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hospitalbomber
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:41 am
Posts: 14
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:09 am 
 

That guy's handle instantly reminds me of the retard from Space Moose.

Bee.

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CandideCamera
Pour l'encouragement des autres

Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2003 7:49 pm
Posts: 672
Location: The Known Universe
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 5:09 am 
 

Stayin alive! Sergeant Speedy reportin maximum suckage on the left wing!

Review for Midgard (Irn)'s Dawn of Martyrdom

Fuck this band - 100%
Written by MrFilth on September 6th, 2006

fuck this fuckin band :))


Response: The standard "Your submission was obviously a complete waste of both your time and ours. Either change your attitude and contribute something useful, or just stop posting. Repeating your offense may get you banned from the Encyclopaedia Metallum. You have been warned.", but with the added header of "Oh yeah? Well fuck you too.", removal of all three of his points, and of course a signature. When I reject something, I almost always make it clear that I'm the one responsible, just in case a problem arises. MrFilth indeed...
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Count_Venereal wrote:
It's silly to not like High on Fire.

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CandideCamera
Pour l'encouragement des autres

Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2003 7:49 pm
Posts: 672
Location: The Known Universe
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 5:19 am 
 

Alas, it never ends. Poo war is the true war!! (guess that reference, and... well, you'll get nothing, but you'll be pretty fucking cool in my book, for whatever that's worth. And google will not help you.)

Review for The Haunted's The Dead Eye

the gravestone of THE HAUNTED - 15%
Written by kingvazelos on September 6th, 2006

I HAVE BEEN A MAJOR THE HAUNTED FAN SINCE...FOREVER.
I AM VERY DISSAPOINTED TO WRITE THESE LINES;
THE DEAD EYE IS FOR THE BAND AS IT IS CRYPTIC WRITINGS FOR MEGADETH,ST.ANGER FOR METALLICA E.T.C.
I HOPE THEY WILL REALIZE IT SOON OTHERWISE WE CAN ALL KISS GOODBYE TO THE BIGGEST THRASH BAND OF THE LAST DECADE.
ANY SUCCESSORS PLEASE?
P.S. THE 15 POINTS ARE FOR SOME RANDOM RIFFS THAT ARE OK.

Well, some of you might know that when it comes to music, I'm quite liberal. So I'll say that if it were not for this review, I would have had no idea that The Haunted were "thrash" or had any staying power past five minutes ago since the debut. AND OMG CAPZORSECKZ!

Response: Notification not turned on. No points either. I vote for a ban, but I'm a fascist, so maybe somebody should just violate him with a battering ram wrapped with some rusty old barbed wire. I've spent much time arguing this with one of M-A's "celebrities" recently, but I'm definitely the winnar in this case. Ass-rape is not optional in any way. Ass-rape is mandatory.
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Count_Venereal wrote:
It's silly to not like High on Fire.

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CandideCamera
Pour l'encouragement des autres

Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2003 7:49 pm
Posts: 672
Location: The Known Universe
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 6:41 am 
 

One more for the septic tank. Somebody call Roto-Rapist (seriously, that's best I could do, I'm not exactly functioning at peak efficiency/productivity right now, okay?). Or maybe just somebody who's well-versed in the art of manipulating and otherwise wallowing in raw sewage and/or raw feces? You've got someone in mind right now, I know it.

Review for Unida's Coping With the Urban Coyote

Great release, it is not Kyuss! - 90%
Written by MangledTorsos on September 5th, 2006

I loved most all Kyuss material. This is not supposed to sound like another Kyuss release! Songs are simple and just straight ahead rock music. Great turn up and drive to CD, but far from any "Blues for the..." deep amazing songwriting. Listen for what its worth, not what used to be, do not expect Kyuss Part II.

Aww. What a nice reviewer. He works very hard. What you'll really love about this one is that contrary to what you might think, he is indeed an American. How uplifting. And of course to really put the shit streak on my nearing-24-hours-with-only-2.5-to-3-hours-sleep-the-previous-night day, this mentally crippled individual doesn't have the notification turned on. Honestly, that takes away half the fun, if not more, of the work. Oh, and I like hyphens.
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Count_Venereal wrote:
It's silly to not like High on Fire.

