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Forever Underground
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 7:35 am
Posts: 17
Location: Spain
PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2021 8:23 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rtal/73868


It's a nine-line review that only complains about whether the content of the album should be considered music or not.

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Gas_Snake
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:07 am
Posts: 115
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 11:00 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rap/736025

I'm an idiot, that review is fine. It simply didn't load all the way thanks to connection bullshit (the site is still blocked for me, I use a VPN which can be wonky with things like that).

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 690
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2021 7:58 pm 
 

Should this still be here? I can't imagine it would be approved nowadays.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... cat/223660

"Unfortunately, the end product will make you cringe in the same way you do when you see a deluded white person dressed like a negro."
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5873
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2021 9:18 pm 
 

Good catch. Removed.
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PaganiusI
Zee Bombelecher

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:49 pm
Posts: 3019
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 1:49 pm 
 

Not a review mod, so...
Bit barebones on the description, no? Also the review he keeps referring to has been deleted, I guess?
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... wkMoon/170
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5873
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2021 2:01 pm 
 

Dealt with!
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Death By Wall of Text
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:18 pm
Posts: 227
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2021 12:57 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... eam/654740

For a review complaining about pretentiousness this is a lot, a lot, a lot of very pretentious namedropping to cover up the fact there's like two-three actual sentences of musical description here alongside statements that are objectively wildly incorrect ("amped-up prog rock"? All mid-tempo? Dragonforce is more death metal?). This is actually a review of half a paragraph bloated by amazing amounts of hyper-edgy rambling.

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11999
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2021 10:34 am 
 

Death By Wall of Text wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Opeth/Blackwater_Park/130/FacUtGaudeam/654740

For a review complaining about pretentiousness this is a lot, a lot, a lot of very pretentious namedropping to cover up the fact there's like two-three actual sentences of musical description here alongside statements that are objectively wildly incorrect ("amped-up prog rock"? All mid-tempo? Dragonforce is more death metal?). This is actually a review of half a paragraph bloated by amazing amounts of hyper-edgy rambling.

Yikes. Dealt with.
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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 526
PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2021 11:36 am 
 

Hello.
I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this review for deletion, but anyway, here is it:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Fields/318

This review is just a small paragraph and the user's point of view clearly isn't developed on it. There's really nothing elucidative here. It's more like a comment for a blog post than an actual review.
By the way, the cover is pretty NSFW.

This one looks very mediocre too, starts with a track by track rhetoric that eventually leads to a very basic rant about the band's music, without it being descriptive at all. It's also flooded with many grammatical errors.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... dant/46538

Thanks.

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1187
Location: Behind the wall of fire v.2
PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2021 4:04 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... all/216687

This could be for almost any album by The Crown (or any similar band) and has no specifics whatsoever.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 965
PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2021 12:58 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ld/1014942

The review is okay, but all of that bold text strained my eyes, and those huge spaces gaps in the third paragraph was ridiculous. It should at least be sent back so that Hames can fix the formatting.
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EzraBlumenfeld
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 424
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Fri Jun 04, 2021 1:30 pm 
 

Only ten sentences long, barely descriptive enough in my opinion:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... atrix/4221
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3638
Location: London, England, United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2021 6:56 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Napalm_Death/Enemy_of_the_Music_Business/963/firebee1/23657

firebee has come up a few times in this thread and I can see why. This review blows; most of it is literally spent on the first two songs and all of four lines are reserved for describing the album generally. What they say of the rest of the album is blunt I guess, but it's not remotely specific and listening to the album doesn't really help me understand their complaints better. Better reviews have been rejected, I reckon.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 188
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:02 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 69_/481697

Yeah, I got it, the album is not so bad as the others said... you basically repeated it for the entire review.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 965
PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2021 9:12 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... udeguy/396

I'm pretty sure this site could do without this relic of the past. He immediately starts the review with "Don't trust the reviews below this, this is a worthless song by a worthless band.", which goes against the rule of not mentioning other reviews. His descriptions of the song are also him either calling it "mallcore" or throwing in some ad hominem attacks against James Hetfield and other bands members. He even refers to Lars as "Lar$", which is so cringy, it's facepalm worthy :durr: :nono:
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Antioch
Metalhead

Joined: Sun May 01, 2011 4:08 am
Posts: 1488
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jul 21, 2021 6:02 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 999/274514
Spoiler: show
Kreator is one of those thrash bands still keeping thrash alive after all these years. This time they strike with a new single, "Phantom Antichrist", and a cover song of Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast".

