Huh, you’re doing review queue now, Burning?

Yep. Been somewhat climbing the ladder lately, lol.

lol

Well, he's... persuasive.

I should have accepted it tbh, I don't think I can prove them wrong.

I mean, he's not entirely wrong.

This one isn't particularly funny; I highlight it mostly as I'm bemused by the fact 75% of this one paragraph review is one ludicrous, run-on sentence.

In cases like this, I'd be curious to hear the reviewer read it in one single breath.

Just had this super-short, super French history lesson submitted:

Despite not speaking a lick of French I actually pretty much understood that entirely.

Not at all relevant to the thread but I just think language is neat.

That's what you get when English is so corrupted by french vocabulary that you can understand both just based on shared vocabulary.

Yeah it was interesting, musical and historical language seems to share a lot between French and English.

I should have mentioned it was for Abduction's album. I can't post pictures very easily, never really learned how.

"corrupted" lol. Ok bruh.

If there is a language that corrupts other languages, it is undoubtedly the english.

There's "Img" among the options, but it only works if you insert the URL of an image (only the image, like when you right-click on one and open it in a new tab) between the tags.

When you have to post a screenshot or whichever image you have on your PC, you'll have to first upload it on some site (i.e. imgbb) then do the above passages. Hope this helped!

Christ on a tricycle is this an eyesore of a read.

This one's so specific I can practically hear the music as the writer describes it. NOT.

N I C E

(btw, it's not even a song, but a full album)

N I C E

Well... they cut to the chase, I suppose.

Reviews-queue-only mods? Didn't even know the feature existed. Congrats to anyone involved, anyway... that is, as long as you keep on feeding this thread. I seldom post nowadays, but for sure always end up lurking here every time I post a review or add some extra bits to the main site.

The One-line-wonder, the all-time Crappy Diem classic that never dies.

The unexpected upside of adding a bunch of new folks to help with the queue is that they aren't as completely burned out and unimpressed by shitty reviews anymore so they actually laugh and share them instead of just rolling their eyes and rejecting like the rest of us crotchety grumps.

Yeah I actually always loved this thread and I'm happy to see it more active – not to mention, even to contribute to it every now and then.

Bah, for ol' BastardHead this thread died aeons ago anyway, the very day he excavated the glorious HORSE COCK.

Joke aside, I fully understand that for the mods the fun must indeed wear out quite quickly. The point of view of the humble spectator is obviously different, and before the fun also wears out for the new recruits I hope we'll get a bit more of it. How about a nice "fuck the mods" moment, for instance. It's been a long, long while.

That's up there in my personal pantheon, along with that guy who submitted a handful of reviews which always consisted of unrelated sentences written in caps lock and with no punctuation, some of those ending up as simply hilarious. I'd love to see another review by him. Maybe he surrendered after the inevitable rejections...

Yeah Sean, I think the feature was added only just for us new batch. I guess it makes sense, because it means we don't have to learn too much at once and besides don't need to be fully familiar/trusted with other things on the site.

Kinda on topic, I just can't deal with one user's stuff anymore, so I'm just leaving all of them aside. They aren't terrible but I don't think any of them really make the standard. He's honest and well-intentioned (and I think I remember the background) but I just can't...

Uff, that was my way of working!

Jokes aside, some of those I rejected *were* actually terrible (blatant typos, lack of punctuation, non-existent musical description) but yeah, most of theirs are so borderline it gets tricky. I might be a sadist, but when in doubt, better say 'no' and make them improve it...

Nice. Do you guys also have the power to delete existing reviews? Because I sometimes stumble upon old reviews which are clearly well below today's standards, but don't bother posting them in the Oven Fodder any more considering that thread was nearly dead as well.


I remember the user whose "reviews" solely consisted in lines copied and pasted from random pornogrind lyrics, but not sure we're talking about the same. My personal all-caps champion, though, may well be that old couple of gangsta rap style ramblings about DAT NOT TR00E DETH METUHL WITHAT BREAKDOWNZ MUTHAFUCKA - obvious trolling, still goddam hilarious.

Next time I run some boring listening session, let's say when preparing the next Reviews Challenge, I should re-read this thread from page one. So much gold within.

Sure, feel free to post them there, next time you come across one!


We're not, indeed, but that sounds interesting as well. Mine was called The Metal Evening Standard and can be found around pages 69-70. But I'll definitely pick up your advice of giving the whole thing a read, I'm pretty sure I'm only familiar with the most recent posts. Gonna be a great time

CAN YOU CLOG A TOILET WITH YOUR PISS?? FUCK NO CUZ YOU AIN'T GOT THE COCKGLOCKS LIKE THEY DO

Slammysamman was a very stupid treasure of that era and some of his lines never left my brain. He was basically Texts From Bennett in review form.

Just had one that read:


The last 2 words of that review are unnecessary really.

God how I hate those overly verbose writers...

Slammysamman, that was indeed the name! I merely tried to mimic the style, but you gave the real thing and that's even better


It's just so good (s)he's at loss for words. Now if I knew which band (s)he was talking about...

And here it is at last!



I was astounded to see it was for an Arghoslent review, of all bands. Really a surprise.

Arghoslent fans spreading hate? No way!

The username on that last one reminds me of a story I heard. Someone knew a guy called Hunter, but he was vegan because he had decided not to harm the planet by eating meat. But then everyone who knew him started calling him Gatherer...

A bit late, but Arghoslent fans try not to simp for racist melodeath bands challenge (impossible)

Also, mandatory "Listen to Intestine Baalism instead" whenever Arghoslent's brought up

Hehe, thanks TheBurningOfSodom! Arghoslent + homophobic slur, the winning combo indeed.

It reminds me of the only hatemail I ever received, which was following a review of, guess who? Peste Noire. "You ignorant asshole Famine isn't a skinhead blah blah whatever". Yeah, sure, totally not a skinhead.