bask in the silent void for a bit before rewinding back time all the way till I was back in the hotel room bumping some kodak after another nice night with a bad bitch.

It's the little things, you know?

Way to go. I want to be a playboy. Saving up to start a couple businesses with absolute freedom in mind. It's been a wild start since i left college and waged, left that path to live off my natural talents and boy haven't I ever been motivated just from mingling with businesses people.

How hard would it be for you to go up in front of others and tell your jokes? Serious question.

That's a far more complex question than you may realize. To get up on stage and bomb for 5 minutes would not be "hard". But there's a lot of preparation that goes into that 5 minutes, and I feel like I've missed the boat. Working full time doesn't lend itself to the "lifestyle". You need time to consume, think, write, practice, and ideally that would mean being completely jobless or working the most minimal hours you can.

Hope this is a decent answer, and doesn't just sound like me making excuses.

Like most people, I had about six weeks off due to Corona and I was walking around the lake by me every day listening to Conan O Brien's podcast. My love for him and comedy in general became more magnified while not working and listening. Especially, when compared with my soul sucking, warehouse supervisor, shit job. I'm now back at work and the idea of quitting the "shitty cheese job" (Freddie Got Fingered) to somehow do comedy is something that I'm actually trying to take seriously. I'm also reading a book about Garry Shandling's life "It's Garry Shandling's Book" and he also had very real fears that I have about getting in front of others and telling jokes which makes me relate to him.

I'm 39 years old and basically every choice I've made has been wrong. I'm peak Costanza.

My GF keeps telling me I can just quit my job and she'll help support me with her job, but all I picture is me at home wasting a whole hell of a lot of time.

I don't know if you and I have "missed the boat" yet.

Ive always wanted to be a respected artist, known for a particular style. Album art has always appealed to me as well as posters, fine art, packaging, type design.

I am an artist, but its been a very long road of doing a lot of other stuff. I still consider myself very lucky and have started my own business just as the world is ending.
I am mostly a graphic designer at this point, but spent 20 or so years designing kids clothing for many large american stores. Now I do packaging for beer labels and help local business.
Ive never really fully fleshed my own style out as many of my jobs required me to affect other styles. So I can do a lot of things, but I dont have a very distinctive personal style.

I wish I was someone like the Faile guys though. Ritchie , Amok Island, Aaron Horkey, Jessica Hische. Anytime I see a successful artists studio and all the space they have and the stuff they can experiment with... I get a bit envious and giddy and dreamy.

Wow, your girlfriend is really extending a huge offer there. I think sometimes people make those offers with a pie-in-the-sky kind of mindset. Most comedians don't make it. And by "make it" I mean make enough money to even support themselves, not stardom. Sounds like you guys might need to have a serious discussion about how long she thinks she could support you both. Wouldn't want her to become bitter about it when you aren't headlining shows in a year, y'know?

I hope you do something with it. The thrill of being on stage must be incredible.

A fantasy writer who lives in a cabin in the forest filled with cats and a tolerant dog. Every morning I'd sit on my deck playing ripoff Darkthrone riffs on an acoustic guitar while enjoying tea I never learned to brew properly. I'd have the freedom to backpack into the mountains whenever the mood strikes. I got as far as earning an MA in English. I figured I'd be a community college instructor for 30-40 years and somewhere in there I'd make everything happen.

I graduated three years ago and never managed to get hired. Currently unemployed thanks to the pandemic. At least I'll probably always be too poor to owe anything on my student loans.

In all honesty I'm not disappointed it didn't work out. Most of my cohort who did find instruction jobs were unemployed the following semester. I've worked in student services for the last few years but it isn't for me.

The thing that scares me most is that I don't know where to go from here. When your dream is unrealistic but you can't fathom being happy doing anything else, how do you even map out a future?

Yea, I think pie-in-the-sky is very accurate.

I'd probably have to get a pizza delivery job to help support at some point. I just don't know if I'm willing to give up a job I hate that does support me to go blindly into something that is almost guaranteed failure.

I appreciate that other outlook and will bring that up. What a nightmare to have to fight her along with everything else when fame doesn't come calling.

You talk about the "thrill of being on stage" sounding incredible with regards to my situation. Why can't you do it? I'm asking, because I really don't know if I can.

If you want me to admit there's nothing stopping me but me I'll willingly say so. I already know it feels incredible, just because of the thrill I get from making a group of people laugh when there's no stage involved. I'm sure you've had those moments too. Where you feel like you're completely "working the room". Everything you say is hitting. I love making strangers laugh too. There's something extra special about making someone who doesn't know you laugh, especially out in "the wild" (when outside was a thing).

I'm not confident in my material IE I have no material. I've never been the kind of person to write jokes, or "tell jokes". I tend to do observational, on the spot humor, or occasionally just make a fool of myself for someone else's amusement. I love attention and being a spectacle, so being in front of people doesn't really scare me. I think being in front of people AND LEARNING that I'm not "stage funny" I'm just "out in the world funny" is what really scares me.

