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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5763
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:10 am 
 

''Happy stone guitars'' :lol:

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 25, 2018 7:36 pm 
 

That's not Noktorn...

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3921
Location: Across the croggy plain
PostPosted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:36 pm 
 

That's like trying to read wallpaper made out of a hundred overlapping Viking wiki browser tabs.
_________________
Send more ... paramedics.

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 294
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:56 pm 
 

I didn't realize that there was a contest to be the most "Viking." Also, Diamhea, I think you'll appreciate my new signature.
_________________
Kveldulfr wrote:
Like butter comes from milk, butter will only be a reminder of its milky origins, whereas milk reigns supreme as a vital element.


Last.fm
Listen to my band's new album!
Listen to my other band's new demo!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 12:35 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 294
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:52 pm 
 

Holy shit, that's good.
_________________
Kveldulfr wrote:
Like butter comes from milk, butter will only be a reminder of its milky origins, whereas milk reigns supreme as a vital element.


Last.fm
Listen to my band's new album!
Listen to my other band's new demo!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:47 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Midnightwards666
Heavy Metal C-3PO

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 814
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 1:41 pm 
 

What rejection messages do such reviews usually get? A polite reminder to read the rules?

The same user has also added a Facebook link to the band's biography, despite the fact the same link was already in the links section. I removed his addition.
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Formerly known as HouseSpiders
vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 7:48 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3380
Location: London, UK
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 8:08 pm 
 

Crappy troll review is crappy.

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Xlxlx
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 8007
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:07 pm 
 

Haven't seen such an infantile attempt at trolling in a while.
_________________
droneriot wrote:
The instruments used are what you would expect from the little metal people: guitaloos, bassnaps, drumdrums, and voclatrons. The best things about the guitaloos are obviously the riffraffs.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2018 7:25 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 1787
PostPosted: Thu Apr 26, 2018 7:31 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


"Fix this fucking hard disk please"?

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:48 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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PaganiusI
Zee Bombelecher

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:49 pm
Posts: 1186
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 4:56 am 
 

A must, b has to and c has no idea what's even going on
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!Low-Life Arrogance!
~Feel free to visit: Blog - Heavy Metal Rarities - Last.FM - Shop~
~Live young, die free~

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:27 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 11:40 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 294
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 11:56 am 
 

Is that a review, or a collection of clickbait article titles found across the web?
_________________
Kveldulfr wrote:
Like butter comes from milk, butter will only be a reminder of its milky origins, whereas milk reigns supreme as a vital element.


Last.fm
Listen to my band's new album!
Listen to my other band's new demo!

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Lolpah
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 9:32 pm
Posts: 62
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 2:57 pm 
 

Those kinda look like some sort of death metal lyrics. Actually that genuinely looks like the guy was trying to write a review in the style of the band's lyrics, as a gimmick. What album was that review for?

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Tanuki
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:36 pm
Posts: 371
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 5:50 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 10:30 am 
 

Tanuki wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


:lol:

Guys we found the lyrics for the new Cannibal Corpse album.
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

Tunes of Steel - Reviews and writing stuff website. Latest: Paradox - Pangea
Metalhertz, French Youtube radio channel

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8119
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2018 3:24 am 
 

Diamhea, I think that's actually very brilliant. :lol:

Dunno, it might as well be a spoof of NausikaDalazBlindaz's reviews. :lol:
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"A glimpse of light is all that it takes to illuminate the darkness."

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 9:13 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 10:00 am 
 

This man thought this was his profile editing block.
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

Tunes of Steel - Reviews and writing stuff website. Latest: Paradox - Pangea
Metalhertz, French Youtube radio channel

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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 4863
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2018 10:30 am 
 

At least he didn't call Demonic a death metal album.
_________________
Spirit Division (Stoner/Doom): http://spiritdivision.bandcamp.com
My solo acoustic project (Dark Folk/Blues): http://christophersteve.bandcamp.com/
Lavaborne (Heavy/Power/Doom): https://lavaborne.bandcamp.com

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 1:14 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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EzraBlumenfeld
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 294
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 1:15 pm 
 

Well, I want Hyng dead. We might have to compromise.
_________________
Kveldulfr wrote:
Like butter comes from milk, butter will only be a reminder of its milky origins, whereas milk reigns supreme as a vital element.


Last.fm
Listen to my band's new album!
Listen to my other band's new demo!

Top
 Profile  
Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 2:09 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image



Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5314
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 3:21 pm 
 

Poetry.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 10, 2018 10:46 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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DecemberSoul
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:46 am
Posts: 942
Location: Switzerland
PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2018 5:23 pm 
 

Tanuki wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


Clearly the most sophisticated and elegant piece of trolling I've seen so far. Bravo to you!
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______In Marble Halls Of Falling Snow______

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 2:03 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Earthcubed
The Great Fearmonger

Joined: Sun Nov 07, 2004 3:44 am
Posts: 3791
Location: eccaira nare epë Anar
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 3:02 pm 
 

I just want to say that this is the first page in the Crappy Diem thread in quite some time to make me actual, legit L-O-L.
_________________
iamntbatman wrote:
On Friday I passed an important milestone in my teaching career: a student shat himself

FloristOfVampyrism wrote:
That wasn't meant as a k.o. though, he specifically targeted an area of the cerebellum which, if ruptured, renders you a Jehovah's witness indefinitely

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 2:35 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 4863
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 3:08 pm 
 

Who wrote that review, Skwisgaar or Toki Wartooth?
_________________
Spirit Division (Stoner/Doom): http://spiritdivision.bandcamp.com
My solo acoustic project (Dark Folk/Blues): http://christophersteve.bandcamp.com/
Lavaborne (Heavy/Power/Doom): https://lavaborne.bandcamp.com

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 1787
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 4:33 pm 
 

"lavalanche". Love it, I'm stealing it.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5314
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 5:54 pm 
 

DoomMetalAlchemist wrote:
"lavalanche". Love it, I'm stealing it.


I had to do a quick double check to make sure Lavalanche wasn't a real word. Turns out it was made up by the first company who used the word:

Image

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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2018 10:11 am 
 

"How can guitar like that? It is like a player piano but with piano strings replaced with electric razors."
That's the most random couple of sentences I've ever read. He even missed the verb in the first.

"Are the drums even real?"
No they're not.
_________________
BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

Tunes of Steel - Reviews and writing stuff website. Latest: Paradox - Pangea
Metalhertz, French Youtube radio channel

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Deathdoom1992
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat May 07, 2016 9:19 am
Posts: 353
Location: Wallowing in a sea of sorrow.
PostPosted: Fri May 18, 2018 6:06 pm 
 

That review is almost worth accepting based off of sheer comedy value alone...

"Oh my god this is absolutely kill"
"How can guitar like that?"
"...melody is holocaust windchime"
"Sometimes vocals become cookie monster for my ears and distract from real satan sound"

Genius.

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Xlxlx
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 8007
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2018 2:02 pm 
 

That is the best Crappy Diem submission we've gotten in a while. It's loaded with gold.
_________________
droneriot wrote:
The instruments used are what you would expect from the little metal people: guitaloos, bassnaps, drumdrums, and voclatrons. The best things about the guitaloos are obviously the riffraffs.

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