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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:48 am
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Location: Bosnia and Herzegovina
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2022 4:24 am 
 

I'd have to go with Zodijackyl's review of Beyond the Space, Beyond the Time. You can feel the immense frustration and anger that album caused him, and he explains his points flawlessly, with a good dose of humor as well. Empyreal's review of Manifesto and Napalm_Satan's review of Soundtrack to Your Escape come close, but don't outdo Zodijackyl's gut-wrenching (and hilarious) rant.
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Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 1738
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2022 1:12 pm 
 

Ultraboris's review on Master of Puppets never fails to make me laugh.
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thereflectingskin
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Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2022 10:38 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2022 2:37 pm 
 

Cheeses_Priced's Nargaroth review is pretty classic.

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gasmask_colostomy
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Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
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Location: China
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2022 2:17 am 
 

I've written nearly 1700 reviews and none of them score 0%. I think most of the 0s on the site are hyperbole. I do like a good negative review though.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Location: Bosnia and Herzegovina
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2022 7:33 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
I think most of the 0s on the site are hyperbole.


I've written two so far and feel that both are perfectly justified. Even if I could've written them a bit better.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 465
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2022 4:50 pm 
 

Noktorn's review of The Age of Winters. It's so fun to read. His attitude is so negative yet his words are so wise. Reading his reviews, especially ones like that one, gives me the feeling of being a little kid sitting on their daddy's lap as he tells them some important truths about life. I feel educated, improved.
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Empyreal
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2022 4:59 pm 
 

I should delete that Manifesto one. Just dumb really.

My Pathfinder and In Flames Siren Charms ones hold up I think. And that one Allen-Lande one I did really deserved it.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tch/890206 this one is close enough to 0%. Love it.

The UltraBoris MOP one is good - it's not a very concrete hard-facts analysis but it's an intriguing read.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:48 am
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Location: Bosnia and Herzegovina
PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2022 6:12 am 
 

You shouldn't delete it. It's a pretty good review. When I read "if you think I won't break that promo CD I got in half and throw it in the trash after this, you are mistaken", I truly felt that.

Quote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tch/890206 this one is close enough to 0%. Love it.


I love that one, too. It's even better than BastardHead's The Last Stand.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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King_of_Arnor
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2020 12:35 pm
Posts: 472
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2022 7:18 am 
 

Bitterman was the king of 0% reviews, granted that's practically all he ever did. The content is tryhard elitism that's so absurd it's entertaining, but the titles are what I come back to most often. Like calling Meshuggah "Korn with more bowel movement noises", or Rings of Saturn "video game music without the video game". His review of Napalm Death's Utilitarian is actually quite good though since it focuses on the music itself and not how much it sounds like Pantera or whatever else he dislikes.
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2022 7:38 am 
 

That MoP review reads like an elaborated rant. :lol: I'm not sure if it's good, but it's certainly amusing.

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MDL
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2022 8:31 am 
 

Bitterman is absolutely amazing, like, of all the 55 reviews he wrote, there's only one that didn't receive a 0%. All those titles and hilariously dumb and just make the reviews worth of it:

https://www.metal-archives.com/users/bitterman

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Red_Death
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:51 pm
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Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2022 12:29 pm 
 

I like caspian's negative reviews, the one for BG's Twilight Orchestra is great :-D

The more "this is a statement" reviews are usually overwrought and not really supported by good arguments (UB's MoP one is kinda alright, but it might have spawned this trend, so I dunno).
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:48 am
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2022 3:27 pm 
 

Red_Death wrote:
I like caspian's negative reviews, the one for BG's Twilight Orchestra is great :-D


Despite being just about the biggest BG fanboy you'll ever speak to (just look at my username), I have to agree with him when he said that the album is hopelessly crude and barebones. Though there are moments like the chorus of Point of no Return that just scream And Then There Was Silence.

My favourite caspian's 0%'s are Van Canto and Aftermath. And although they are 1%, Strato and Ayreon come close and always make me laugh my ass off.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2022 6:26 pm 
 

MDL wrote:
Bitterman is absolutely amazing, like, of all the 55 reviews he wrote, there's only one that didn't receive a 0%. All those titles and hilariously dumb and just make the reviews worth of it:

https://www.metal-archives.com/users/bitterman


The thing about bitterman is that he changed a bunch of his reviews to be 0% after his writing got attention here for being overly acerbic and largely contrarian. It pissed off a LOT of people here at the time, but there wasn't anything the mods could do about it since the reviews themselves still pretty much followed the rules of what was considered an acceptable review.
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TheBurningOfSodom
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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2022 7:53 am 
 

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
I'd have to go with Zodijackyl's review of Beyond the Space, Beyond the Time.

