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Lich Coldheart
Stares into the Void

Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 12:44 pm
Posts: 970
Location: Frozen dead land where sharp winds blow
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2018 10:36 am 
 

This is a subject that has been fascinating me for a long time, so I've decided to open a thread in which people who share this passion could have some fun. What I would like this thread to contain, albeit these are merely suggestions and not restrictions, is examples of poems belonging to big poetry movements such as:

- Classical
- Symbolism
- Romanticism
- Parnassianism
- Modernism


Now, to further clarify what my intention is, I'll say that personally written poems are preferred but if you find this outstanding piece of poetry that you wish to share with us, by all means, do so. Criticism is also encouraged and, I'd say, preferred but please refrain from posting if you don't have anything constructive to say.

Right now I am extremely busy and haven't been able to compose anything as of late but I'll kick this off by posting a poem that I had to write during my university years; my teacher asked us to write a poem with silly words such as "spirit level", "thermometer", "compasses" and "square root". This is what I came up with:

“A distant moan that softly floats above the glacial wing
Reminds the dreamer of the place where all the dead men sing;
They’re thrown in flames and twist and scream and once again they die
And violent maelstroms howl like wolves ‘cause spirit level’s high.

The thermometers go insane and sink in boiling tar
And numbed the senses by the char of the compasses are.
As all the souls embrace the pain and in the dark descend
Ironically fate calculates the square root of the end.”

Given the ambiguity of the text I'd say I was going for some modernist poetry; right now I have no idea what the hell I wanted to express. Anyway, posting those stanzas on the internet feels a bit embarrassing but I guess I have no choice given that I am the OP. Looking forward to reading your lyrics. Also, I'd love to read some parnassian poetry if possible, given that this movement skipped Romania altogether as far as I know and trying to translate French poems, with all those complicated, pretentious and over-the-top words is very difficult.

Go!
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
I will pay a dollar to have Lich's custom title changed to "Drools into the Toilet Bowl"
Master_Of_Thrash wrote:
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severzhavnost
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 2300
Location: Ottawa
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2018 11:36 am 
 

There once was a man from Adair
who painted his arse like a pear.
A penny a smell, was all very well,
but two pence a bite’s not so fair.
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Apteronotus wrote:
Mütiilation. There should be a missing I, not an extra one. Really a missed wordplay opportunity.

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Amosofnlm
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:43 am
Posts: 43
Location: Eire
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2018 4:15 pm 
 

Nice topic.
I dunno what movement if any my poems/lyrics would fit into but here goes nothing.

Promethean god-king consumed by the fire
Wraith come back to the flesh
-idea become man
become man become idea
Gold become mercury
Lead become iron
-man become idea
become idea become man.

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Lich Coldheart
Stares into the Void

Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 12:44 pm
Posts: 970
Location: Frozen dead land where sharp winds blow
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2018 4:30 pm 
 

Amosofnlm wrote:
Nice topic.
I dunno what movement if any my poems/lyrics would fit into but here goes nothing.

Promethean god-king consumed by the fire
Wraith come back to the flesh
-idea become man
become man become idea
Gold become mercury
Lead become iron
-man become idea
become idea become man.


Those are some really interested lyrics, dude. I like the musicality, which makes it sort of symbolist. It's great.

severzhavnost wrote:
There once was a man from Adair
who painted his arse like a pear.
A penny a smell, was all very well,
but two pence a bite’s not so fair.


I'm really wondering what you mean by that last lyric...
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
I will pay a dollar to have Lich's custom title changed to "Drools into the Toilet Bowl"
Master_Of_Thrash wrote:
I like keeping my sword wet, like a young girl in her prime.