"Phantom Antichrist" is a straight Kreator song with a lot of aggressive riffs. The song goes hard all the time. The drums and guitar are brutal, yet creative. Melodies are changing all the time, which in my opinion is a good thing. The single also includes a demo version of the song. The other song is Maiden's "The Number of the Beast". The song is a good cover, yet it just doesn't give you the feeling of the original song. It's heavier than original with a awesome solo performance.

Kreator proves once more what they are capable of. This is what thrash is all about.

Short and shallow.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 999/274514
Spoiler: show
Here we have the thrash/speed metal band Paradox. Many of you would think that this is just another lazy thrash band with an usual album cover from the '80s. Wrong. Paradox is an awesome melodic speed metal band that touches thrash. The whole album includes riffs, riffs, riffs, solos, and more riffs. I could never come up with a riff like that, since there are a lot of very creative riffs and solos.

The vocals are more in a high-pitched sense than the usual thrashy, aggressive style. Otherwise, they end up just great along with the music. The drums are one of many proofs that this is also a thrash band. They are very loud and at some point very fast. The tracks on the album usually go deep, but some are pretty badass. There are also a couple of really fast speed metal classics.

Highlight songs:

One of the most catchy tracks is "Product of Imagination". It's a powerful song with a great acoustic intro performance. The next song, "Mystery", is a nice track with good riffs and a nice solo. The chorus of the song sounds like the vocalist is actually saying 'Misery...'. "Beyond Space" is a fast track with more good riffs, a nice solo, and a great vocal delivery.

Of course, all the songs on the album are worth checking out. "Product of Imagination" is a long story short, a speed/thrash album with its own style....and a lot of riffs.

Thrash; lotsa riffs; nice solos; aggressive/loud... that's all this manages to say.
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Gas_Snake
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:07 am
Posts: 115
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2021 10:59 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... racker/674

This is not a review, it's a knee-jerk response to another (negative) review that does nothing to describe the music aside from saying "they're not as heavy now". Reads like it was written in like 3 minutes on impulse.

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Film
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2019 6:09 pm
Posts: 3
Location: Norway
PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:40 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ler/43613/

This is an old track-by-track review, written in suboptimal English, and kind of superficial, not really rationalizing the score of 100%.

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Gas_Snake
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:07 am
Posts: 115
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Sat Aug 14, 2021 4:15 am 
 

User whiplash50 has five barebones reviews, dated 2005-2007:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616

All of these reviews have very little musical description and numerous language errors (capitalization, punctuation). All except the Juggernaut one are also single paragraph reviews, and that one outright namedrops another reviewer and offtopic executive meddling, while relegating the musical description to literally one sentence. Please wipe these.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2021 3:54 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ria/35725/

Rather brief, hardly descriptive. Also, ''I wrote this while listening to it''. :lol:

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Lane
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2002 11:54 am
Posts: 536
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2021 2:34 pm 
 

colin040 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Etnocidio/Miseria/35725/

Rather brief, hardly descriptive. Also, ''I wrote this while listening to it''. :lol:


Also, "...I'm giving it a 80%."

Gets 90% from the reviewer anyway!

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2021 2:42 pm 
 

Lane wrote:
colin040 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Etnocidio/Miseria/35725/

Rather brief, hardly descriptive. Also, ''I wrote this while listening to it''. :lol:


Also, "...I'm giving it a 80%."

Gets 90% from the reviewer anyway!


I actually missed that. :lol:

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2021 5:49 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ce/889229/

I know that it's an EP, but this reviewer isn't saying much.

