''Happy stone guitars''

That's not Noktorn...

That's like trying to read wallpaper made out of a hundred overlapping Viking wiki browser tabs.

I didn't realize that there was a contest to be the most "Viking." Also, Diamhea, I think you'll appreciate my new signature.

Holy shit, that's good.

What rejection messages do such reviews usually get? A polite reminder to read the rules?

The same user has also added a Facebook link to the band's biography, despite the fact the same link was already in the links section. I removed his addition.

Crappy troll review is crappy.

Haven't seen such an infantile attempt at trolling in a while.

"Fix this fucking hard disk please"?

A must, b has to and c has no idea what's even going on

Is that a review, or a collection of clickbait article titles found across the web?

Those kinda look like some sort of death metal lyrics. Actually that genuinely looks like the guy was trying to write a review in the style of the band's lyrics, as a gimmick. What album was that review for?

Guys we found the lyrics for the new Cannibal Corpse album.

Diamhea, I think that's actually very brilliant.

Dunno, it might as well be a spoof of NausikaDalazBlindaz's reviews.

This man thought this was his profile editing block.

At least he didn't call Demonic a death metal album.

Well, I want Hyng dead. We might have to compromise.

Poetry.

Clearly the most sophisticated and elegant piece of trolling I've seen so far. Bravo to you!

I just want to say that this is the first page in the Crappy Diem thread in quite some time to make me actual, legit L-O-L.

Who wrote that review, Skwisgaar or Toki Wartooth?

"lavalanche". Love it, I'm stealing it.

I had to do a quick double check to make sure Lavalanche wasn't a real word. Turns out it was made up by the first company who used the word:

"How can guitar like that? It is like a player piano but with piano strings replaced with electric razors."
That's the most random couple of sentences I've ever read. He even missed the verb in the first.

"Are the drums even real?"
No they're not.

That review is almost worth accepting based off of sheer comedy value alone...

"Oh my god this is absolutely kill"
"How can guitar like that?"
"...melody is holocaust windchime"
"Sometimes vocals become cookie monster for my ears and distract from real satan sound"

Genius.

That is the best Crappy Diem submission we've gotten in a while. It's loaded with gold.