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Earthcubed
The Great Fearmonger

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 3744
Location: eccaira nare epë Anar
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 11:50 am 
 

Dude, get some sleep.
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CandideCamera
Pour l'encouragement des autres

Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2003 7:49 pm
Posts: 672
Location: The Known Universe
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 7:22 pm 
 

Earthcubed wrote:
Dude, get some sleep.


Hehe, I did, but now I'm probably screwed if I try to go to bed at a reasonable time tonight. If I had just stayed up for a couple more hours, I could have hit up 7-Eleven for 2 liters of Mountain Dew for $.85, and I'd really be a zombie by now!
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Count_Venereal wrote:
It's silly to not like High on Fire.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1083
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2006 10:43 pm 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
For Aeveron's Construality:

Quote:
really good - 100%
Written by jpmoser123 on April 19th, 2006

im 15 years old from montreal and i speak french lol one of the best album i ever see :P GOODLY HAH


Yeah I know, I'm a little behind. Picturing Nightgaunt (in whatever indentity you desire) reading this with the most deadpan of expressions alone cracked me up, let alone that pointless sentence.
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Laceration9000
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:48 am
Posts: 2
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:02 pm 
 

Haha, take a look at this review.

Dark Angel - Darkness Descends

>>BOOOOO!! - 47%
Written by super_bum on August 21st, 2006


For some odd reason this album is claimed to be a classic of sorts. Many herald it as the most intense and greatest thrash album ever recorded. Of course, just like many corn-pone opinions, they are full of shit.

This album is not even intense. Most of the riffs carry the same exact texture throughout each and every song, resulting in an unvaried and featureless composition. The riffs themselves are unimaginative, most of them being pure blunt percussive riffs without and rising or falling tension. There are a few riffs that are quite interesting, but for the most part, Dark Angel spend their time rehashing the previous generation of thrash riffs and watering them down a number of levels.

If the riffing wasnt enough to deter the listener away, the terribly redundant song writing will. Just about every song follows a very similar, if not , an exact pattern. As opposed to other prominent bands at the whom broke away from cyclical verse/chorus trappings a number of times, Dark Angel write, well, cyclical verse/chorus songs. They do pretty much nothing to deviate from this repetitive pattern. Every song has a verse that is followed by a chorus, and then a bridge. Afterwards, they repeat that said pattern.

It is very agitative when someone praises this album more so than any other brilliant Thrash classics. This album is terminally mediocre. There is next to no artistic vision on this album whatsoever. There are a few riffs that would totally kick ass, but unfortunately they are buried in the overwhelming amount of shitty riffs. Crappy riffs and repetitive song writing make this album by far inferior an album, especially given the constant hype and overrating non-sense.<<


Either this guy is trolling on this album or he can't understand what good Thrash is all about. Oh, and what a nice username that he has there. :lol:

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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 8642
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:04 pm 
 

Wrong thread.
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Noktorn
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 5:31 pm
Posts: 1713
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 10:01 pm 
 

Gutterscream wrote:
Nightgaunt wrote:
For Aeveron's Construality:

Quote:
really good - 100%
Written by jpmoser123 on April 19th, 2006

im 15 years old from montreal and i speak french lol one of the best album i ever see :P GOODLY HAH


Yeah I know, I'm a little behind. Picturing Nightgaunt (in whatever indentity you desire) reading this with the most deadpan of expressions alone cracked me up, let alone that pointless sentence.


I love that one. And there is no way you can spin that album to be worth 100%.
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p3rkele
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:58 pm
Posts: 3
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:32 am 
 

droneriot's reviews are flat, especially latest helloween review. Make up 20 adjectives to describe an album how bad it is, there you have droneriot-review. I see no competence at all.

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~Guest 76452
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:40 pm
Posts: 4414
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:50 am 
 

Wrong thread dude. You should be posting your complaints in the "Oven Fodder" thread. This thread is for reviews in the review queue which mods reject, but post here because they are humorous.

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 2926
PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:10 pm 
 

For Pyöveli's The New Renaissance Of Speed & Thrash Metal.

