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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5298
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:10 am 
 

''Happy stone guitars'' :lol:

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 25, 2018 7:36 pm 
 

That's not Noktorn...

Spoiler: show
Image
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3858
Location: FML States of America
PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:36 pm 
 

That's like trying to read wallpaper made out of a hundred overlapping Viking wiki browser tabs.
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C/Fe

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 223
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:56 pm 
 

I didn't realize that there was a contest to be the most "Viking." Also, Diamhea, I think you'll appreciate my new signature.
_________________
MisanthropicEvil wrote:
This album reeled me in with it's eye-catching album cover but vomited a whole load of musical diarrhea in my face as soon as I started listening! I would not even use this album to wipe my butt.


Last.fm

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 12:35 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 223
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:52 pm 
 

Holy shit, that's good.
_________________
MisanthropicEvil wrote:
This album reeled me in with it's eye-catching album cover but vomited a whole load of musical diarrhea in my face as soon as I started listening! I would not even use this album to wipe my butt.


Last.fm

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:47 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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HouseSpiders
Heavy Metal C-3PO

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 537
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 1:41 pm 
 

What rejection messages do such reviews usually get? A polite reminder to read the rules?

The same user has also added a Facebook link to the band's biography, despite the fact the same link was already in the links section. I removed his addition.
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vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 7:48 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Napalm_Satan
One-Trick Pony

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3171
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 8:08 pm 
 

Crappy troll review is crappy.
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R.I.P. Chris Cornell (20th July 1964 - 18th May 2017)

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Xlxlx
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 7821
Location: The Land Down Under (no, not THAT one)
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:07 pm 
 

Haven't seen such an infantile attempt at trolling in a while.
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Napero wrote:
(...) Bolt Thrower is to the soul what coffee is to the earthly shell.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2018 7:25 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 1635
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2018 7:31 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


"Fix this fucking hard disk please"?
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BadCannon: Heavy/Doom/Stoner metal/Hard rock from Fresno, CA Facebook

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:48 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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PaganiusI
Zee Bombelecher

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:49 pm
Posts: 475
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 4:56 am 
 

A must, b has to and c has no idea what's even going on
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!Low-Life Arrogance!
~Feel free to visit: Blog - Shop~
~Live young, die free~

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:27 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 11:40 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 223
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 11:56 am 
 

Is that a review, or a collection of clickbait article titles found across the web?
_________________
MisanthropicEvil wrote:
This album reeled me in with it's eye-catching album cover but vomited a whole load of musical diarrhea in my face as soon as I started listening! I would not even use this album to wipe my butt.


Last.fm

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Lolpah
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 9:32 pm
Posts: 37
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 2:57 pm 
 

Those kinda look like some sort of death metal lyrics. Actually that genuinely looks like the guy was trying to write a review in the style of the band's lyrics, as a gimmick. What album was that review for?

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Tanuki
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:36 pm
Posts: 300
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 5:50 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 10:30 am 
 

Tanuki wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


:lol:

Guys we found the lyrics for the new Cannibal Corpse album.
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

Tunes of Steel - Reviews and writing stuff website. Latest: Paradox - Pangea
Metalhertz, French Youtube radio channel

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 7834
Location: Lifeless shadows
PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2018 3:24 am 
 

Diamhea, I think that's actually very brilliant. :lol:

Dunno, it might as well be a spoof of NausikaDalazBlindaz's reviews. :lol:
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"A glimpse of light is all that it takes to illuminate the darkness."
Guitarist/vocalist in Illusions Dead - death/black metal
Vocalist in Gloaming - vile, crawling death/doom metal

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 9:13 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 10:00 am 
 

This man thought this was his profile editing block.
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

Tunes of Steel - Reviews and writing stuff website. Latest: Paradox - Pangea
Metalhertz, French Youtube radio channel

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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 4272
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 10:30 am 
 

At least he didn't call Demonic a death metal album.
_________________
Spirit Division (Stoner/Doom): http://spiritdivision.bandcamp.com
My solo acoustic project (Dark Folk/Blues): http://christophersteve.bandcamp.com/
Lavaborne (Heavy/Power/Doom): https://lavaborne.bandcamp.com

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 1:14 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 223
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 1:15 pm 
 

Well, I want Hyng dead. We might have to compromise.
_________________
MisanthropicEvil wrote:
This album reeled me in with it's eye-catching album cover but vomited a whole load of musical diarrhea in my face as soon as I started listening! I would not even use this album to wipe my butt.