To be honest I haven't watched any stand up for about 2 years or more. I feel like I kind of lost a passion for it when Louis CK shit the bed. It felt personal at that point, like all my favorites were actually huge pieces of shit (they are!)

Your dream sounds nice, although life is cruel. I could have gotten a degree in general literature or Serbian language, but since I had already taken a more scientific path, I ended up as a biologist, which is also extremely unpopular on the market. As a bachelor student, I was convinced that I will never find a job in science, but luck was on my side, which doesn't mean that I won't leave this field if I get fed up or some unsolvable problems arise. I've been employed for only 7 months, who knows what could happen (life decided to shit on me and I twisted my ankle few days ago :/).
The only thing I'm sure won't happen is me becoming a successful creative writer, and I came to terms with that wish. I would rather stay productive and creative, which is by itself difficult enough. Instead of being famous, I would like to publish something one day that other writers would recognise as valuable.

Comedy guys: I think you could do it gradually. A local bar started doing a comedy night and a few friends decided they'd have a try, so remembered a 10 minute routine and went over reasonably well. If you have a nearby bar or small open mic where you can try out your style, it would be less difficult than crashing on a relatively big stage due to inexperience. Just make sure you're not working nights, because that's when most of the comedy gigs happen.

Also, being good at observational or on the spot humour is fine, you just need to make your routine fit that. Some comedians tell stories or anecdotes and peel off for brief jokes about the situation, the people, or something that happened in passing; others will follow a flow of ideas in quite a messy monologue way; some comedians are great at impressions and have a lot of fun playing out imagined situations; a few just tell jokes, but these comedians are rare. Of the first kind, I'm into Kevin Bridges and Michael McIntyre, the second kind includes Milton Jones or Josh Widdicombe, Trevor Noah really excels at the third, and Tim Peel is an example of the latter. Sorry that most are British, that's most of what I watch.

I'd say that lockdown is a great chance to get a few friends online together and hold a casual comedy night over Skype. If they're keen for you to get into performing, they might even give you feedback.


This sounds pretty perfect, and it's sort of in the back of my mind too. I've also considered how to do that without earning money, because that's essentially the least stable part of the dream. Like you, I got an MA in English, but I went overseas with my girlfriend. Even if you don't travel abroad, teaching English is a doddle if you've got an internet connection and don't have a psychopathic personality. If you're living very frugally, I reckon you wouldn't need more than about 15-20 work hours per week. Fuck waiting until retirement to live how you want.

Of all those animals, the dog is the last one who's tolerance you need to worry about.

I think most of this is what I'm going through, also. Especially, the having no material and not being "stage funny" part. To be honest, I've never wanted to be a stand up comedian. I think the only way my form of comedy works would possibly be on a skit show, or at least writing for a skit show, or an Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I want to be surrounded by funny people all working towards a common goal (making people laugh) that I believe in.

I don't watch much stand up, either. It usually falls flat for me regardless of who is doing it. I think the only reason I've even pictured myself doing stand up is because I'm terrified of it and it seems like a way to maybe make contacts with other people in comedy. Or something. Who the fuck knows.

I have studied stand up since I was a kid. I used to have records when I was a kid. It was my dream to go into standup. I worshiped guys like Andy Kaufman. I used to practice my routines, write stuff down, ideas. I gave it up. I was extremely shy, but making people laugh is how I came out of my shell. I still listen to standup quite regularly, but long gave up the idea of doing it myself. I think the part that turned me off was the fear of rejection. You hear a lot of horror stories about my first time I really stunk. Or in the early days I really stunk. I think you have to be thick skinned to do it and I wish I could say I am, but I am not. Especially now with all the mental health issues that I have. If you are just starting out, you are going to have to get up in front of people who are most likely drunk. Who will have no problem insulting you if they don't like your material. Its tough until you are established. Once you are established, just seeing someone will make people smile. In a good way. They know your brand of humor. They like you in a way and will be less likely to heckle you at a show. They are going to see you and will expect certain jokes from you. I still think about it. I would just love to get up in front of people and make them laugh. It would also be the door to be friends with all of the people that I admire.

Pornstar

Giving a real answer (since "mech pilot" was never an option), I wanted to be a pro wrestler from 11-18. Forced myself to get into as good of shape as I could throughout high school, focusing on core strength and as good of cardio as a 17-year-old smoker could get, doing the 52-card workout and doing daily 8-mile hikes...but then I threw my back out carrying a larger friend down a flight of stairs after he'd broken his hip. And the business fell off unless you were willing to spend considerable time in Japan. And a lot of my favorites were dying off or could barely walk, and I decided that it wasn't for me.

I joke with my girlfriend whenever she catches me watching a deathmatch or wild, bloody brawl about how this was my dream as a kid.

Re: stand-up comedy...