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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 56
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2018 10:00 pm 
 

Well this sounds interesting..
I'll give it a try

-Now the crows won't left
They shout the name, they wouldn't forget
Those crows fly to reach vehemence in my mind
My mind..
A world that does not exists anymore...
A large place of illusion that was broken by empty vicious and wounds that will never close..
Time stopped, my mind is the void, all is dust
Crows won't stop shouting, they want to reach my mind again
But those wings are old and remain cut
They don't know that they themselves are not real
They were just illusions, other empty unreal creations by my mind
Suffering at last is my own void, I'm dust, all crows are gone, but now I'm trapped in the real world
_________________
    -||Darkness, melancholy and nostalgic ruins remain near a desolated galaxy||-


OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Hilarious stupid comment that MalconInTheMETAL wrote:
Everyone calls Black Sabbath heavy metal, but by today's standards they aren't at all

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Metal Man D
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 5:42 pm
Posts: 3
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2018 1:26 am 
 

Hmm, maybe this is a thread I can contribute to here. I've been lurking a bit too long.

I've been writing seriously for about 3 years now. I really don't think I can place any of my poetry in any sort of movement. Some of my stuff is entirely free verse, or entirely metered. Sometimes in the middle. I will say that the two poems that got me so interested in writing are William Blake's "The Lamb" and "The Tyger." They aren't particularly interesting by themselves, but on contrast demonstrate Blake's mastery. Each takes an opposing lens of the same question, "who put you on Earth and why." What struck me was the difference in the use of specific letters to reflect the poems' meanings: soft "th" and "d" versus striking "t" and "f." That was where I crossed the threshold between "poetry is lame" is "poetry is art."

Thanks for starting the topic and sharing your work. I'm no expert, but if we're all sharing here, I might as well do my part to throw in a little critique. I'll try not to be pretentious... but sometimes I can't help it.

Lich Coldheart wrote:
“A distant moan that softly floats above the glacial wing
Reminds the dreamer of the place where all the dead men sing;
They’re thrown in flames and twist and scream and once again they die
And violent maelstroms howl like wolves ‘cause spirit level’s high.

The thermometers go insane and sink in boiling tar
And numbed the senses by the char of the compasses are.
As all the souls embrace the pain and in the dark descend
Ironically fate calculates the square root of the end.”


For a poem made up of "silly words," I rather like the imagery you give off. Being browsers of metal forums, most of probably have an appreciation for the macabre and grotesque. I think you check both boxes well enough here. Since you didn't consider much in the realm of profoundness, the image is really all that matters here. So with that in mind, there's only a few things that pop out for improvement

1.Meter. Especially with couplet rhymes like you have, some small changes in stress can give the line an easier read. Like "They're thrown in flames and twist and scream and once again they die" to "They're thrown in the flames and twist and scream to once again die." 14 syllables is a bit hefty per line, but it fits the "boiling tar" aesthetic.

2. "'cause." Cutting off "because" here is wrenching for me as a reader. The nonchalance of it is a bit awkward right next to rather complex imagery. Maybe this would be better instead: "wolves of spirit levels high."

3. Syntax. "And numbed the senses by the char of the compasses are." It's difficult to tell which verbs own which nouns in this line. Of course, if your subject matter is twisted and ambiguous, this can be an interesting technique, but for the ease of reading I think it should be cleaned up. Try "And the senses of the compasses are numbed by the char." Although I might be butchering it there.

Hopefully that was useful. Regardless, thanks for being vulnerable enough to let me take a stab at it.
I look forward to sharing in the future!

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Lich Coldheart
Stares into the Void

Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 12:44 pm
Posts: 970
Location: Frozen dead land where sharp winds blow
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2018 2:34 pm 
 

ᴎostalgiʞK wrote:
Well this sounds interesting..
I'll give it a try

-Now the crows won't left
They shout the name, they wouldn't forget
Those crows fly to reach vehemence in my mind
My mind..
A world that does not exists anymore...
A large place of illusion that was broken by empty vicious and wounds that will never close..
Time stopped, my mind is the void, all is dust
Crows won't stop shouting, they want to reach my mind again
But those wings are old and remain cut
They don't know that they themselves are not real
They were just illusions, other empty unreal creations by my mind
Suffering at last is my own void, I'm dust, all crows are gone, but now I'm trapped in the real world


That's some interesting poetry right there. Are the crows supposed to be the dreams that are unfulfilled?