Quote:
MASTERPIECE OF THRASHY THRASH - 100%
Written by DET on September 21st, 2006

FUKKIN SICKNESS, THIS ALBUM IS MORE THAN JUST COPY OF 80's Thrash.
I'ts very unique and technical, solos are so fukkin hard to play AWESOME MAN!!!!! How long have they played...ok... Lyrics: REAL THRASH LYRICS, SO GOOD THAT I FUKIN SMASHED MY SELF IN THE HEAD COOL!!! Faster than Destruction, Sodom and Kreator. THIS IS REAL FINNISH-THRASH HOLYNESS. KEEP ON THRASHING THE WORLD. THRASH ATTACK!!!!! HAIL PYÖVELI 666
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Kab
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:36 pm
Posts: 19
PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 6:37 pm 
 

Quote:
REAL THRASH LYRICS, SO GOOD THAT I FUKIN SMASHED MY SELF IN THE HEAD COOL!!!


I love this line, because you can tell some kind of witless analogy was on his tongue, then... I FUKIN SMASHED MYSELF IN THE HEAD COOL!!!!!

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immortalshadow666
Transilvanian sandwich, mould! MOULD!

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:58 pm
Posts: 1612
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 3:39 am 
 

Not blackened thrash, not even speedy thrash, but ladies and gentlemen, THRASHY THRASH.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1083
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 8:16 am 
 

Sometimes I truly wonder what people are thinking when they hit the submit button.
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OlympicSharpshooter
The Universal Magnetic

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:24 pm
Posts: 795
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 11:19 am 
 

immortalshadow666 wrote:
Not blackened thrash, not even speedy thrash, but ladies and gentlemen, THRASHY THRASH.


:lol:
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hells_unicorn wrote:
His [OSS] reviewing style sucks in my opinion, [...] and his humor is vapid at best and outright buffoonish at worst.

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CandideCamera
Pour l'encouragement des autres

Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2003 7:49 pm
Posts: 672
Location: The Known Universe
PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 2:50 am 
 

immortalshadow666 wrote:
Not blackened thrash, not even speedy thrash, but ladies and gentlemen, THRASHY THRASH.


I sure as hell hope that puddle of bile wouldn't be associated with Speedy Thrash!!
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Count_Venereal wrote:
It's silly to not like High on Fire.

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hospitalbomber
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:41 am
Posts: 14
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 5:05 pm 
 

Thrashy Thrash is made from 100% real thrash!

I hope he doesn't survive the next fall off his skateboard.

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DragonBlooded
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Sep 24, 2006 2:12 pm
Posts: 1
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 10:11 am 
 

hahahahaha!!! THRASHY THRASH!!!
It hurts!!!hahahahahah...

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VittraEternity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:52 am
Posts: 5
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:59 pm 
 

p3rkele wrote:
droneriot's reviews are flat, especially latest helloween review. Make up 20 adjectives to describe an album how bad it is, there you have droneriot-review. I see no competence at all.


I agree. His reviews are very pretentious and often subject to redundant vocabulary usage. Why listen to a two-track EP and then write paragraphs on how you it doesn't appeal to you? Not to mention, many I have read are written in regards to bands he doesn't even like to begin with.

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VittraEternity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:52 am
Posts: 5
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:09 pm 
 

Quote:
Eh.... - 45%
Written by Im_Tony_Danza on June 13th, 2006

Depending on whether or not you own Heavy Left-Handed and Candid, this DVD will either be only just as good or a complete waste of money.

It's like this:

Pro: The DVD layout (menus, etc.) look much better.
Con: There's these really annoying 2 second clips every time you go to a different part of the menu and there is no way to skip them.

Pro: They perform better songs than they did on Heavy Left Handed and Candid.
Con: The ones that aren't from Nymphetamine are performed really bad.

Pro: They perform more songs than they did on Heavy Left-Handed and Candid.
Con: It's now twice as boring because of this. I swear through 70% of the show, they're just fucking standing there. No energy.

Pro: More camera angles focusing on the whole band, instead of just Dani and the guitarists.
Con: Noticably WORSE video quality.

Pro: The music is very clear, all instruments are clearly defined, guitars don't have nearly as much distortion as they did on the last DVD.
Con: Too bad half of the talented people in Cradle of Filth aren't on this DVD, leaving only the second-rate musicians and Dani.

Pro: There are six music videos.
Con: They are all unbelieveably stupid and boring. You've probably seen them somewhere before anyway.

Pro: Another documentary.
Con: Another documentary. (I'll just say this... The documentary is really just a two-hour mock episode of Jackass starring Cradle of Filth. It gracefully opens with Bam Margera and some guy's penis. Enough said.)

