I recently had the idea that it would be fun to create a thread in which people are allowed create their own band names and histories for the bands just for fun. I thought it would be good for the more creatively and literary-inclined to essentially create fake band pages. I know from perusing this site countless times that I am amazed at the creativity and variety of bands and the interesting qualities of their histories. Anyway, without further ado, I have a few to offer. Feel free to contribute.

The Young and the Breastless
Country: USA
Genre: Brutal deathcore
Lyrical topics: Misogyny, Misanthropy
Year Formed: 2000
Status: Active
Label: We Don't Give a Fuck Records
Lineup:
Inhuman Frogstomper: vocals
Deep Shit: bass
Raging Cuntsaw: guitars
Dumdumdum: drums

The Young and the Breastless are a brutal deathcore band from Pasadena, California who formed in 2000. They started out as a generic death metal band in the vein of Six Feet Under with the name of Big Slam. Despite some initial problems with their label, We Don't Give a Fuck Records, the band recorded a six-track demo entitled Soaped in Shit. The band got their name from vocalist Darren Jasper(Inhuman Frogstomper), who had broken up with his sixth girlfriend in the span of six months. With this frustration with women and the commiseration of his friends, he decided that he hated females of all kinds and wanted the name of the band to reflect it.

Welded Toast
Country: Greece
Genre: Experimental progressive metal/shred
Lyrical topics: Mostly instrumental
Year Formed: 2005
Status: Active
Label: All Manners of Out There
Lineup: John Tsilikis: rhythm guitars
George Katapolous: lead guitars
Armand Pischeta: keyboards
Bruce Serafino: drums

Welded Toast was formed in Athens, Greece during the summer of 2005 by four music conservatory dropouts. Discouraged by the restrictions of the school, the group dropped out and sought to create a band that would stretch the boundaries of music, recognizing that all the necessary talented existed in each of them. Inspired by classic prog bands like Queensryche, Dream Theater, and Liquid Tension Experiment as well as experimental artists such as Wormed, Behold the Arctopus and more...the band released their debut album Charring the Carbs on All Manners Out There Records in the fall of 2006.

Spuddy Famine
Country: Ireland
Genre: Death Metal/Grindcore
Lyrical topics: Irish Potato famine, all things Irish
Year Formed: 2004
Status: Active
Label: Distorted Gurgle
Lineup: Henry Harrasser: vocals
Spike Flannagan: drums
Patrick Flogger: guitars
Jimmy Whiskey: bass

Spuddy Famine is a death metal/grindcore band from Dublin, Ireland who formed in 2004. All four members being death metal and grindcore fans with good musical abilities, they decided they were tired of the gore and political lyrics inherent in the music they loved, so they decided to sing about their homeland and all of its glories and problems, most notably the famous Irish Potato Famine of the 1800s. They released their debut album Half-Ass Harvest in the spring of 2006 to much acclaim in the underground community. According to the band's website, they claim to be incorporating some Celtic influences such as flute and violin on their as-yet-untitled album.

Yes, those are incredibly fake sounding... good job!

Yeah, I was kinda trying to be funny, but it would still be cool to create band names and such that actually sound realistic and serious. I'm just trying to spice up the boards a little bit and get to see people's senses of humor. It gets suffocatingly serious sometimes on these forums.

I understand. I guess those wouldn't sound so fake if I saw them listed with pics, etc. Nice work.

Guess I could do that, but of course it would have to be random photos of people on the internet and celebrities or something. I'm not good at posting photos, though.

Rumphumper
Country: Canada
Genre: Brutal Mallcore
Lyrical Topics: Dad sucks, ex-girlfrind
Year Formed: 2005
Status: On Hold
Label: Whiney Bitch Music, LTD
Lineup:
Billy Bitch Ass: Vocals
Cool Hand Kyle: Bass
Brodie: Drums
Ryan Reach Around: Guitar
Mike (MILF-toast): Guitar

The Band is currently on hold while Kyle serves 4 months jail time for stalking his ex-girlfriend, who left him for his dad. They have released two demos, both universally acknowledged as shit. When Ryans parent's were divorsed, he syphoned money from his dad to fund Whiney Bitch Music, which they used to release their first Album, "My Dad sucks" which features their best tune yet, "Walked on in my dad (banging my ex in her ass)."