Seconding this so much. I've rarely stayed interested through a review so long like I did with his. Great stuff.

BastardHead has few 0%s, but a lot of entertaining negative reviews. I'd choose the Sabaton ones and War Eternal, or the Children of Bodom ones where you can get he's really pissed off as a fan of the band, as my favourites.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Location: Bosnia and Herzegovina
PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2022 2:23 am 
 

BastardHead is at his best when he goes off the tangents and makes completely out there comparisons like on The Great War or that one Skelator album. Or when he turns the review into a story like Primo Victoria (Slater did the same thing on the same album just as good as BH, I'd say) or Into the Enchanted Chamber.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2022 4:27 pm 
 

Speaking of Noktorn, him giving DSO's "Si Monumentum" a good thrashing was a great one.

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Red_Death
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Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:51 pm
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Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2022 9:18 am 
 

Smoking_Gnu wrote:
Speaking of Noktorn, him giving DSO's "Si Monumentum" a good thrashing was a great one.

It could have been good had he focused more on the actual impact on the "scene" and specific bands, and not grandstanding by distinguishing himself from the fanbase sheeple.
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2022 12:01 am 
 

My favorite Metal Archives review that I have ever read does not exist anymore, sadly, because Five Finger Death Punch is not on the site anymore. However, BastardHead wrote a 0% review for their debut album way back when that I read on the Internet Archive and it's one of the funniest and most accurately descriptive reviews I've read here. The description of the guitar solos is gold.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2022 2:53 am 
 

Can you remember any particular line/sentence from that review that you can share with us?
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
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Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 12:31 am 
 

That review still exists on my blog, for the record.

I hate it and actually think it's one of my worst. I wrote it when I was 17 (almost half my life ago by now), I aimed for zany comedy and fell flat on my face with lolrandom shit, my main thesis is basically "this sucks because it's nu metal" which says absolutely nothing and really plays into the atmosphere of exclusivity that this site has a reputation for that I had fallen into pretty hard early on, overall I think it's god awful and couldn't even bring myself to read past the first sentence when I went to grab the link. I'm glad people liked it then and still do now but this would go into the trash immediately if I came across it today.

Fun fact: the bit about the solos being the funniest part was something I heard a few times back in 2008 as well, but that's actually not even my own joke lol. My buddies and I were listening to the album in the car when it was new and after the fifth song in a row with that exact same type of solo, he started bowing and saying "dude EPIC solo" with the most sarcastic tone he could muster and we all lost our shit laughing. I just stole my friend's joke and added a bunch of words to it.
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gasmask_colostomy
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 2:23 am 
 

Actually, I'd say it's not bad. The jokes are a bit OTT, but it's still fun to read and the analysis is good enough, even though a sensible head would tell you that you need to mention some of the songs in particular. Your style hasn't changed as much as you think lol
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BastardHead
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 5:21 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Your style hasn't changed as much as you think lol


How to absolutely shatter my ego in ten words or less, lol

For real though that's definitely true simply because I never really aimed for a "style" and just write the same way I talk, same reason why I'm confused whenever somebody says that they can see BH influence in some place or another, because I can't seem to recognize things that are just kinda normal to me. If anything, the main reason I hate my early reviews so much is a mix of simply thinking I got better at it over time and knowing myself well enough to know what angle I was coming from and just disagreeing with my own past reasoning. Like, I still think FFDP is awful, but if my memory is correct I spent a lot of that review comparing them to Slipknot as a self evident reason they were bad, whereas nowadays I think that if there was ever such a thing as a good nu metal band, it was probably Slipknot, for example.

I also reread my Arch Enemy review that got mentioned in this thread and god damn I had so much language in there that had held over from my proto-incel days as a teenager. I still think White-Gluz was a terrible choice for the band but hot damn I can't explain my rantings about how Angela was a Real Metalhead and Alissa is valueless eye candy as anything other than misogyny. Guess that shit wasn't fully out of my system until I met my now-wife a few months later. Also that one bugs me because I kept referring to her as "Gossgow" and I seriously had her last name wrong for like a decade before Diamhea pointed out that it's actually Gossow. Totally meaningless thing but that's such an obvious research failure that it physically pains me lol.

