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BastardHead
Worse than the PMRC

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 9036
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2018 2:45 am 
 

Cat III wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
What I choose to review is based entirely on whether or not I can quote Futurama in the title.

What, are you too good for The Simpsons?


I'm not good enough for The Simpsons!
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8175
Location: York, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2018 9:48 am 
 

Exactly! Futurama - at its best - can only compete with middling great era Simpsons.
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 266
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2018 2:50 am 
 

I remember there was a big Twitter argument about which series was better and someone said it was telling that The Simpsons side was citing episodes from decades ago, which is like saying Power Trip is better than Metallica because Load exists. Still mad respect goes to Futurama. Bender and Zoidberg alone make it worthwhile.

On topic, I'd say any reviewer who uses insulting nicknames for bands they don't like is a good contender for someone who doesn't deserve attention. At most these are funny once, but usually just elicit eye-rolls. My favorite example is "BUGGER FOR MY SHITLENTINE" (caps are the writer's, not mine) from this abomination. Took me awhile to figure out who he was referring to, which, I dunno, seems counterintuitive for a review. I'd also like to point out that "shitlentine" is not a word, and even by the standards of the hellscape that is modern portmanteaus, it's fucking awful.
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KrigareTjovane
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:06 am
Posts: 166
PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2018 8:22 pm 
 

BloodIronBeer. Regardless of his opinion about the Warbringer single he just reviewed, the review is filled with ignorance, petty insults, poor writing, and a general feeling that he doesn't actually know what he's talking about.

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nuklearkrieg
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 11:05 pm
Posts: 57
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:27 am 
 

I'd like to throw in the latest guy giving primitive BM classics an edgy "0%", as well as all the other touristy reviewers who did the same in this list.

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blackblood666
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 10:42 am
Posts: 117
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2018 3:02 pm 
 

nuklearkrieg wrote:
I'd like to throw in the latest guy giving primitive BM classics an edgy "0%", as well as all the other touristy reviewers who did the same in this list.


Is this the guy who is giving all of Burzum's releases 0% and all of Mayhem's releases 100%? Pretty transparent.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 413
Location: Behind the wall of fire
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2018 11:24 am 
 

Orbitball is really disappointing for a reviewer with over 200 write-ups. He doesn't describe the music with much detail (just read his review of the new Pig Destroyer where it sounds like he's writing as he listens for the first time), generally heads for popular albums, and gives very generous scores that almost always follow the crowd. A lot of the reviews also read like adverts, ending with a line like, "Buy it now!"

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Required Fields
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:32 pm
Posts: 417
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 10:00 pm 
 

TheMeh wrote:
Cat III wrote:
I like review titles, though I have to admit it can be a real pain to come up with a good one. Sometimes the wordplay throws itself into my lap ("Speak Engrish or Die" for the S.O.D./Yellow Machinegun split). Other times, it's forced ("I Want It Painted Yellow" for Yellow Machinegun's Yellow Bucket) and a few probably go over most readers' heads ("Door of Unholy Spirits" for All Hell's The Grave Alchemist and "Still Eager for Booty, but No Longer Foaming" for Pungent Stench's Club Mondo Bizarre).


Usually it just comes down to how creative you're feeling about it. Or, at least, that's how I've come to find it. It's part of the reason I think bitterman's got some laughable review titles. It's part of his flair and draws people in.

(not saying bitterman's good, but gotta give him at least a little credit there)


I came in to mention him.

https://www.metal-archives.com/user-reviews/bitterman

All but one review of his is a 0%.
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 266
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 12:49 am 
 

Bitterman is a joke who sucks. I think that opinion is unanimous. A useful heuristic: if a reviewer has at least a decent amount of reviews (say 30-40) and the scores are mostly, or wholly, high or low, chances are good they're a poor reviewer. Same deal if they have a wider variety of scores, but they're all between 0-20% or 80-100%. Admittedly, average and middling albums are the hardest to write reviews for and people who aren't professionals will be more compelled to voice their opinions about albums that evoke strong feelings, but if you're going to write as many reviews as a paid critic, it's not expecting too much for you to learn how to describe something in moderate terms.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 8056
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2018 10:58 pm 
 

I'm honestly surprised his reviews weren't completely wiped from the site when people started noticing that he was changing all of them to 0% just to get a rise out of people. He was pretty clearly a troll reviewer before (remember that his user bio had some nonsense about how metal died because At the Gates stopped writing stuff that sounded like The Red in the Sky is Ours), but that just confirmed it. Then he got banned, and all his troll reviews are still up.
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BastardHead
Worse than the PMRC

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 9036
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2018 11:41 pm 
 

Subrick wrote:
Then he got banned


Let's not perpetuate this rumor, he was never banned, he was just the first guy to figure out the loophole to allow you to "delete" your account before that was an actual feature (by changing his email address but never clicking the new confirmation link). This is DMU's favorite narrative and he's even popped up there to tell them that's not what happened but they don't care.

His reviews were never deleted because his writing was fine (if obnoxious) and we don't really police taste, there's no rule against being a grumpy asshole who hates everything. Though yeah I agree that we probably should've done something once he changed all of his scores to zero. People who weren't around at the time probably don't realize that he had scores as high as 40% but started incrementally lowering everything once he started getting attention until everything was a 0%. That sort of thing is trolling in my eyes, simply hating everything is stupid but not exactly trolling in itself.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 26310
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2018 11:49 pm 
 

His reviews were everything wrong with the old "internet cynical ranting" thing. I feel bad I was ever a part of that stuff. Not every single thing has to be the worst shit ever created.
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 266
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2018 3:46 am 
 

The Angry Video Game Nerd did inspire legions of insufferable copycats, but at least they try to play up the angle "this is crazy hyperbole for comedic effect". Bitterman, based on the reviews I read, seemed more like the "get off my lawn" type. Reminds me of Armond White, in that I think he could be a talented and interesting reviewer were he not hellbent on proving his superiority.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 413
Location: Behind the wall of fire
PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2019 11:09 am 
 

Lord_Of_Diamonds - just read the one for Coma of Souls and you'll know why. Already discussed in the main thread.

EdmundSackbauer - despite sharing a first name, I can't get behind his overscored but totally generic write-ups for every album.

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UltraBoris
Speed Metal Satan

Joined: Thu Aug 22, 2002 10:52 pm
Posts: 109
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2019 3:46 am 
 

avoid UltraBoris. he is a feces. I mean he made grand toast of master of puppets and what has he listened to twice in the last week? gosh, it's awful, the hypocrisy of his stance.

(cannot kill the battery!)
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