I think it's funny that all those greek guys have anglosaxian first names, but greek surnames.

I don't know...I was having trouble coming up with first names that sounded Greek. Greek surnames have always stood out to me.

Hmm...brutal mallcore...would that be something like Skinlab?

I have never heard Skinlab. I am not sure I even know what mallcore is, but I would bet it sounds like the crap they play on MTVX...

The Cast-Iron Shit Critters
Country: USA (Whiskey Dick Mountain, Washington)
Genre: Ambient Acoustic Blackened Folk/Polka Grindcore
Lyrical topics: Cleptopyronecrobestiality, Bowel Movements
Year Formed: 1989
Status: Split-Up
Label: Outhouse Records / Porta John Studios
Last Known Lineup:
SKBF ("Steal - Kill - Burn - Fuck") Goat Torture (washboard and vocal)
Lynyrd Skynhead (washtub bass and jug)
Fat Fuck Barrel Boy (bucket percussion)

Additional Notes: Died in a tragic outhouse fire while recording their first full length "White Power Goat Bomb Blues", though their first demo still exists, ultra rare and limited pressing of half of a copy (the rest of the release was accidentally overdubed with kiddie porn).

Fat fuck barrel boy? That's the best name yet.

aahhh my brain hurts!

LOL best one so far.



Flowers Satan KILL
Country: Antarctica
Genre: Instrumental Satanic Folk\Power Metal
Lyrical topics: Flowers,Satan,Porn,Cats,LOTR,Bicycles,Fantasy,Star Wars,Internet
Year Formed: 1938
Status: Unknown
Label: Independent
Last known lineup:
Satanic Flower Master X (All instruments)


Additional notes:SFMX Was (or is) the pioneer of Instrumental Satanic Folk\Power Metal,Unknown and unheard of by many.
Released 665 demos and a full album in the years between 1938 and 1941 and then suddenly disappeared from publics eyes.
Not many have heard FSK even in the years he was active, his glory was forgotten and no one ever mentioned him again.

Rumors say FSK stopped making music because piracy hurt his sales too much, as SFMX said on an interview.

Even for the fact that FSK is instrumental, SFMX can sing about so many fascinating things, for that I think of him as the greatest man of the 20th century and a true genius.

burger from the future
Country:England
Genre: Progressive Electronic Orchestral Folk metal
Lyrical topics:Deodorant,Sasquatch,Tickets, Baseball, Trees, Future.
Year Formed: 2020
Status:sleeping
Label: Independent
Lineup:Willy "the future guy"

Willerus "the future guy" *belives* that he came back in time from 2025 to warn us about something that he can't remember, and he will remember after he will find and kill the Sasquatch.
He belives he came back to warn us from the deodorants and tickets for baseball that going to eat everything in our galaxy.

Additional Notes:Willerus belives that his name is real.
BFTF has 1 demo from 1999 called "baseball isn't good for trees" and EP from 2005 called "tickets for the sasquatch".
the band has 20 albums , but will release them in 2021.

You guys are taking this stuff in some pretty interesting directions. This is like Mad Libs for metal.

Outlook reminder set

That reminds me of all those goddamned grindcore bands who have assloads of unreleased material that they never release or suddenly decide to release it later.

Wildfire
Location: USA (California)
Genre: Scorching ambient
Lyrical topics: None
Year Formed: 2008
Status: Burnt
Label: Big Fire Records
Lineup: California Wildfire - Crackling noises

Notes:Wildfire toured California in the summer of 2008 and was met with water hoses. Despite the cold reception, he hopes to tour again in 2009.

1000 copies of his debut album, "Blazing Inferno", were pressed, but the factory was burned down.