On topic: I can't think of a specific review to highlight, but I'd peg my favorites when it comes to negative reviews as caspian, lord_ghengis, and zeingard. All three of them absolutely nail that balancing act between acerbic and entertaining while still clearly spelling out why whatever album in question sucks. Even when I totally disagree with them, they're excellent at it.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 8:18 am 
 

BastardHead wrote:
I also reread my Arch Enemy review that got mentioned in this thread and god damn I had so much language in there that had held over from my proto-incel days as a teenager. I still think White-Gluz was a terrible choice for the band but hot damn I can't explain my rantings about how Angela was a Real Metalhead and Alissa is valueless eye candy as anything other than misogyny.


There's a chance that I'm misinterpreting you here, but I wouldn't say that's misogyny. Usually when I hear a female vocalist in a metal song or something like that, my first thought is something like: "The only reason she's here is because the people who wrote the song hope that the listeners will get horny enough to become oblivious of the fact that the song sucks". I'm not hating the woman here; I'm hating the people who wrote the song. My guess is that your reasoning at the time was similar.

Besides, if it really was misogyny, you'd've hated Angela as well, I suppose.

BastardHead wrote:
On topic: I can't think of a specific review to highlight, but I'd peg my favorites when it comes to negative reviews as caspian, lord_ghengis, and zeingard. All three of them absolutely nail that balancing act between acerbic and entertaining while still clearly spelling out why whatever album in question sucks. Even when I totally disagree with them, they're excellent at it.


Completely agreed. And I should also add GuntherTheUndying in this category.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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BastardHead
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Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
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Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 9:10 am 
 

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
I also reread my Arch Enemy review that got mentioned in this thread and god damn I had so much language in there that had held over from my proto-incel days as a teenager. I still think White-Gluz was a terrible choice for the band but hot damn I can't explain my rantings about how Angela was a Real Metalhead and Alissa is valueless eye candy as anything other than misogyny.


There's a chance that I'm misinterpreting you here, but I wouldn't say that's misogyny. Usually when I hear a female vocalist in a metal song or something like that, my first thought is something like: "The only reason she's here is because the people who wrote the song hope that the listeners will get horny enough to become oblivious of the fact that the song sucks". I'm not hating the woman here; I'm hating the people who wrote the song. My guess is that your reasoning at the time was similar.

Besides, if it really was misogyny, you'd've hated Angela as well, I suppose.


Eh, I wasn't consciously misogynistic at any point after like age 20 or so, but I think a lot of those old feelings from when I was a frustrated teenager were internalized and it takes a while to actively unlearn it all (which is also why I mentioned finally breaking away from it when I met my wife, because she was always completely unafraid to point out when I'm being an asshole and she had to do it an awful lot for the first year). Re-reading it, I think I actually did make the point that the real issue is that Alissa has a lot of talent and range so she's being completely wasted by just doing an Angela impression instead, which is what I still believe today, but it took like two paragraphs of me implying that she's some sort of interloper who doesn't belong because... I dunno I think she's sexy? before I actually got to that point.

I think the reason I can identify it as a holdover from my shittier days is because I know that even at my worst, I always respected the women who pioneered their place in metal history like Angela Gossow, Jo Bench, Doro Pesch, Sabina Classen, et cetera. But putting myself back in the headspace that I was in at that age, I can say that the reason I liked them so much is because they were quietly women. There wasn't a whole lot of overt sex appeal in their marketing, the music wasn't about being a woman, they were chicks that did dude stuff like the dudes did and that made them One of the Good Ones. Not all that different from the kind of thing a band like Radkey seems to deal with a lot. They have a great story as a band because they're modestly successful in a basically dormant genre nowadays, they started at a crazy young age and toured non stop for years to build their profile, and the three members are all brothers that grew up together and thus have amazing chemistry as players. But no, the thing that I see media and fans focus on more than anything else is that they're three black kids playing rock music in 2022 and boy isn't that just super fucking fascinating for some reason? That's kinda how I was with women in metal as a teen. They're certainly welcome in this space and I'll proudly be a fan and buy records if you act like one of the boys, but boy howdy you better not be too attractive or too feminine or too vocal about how things are different as a woman in the scene, because then you're just looking for attention, because that's the shitty backwards logic of shitty backwards people and I was a shitty backwards kid. The bulk of the first half of that review is just loaded with that kind of sentiment, even if I didn't intend it and never spelled it out directly, but I can recognize the implication behind my own writing there. Angela was one of the good ones, Alissa was not, and that's a problem that for some reason needed a fuckload of real estate in my review and it's genuinely jarring to realize I was still implying that years after I thought I had broken out of that bigoted line of thinking.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:48 am
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 3:04 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
I also reread my Arch Enemy review that got mentioned in this thread and god damn I had so much language in there that had held over from my proto-incel days as a teenager. I still think White-Gluz was a terrible choice for the band but hot damn I can't explain my rantings about how Angela was a Real Metalhead and Alissa is valueless eye candy as anything other than misogyny.