The only thing about this DVD that is even remotely redeemable is that they played "Tortured Soul Asylum", which is probably the best performance on here, despite the many vocal errors.

One thing that will surprise you is that even Sarah Jezebel Deva seems so fucking bored and disinterested in performing that even she does a really shitty job.

Rent it off of Netflix and decide for yourself. Only for die-hard fans. Everyone else will writhe in disappointment.


How was this review ever accepted?

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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 8642
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:15 pm 
 

VittraEternity wrote:
I agree.

And this is still the wrong thread. Good job not noticing either the opening post explaining the meaning of this thread or the responses to the person you quoted pointing out to him how this is the wrong thread.

His reviews are very pretentious[/quote]
And what is it I am pretending? I'm listening.

Quote:
and often subject to redundant vocabulary usage.

I repeat a few words here and there, I know, I redundantly overuse words such as "it" and "and". It's horrible, I know.

Quote:
Why listen to a two-track EP and then write paragraphs on how you it doesn't appeal to you?

Why listen to a two-track EP that doesn't appeal to you, and then not write a review about it why it didn't appeal to you? Rest assured, I never listen to anything just to write a negative review about, but quite the opposite, I first listen to the release in question, because I was (misguidedly) curious, or someone recommended it to me (leading again to misguided curiousity), or friends and family members I happen to visit regularly have a habit of torturing me with it, then I decide to voice my discontent with the release I had to hear. I don't see the problem, if you do, then, well, it's your problem.

Quote:
Not to mention, many I have read are written in regards to bands he doesn't even like to begin with.

See above.
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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 8642
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:17 pm 
 

VittraEternity wrote:
How was this review ever accepted?

How can you be too blind to realize this is the wrong thread?

http://www.metal-archives.com/board/vie ... php?t=4153
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VittraEternity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:52 am
Posts: 5
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:38 pm 
 

Quote:
And what is it I am pretending? I'm listening


Pretending? Try looking up the word Pretentious. Your reviews are done in an "elitist" fashion. For example, much of your opinions are written off in the sense that you are stating them to be fact, rather than opinion - criticisms on your part based on asinine assumptions are deragatory such as saying Satyricons's Mother North video was intentionally made to appease a young teen audience. It doesn't bother me, but your reviews reflect that arrogant self-importance which I feel is a weak aspect in conveying any decent review. My initial comment was in response to an earlier criticism of your reviews. I don't usually go out of my way to critique someone's opinion, but it was simply done in agreeance.

Quote:
I repeat a few words here and there, I know, I redundantly overuse words such as "it" and "and". It's horrible, I know.


Redundant as in the words you've so carefully chosen are completely unnecessary. They are almost meaningless in how they represent the music you are describing. As I mentioned earlier making use of such asinine remarks and words to showcase your opinion.

Quote:
Why listen to a two-track EP that doesn't appeal to you, and then not write a review about it why it didn't appeal to you? Rest assured, I never listen to anything just to write a negative review about, but quite the opposite, I first listen to the release in question, because I was (misguidedly) curious, or someone recommended it to me (leading again to misguided curiousity), or friends and family members I happen to visit regularly have a habit of torturing me with it, then I decide to voice my discontent with the release I had to hear. I don't see the problem, if you do, then, well, it's your problem.


I don't have a problem with that at all. But by saying you're not a fan of a band and then reaching the conclusion that the music is terrible and not at all worth recommending makes little sense because your review then becomes irrelevant and unjust. What purpose does it do anyone (including myself) if I go out and listen to a highly-regarded metalcore band if I don’t care for the genre to being with?

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VittraEternity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:52 am
Posts: 5
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:53 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
VittraEternity wrote:
How was this review ever accepted?

How can you be too blind to realize this is the wrong thread?

http://www.metal-archives.com/board/vie ... php?t=4153


That's fine, and I'll gladly remove my post and put it in the correct thread.

As I mentioned earlier, my inital comment was posted in response to someone else' comment, because I don't feel a need start up something new.

However, your contributions to this thread and active debate essentially contradict your earlier comment about posting in the wrong thread.