Last.fm

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 2:09 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image



Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5096
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 3:21 pm 
 

Poetry.
_________________
booK_of_blood wrote:
booK_of_blood wrote:
Khanus' sound and aesthetics both seem pretty singular to me; I doubt whether any parallels can be drawn between the former and any other band out there...


The most ridiculous claim ever made, this should be a classic signature, but I'm too lazy...



Last.fm

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 10:46 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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DecemberSoul
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:46 am
Posts: 840
Location: Switzerland
PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2018 5:23 pm 
 

Tanuki wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


Clearly the most sophisticated and elegant piece of trolling I've seen so far. Bravo to you!
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______In Marble Halls Of Falling Snow______

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 2:03 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Earthcubed
The Great Fearmonger

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 3631
Location: eccaira nare epë Anar
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 3:02 pm 
 

I just want to say that this is the first page in the Crappy Diem thread in quite some time to make me actual, legit L-O-L.
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iamntbatman wrote:
On Friday I passed an important milestone in my teaching career: a student shat himself

FloristOfVampyrism wrote:
That wasn't meant as a k.o. though, he specifically targeted an area of the cerebellum which, if ruptured, renders you a Jehovah's witness indefinitely

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 2:35 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 4272
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 3:08 pm 
 

Who wrote that review, Skwisgaar or Toki Wartooth?
_________________
Spirit Division (Stoner/Doom): http://spiritdivision.bandcamp.com
My solo acoustic project (Dark Folk/Blues): http://christophersteve.bandcamp.com/
Lavaborne (Heavy/Power/Doom): https://lavaborne.bandcamp.com

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 1635
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 4:33 pm 
 

"lavalanche". Love it, I'm stealing it.
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BadCannon: Heavy/Doom/Stoner metal/Hard rock from Fresno, CA Facebook

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5096
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 5:54 pm 
 

DoomMetalAlchemist wrote:
"lavalanche". Love it, I'm stealing it.


I had to do a quick double check to make sure Lavalanche wasn't a real word. Turns out it was made up by the first company who used the word:

Image
_________________
booK_of_blood wrote:
booK_of_blood wrote:
Khanus' sound and aesthetics both seem pretty singular to me; I doubt whether any parallels can be drawn between the former and any other band out there...


The most ridiculous claim ever made, this should be a classic signature, but I'm too lazy...



Last.fm

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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2018 10:11 am 
 

"How can guitar like that? It is like a player piano but with piano strings replaced with electric razors."
That's the most random couple of sentences I've ever read. He even missed the verb in the first.

"Are the drums even real?"
No they're not.
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

Tunes of Steel - Reviews and writing stuff website. Latest: Paradox - Pangea
Metalhertz, French Youtube radio channel

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Deathdoom1992
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 07, 2016 9:19 am
Posts: 352
Location: Wallowing in a sea of sorrow.
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2018 6:06 pm 
 

That review is almost worth accepting based off of sheer comedy value alone...

"Oh my god this is absolutely kill"
"How can guitar like that?"
"...melody is holocaust windchime"
"Sometimes vocals become cookie monster for my ears and distract from real satan sound"

Genius.

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Xlxlx
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 7821
Location: The Land Down Under (no, not THAT one)
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2018 2:02 pm 
 

That is the best Crappy Diem submission we've gotten in a while. It's loaded with gold.
_________________
Napero wrote:
(...) Bolt Thrower is to the soul what coffee is to the earthly shell.

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