If comedy ever fucking comes back, all you can do is just give it a shot. I did it 5 years while working a regular day job. It's doable - I know a lot of stand up comics who also have worked while pursuing it. It's just like being in a band, I imagine, where you just slum it until you can start getting better shows. I unfortunately ran into some other issues last year and was unable to do comedy as much as I wanted to anymore; then the coronavirus happened and nixed my plans of taking it bigger and going more places. But it's fun. And the things I saw at open mics, there's no way you guys could be the worst. Give it a shot.

I was never a natural public speaker and it took me a few years to even get any kind of confidence to actually be funny. And I'm hard of hearing and had to work around some obstacles of how I sounded to myself and others. But I was starting to get the hang of it. I just like oddball, wordy, somewhat dark comedy and would always challenge myself. It was fun to stretch my abilities. It was just another way of practicing writing, in a new environment.

'Making it' in the arts is so fucking hard and needle-in-a-haystack that I gave up wanting to be like capital-F Famous years ago. I'd just like to get my stuff out there. I do/did comedy (and will again sometime soon I hope) and I write. If I can reach people then that's great. I'm lucky I write as a job already and have the freedom to go do other things. You'll be disappointed if you try and go make it Hollywood style, most likely, but there are all different levels and avenues of fame. I just want to be established enough that I can do whatever I want.

I'd like to write screenplays and maybe even a direct a film. I'm giving the screenplays a shot, but have never really been good with handling tech to the level where I felt confident to try and direct or shoot anything. But hopefully once the pandemic and all these riots are subsiding I can give it a shot.

I think it's great that you found and are living what you've always wanted. The fact that you found it at 46 still gives me hope.

I wonder what the percentage of people that are working their "dream job" is compared to people that are working at a soul-sucking shit hole (me)?

Thank you for taking the time to respond and give ideas. Maybe, I can find something some day now that I actually have my mind open this instead of the last 39 years of my life of telling myself this is all just a joke and I have to work in a warehouse for the rest of my life, because work isn't fun. Work is work. I read a book called War of Art by Steven Pressfield and it's the only thing that has ever been able to break down all the mental resistances I have that stop me from ever dreaming of anything other than a shit hole job.

I agree with everything you said in here and it just seems so unattainable, because who wouldn't want to make people laugh for a living as opposed back breaking labor?

This is lame and maybe, I'm wrong about this pursuit in general, but Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee really made me think that I belonged with these people. Maybe, not with a rich, arrogant Jerry Seinfeld, but I felt like I belonged in a community of people that were trying to make others laugh.

I think it's really cool that you've done all this. I would love to hear any experiences you care to share.

I know I sound like a fawning teenager at the idea of all this, but at 39 years DEAD and bald to the tens I'd rather talk about something I may have always wanted rather than how much I hate my job right now.

I appreciate the therapy.

Well there so many ways to get into the community now, especially with the help of the internet. I get so starstruck. I email people and have heard back from some. Harland Williams wrote me back. Not on the level of maybe a Seinfeld, but I thought it was cool. Whatever the avenue is you dream of doing try emailing. There's no harm in that. The worst they can say is no, or not write back. If its something you feel passionately about, I say go for it. At least make attempts, like emailing them.

I think what Emp said about just "doing it" is the bottom line. If you want to be on a stage telling jokes you gotta start at a little open mic night or in someone's basement or back yard. That's the only way to start. I would hope no one is getting into stand up with dreams of being rich and famous. That's ludicrously difficult.

I don't know if any of you have seen the show Flophouse from Vice, each episode takes a look at a different group of amateur comedians living in a communal flophouses that are basically a half step above being homeless. Nothing and I mean NOTHING has ever made me want to jump in with both feet. Some of them are genuinely hilarious, and get nothing in return except the joy of the craft. They usually host their own shows to make sure they can "get up" as much as possible. Can't recommend the show enoughf or fans of stand-up, beyond the bright lights.

They literally let anybody do open mic. There's no border to entry and you don't need anything like an instrument or anything to purchase to do it, so it's pretty easy to give it a shot. I got lucky since Florida has a very plentiful scene of rooms to do. I'd like to go up north and do it though, feel like that'd be more my thing.

I wanted to go to this open mic event this expat community has, but unfortunately the place closed down recently due to financial reasons.

I had already written plenty of jokes though, so I'm not gonna slip the chance if I get the opportunity to do this elsewhere.

Let's put it this way. Would you rather have a shitty job and a wish to be a comic, or have a shitty job and do some comedy an evening a week? I worked in a job I didn't like for a while, but it provided money and I could listen to music and write reviews. Maybe you'll always have the job, at least if you try you'll always have comedy too.

Well in my case I never seriously wanted to become anything great as a kid , so that rules me out with respect to delving into the first part of this subject ...


On the other hand if I really had the chance to achieve/become something for sure , I'd choose the already stated mundane option of a filthy rich fellow ...

That way I would be able to more or less completely concentrate on doing what I wanted , which would include putting on my dream metal festivals and engaging in a variety of artistic type endeavors .

Ruler of the world.