There's a chance that I'm misinterpreting you here, but I wouldn't say that's misogyny. Usually when I hear a female vocalist in a metal song or something like that, my first thought is something like: "The only reason she's here is because the people who wrote the song hope that the listeners will get horny enough to become oblivious of the fact that the song sucks". I'm not hating the woman here; I'm hating the people who wrote the song. My guess is that your reasoning at the time was similar.

Besides, if it really was misogyny, you'd've hated Angela as well, I suppose.


Eh, I wasn't consciously misogynistic at any point after like age 20 or so, but I think a lot of those old feelings from when I was a frustrated teenager were internalized and it takes a while to actively unlearn it all (which is also why I mentioned finally breaking away from it when I met my wife, because she was always completely unafraid to point out when I'm being an asshole and she had to do it an awful lot for the first year).


Why do I get the feeling that your wife is a badass tomboy a la Leela from Futurama :lol:

I'm 19 (soon to be 20), and I suppose I am right now where you used to be, sort of. I don't hate women. I'm mostly indifferent towards them, but I do hold in contempt the stereotypical "social media all day, clubbing all night, low IQ, mindless trend following" girls and can't help but to be slightly disgusted whenever I see provocatively dressed women. Sometimes, me and my friends would be driving through the town, one of them would comment on a hot chick he spotted on the street and I'd always say to him coldly: "A man has two heads and enough blood to run through only one of them.", which would almost always lead to a debate with them saying that I'm too shy/prudish and me saying that they're too easily swayed by their primal desires. My friends (unlike me) have been in relationships before, and they were all turned either into lovesick puppy dogs, sex addicts or both in a matter of days in their relationships and were utterly crushed after the breakups. I simply have no intent to let the same happen to me. For that reason, I tend to avoid them, and if my dismissal of women in such manner may sound bigoted to some, so be it.

BastardHead wrote:
I think the reason I can identify it as a holdover from my shittier days is because I know that even at my worst, I always respected the women who pioneered their place in metal history like Angela Gossow, Jo Bench, Doro Pesch, Sabina Classen, et cetera. But putting myself back in the headspace that I was in at that age, I can say that the reason I liked them so much is because they were quietly women. There wasn't a whole lot of overt sex appeal in their marketing, the music wasn't about being a woman, they were chicks that did dude stuff like the dudes did and that made them One of the Good Ones. Not all that different from the kind of thing a band like Radkey seems to deal with a lot. They have a great story as a band because they're modestly successful in a basically dormant genre nowadays, they started at a crazy young age and toured non stop for years to build their profile, and the three members are all brothers that grew up together and thus have amazing chemistry as players. But no, the thing that I see media and fans focus on more than anything else is that they're three black kids playing rock music in 2022 and boy isn't that just super fucking fascinating for some reason? That's kinda how I was with women in metal as a teen. They're certainly welcome in this space and I'll proudly be a fan and buy records if you act like one of the boys, but boy howdy you better not be too attractive or too feminine or too vocal about how things are different as a woman in the scene, because then you're just looking for attention, because that's the shitty backwards logic of shitty backwards people and I was a shitty backwards kid. The bulk of the first half of that review is just loaded with that kind of sentiment, even if I didn't intend it and never spelled it out directly, but I can recognize the implication behind my own writing there. Angela was one of the good ones, Alissa was not, and that's a problem that for some reason needed a fuckload of real estate in my review and it's genuinely jarring to realize I was still implying that years after I thought I had broken out of that bigoted line of thinking.


I've reread your War Eternal review again and I don't see a problem. You use the exact same "the musicians resort to utilizing a sexy chick to compensate for their lack of musical ideas" analogy as I did in my previous post. You're not attacking Alissa for being a blatantly feminine woman, but the writers for using her to cover up their creative bankruptcy. Of course, her stripper-isms (going by your descriptions here; I never cared for Arch Enemy and, thumbnails aside, I have no idea what their music videos look like) would be completely okay if the music was actually good. But the point is: it isn't, and the band resorting to Alissa's sexiness to cover up the fact they're out of ideas makes them all the more contemptible. Nothing bigoted here. Sure, it may be easily misinterpreted as bigotry, but, again, that would be a misinterpretation, and thus not a problem with you.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not


Last edited by Morrigan on Thu Aug 18, 2022 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Banned 1 month for misogyny

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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 3:41 pm 
 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with putting some sex appeal in your music and/or imagery. Unless you're a prude, of course. Rock has a long history of exaggerated sex appeal in its musicians and music, so if Arch Enemy has that weapon in their arsenal and wants that to be the main attention-grabber instead of the music, more power to them. It clearly works and it's equally amusing to watch the horny kids drool and the prudes and misogynists cry. Plus, Alissa's got a monstrous voice.