AAAAAAARGH!!!!! THE ANCIENT ONES!!!!!!
Country: USA (Quahog, Rhode Island)
Genre: Death Metal
Lyrical topics: Ancient Ones, Grunting
Year Formed: 2007
Status: Split-Up
Last Known Label: Rotted Cadaver Recordings
Lineup:

Jim Beam - Bass/Vocals
Jameson - All Guitars
Jack Daniel - Drums/Programming

AAAAAAARGH!!!!! THE ANCIENT ONES!!!!!! formed in 2007 with the intention of making death metal with an old school sound, akin to early Morbid Angel, Possessed, and Death. They were also noted for obvious Celtic Frost influence. They released one demo in March, 2008, entitled 'UGH!', but broke up when Jim left to pursue a carreer as a vacuum cleaner salesman.

The Quintessential Dennis Rodman Quartet
Country: Originally Former Yugoslavia, now New Jersey
Genre: Post-Experimental Progressive Avantgarde Blackened Grindcore with Bluegrass Influences
Lyrical topics: Compulsive cross-dressing, Dennis Rodman, scat, olfactophilia, trichophilia, Fruit of the Loom
Year Formed: 1995
Status: On Hold
Label: Fullmoon Androgynous Rituals
Lineup: Gomer Pyle: Vocals
General Custard: Guitars
Tim Buck Tu: Bass
I. Ron Butterfly: Triangle

Formed from the ashes of black metal act Hungry, Hungry Grimfoes and seminal folk act Sophisticated Sex Criminals. Gomer Pyle and General Custard met at a local Hooters and, after realizing their common obsession with scat pronography, butthole pleasures, Dennis Rodman, and the finer things in life, they decided to form a band. Bassplayer Tim Buck Tu was later added after a brief encounter in a dark alley. I. Ron Butterfly, after persistent online stalking, became Triangle player, refusing to drum after professing that drumming was 'too pretentious'. Many regard him as the creator and perfector of the Triangle blast-beat, reaching as fast as 500 BPM.

Additional Notes: From the official website: "3 of the 4 members of TQDRQ have been imprisoned for streaking at a WWII Veteran's Home. By doing that we planned to bring attention towards important matters such as global warming and penile acne, but apparently nobody caught on. Guess we're on hold for now."

Releases:

Eternal Loyalty To Our Lord Rodman (Demo, 1997)
Disciple of the Rodless Path (Full-Length, 1999)
Hvis Dennis Tar Oss (Full-Length, 2003)
Stepping On Rodman... Before Dawn (EP, 2004)

Mutilation of the Semen Whore
Country: USA
Genre: Brutal Deathcore
Lyrical Themes: Mutilation, Gore, Rape, Being Hardcore
Year Formed: 2007
Lineup:
Cory - Vocals
Wayne - Guitar
Chester - Bass
Smacker - Drums

History: The band refer to their style as Blasting Splatter Groove.

Teen Deepthroat and the Gag Nasties
Cuntry: USA
Grene: Death metal/Grind
Lyrical Themes: Death, Humor, Rape, Fucking Fat Chicks, Oscar Meyer Balogna
Year Formed: 2004
Website: www.myspace.com/icechestmetal
Lineup:
Burger King Diamond- Guitar/Vocals
Teen Deepthroat- Vocals/Icechest/Rim from a 2001 Honda Civic
Joseph Smith- Vocals

History: Teen Deepthroat and the Gag Nasties was a joke band formed by three sexually frustrated high school students who wanted to play metal, but only one member knew how to play anything. So they just searched the house for things to beat on. Thus, Icechest metal was born!

This may not be that funny, but it actually was a band I was in Seriously. We have demo tracks on the myspace I made for it. We were young, and thought it was funny at the time.

Some of these are pretty funny . If might write my own aswell.

