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thePowermetalLynx
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 7:57 am
Posts: 123
Location: China
PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2022 6:32 am 
 

Huh, you’re doing review queue now, Burning?
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2022 8:17 am 
 

Yep. Been somewhat climbing the ladder lately, lol.
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3679
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2022 4:13 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image


lol
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Last edited by Napalm_Satan on Sun Dec 18, 2022 2:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2022 6:35 am 
 

Well, he's... persuasive.
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3679
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2022 7:30 am 
 

I should have accepted it tbh, I don't think I can prove them wrong.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 1850
PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2022 10:13 am 
 

Napalm_Satan wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


lol

I mean, he's not entirely wrong.
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3679
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2022 2:54 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image


This one isn't particularly funny; I highlight it mostly as I'm bemused by the fact 75% of this one paragraph review is one ludicrous, run-on sentence.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2022 8:42 am 
 

In cases like this, I'd be curious to hear the reviewer read it in one single breath.
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1452
Location: China
PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 3:46 am 
 

Just had this super-short, super French history lesson submitted:
Spoiler: show
Chef d'oeuvre musical - 100%
Un album-concept qui rend hommage à Jeanne d'Arc. Un black metal progressif/mélodique vraiment original. Meilleur album de 2020 (pour moi). Une perfection extrêmement rare dans le Black Metal. Voix sublimes, paroles travaillées, atmosphères uniques et incroyables, conduit par un clair/obscur saisissant. Bravo Abduction pour ce chef d'œuvre musical.

Je ne peux que vous conseillez cette album si vous aimez l'histoire de France, la musique et que vous êtes prêt à ressentir des émotions fortes. C'est une riche encyclopédie musicale et une fresque historique qui détrône l'excellence. En espérant que le prochaine album d'Abduction soit du même niveau.
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10629
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 9:09 am 
 

Despite not speaking a lick of French I actually pretty much understood that entirely.

Not at all relevant to the thread but I just think language is neat.
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The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 1557
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 9:45 am 
 

That's what you get when English is so corrupted by french vocabulary that you can understand both just based on shared vocabulary.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1452
Location: China
PostPosted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 8:27 pm 
 

Yeah it was interesting, musical and historical language seems to share a lot between French and English.

I should have mentioned it was for Abduction's album. I can't post pictures very easily, never really learned how.
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12017
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2022 12:59 pm 
 

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
That's what you get when English is so corrupted by french vocabulary that you can understand both just based on shared vocabulary.

"corrupted" lol. Ok bruh.
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Forever Underground
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 7:35 am
Posts: 344
Location: Spain
PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2022 1:18 pm 
 

If there is a language that corrupts other languages, it is undoubtedly the english.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2022 5:55 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
I can't post pictures very easily, never really learned how.

There's "Img" among the options, but it only works if you insert the URL of an image (only the image, like when you right-click on one and open it in a new tab) between the tags.

When you have to post a screenshot or whichever image you have on your PC, you'll have to first upload it on some site (i.e. imgbb) then do the above passages. Hope this helped!
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3679
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Dec 30, 2022 7:29 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image


Christ on a tricycle is this an eyesore of a read.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1452
Location: China
PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2023 10:40 am 
 

This one's so specific I can practically hear the music as the writer describes it. NOT.
Spoiler: show
A most disgustingly brutal time. - 100%

After years of only hearing this only on streaming platforms, I finally managed to get my hands on this release. I didn't even realise these guys were local boys.
I was ecstatic, and hearing this on a physical release definitely matched it. Brutal death metal that feels like it was made for my tastes.

Cannot recommend this enough.
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2023 7:31 am 
 

N I C E

(btw, it's not even a song, but a full album)
Spoiler: show
Image
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3679
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Jan 04, 2023 9:22 pm 
 

N I C E
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3679
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2023 9:07 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image

Image



Well... they cut to the chase, I suppose.
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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 371
Location: France
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2023 11:28 am 
 

Reviews-queue-only mods? Didn't even know the feature existed. Congrats to anyone involved, anyway... that is, as long as you keep on feeding this thread. I seldom post nowadays, but for sure always end up lurking here every time I post a review or add some extra bits to the main site.

The One-line-wonder, the all-time Crappy Diem classic that never dies.
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10629
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2023 12:36 pm 
 

The unexpected upside of adding a bunch of new folks to help with the queue is that they aren't as completely burned out and unimpressed by shitty reviews anymore so they actually laugh and share them instead of just rolling their eyes and rejecting like the rest of us crotchety grumps.
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The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2023 1:23 pm 
 

Yeah I actually always loved this thread and I'm happy to see it more active – not to mention, even to contribute to it every now and then.
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 371
Location: France
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2023 3:45 pm 
 

Bah, for ol' BastardHead this thread died aeons ago anyway, the very day he excavated the glorious HORSE COCK.

Joke aside, I fully understand that for the mods the fun must indeed wear out quite quickly. The point of view of the humble spectator is obviously different, and before the fun also wears out for the new recruits I hope we'll get a bit more of it. How about a nice "fuck the mods" moment, for instance. It's been a long, long while.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2023 9:00 am 
 

Sean16 wrote:
Bah, for ol' BastardHead this thread died aeons ago anyway, the very day he excavated the glorious HORSE COCK.

That's up there in my personal pantheon, along with that guy who submitted a handful of reviews which always consisted of unrelated sentences written in caps lock and with no punctuation, some of those ending up as simply hilarious. I'd love to see another review by him. Maybe he surrendered after the inevitable rejections...
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1452
Location: China
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2023 6:49 am 
 

Yeah Sean, I think the feature was added only just for us new batch. I guess it makes sense, because it means we don't have to learn too much at once and besides don't need to be fully familiar/trusted with other things on the site.