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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 8642
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:13 pm 
 

When I speak the truth, then I speak the truth, there is nothing pretentious about that. I've been following the career of Satyricon for about ten years now, and my conclusion about their intention was always the same, from then to now, and the vast majority of everyone I've ever talked to on the subject agreed with me.

And why doesn't it make sense if you are not a fan of a band that you point out why you are not a fan of the band, and why you believe this band isn't any good? You are lacking any bit of a substantial arguement on that matter.

And as for the contradiction, I can just as easily copy your own funny way of winding myself out of that: "I just made my post in response to another post in this thread." Oh, neat-o, what a great excuse.
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VittraEternity
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:52 am
Posts: 5
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:15 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
When I speak the truth, then I speak the truth, there is nothing pretentious about that. I've been following the career of Satyricon for about ten years now, and my conclusion about their intention was always the same, from then to now, and the vast majority of everyone I've ever talked to on the subject agreed with me.


To some extent, that comment alone is pretentious in itself and it reflects the very way you present yourself. An opinion or concensus doesn't always dictate what is actually truth but you insist on expressing your opinion as if it were fact. Like any band, maybe their music doesn't appeal to everyone, but conversely, it does to many others - so your opinion is hardly justified as truth. I could say Satyricon's early material is 'classic' and could easily find enough people to support that argument, but that's an opinion and that isn't sufficient enough to call it the 'truth' (of which one speaks of). So why venture on forward in such a manner seemingly praising your own opinion.

Quote:
And why doesn't it make sense if you are not a fan of a band that you point out why you are not a fan of the band, and why you believe this band isn't any good? You are lacking any bit of a substantial arguement on that matter.


I'm not saying you can't write a review on any given album. However, I could just as easily give every metalcore album a reveiw, and I doubt any would impress me. But why would I then continue in that matter? This would serve no reasoning whatsover and defeat the purpose of writing a review. So why bother writing reviews on choice artists if you can safely assume that none of the music they make appeals to you. A decent review is a little bit more than just a simple opinion.

Quote:
And as for the contradiction, I can just as easily copy your own funny way of winding myself out of that: "I just made my post in response to another post in this thread." Oh, neat-o, what a great excuse.


It wasn't an excuse. I am aware my post isn't in the right thread, but should I start a whole new thread or make another effort to voice my opinion on something that isn't such a big deal when I can just as easily quote someone else and agree with them. The very conversation we are having right now isn't in the right thread and that's obvious - so why must you feel a need to continuously point out what's obvious?

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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 8642
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:27 pm 
 

VittraEternity wrote:
so why must you feel a need to continuously point out what's obvious?

Indeed, you wouldn't get it if your life depended on it.
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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 2926
PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 2:31 pm 
 

If any of you have ever wondered why I seem to have a real hardon about despising the "Open-Minded (TM)" mentality and its attendant phenomena, you can read above to get some ideas.

No more posts about the subject here. This post that I am now typing is to be the last trace in this thread; which, as has been stated, is the wrong thread. Take it elsewhere, if you must.
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comedicdeathrash523
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Sep 22, 2006 4:45 pm
Posts: 13
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 10:45 am 
 

This board made my day.:lol:
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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8638
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 11:03 am 
 

We have been, like, so totally trolled. Made me chuckle, though.
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Cannibal Corpse's Bloodthirst

Cannibal Corpse? More like, Cannibal Horse! - 23%
Written by roxzor on October 21st, 2006

My boyfriend suggested this albumto me a week ago, saying that I'd really like it. When I first heard the CD, I thought my boyfriend had been joking, and had played a funny joke on me, but on further inspection, I found out that the band is totally into what they do, and believe everything that they say. I think tha tthe band could be so much better than this, and that they could be totally AWSOME if they just did some things that I have taken the liberty of outlining.
1. No more long hair, it make sthe music totally not hot.
2. Clean, emotional vocals, no growly growly poo poo pants singing, Mr. CorpsGrindar sounds like a silly little baby, and it ruins a lot of the sonic disposition.
3.Acoustic guitars, not stupid distorted ones.
4. No drumming at all. The drummer isn't hot enough.
5. Guest apperances from Madonna, and the incorporation of dance beats and synths into the music.
6. Switch to a major label, so that you could get more fans like ME! (actually, I'm a future fan, because I just KNOW that you're going to do what I've suggested)
And most of all, songs about love and commitment, not gore and violence.