Sounds fun

Name: Gorefuck
Country: Hell (Luciferville, St. Satansburg)
Genre: Brutalest Death/Grind EVAR!!!
Lyrical Theme: Guess...
Year Formed: 2003

Line-up:
Fabio Lione: Vocals (Rhapsody of Fire)
Jani Liimatainen: Guitar (ex-Sonata Arctica)
Sam Totman - Guitar (DragonForce, Demoniac (Nzl), Power Quest, Shadow Warriors)
Tuomas Holopainen: Bass (Nightwish)


Additional Notes:
Gorefuck formed as a metal supergroup compromising of members from various flower metal bands to show that they too can be br00tal and stuff. The band tried to recruit drummers previously, but none would accept to join, citing creative differences; the band now uses a drum machine to fill the album with blasturbation. Numerous faints have occured in the audiences, since Fabio Lione would sometimes mistakenly sing in a falsetto, causing extreme shock and aversion among audiences from hearing intelligible gore lyrics.

Just for the hell of it.

Name: Pete is responsible for your mother fucking his dog.
Country: UK
Genre: experimental grindcore
Lyrical themes: Diddl
Year formed: 2006
Line-up:
Jack "Cutie" Schneider - guitars
Kendra "Bitch" Sutter - bass and vocals
Pete "Dah Hammer" Vanderbilt - drums

Name: Abhorrent Mutation
Lyrical themes: Satan, satanism, alcohol, anti-christian, anti-democracy, anti-anarchism, anti-fascism, anti-communism, anti-humanism and abortions.
Genre: Black punk
Formed in: 1994
Status: Active

Lineup:
Thomas ”Corpse Killer” Storm – Lead guitar, vocals
Billy ”Goat Disemboweler” King (Pentti Orvokki) – Rhythm guitar, pig squeels
Jon ”Satin Stream” Wagner – Bass
Funny Cowhumper (Billy McCoy) – Drums, percussion (ie. empty bottles)
Kerry ”Not So Instant Soup” Parker – Keyboards, accordion, whiny vocals
Demon of the Brewery – ”catering”

Former/past members:
Simon ”Pope” Baker (R.I.P.) lead guitar 1994-1998. Died of uncontrollable laughter after hearing that Abhorrent Mutation got a record deal.
Henry ”Lard-donged Assflap” Miller (R.I.P.) vocals 1994-1995. Left band in order to rehabitate, and was found dead from his apartment the day after. According to the band mastermind, Billy King, ”people don't just leave this band like that”.
Balthazar ”Honeysuckle” Mathews, vocals 1996. Left the band because ”it wasn't evil enough” and joined a cult. His mental health was said to have been ”sliding” at the time.
Roman Kobbé a.k.a Slasher-stealer (R.I.P.), keyboards. Died onstage after pouring gasoline over himself and lighting a cigarette. He received a Darwin Award.
Ernst Bacon (R.I.P.) bass 1994-1996. Died of a lethal combination of uncontrollable laughing and choking on peanut butter.

Additional notes:
British heavy drinking black metal/punk band mostly influenced by thrash metal and first-wave black metal bands such as Venom. Infamous for canceling their shows due to extreme drunkenness or hangover that prevents the band from playing. Abhorrent Mutation released their first EP, ”Anti-Everything”, on Intestinal Pain Records, using the name The Jesus Company. The band has released the rest of their EPs, as well as the full-lengths, on Unstable Bladder records. All other releases are self-released.

McCoy used a trashcan instead of the snare drum on the 2003 album ”Mt. Bugger”, as well as the resulting tour.

The debut album, Black Chaos Vagabond, was re-released in 2005. The re-release box includes a shirt, a noose and a hip flask with the Abhorrent Mutation logo on it.

Heh, I was looking at a bunch of Myspace BM bands with the really hyperbolic, ridiculous descriptions and bios today. I fucking hate that sort of bullshit, so...