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
I'm 19 (soon to be 20), and I suppose I am right now where you used to be, sort of. I don't hate women. I'm mostly indifferent towards them, but I do hold in contempt the stereotypical "social media all day, clubbing all night, low IQ, mindless trend following" girls and can't help but to be slightly disgusted whenever I see provocatively dressed women. Sometimes, me and my friends would be driving through the town, one of them would comment on a hot chick he spotted on the street and I'd always say to him coldly: "A man has two heads and enough blood to run through only one of them.", which would almost always lead to a debate with them saying that I'm too shy/prudish and me saying that they're too easily swayed by their primal desires. My friends (unlike me) have been in relationships before, and they were all turned either into lovesick puppy dogs, sex addicts or both in a matter of days in their relationships and were utterly crushed after the breakups. I simply have no intent to let the same happen to me. For that reason, I tend to avoid them, and if my dismissal of women in such manner may sound bigoted to some, so be it.

Holy shit, dude, do you not read what you write before you post it or something? This is screaming "incel" so loudly I bet 3/4 of the forum hears it.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
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Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:48 am
Posts: 94
Location: Bosnia and Herzegovina
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 4:32 pm 
 

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
I'm 19 (soon to be 20), and I suppose I am right now where you used to be, sort of. I don't hate women. I'm mostly indifferent towards them, but I do hold in contempt the stereotypical "social media all day, clubbing all night, low IQ, mindless trend following" girls and can't help but to be slightly disgusted whenever I see provocatively dressed women. Sometimes, me and my friends would be driving through the town, one of them would comment on a hot chick he spotted on the street and I'd always say to him coldly: "A man has two heads and enough blood to run through only one of them.", which would almost always lead to a debate with them saying that I'm too shy/prudish and me saying that they're too easily swayed by their primal desires. My friends (unlike me) have been in relationships before, and they were all turned either into lovesick puppy dogs, sex addicts or both in a matter of days in their relationships and were utterly crushed after the breakups. I simply have no intent to let the same happen to me. For that reason, I tend to avoid them, and if my dismissal of women in such manner may sound bigoted to some, so be it.

Holy shit, dude, do you not read what you write before you post it or something? This is screaming "incel" so loudly I bet 3/4 of the forum hears it.


Ehhh, not really. As far as I can tell, incels are either "All women are whores" types or "Why does nobody love me? tfw no gf" types; neither of which fit my description. And to be clear, I strongly dislike both types of incels, as some of them are my acquaintances and I know fully how disgusting they can be personality-wise.
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 4:54 pm 
 

If you dislike incels, don't sound like one. Complaining that your friends with partners are "easily swayed by primal desires", resenting "provocatively dressed women" (kinda playing into "all women are whores"), and holding the "social media all day, clubbing all night, low IQ, mindless trend following" stereotype in the first place. Sounds to me like you just have a bunch of sour grapes and therefore resent your friends and their partners who are "luckier" than you. This shit is textbook incel. Even if you don't think you're one, you sure as hell sound like one and are in a mindset where it is extremely easy for you to turn into one. My cousin had the same train of thought as you and he broke up with his girlfriend, despite being happier than I'd seen him in literal years when he was with her. He started lifting weights, gaining muscle, becoming intolerant of other body types. He started using misogynistic misspellings like "wahmen", and resented his friends that were in relationships because he thought they were being corrupted or steered away from their priorities. He laughed and said "I told you she would destroy you, this is why I'm never going to get a girlfriend" when his friend was devastated by a breakup. His justifications were very similar to what you're saying. It's hideous, unhealthy shit to believe in and I really hope you can move past it and see that can be easy and fun to hang out with girls, you just have to not be a complete weirdo and not come into it with a low opinion of who you're talking to.
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TheBurningOfSodom
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Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
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Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 5:32 pm 
 

Coming from someone who held views kinda similar to yours when he was more or less your age (probably a few years earlier), yep, get rid of that mindset, even if you think you're looking cool for that (I did). Not that I've been infinitely lucky with women after I ditched it, but I definitely live in a more tranquil state instead of making vitriolic comments whenever my friends spot a nice girl lol.