THANKS GUYS! YOU'RE MUSIC COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU DID THERE THINGS (PS: This album only got 23% BECAUSE ALEX WEBSTER IS TOTALY A STUD MUFFIN!)

THANKS,
KITTY
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Earthcubed
The Great Fearmonger

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 3744
Location: eccaira nare epë Anar
PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 7:04 pm 
 

Oh christ. :nono:
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FloristOfVampyrism wrote:
That wasn't meant as a k.o. though, he specifically targeted an area of the cerebellum which, if ruptured, renders you a Jehovah's witness indefinitely

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Xpert74
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2005 12:28 am
Posts: 175
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 3:19 am 
 

Napero wrote:
Cannibal Corpse? More like, Cannibal Horse!


:lol:
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Str8Hate wrote:
oh varg you big manly man with your piercing blue eyes and dreamy haircut, please whisk me away and make me your aryan princess

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Visionary
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 3:57 pm
Posts: 1766
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 8:35 pm 
 

Napero wrote:
We have been, like, so totally trolled. Made me chuckle, though.
-----------
Cannibal Corpse's Bloodthirst

Cannibal Corpse? More like, Cannibal Horse! - 23%
Written by roxzor on October 21st, 2006

My boyfriend suggested this albumto me a week ago, saying that I'd really like it. When I first heard the CD, I thought my boyfriend had been joking, and had played a funny joke on me, but on further inspection, I found out that the band is totally into what they do, and believe everything that they say. I think tha tthe band could be so much better than this, and that they could be totally AWSOME if they just did some things that I have taken the liberty of outlining.
1. No more long hair, it make sthe music totally not hot.
2. Clean, emotional vocals, no growly growly poo poo pants singing, Mr. CorpsGrindar sounds like a silly little baby, and it ruins a lot of the sonic disposition.
3.Acoustic guitars, not stupid distorted ones.
4. No drumming at all. The drummer isn't hot enough.
5. Guest apperances from Madonna, and the incorporation of dance beats and synths into the music.
6. Switch to a major label, so that you could get more fans like ME! (actually, I'm a future fan, because I just KNOW that you're going to do what I've suggested)
And most of all, songs about love and commitment, not gore and violence.

THANKS GUYS! YOU'RE MUSIC COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU DID THERE THINGS (PS: This album only got 23% BECAUSE ALEX WEBSTER IS TOTALY A STUD MUFFIN!)


That is the funniest thing I have come across in a long long while. You should have accepted that just to see what the reactions of the members would be. :lol:
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taleskiss on Kiss wrote:
They influenced MOST of the metal bands of our days, and they are not part of this site? This is unacceptable!!!
I would like to know why is that???
Because they are not considered metal? This is not fare!!!

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immortalshadow666
Transilvanian sandwich, mould! MOULD!

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:58 pm
Posts: 1612
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 9:26 am 
 

DragonBlooded wrote:
hahahahaha!!! THRASHY THRASH!!!
It hurts!!!hahahahahah...


Okay, everyone else look at this guy: I'm seeing his post count as 0. Anyone else getting that? :scratch:

As for the Cannibal Horse review...that is brilliant, top-quality trolling right there. :D
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Visionary
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 3:57 pm
Posts: 1766
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 11:20 am 
 

immortalshadow666 wrote:
DragonBlooded wrote:
hahahahaha!!! THRASHY THRASH!!!
It hurts!!!hahahahahah...


Okay, everyone else look at this guy: I'm seeing his post count as 0. Anyone else getting that? :scratch:


Yeah i have it to even though he has 2 posts.
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taleskiss on Kiss wrote:
They influenced MOST of the metal bands of our days, and they are not part of this site? This is unacceptable!!!
I would like to know why is that???
Because they are not considered metal? This is not fare!!!

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Wretchosoft
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 16
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:21 pm 
 

Beyond hilarious, all I can say is more, more!

I think these reviews have given me insight into the perilous plight of the human condition.

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 2926
PostPosted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:09 pm 
 

For Metallica's "St. Anger"

Quote:
The Zenith of Metallica and the Zenith of Metal - 100%
Written by Metal_Xpert on October 29th, 2006

Metallica, approximately 12 years after releasing their classic self-titled album also known as 'The Black Album' have returned, minus Newsted, and have delivered the greatest offering metal has ever heard.