Metal Man D wrote:
Hmm, maybe this is a thread I can contribute to here. I've been lurking a bit too long.

Welcome. Looking forward to reading your compositions.

Metal Man D wrote:
For a poem made up of "silly words," I rather like the imagery you give off.

Thanks. I just remembered that what I was going for was a depiction of hell.

Metal Man D wrote:
So with that in mind, there's only a few things that pop out for improvement

1.Meter. Especially with couplet rhymes like you have, some small changes in stress can give the line an easier read. Like "They're thrown in flames and twist and scream and once again they die" to "They're thrown in the flames and twist and scream to once again die." 14 syllables is a bit hefty per line, but it fits the "boiling tar" aesthetic.

That doesn't sound that to me, for some reason... :scratch: My original line was meant to have the syllables divided in a "first-stressed, second non-stressed" couples and it sounds right to me. I am reading your line wrong, maybe?

Metal Man D wrote:
2. "'cause." Cutting off "because" here is wrenching for me as a reader. The nonchalance of it is a bit awkward right next to rather complex imagery. Maybe this would be better instead: "wolves of spirit levels high."

Yeah, that's a really bad word. But the course was almost over so I had to come up with something in about 15 minutes. I didn't have time to come up with anything better and haven't revisited the poem ever since.

Metal Man D wrote:
3. Syntax. "And numbed the senses by the char of the compasses are." It's difficult to tell which verbs own which nouns in this line. Of course, if your subject matter is twisted and ambiguous, this can be an interesting technique, but for the ease of reading I think it should be cleaned up. Try "And the senses of the compasses are numbed by the char." Although I might be butchering it there.

You seem to have understood it pretty well so it can't be that ambiguous. I must admit this is sort of a trademark when it comes to my poetry so I'm afraid twisted phrases will never go away. I'm all for improvement but that's something deeply rooted in my writing style.

Metal Man D wrote:
Hopefully that was useful. Regardless, thanks for being vulnerable enough to let me take a stab at it.

It certainly was; even the fact that someone took the time to read your lyrics is extremely useful in itself.


Also, to all those who shy away from contributing please do not hesitate. I am extremely busy at the moment and I rarely have the time to maintain the thread. Let your artistic spirit roam free in the realm of poetry and let's turn this thread in a magnificent internet place. :hyper:
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BastardHead wrote:
I will pay a dollar to have Lich's custom title changed to "Drools into the Toilet Bowl"
Master_Of_Thrash wrote:
I like keeping my sword wet, like a young girl in her prime.

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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 56
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2018 6:47 pm 
 

Lich Coldheart wrote:
That's some interesting poetry right there. Are the crows supposed to be the dreams that are unfulfilled?


Thanks! Hmmmmmmmm.. I think that you're correct, unfulfilled dreams that depress and hurt, on the other hand, the crows also may represent good old dead memories and broken wishes.
I was drinking when I wrote this, I'll drink more. Nice thread :)
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    -||Darkness, melancholy and nostalgic ruins remain near a desolated galaxy||-


OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Hilarious stupid comment that MalconInTheMETAL wrote:
Everyone calls Black Sabbath heavy metal, but by today's standards they aren't at all

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DividerOfShadows
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2016 1:58 pm
Posts: 269
Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2018 3:00 pm 
 

Oh, finally a thread for me! I'll bite:

Transfixion of Creation

Grey waves
Blisters on the ravenous hand
An epoch of golden termination

Hidden by bones of cosmos
A silent piper delivers his melody

Lo and behold, hearts beat in fear
Striving to return, striving to defy
A signal of their own
Push themselves across the frontier
Seeking wisdom in the land of absence

Worms cut a hole and multiply
Decrepit kingdom stumbles
Pillars of might break under the sky