BastardHead wrote:
Eh, I wasn't consciously misogynistic at any point after like age 20 or so, but I think a lot of those old feelings from when I was a frustrated teenager were internalized and it takes a while to actively unlearn it all (which is also why I mentioned finally breaking away from it when I met my wife, because she was always completely unafraid to point out when I'm being an asshole and she had to do it an awful lot for the first year). Re-reading it, I think I actually did make the point that the real issue is that Alissa has a lot of talent and range so she's being completely wasted by just doing an Angela impression instead, which is what I still believe today, but it took like two paragraphs of me implying that she's some sort of interloper who doesn't belong because... I dunno I think she's sexy? before I actually got to that point.

I think the reason I can identify it as a holdover from my shittier days is because I know that even at my worst, I always respected the women who pioneered their place in metal history like Angela Gossow, Jo Bench, Doro Pesch, Sabina Classen, et cetera. But putting myself back in the headspace that I was in at that age, I can say that the reason I liked them so much is because they were quietly women. There wasn't a whole lot of overt sex appeal in their marketing, the music wasn't about being a woman, they were chicks that did dude stuff like the dudes did and that made them One of the Good Ones. Not all that different from the kind of thing a band like Radkey seems to deal with a lot. They have a great story as a band because they're modestly successful in a basically dormant genre nowadays, they started at a crazy young age and toured non stop for years to build their profile, and the three members are all brothers that grew up together and thus have amazing chemistry as players. But no, the thing that I see media and fans focus on more than anything else is that they're three black kids playing rock music in 2022 and boy isn't that just super fucking fascinating for some reason? That's kinda how I was with women in metal as a teen. They're certainly welcome in this space and I'll proudly be a fan and buy records if you act like one of the boys, but boy howdy you better not be too attractive or too feminine or too vocal about how things are different as a woman in the scene, because then you're just looking for attention, because that's the shitty backwards logic of shitty backwards people and I was a shitty backwards kid. The bulk of the first half of that review is just loaded with that kind of sentiment, even if I didn't intend it and never spelled it out directly, but I can recognize the implication behind my own writing there. Angela was one of the good ones, Alissa was not, and that's a problem that for some reason needed a fuckload of real estate in my review and it's genuinely jarring to realize I was still implying that years after I thought I had broken out of that bigoted line of thinking.

I'm sorry that you feel this way about those reviews but I definitely can see your reasons. The important part is that past errors are, indeed, past and nothing more. Those reviews are still nice to re-read every once in a while, though, occasional exaggerated humor aside.

On an unrelated note, I like how Lee Harrison is becoming the signature man for everyone.
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The Bard with Bright Eyes
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:48 am
Posts: 94
Location: Bosnia and Herzegovina
PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2022 5:48 am 
 

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
If you dislike incels, don't sound like one. Complaining that your friends with partners are "easily swayed by primal desires", resenting "provocatively dressed women" (kinda playing into "all women are whores"), and holding the "social media all day, clubbing all night, low IQ, mindless trend following" stereotype in the first place. Sounds to me like you just have a bunch of sour grapes and therefore resent your friends and their partners who are "luckier" than you. This shit is textbook incel. Even if you don't think you're one, you sure as hell sound like one and are in a mindset where it is extremely easy for you to turn into one.


Slippery slope + you're making a whole lot of baseless assumptions/jumping to conclusions. You sound like one of those people who think that the slightest amount of care for your country/nation makes you a fascist, or that thinking that we should help the poor makes you a communist. Complete exaggerations and misinterpretations of one's opinions and stances.

And my personal experiences and observations disprove everything you've said here. I won't write about them, unless you don't mind if I bore you with huge walls of text regarding the history of myself and my friends.

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
My cousin had the same train of thought as you and he broke up with his girlfriend, despite being happier than I'd seen him in literal years when he was with her. He started lifting weights, gaining muscle, becoming intolerant of other body types. He started using misogynistic misspellings like "wahmen", and resented his friends that were in relationships because he thought they were being corrupted or steered away from their priorities. He laughed and said "I told you she would destroy you, this is why I'm never going to get a girlfriend" when his friend was devastated by a breakup. His justifications were very similar to what you're saying.