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swine_brothers
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:24 am
Posts: 38
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2021 7:02 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... vers/62167

Terribly written, clearly is attempting to be controversial despite what the review says, extremely bad attempts at humor, and gets basic music theory facts wrong.

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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 690
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2021 9:05 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... al666/1413

Barebones review that doesn't describe what the album sounds like.
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2021 4:31 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rCR/322490

Guy gave it a 0%, yet claims:

Quote:
The musicianship in the album is good, they know how to play their instruments, the production is not cristal clear but better produced than Mgla’s raw discography, that is everything good I have to say about this record. The album is not by any means bad, it is regular, it has its moments, but every time the song starts to build up momentum it feels more and more like plagiarism than anything else. The song Thanatos is the prime example of this, that song is shameless ripping Exercises in Futility I off, the riff, arrangements are the same. The drum arrangements feel awfully lame, don't get me wrong, the dude can play, but when you are trying to impersonate a drummer like Darkside if you are not better than him you will come across as a dumbass who can't play as good as he.


Makes no sense to me whatsoever.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Sep 27, 2021 10:54 am 
 

Also, this one is brief and hardly descriptive: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... .../73672/

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swine_brothers
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:24 am
Posts: 38
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2021 2:35 pm 
 

colin040 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Groza/Unified_in_Void/732726/NoisegrinderCR/322490

Guy gave it a 0%, yet claims:

Quote:
The musicianship in the album is good, they know how to play their instruments, the production is not cristal clear but better produced than Mgla’s raw discography, that is everything good I have to say about this record. The album is not by any means bad, it is regular, it has its moments, but every time the song starts to build up momentum it feels more and more like plagiarism than anything else. The song Thanatos is the prime example of this, that song is shameless ripping Exercises in Futility I off, the riff, arrangements are the same. The drum arrangements feel awfully lame, don't get me wrong, the dude can play, but when you are trying to impersonate a drummer like Darkside if you are not better than him you will come across as a dumbass who can't play as good as he.


Makes no sense to me whatsoever.

I hate when the text of a review doesn't match the score. Like, how hard is that?

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 188
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2021 6:50 am 
 

I understand him, in a certain sense. I don't know the band and I'm not so obsessed with Mgla to be able to find their riffs in other bands, but if he has found several instances of blatant copying, then shameless plagiarism always has to be condemned, regardless of how well you play your instruments. The other two reviewers giving it a 0% as well, and (especially Cosmic Mystery) making similar points, kinda support my/his theory. It's the same accusation thrown at Gruesome, with the partially redeeming factor that at the very least they're copying a defunct band (in their former style, no less). The fact that Mgla are, instead, still around makes Groza (EDIT: at least regarding that album, don't know about the 2nd) totally worthless imo. I doubt this review will get taken down and I think it has every right to stay (my two cents of course).
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Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2021 7:52 am 
 

Reviewer titles the review as ''Beautifully delivered, but ultimately boring'' - yet gives it a 77%. Again, this makes no sense to me either!

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... its/298148

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Gas_Snake
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2020 1:07 am
Posts: 115
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Thu Sep 30, 2021 10:12 am 
 

Gas_Snake wrote:
User whiplash50 has five barebones reviews, dated 2005-2007:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sh50/24616

All of these reviews have very little musical description and numerous language errors (capitalization, punctuation). All except the Juggernaut one are also single paragraph reviews, and that one outright namedrops another reviewer and offtopic executive meddling, while relegating the musical description to literally one sentence. Please wipe these.


Bumping these because they are horrible.

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 188
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2021 7:03 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ym/1062891

Another look at this wouldn't hurt - the language doesn't exactly welcome you, but I really didn't understand anything about the album and, most of all, he spents the major part of his 97% review telling how he didn't like the album at first and how the band got worse, just to throw a "huh, but now I love it, so whatever"-like sentence at the end without really explaining why it's an "unappreciated [with an 88% average, by who?!] work of art"...
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 6516
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Oct 19, 2021 9:26 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... land/6969/

Extremely brief and unclear to me.

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