Lo and behold, an unapologetic sage
The master of deceit has been tricked
Longing to repay with blood and extinction
A moribund animal shows its teeth
Before they've been violently shattered

Thou art not worthy
To behold the truth
May thy sight be blinded
By wounds of your own

Such a grandiose epitaph
For such a trifling being
Cacophony follows you
Into the world of thorns

A piper falls asleep
Dreaming and creating
The new strands of time

Lo and behold
Earth under which your limbs may walk
Has sunk and has been devoured
By ghastly lights you bowed to
_________________
Earthcubed wrote:
CradleOfBurzum, about the new Summoning album snippet, wrote:
I was hoping for some material that resembles closer to "Lugburz"


And I'm still hoping for Katy Perry to do another Christian album.


My Last.fm

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CrnaMisa
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:31 pm
Posts: 1
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2018 3:24 pm 
 

I knew that lava existed

It was written in dry tears

Let me hide underneath your wings

And be your mechanic causality

You don’t need to see my face

For I am still but a lifeless porcelain

My bone marrow is nutritive

And my dark cirles are my makeup

Smeared from the Sun’s honey

Under the wings I held a heart in my hand

I watched it beat

It was coloured by fear

The murmur of stray moths

And the warmth of a fragile heart

I’m not going away

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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1964
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2018 1:49 pm 
 

This is an old one called 'Over Mount and Valley'.

A crown of leaves
A throne of trees
With both feet resting on the hill
The first birds singing
The springtime bringing
Ghost winds clawing through the mill

No soul to bear
To heaven's lair
I gave it up long ago to you
I won't regret
If you don't forget
Everything I promised you was true

Will I find you by
If I faster fly
Over mount and valley, over wilds?
Or will you go
To where no one knows
Beyond the farthest reaches, wayward child?

I will follow anywhere
You lead me
If even to my death
You bring me
And I will savor every breath
Till I close my eyes
And my last thought will be of you
When it's finally time to die
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If you're interested in hearing my music, it can be found here: http://thiestru.bandcamp.com. Wassail.

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DividerOfShadows
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2016 1:58 pm
Posts: 269
Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 5:29 am 
 

Thiestru wrote:
This is an old one called 'Over Mount and Valley'.


I really like the imagery and motifs you use, especially the "crown of leaves" and "ghost winds", they're very captivating :thumbsup:
_________________
Earthcubed wrote:
CradleOfBurzum, about the new Summoning album snippet, wrote:
I was hoping for some material that resembles closer to "Lugburz"


And I'm still hoping for Katy Perry to do another Christian album.


My Last.fm

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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 56
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:47 pm 
 

I love this thread.. Please write more folks, I really enjoy reading you! Haha.
Here's something I wrote for my girl, she's not good... Really not.. I can't talk to her.. Or see her.. Long story.
Whatever I wrote this listening to Back to the Shadows from Burzum. It's a little... "sweetie" I know I wrote this drunk.. Probably.

Woman of the eternal night
Beauty eyes of my dreams
Giants, brilliant with infinite void that loses me...
Beauty woman, I'm drunk at your eyes, I'm weak when I reach your smile..
Always in my mind, beloved
Always strong and stand
Crying forever If you fall, crying forever if you're not mine..
Beauty woman of the eternal stars
I'm screaming inside, let me touch your sky Goddess! I'm dying with your absence...

Just you in my dreams..
Just for a moment I can see you
Don't go away, this clouds blind me
I can't follow your voice..

You're disappearing from my mind
I can't fight no more...
The void consumes me
Just let me hear your voice.. Let me die alone...

(I had never share such emotions with anybody wow something is alive inside me)
_________________
    -||Darkness, melancholy and nostalgic ruins remain near a desolated galaxy||-


OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Hilarious stupid comment that MalconInTheMETAL wrote:
Everyone calls Black Sabbath heavy metal, but by today's standards they aren't at all

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