Hm. Since I obviously don't know your cousin personally, I'm reluctant to comment on his actions and draw any conclusions from them. Maybe there was a dark side behind their happy relationship (as there can be, sometimes) which shaped his current line of thought, maybe he fell too hard for the "Sigma male grindset" meme, maybe he's spending too much time on /fit/ and/or /r9k/, maybe he's just an idiot. I will say that the "being corrupted or steered away from their priorities" part is the only part I can relate with. I'd see acquaintances that were really passionate about their interests (education, martial arts, sports, working out etc) almost completely neglect them upon entering a relationship. My only explanation for this is that they were doing all that for the sole purpose of getting a girlfriend, which I consider to be the most shallow motive for doing anything, second only to the "for money" motive.

I'll also say that him laughing to his heartbroken friend makes me have an extraordinarily low opinion on him. I've never laughed or made fun out of any of my friends when they were heartbroken, nor will I ever do something so horrible. Yeah, I'd tell them "you should've never entered a relationship in the first place" and things like that, but only for the purpose of getting them back on their feet and wanting them to move on with their lives and to not repeat their mistakes, NOT for kicking them while they're down.

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
It's hideous, unhealthy shit to believe in and I really hope you can move past it and see that can be easy and fun to hang out with girls, you just have to not be a complete weirdo and not come into it with a low opinion of who you're talking to.


It's not nearly as hideous as unhealthy as being infatuated with a girl to the point of attempting suicide upon breaking up (yes, this had happened to one of my friends, and has forever changed my outlook on this kind of thing; before that, I saw relationships as pointless wastes of time and heartbroken people as whiny, melodramatic crybabies). That's not "sweet", "cute", "adorable" or whatever people who believe in "and they lived happily ever after" fairytales too much say. It's a mental illness that should be treated medically, and this is a hill I'll die on.

I'm no stranger to hanging out with girls. My friends would invite one of their female friends/acquaintances sometimes to hang out with me, and I'd rarely object. I don't find it difficult to hang out with girls. I'm just baffled as to how 70% of them (the percentage is possibly greater) are completely shallow and have nothing of interest to say. Most of the time, they wouldn't say anything at all. They'd just mindlessly browse TikTok/Instagram and only make generic comments such as "Yeah, cool" when me or my friends say anything. It's as if I'm sitting with robots/NPCs rather than with actual humans. Not to say that guys are exempt from this (they most certainly aren't), but as it seems to me, this is a much more frequent occurrence with women than with men.

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
Coming from someone who held views kinda similar to yours when he was more or less your age (probably a few years earlier), yep, get rid of that mindset, even if you think you're looking cool for that (I did). Not that I've been infinitely lucky with women after I ditched it, but I definitely live in a more tranquil state instead of making vitriolic comments whenever my friends spot a nice girl lol.


I don't care about looking cool or appealing to anyone. As Trey Azagthoth said, the purpose of beliefs are to serve you, not to make you look cool. And I, too, am in a tranquil state and my remarks to my friends are more redolent of a wise friend offering a piece of advice rather than exclamations made out of jealousy-induced embitterment. I'm saying that to them because I care for them and don't want them to end up in the same pitfall as the guy who attempted suicide I just mentioned did.

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
Those reviews are still nice to re-read every once in a while, though, occasional exaggerated humor aside.


Exaggerated humor is my favorite part of BH's reviews. :lol:

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
On an unrelated note, I like how Lee Harrison is becoming the signature man for everyone.


It's just me and Lord of Diamonds, it would seem. What can I say, the dude is pretty smart, but his grammar makes my 12-year-old ramblings on the Internet look like they're written by George Orwell. And that quote really is profound. It's dread-inducing to see how nonexistent people's patience/attention spans are nowadays.
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Now I understand that we aren’t more capable of read a book or listen a cd more than 30 min but came on really we deserve that,are we reduced to amoebas?

I hope not

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 302
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2022 6:57 am 
 

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
I don't care about looking cool or appealing to anyone. As Trey Azagthoth said, the purpose of beliefs are to serve you, not to make you look cool. And I, too, am in a tranquil state and my remarks to my friends are more redolent of a wise friend offering a piece of advice rather than exclamations made out of jealousy-induced embitterment. I'm saying that to them because I care for them and don't want them to end up in the same pitfall as the guy who attempted suicide I just mentioned did.

Yeah, I had a guess since I did, it obviously doesn't necessarily apply to you as well. Sometimes I just regret wasting some of my youth years thinking I was the most mature dude out there when falling in love with someone really is just a natural thing and not certainly a weakness. If you think you're not going to feel this way in some years, good for you, I wish I'd known better before.

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
Exaggerated humor is my favorite part of BH's reviews. :lol:

That is correct but those earlier writings occasionally come out as slightly forced, as he always pointed out anyways. When taken into context, everything makes sense though.

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
It's just me and Lord of Diamonds, it would seem.