Aryan Grimness

Country: USA
Genre: Brutal dark ambient
Lyrical topics: Urban life, vorarephilia, the letter "F"
Year Formed: 2003
Status: Active

Current Members:
NecroVuck666 ov the Seventh Layer ov Hell - All Instruments
Grimnor, Master ov All that is Dark - Vocals

Additional Notes:

Aryan Grimness was born on an especially grim winter's night, the brainchild of NecroVuck666 who, at the time, was disgusted by the widespread usage of the especially un-grim letter "F" as opposed to the much more necro letter "V" and decided to start a one-man dark ambient project on that premise. However, due to the rather un-grim medical condition that NecroVuck666 had suffered from since a young age - pulling faces while the wind was changing - his face was perpetually frozen in a mediocre imitation of "Blue Steel" and this hampered both his vocals and his ability to look especially grim while roaming forests and cemeteries. So NecroVuck666 called in his close friend Grimnor to join the band on vocal duties and for all photo shoots.

The band currently has released one untitled demo, and their debut album is currently in the works.

To whichever mod relocated this thread to The Tavern, thank you. The reason I put in the metal discussion board was because the intention was to only deal with 'metal' bands. However, I can understand how we're not really discussing metal per se.

Ricotta's Cottage
Country: Switzerland
Genre: Blasturbating power metal with lots of keyboard sugar and eunuchian vocals
Label: Dairyierre
Lyrical Topics: Dairy products, cows, farm animals, pitchforks, farmers with beer bellies and rotten teeth, treeing coons, etc.
Formed in: 2003
Lineup: Rick Cola: Vocals
Nate Neutral: Guitars
Sabriena: Keyboards
Flo Gelhorn: Drums
Al Po: Bass
Status: Active

Ricotta's Cottage is a super-duper fast power metal band from Switzerland inspired heavily by famous blasturbators Dragonforce except that they thought the words 'dragon' and 'force' were not cheesy and wimpy enough for a power metal band name. The band decided to form after an unproductive day of using their flugelhorns to try to get chicks. A Discovery Channel special had informed them that the low call of the Flugelhorn could attract Swiss females, but since all of them had been castrated they simply couldn't produce the desired resonance in their voices. Since they could never get laid, they decided the next best thing was to form a metal band.

Discography:
Sailing the Seas of Cheese(The band later found out that Primus had an album named this and rereleased the album with the name Scaling the Mountains of Cheese)
Yo, Gurt!
Creamed Pants Over Ice Cream
Stubborn Udders

EDIT: How could I forget a guitarist?!

I Brush My Teeth With Razor Blades
Country: US
Genre: Metalcore
Lyrical Topics: Suicide, Depression, Whining
Formed: On a depressing night in summer, 2006
Status: Deceased
Lineup:
Razorblade Abuse- Vocals
Don Overdose- Bass
Chris Tightjeans- Guitar
Lord Eyeliner- Drums, Vocals

Releases:
"I Drink My Tears Out of a Shotglass" EP. 2006

Wow, I'm bored.

Not bad. Hehe

:lol::lol:

Grim n' frost chilled cider
Country: UK (Somerset)
Genre: Black Metal
Lyrical Topics: Cider, farmers, (the lack of) snow and frostbitten landscapes
Year formed: 1995
Status: Split-up
Label: self released.
Lineup:
Cow Perverter (Giles Littlewillow) Bass, guitar, vocals, drums.
Releases:

Demo- 1995
Cider Drinking Hell [EP]- 1996
Under The Sign of The Fermented Apple [Full Length]- 1998

Additional Notes:
Black Metal from South West England, Cow Perverter (Giles Littlewillow) was forced to end the band when he inherited his parents dairy farm and cider business in 1998, which demanded his full attention leaving him unable to continue recording Black Metal.

Can you believe that there's a gothic metal band named The Farmer Boys?

Really? Haha!

I shit you not. Edit: The name of the band is actually Farmer Boys, without the 'The'.

EAT MY JESUS Country:USA Genre:METAL UP YOUR ARSE Lyrical topics: FUCKIN Year formed:begining of time Status:still rocken after all these years Line up: Oral ingulfer (gutiars ,vocals ) Take it bitch (bass ) BAMMMMMMMMMMMM (drums) Albums: adam and eve (F-U records) screamin and mouning(f-u records) DAMNED STDS (HOOO SHIT records) i have no idea of what i wrote

I wonder if Farm Boys tour with Cow Handler?