The metal genre as a whole is, in its core, a controversial one. For example, on this great website, nu metal/mallcore/whatever isn’t even considered metal, and even many “true” metal fans argue over whether Metallica sold out with Master Of Puppets, …And Justice For All, The Black Album or Load. However, even St. Anger’s apologists can’t even rate this album highly. It’s merely an “average” or an “underrated” album to them, either because they don’t truly see the genius of it or because they feel pressured by the “true” metalheads. Well prepare to have your naïve perception of the entire metal genre crumble around you, because you’re going to have to face facts and accept that the originators/innovators of the metal genre themselves, Judas Priest and Black Sabbath, were despised by music fans THE EXACT SAME FUCKING WAY “true” metalheads shit on mallcore bands.

Metal is all about going against the grain, not with it. Sure, nu metal bands went with their grain by sticking to the mainstream, and bands like Slayer and Exodus went with their grain by sticking to the “true” metal fans’ perception of thrash metal, but they have never released anything as revolutionary as St. Anger. Even Metallica themselves went with flow with their ‘80s material, which is why you may be confused as to why I’m the kind of guy to praise the Black Album. Well, I’ll tell you: Because even though it pandered to the mainstream, it angered many people in the process. However, it pales in comparison to St. Anger. Not only did St. Anger make shitty record sales and received poor press, it’s also considered a piece of shit by many in the metal community. It’s the best – or should I say, worse – of both worlds. It’s highly controversial, and controversy is what metal is all about.

Speaking of what metal is all about: the production. Stop whining about the fucking production! You’re content with listening to bands from the ‘70s and ‘80s, but when it comes to Metallica’s St. Anger, it’s a MAA-AA-AADHOUSE! I mean, God forbid a band take a different direction for once. Jesus. What nobody bothers to mention is that every track from St. Anger is raw, aggressive, lethal and is pure unadulterated ownage. Just like any other band you ejaculate over just for the sake of making sure that you really do like the “right kind” of metal, the riffs give the listener a bloody thrashing, and although the drumming isn’t as good as Lars could have played (although that’s neither here nor there, nobody really gives a shit about the drums unless someone completely unbelievable is playing them, and that’s an instance that seldom happens anyway) they still complement the guitars perfectly. Oh, and the bass… who really gives a shit? Complaining about the bass here is like complaining about Tom Araya’s bass, because everything around it is what you’re listening to. The guitarists in question here are James Hetfield and Kirk Hammett, and if you knew a thing about playing guitar you’d know that these guys are fucking fantastic. Not the best, but fantastic nonetheless. And again, the hypocrisy of the metal community is all too apparent when they’ll praise just about every other band’s vocalist but will claim that Hetfield’s vocals are grating. Quit bitching, they’re hardly as bad as anyone claims them to be. In fact, they’re tolerable at worst. Frantic and the title track are the openers and are the best of the album; the riffs are catchy and as hard as hell, the vocals and lyrics are harsh yet also catchy and never get old, and are total skull-fuckers (in other words, they’re awesome). The rest of the album is more of the same, perhaps not as great, but it never lets up. No ballads, no ‘Nothing Else Matters’ bullshit, nothing bad at all. There are no solos, but as Lars and Kirk have stated, they tried out the songs with solos dubbed in, and they were completely unnecessary.

Basically, St. Anger comes through strong on all fronts. It’s revolutionary as it has garnered all kinds of feedback, and is the most controversial album in at least 20 years. On top of that, it’s great metal and will be considered (by the free-minded) the best album of the decade, if not the new millennium unless Metallica, or any other band, top this (which is highly unlikely). Think freely and place this fucker into your cunt.


One might almost mistake this for a serious review were it not for the opening and closing paragraphs, and for the guy's profile. This, and the review last posted by Napero, lead me to believe that schools aren't assigning enough homework.
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Visionary
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 24, 2005 3:57 pm
Posts: 1766
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:44 pm 
 

I hope that is the last time I hear that St. Anger is doing the same thing as Black Sabbath and Priest did.
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taleskiss on Kiss wrote:
They influenced MOST of the metal bands of our days, and they are not part of this site? This is unacceptable!!!
I would like to know why is that???
Because they are not considered metal? This is not fare!!!

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