Give it time... :-P
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 1316
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2022 9:55 am 
 

The Bard with Bright Eyes wrote:
Slippery slope + you're making a whole lot of baseless assumptions/jumping to conclusions. You sound like one of those people who think that the slightest amount of care for your country/nation makes you a fascist, or that thinking that we should help the poor makes you a communist. Complete exaggerations and misinterpretations of one's opinions and stances.

It's not a misinterpretation or exaggeration at all; it's just what you said. You can't make comments like "I resent 'provocatively dressed' women", "my friends are easily swayed by primal desires", and hold a low opinion of girls in general for being "shallow" without being seen as at least a bit incel or misogynistic. That's just what those comments are by nature and I don't think anyone here would disagree. I'll say it again: if you don't want people to think you're an incel or misogynist, don't be so quick to throw shade at girls in general, how women dress, how your friends are "corrupted" by their love for others, and apparently being proud of having never had a relationship before and thinking it's a bad thing.
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Morrigan
Crone of War

Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 7:27 am
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2022 1:21 pm 
 

Well, it seems the OP successfully derailed his own thread with his misogynistic rantings....

We can keep this thread open for now, but anyone else going off about femaaaaales is gonna get the boot too. Didn't think I'd have to actually make this clear, but here we are.
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2022 11:11 pm 
 

As idiotic and small-minded as that guy's comments were, I really do hope he tries to be cool around girls and maybe meet some really cool ones one day. Maybe he'll find that you have to be fun and not shallow and weird for people to be fun and not shallow and weird around you. Only life experience can change one's mind like that.

Back to 0% reviews, I always found Zodijackyl's closer to his In Flames - Sounds of a Playground Fading 0% review hilarious.

Quote:
"First five were world class / Next five sucked ass
Couldn't make it on hard work / So we dressed up with Soilwork
Stopped writing metaphors / Instead wrote a song called Metaphor
Our last founder tired of songcraft / So he quit the band to play World of Warcraft."
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TheBurningOfSodom
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Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 302
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2022 9:04 am 
 

Sorry if I've had a hand in the derailing, should have acknowledged it was going waaay too OT.

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
Back to 0% reviews, I always found Zodijackyl's closer to his In Flames - Sounds of a Playground Fading 0% review hilarious.

Quote:
"First five were world class / Next five sucked ass
Couldn't make it on hard work / So we dressed up with Soilwork
Stopped writing metaphors / Instead wrote a song called Metaphor
Our last founder tired of songcraft / So he quit the band to play World of Warcraft."

Haha, that's amazing. Seems like another long review by him that I'll surely enjoy.

It somehow made me remember the artsy Napero review for Metallica's 'The View', despite not sharing much. This one is... peculiar to say the least:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... pero/25436
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CreepingDeath16
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Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2021 12:49 am
Posts: 395
Location: Hyperborea
PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2022 4:53 am 
 

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
It somehow made me remember the artsy Napero review for Metallica's 'The View', despite not sharing much. This one is... peculiar to say the least:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... pero/25436

I vehemently disagree with the review's opinion but the writing itself is sheer genius. There should be an annotated version that catalogues all the references and how they relate to the lyrics of the song.
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Mango_Sauce
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:46 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2022 6:46 pm 
 

the Christianity and AIDS Sound of Perseverance review lives rent free in my fucking head. Well not the the review's contents really, Kruel's reviews didn't have that magic "damn they have a point" effect that a true legendary edgy review has. But between that and the 0% Dopethrone score, I am successfully trolled because it's been like 15 years since I discovered those reviews and they still randomly cross my mind and I get slightly upset. Well played.

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milosh111
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Joined: Mon May 24, 2021 7:22 pm
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Location: Serbia
PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2022 3:23 pm 
 

Anybody else enjoy autothrall's reviews of useless compilations? I love his "counting kronor" series on Bathory which culminated with 0% for Katalog. His review of Tankard's Hair of the Dog is also funny. Basically there's no other reason to check those kind of albums except for a chuckle from an autothrall's review...

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 4770
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2022 4:47 pm 
 

milosh111 wrote:
Anybody else enjoy autothrall's reviews of useless compilations? I love his "counting kronor" series on Bathory which culminated with 0% for Katalog. His review of Tankard's Hair of the Dog is also funny. Basically there's no other reason to check those kind of albums except for a chuckle from an autothrall's review...


His comp trashing was def funny the first time, but I'm not sure if there was much point in doing it more than once. Like yeah, I get that compilations are redundant in the age of streaming, not really sure what you get out of staying that five or six times though.

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