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Forever Underground
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 7:35 am
Posts: 9
Location: Spain
PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2021 8:23 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rtal/73868


It's a nine-line review that only complains about whether the content of the album should be considered music or not.

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Gas_Snake
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:07 am
Posts: 76
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 11:00 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rap/736025

I'm an idiot, that review is fine. It simply didn't load all the way thanks to connection bullshit (the site is still blocked for me, I use a VPN which can be wonky with things like that).

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 687
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2021 7:58 pm 
 

Should this still be here? I can't imagine it would be approved nowadays.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... cat/223660

"Unfortunately, the end product will make you cringe in the same way you do when you see a deluded white person dressed like a negro."
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5859
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2021 9:18 pm 
 

Good catch. Removed.
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PaganiusI
Zee Bombelecher

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:49 pm
Posts: 2854
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 1:49 pm 
 

Not a review mod, so...
Bit barebones on the description, no? Also the review he keeps referring to has been deleted, I guess?
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... wkMoon/170
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5859
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 2:01 pm 
 

Dealt with!
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
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Death By Wall of Text
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:18 pm
Posts: 200
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2021 12:57 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... eam/654740

For a review complaining about pretentiousness this is a lot, a lot, a lot of very pretentious namedropping to cover up the fact there's like two-three actual sentences of musical description here alongside statements that are objectively wildly incorrect ("amped-up prog rock"? All mid-tempo? Dragonforce is more death metal?). This is actually a review of half a paragraph bloated by amazing amounts of hyper-edgy rambling.

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11986
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2021 10:34 am 
 

Death By Wall of Text wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Opeth/Blackwater_Park/130/FacUtGaudeam/654740

For a review complaining about pretentiousness this is a lot, a lot, a lot of very pretentious namedropping to cover up the fact there's like two-three actual sentences of musical description here alongside statements that are objectively wildly incorrect ("amped-up prog rock"? All mid-tempo? Dragonforce is more death metal?). This is actually a review of half a paragraph bloated by amazing amounts of hyper-edgy rambling.

Yikes. Dealt with.
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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 500
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2021 11:36 am 
 

Hello.
I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this review for deletion, but anyway, here is it:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Fields/318

This review is just a small paragraph and the user's point of view clearly isn't developed on it. There's really nothing elucidative here. It's more like a comment for a blog post than an actual review.
By the way, the cover is pretty NSFW.

This one looks very mediocre too, starts with a track by track rhetoric that eventually leads to a very basic rant about the band's music, without it being descriptive at all. It's also flooded with many grammatical errors.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... dant/46538

Thanks.

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1149
Location: Behind the wall of fire v.2
PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2021 4:04 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... all/216687

This could be for almost any album by The Crown (or any similar band) and has no specifics whatsoever.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 821
PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2021 12:58 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ld/1014942

The review is okay, but all of that bold text strained my eyes, and those huge spaces gaps in the third paragraph was ridiculous. It should at least be sent back so that Hames can fix the formatting.
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EzraBlumenfeld
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 411
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Fri Jun 04, 2021 1:30 pm 
 

Only ten sentences long, barely descriptive enough in my opinion:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... atrix/4221
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3627
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2021 6:56 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Napalm_Death/Enemy_of_the_Music_Business/963/firebee1/23657

firebee has come up a few times in this thread and I can see why. This review blows; most of it is literally spent on the first two songs and all of four lines are reserved for describing the album generally. What they say of the rest of the album is blunt I guess, but it's not remotely specific and listening to the album doesn't really help me understand their complaints better. Better reviews have been rejected, I reckon.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 164
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:02 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 69_/481697

Yeah, I got it, the album is not so bad as the others said... you basically repeated it for the entire review.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 821
PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2021 9:12 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... udeguy/396

I'm pretty sure this site could do without this relic of the past. He immediately starts the review with "Don't trust the reviews below this, this is a worthless song by a worthless band.", which goes against the rule of not mentioning other reviews. His descriptions of the song are also him either calling it "mallcore" or throwing in some ad hominem attacks against James Hetfield and other bands members. He even refers to Lars as "Lar$", which is so cringy, it's facepalm worthy :durr: :nono:
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Antioch
Metalhead

Joined: Sun May 01, 2011 4:08 am
Posts: 1480
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2021 6:02 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 999/274514
Spoiler: show
Kreator is one of those thrash bands still keeping thrash alive after all these years. This time they strike with a new single, "Phantom Antichrist", and a cover song of Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast".

"Phantom Antichrist" is a straight Kreator song with a lot of aggressive riffs. The song goes hard all the time. The drums and guitar are brutal, yet creative. Melodies are changing all the time, which in my opinion is a good thing. The single also includes a demo version of the song. The other song is Maiden's "The Number of the Beast". The song is a good cover, yet it just doesn't give you the feeling of the original song. It's heavier than original with a awesome solo performance.

Kreator proves once more what they are capable of. This is what thrash is all about.

Short and shallow.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 999/274514
Spoiler: show
Here we have the thrash/speed metal band Paradox. Many of you would think that this is just another lazy thrash band with an usual album cover from the '80s. Wrong. Paradox is an awesome melodic speed metal band that touches thrash. The whole album includes riffs, riffs, riffs, solos, and more riffs. I could never come up with a riff like that, since there are a lot of very creative riffs and solos.

The vocals are more in a high-pitched sense than the usual thrashy, aggressive style. Otherwise, they end up just great along with the music. The drums are one of many proofs that this is also a thrash band. They are very loud and at some point very fast. The tracks on the album usually go deep, but some are pretty badass. There are also a couple of really fast speed metal classics.

Highlight songs:

One of the most catchy tracks is "Product of Imagination". It's a powerful song with a great acoustic intro performance. The next song, "Mystery", is a nice track with good riffs and a nice solo. The chorus of the song sounds like the vocalist is actually saying 'Misery...'. "Beyond Space" is a fast track with more good riffs, a nice solo, and a great vocal delivery.

Of course, all the songs on the album are worth checking out. "Product of Imagination" is a long story short, a speed/thrash album with its own style....and a lot of riffs.

Thrash; lotsa riffs; nice solos; aggressive/loud... that's all this manages to say.
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