Kinda on topic, I just can't deal with one user's stuff anymore, so I'm just leaving all of them aside. They aren't terrible but I don't think any of them really make the standard. He's honest and well-intentioned (and I think I remember the background) but I just can't...
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood


Last edited by gasmask_colostomy on Thu Jan 12, 2023 8:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2023 7:05 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
I just can't deal with one user's stuff anymore, so I'm just leaving all of them aside.

Uff, that was my way of working!

Jokes aside, some of those I rejected *were* actually terrible (blatant typos, lack of punctuation, non-existent musical description) but yeah, most of theirs are so borderline it gets tricky. I might be a sadist, but when in doubt, better say 'no' and make them improve it...
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 371
Location: France
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2023 3:29 pm 
 

Nice. Do you guys also have the power to delete existing reviews? Because I sometimes stumble upon old reviews which are clearly well below today's standards, but don't bother posting them in the Oven Fodder any more considering that thread was nearly dead as well.

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
that guy who submitted a handful of reviews which always consisted of unrelated sentences written in caps lock and with no punctuation

I remember the user whose "reviews" solely consisted in lines copied and pasted from random pornogrind lyrics, but not sure we're talking about the same. My personal all-caps champion, though, may well be that old couple of gangsta rap style ramblings about DAT NOT TR00E DETH METUHL WITHAT BREAKDOWNZ MUTHAFUCKA - obvious trolling, still goddam hilarious.

Next time I run some boring listening session, let's say when preparing the next Reviews Challenge, I should re-read this thread from page one. So much gold within.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2023 6:43 pm 
 

Sean16 wrote:
Nice. Do you guys also have the power to delete existing reviews? Because I sometimes stumble upon old reviews which are clearly well below today's standards, but don't bother posting them in the Oven Fodder any more considering that thread was nearly dead as well.

Sure, feel free to post them there, next time you come across one!

Sean16 wrote:
I remember the user whose "reviews" solely consisted in lines copied and pasted from random pornogrind lyrics, but not sure we're talking about the same.

We're not, indeed, but that sounds interesting as well. Mine was called The Metal Evening Standard and can be found around pages 69-70. But I'll definitely pick up your advice of giving the whole thing a read, I'm pretty sure I'm only familiar with the most recent posts. Gonna be a great time :lol:
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10629
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2023 3:24 am 
 

Sean16 wrote:
I remember the user whose "reviews" solely consisted in lines copied and pasted from random pornogrind lyrics, but not sure we're talking about the same. My personal all-caps champion, though, may well be that old couple of gangsta rap style ramblings about DAT NOT TR00E DETH METUHL WITHAT BREAKDOWNZ MUTHAFUCKA - obvious trolling, still goddam hilarious.


CAN YOU CLOG A TOILET WITH YOUR PISS?? FUCK NO CUZ YOU AIN'T GOT THE COCKGLOCKS LIKE THEY DO

Slammysamman was a very stupid treasure of that era and some of his lines never left my brain. He was basically Texts From Bennett in review form.
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: Meshuggah - Nothing
The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1452
Location: China
PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2023 6:01 pm 
 

Just had one that read:
Quote:
Great work - 100%

highly recommended.


The last 2 words of that review are unnecessary really.
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2023 12:46 pm 
 

God how I hate those overly verbose writers...
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 371
Location: France
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2023 10:41 am 
 

BastardHead wrote:
CAN YOU CLOG A TOILET WITH YOUR PISS?? FUCK NO CUZ YOU AIN'T GOT THE COCKGLOCKS LIKE THEY DO

Slammysamman was a very stupid treasure of that era and some of his lines never left my brain. He was basically Texts From Bennett in review form.

Slammysamman, that was indeed the name! I merely tried to mimic the style, but you gave the real thing and that's even better :lol:

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
God how I hate those overly verbose writers...

It's just so good (s)he's at loss for words. Now if I knew which band (s)he was talking about...
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 384
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2023 7:06 pm 
 

Sean16 wrote:
How about a nice "fuck the mods" moment, for instance. It's been a long, long while.

And here it is at last!

Image

I was astounded to see it was for an Arghoslent review, of all bands. Really a surprise.
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gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Egypt and space, the 2 most interesting fantasy worlds

It's the dawn of descending...

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Forever Underground
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 7:35 am
Posts: 344
Location: Spain
PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2023 6:27 am 
 

Arghoslent fans spreading hate? No way!
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1452
Location: China
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2023 10:45 am 
 

The username on that last one reminds me of a story I heard. Someone knew a guy called Hunter, but he was vegan because he had decided not to harm the planet by eating meat. But then everyone who knew him started calling him Gatherer...
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 1850
PostPosted: Thu Jan 26, 2023 6:59 pm 
 

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
Sean16 wrote:
How about a nice "fuck the mods" moment, for instance. It's been a long, long while.

And here it is at last!

Image

I was astounded to see it was for an Arghoslent review, of all bands. Really a surprise.

A bit late, but Arghoslent fans try not to simp for racist melodeath bands challenge (impossible)

Also, mandatory "Listen to Intestine Baalism instead" whenever Arghoslent's brought up
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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 371
Location: France
PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2023 3:51 pm 
 

Hehe, thanks TheBurningOfSodom! Arghoslent + homophobic slur, the winning combo indeed.

It reminds me of the only hatemail I ever received, which was following a review of, guess who? Peste Noire. "You ignorant asshole Famine isn't a skinhead blah blah whatever". Yeah, sure, totally not a skinhead.
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