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death_roller
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2020 9:04 am
Posts: 11
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:59 am 
 

It may not be a suitable topic, but it seems quite strange to me and I haven't encountered it in metal. Of course I know a guy who only listens to 4 old bands, an elitist and so on, but i never met someone who claims he knows every band and also listens it for long time. A longer story follows, feel free to skip it, even if it's a little more odd in some parts, and just answer if you know that type of fan and if you find it weird AF.

A year ago, after a long time, a dude from our old university "group of friends" called me. He ended his long-term relationship and wanted to have a beer. Why not, I visited him. After few beers, he showed me a new Behemoth and Decapiatted T-shirt. Unfortunately, he bought them from an overpriced store in our area. I told him I knew better shop and coincidentally I was going to order some t-shirts and CDs that day. He agreed and as i ordered few tshirts and cds he basically copycat my order. I was a little surprised in university he never talked to us about music, he never went to any concert with us. I asked, do you know Nasum? Not many people listen to it. He told me: "of course, for about 10 years , I listen grindcore and death metal since im 15 years old." I was pleasantly surprised, it's always nice to have a new metal buddy, i like changing new bands, talk them over beer, you know what i mean :) But then it started get really weird


Every time I put on a some of my band's t-shirts, he ordered the same t-shirt in a week. Of course he knows that band. When i recommened him new band, of course he knows it. Three months ago at a small local concert, I met a guy and after a while I found out that we both know this dude. The funny thing is, the guy at the concert told me: "How is he? I've known him since childhood. I didn't see him for half a year, although we called two months ago and he told me that he had just started listening to hard music and metal." So yeah no nasum, grindcore and death metal for 10 years. Not gonna lie i was little bit pissed off, i dont like when people are lying to me.



I later saw him listening to my playlist on spotify and the band Ancst. Of course he sent me a week ago that he had ordered their T-shirt. I didn't forgive myself for a teasing remark on whether he knew them. (to be clear here i really dont care if someone buy band thisrt and eend dont listem to them) And I honestly didn't expect what happened next. Of course he told me that he had been listening to them for a long time. He nearly instantly liked them on Facebook and then for about two weeks when I watched what my friends were listening to on spotify he was listening only their albums like he was trying to prove to me he knows them. The last experience pissed me off a little. Once in a while I recommend good bands to my friends and they recommend me some back. I sent him a Crippled Black phoenix. To my surprise, he didn't say he'd been listening to them for a long time. Today I saw about a week after he shared one of their songs. I wrote to him in the chat, I'm glad you like their music, even if it's not exactly extreme metal. His answer: yes I listen to them after a long time. I asked him : wtf dude, you didn't know them yet last week. Answer: he had known only a little before. Unbelievable.

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2342
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 8:13 am 
 

It sounds like he's new to the rock and metal scene, but fears that he's gonna be called out a "poser" by others, so he's just pretending he's been in the scene for years in hopes of gaining some respect. I hope you tell your friend that it's okay to be new in music like metal and that you don't mind him discovering new bands.
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KrigareTjovane
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:06 am
Posts: 545
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:36 am 
 

In high school about 13 years ago I had a similar, but much more tame experience with the guy who became my best friend. First time we ever spoke I was wearing my patch vest and he walks up and asks, "How come you don't have a Pantera patch on there?" and without missing a beat I responded "Because Pantera fucking sucks!" (nothing against Pantera of course, that's just how it went down lol). Who would've known we'd become best friends after that exchange.

He was into a lot of mainstream stuff and I kinda wasn't but we started hanging out at lunch break, getting high and listening to music. Gradually over time my taste in music became his taste in music. He dug everything I did, we went to a few dozen concerts together, bought shirts from all the same bands, etc.

Eventually after several years it got really annoying and it put strain on our relationship and one particular argument ended the friendship. Personality wise we were both semi-volatile assholes, so I guess it was only a matter of time until something came between us. Looking back, I regret being bothered by him taking after me. We bonded over metal and getting fucked up, and I've never had a friend that close since. We had some amazing times.

So I guess it's kind of a common thing for one person's taste to rub off on another, and it can be tricky to handle correctly. If this person is constantly lying about things, that speaks more to mental issues than just wanting to be accepted as a metalhead I think. I personally don't understand why someone would lie about things so easily disproven like that, but it sounds like the guy has some problems. If you want to confront him about it (assuming you haven't already), just be respectful and try not to accuse them of anything.

This might be a bit of a stretch but if you have any contact with someone from his family, maybe ask them for some insight. Perhaps he does have some mental condition and if you know what it is, that could help you with interacting with them properly.

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hakarl
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8816
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 11:46 am 
 

I had an ex who miraculously knew and listened to every possible band I could come up with. I'd say it might be a red frag for a compulsive liar, but it's also possible that they're a person who can't deal with being in the position of knowing less about something (possibly) cool than someone else.

I don't know, it's weird. There's nothing more awesome than the feeling of discovering something new that feels incredible, and I can't imagine why you'd want to ruin that experience for yourself by pretending to be a long-time hardcore, given all the burden of lies and ridiculousless that will entail.
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Oxenkiller
Veteran

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:42 am
Posts: 3613
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:55 pm 
 

Interesting story. It's one thing to be turned onto new bands/music, and really becoming interested to the point of wanting to discover as many new bands as possible. Your friend sees you as their sole gateway to new music discoveries. And yeah, maybe he is afraid of being seen as a "mallcore kid" or "Metal Newbie" so to speak, and wants to play up his experience with metal as being more than it really is.

When I was a young mallcore kid myself, way back in the stone age, I wanted to discover as many new underground bands as possible, and it wasn't as easy with no internet back in the 80's. So I did the next best thing- listened to college radio, bought music on a whim on my own, and yes- I occasionally did pester friends "hey, can I check out your (such and such album/demo/etc.)"

In a situation like this, I would handle it by pointing him to youtube links and reccomendation link threads, and challenge him to not only discover new bands himself on his own, but to then have HIM show YOU one of the bands that he discovered. Basically, challenge him to be an independent metal head. With so much ease of access to music in the internet era compared to the old days, it isn't hard for people to discover new music on their own.

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Metal_On_The_Ascendant
Veteran

Joined: Fri May 22, 2015 6:38 am
Posts: 2973
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2020 9:11 am 
 

Usually the opposite with me because most friends and friends of friends are/were into Hip Hop and expected me to be into that as well. I was sorta embarrassed about being deep into metal for a while there and would never talk about it. But I'd feel like talking for hours about all the cool bands I had discovered. These days I do talk about it but not extensively like I do on this forum. I hardly know anyone in real life deep into metal.
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LithoJazzoSphere
Veteran

Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2020 8:11 pm
Posts: 3576
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2020 2:07 am 
 

I've definitely seen these types of people before, and I'm sure at points I've probably come across a bit that way myself at least a few times in the past. I know that in my early 20s especially I had periods where I was trying to push to become some kind of a musical guru, but the more I learned the more futile it seemed. I think it's just a sign of insecurity and inexperience, maybe mixed with over-enthusiasm. As with most epistemological endeavors, you rack up a lot more time exploring and listening, and find out that there's so much more available to consume than you'll ever have time for. Thousands of new albums every year just in metal alone, multiple that exponentially for every other genre, plus decades of extant recordings, not to mention giving each album numerous listens for them to sink in, there just aren't enough hours in the day to stay on top of it, so you just have to learn to live with it.

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into_the_pit
Veteran

Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 7:40 pm
Posts: 2948
Location: Hedonist Occupation Government
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2020 9:31 am 
 

I'd say that it's all not so much about metal for that guy, but that it's more about bonding with you, and that's just his (weird) way of showing it. it could also happen to be about cars, fashion, expensive whiskeys, you name it.
this is even more likely if you consider his freshly coming out of a romantic relationship etc. he probably wants to focus on friendships for now and just has a weird approach doing so.
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EldritchSun
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2020 5:51 pm
Posts: 324
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2020 4:42 pm 
 

It's a bit of the "scene's" fault. In most nerdy circles, the noobs are seen like trash and even some take advantage on them, so they have to look "tuff" to avoid the bullying. It's a defense mechanism that will go away eventually, when he gets used to listen metal in a consistent basis and will have enough knowledge to keep a decent conversation with everybody.

You'll ALWAYS find some mofo that was there where all shit began (Kanwulf is the perfect example of kvlt point scavenger), but those are the less and it doesn't matter. It's absolutely useless to pretend you have been into something longer than you actually are, since there will always be someone who knew you before and laugh. It's also a pathetic thing. Who fucking cares how much time you've been into something you like?

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LithoJazzoSphere
Veteran

Joined: Thu Apr 23, 2020 8:11 pm
Posts: 3576
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2020 9:50 pm 
 

The rampant gatekeeping of the 00s and earlier was almost certainly a factor. It probably still exists elsewhere and I just avoid those parts of fandom.

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Denpafighter978VGCP
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2020 5:07 pm
Posts: 43
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2020 8:59 am 
 

tell him it is ok to be new to music. he shouldn´t be worried about people hating him for the music he likes, if you don´t like him lying to u. just tell him it´s okay for him to like whatever he likes. there is no such thing as ¨poser¨. if anyone gives him crap(elitists and defeners being rude), tell him to ignore the rude stuff and like the music HE likes.
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ThatProblemYouKnowAbout
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2020 5:27 am
Posts: 6
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:30 am 
 

death_roller wrote:
It may not be a suitable topic, but it seems quite strange to me and I haven't encountered it in metal.

A friend of mine.
He uses to read about thinks in Wikipedia and, then, talk as a connoisseur. :lol:

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RakdosWarlord
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2017 4:26 am
Posts: 177
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2020 8:10 am 
 

He sounds like he either A, really wants you to like him and accept him as a friend or B wants to act superior. He will either mellow out or start acting superior in a dickish way.

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