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Andreas_Hansen
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 11:44 am
Posts: 316
Location: Anywhere in the Galaxy
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2018 8:19 pm 
 
DecemberSoul wrote:
Hey, who hasn't heard a "total silent song" yet? :-D


:lol:
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BastardHead wrote:
Two things that will instantly derail any forum thread without fail: 1) Discussing how tall you are, and 2) the origin of your username.

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PaganiusI
Zee Bombelecher

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:49 pm
Posts: 2688
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2018 11:43 pm 
 
It's Simon & Garfunkel's greatest hit. I don't get why a cover version would get so much hate :(
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:19 am 
 
Image

:scratch:
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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PaganiusI
Zee Bombelecher

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2015 3:49 pm
Posts: 2688
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:40 am 
 
Judging from the length of the text and the quite ok capitalization, this is not a review but a song/album title of a post rock band.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:59 am 
 
The end...
Image


Me being a writter :nono:
Image


A must have for your Christian thrash metal collection :scratch:
Image
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2018 4:41 pm 
 
Image
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:04 am 
 
Ah 2003, where track-by-tracks were common, nobody knew how to write, and the best musical description one could come up with is "it's pussy metal."

Image
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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EzraBlumenfeld
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 405
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:01 pm 
 
Derigin wrote:
A must have for your Christian thrash metal collection :scratch:
Image


How have I survived for so long, without a complete Christian thrash collection?
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Kveldulfr wrote:
Like butter comes from milk, butter will only be a reminder of its milky origins, whereas milk reigns supreme as a vital element.


Last.fm
Listen to my band Begravement's debut EP!
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 362
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2018 8:06 pm 
 
And no mention of Hirax, the only one that's actually good.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:45 pm 
 
Image

yeet yeet motherfuckers
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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EzraBlumenfeld
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
Posts: 405
Location: Land of No Return
PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2018 12:01 pm 
 
Yeet \m/
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Kveldulfr wrote:
Like butter comes from milk, butter will only be a reminder of its milky origins, whereas milk reigns supreme as a vital element.


Last.fm
Listen to my band Begravement's debut EP!
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2018 10:43 am 
 
Image
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2018 1:32 pm 
 
"It's so powerful that your stomach will damn."

.. I can't improve on that.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10660
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:52 pm 
 
Derigin wrote:
yeet yeet motherfuckers

That kimchi talk :lol: fucking 한국인, man haha
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Mar 06, 2019 10:11 pm 
 
Interesting takes from these two different fellas:

Image

Image
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3549
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:51 pm 
 
Image
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Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.
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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:41 pm 
 
One typo, three capitalisation errors and one punctuation error isn't that much, I bet most regular reviewers have reviews up with similar numbers of errors.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2019 11:50 am 
 
Image
_________________
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 258
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:50 pm 
 
Let's do a collective digging.
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OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Five_Nails wrote:
People who aren't paid, who volunteer their time, and who put effort into their craft, have the freedom to say things their way. [...] Don't pay me, and you'll see my honest talk.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5839
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:21 pm 
 
Image

What.
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
Live young, die free. Gone, but not forgotten.
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Midnightwards666
Heavy Metal C-3PO

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 868
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2019 3:36 pm 
 
They appear to be reviewing something else... but occasionally bringing up Blackthorn as some kind of example in their unusual analogies. They also seemingly forgot to describe the music.
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Formerly known as HouseSpiders
vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."
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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 4745
PostPosted: Tue Jul 09, 2019 12:47 pm 
 
HouseSpiders wrote:
They appear to be reviewing something else... but occasionally bringing up Blackthorn as some kind of example in their unusual analogies. They also seemingly forgot to describe the music.


It's like someone ran an ANUS/DMU review through five languages then back to english in google translate.
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Acidgobblin wrote:
In the end- in life- aren't we all sort of wearing corpse-paint in front of a crowd of strangers? Or is that the most pathetic metal-themed analogy ever uttered? I cannot tell, but I feel a bit ashamed now.

NEW Valcove album: https://valcove.bandcamp.com/album/forge
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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3549
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 4:37 pm 
 
The content of the review isn't that remarkable, but the formatting... yes, that's the end of the review as it was submitted.

Image
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Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1132
Location: Behind the wall of fire v.2
PostPosted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 11:59 pm 
 
Quote:
James Hetfield of Jason Newstead

I never realized James joined Jason's side-project :lol:
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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:29 am 
 
MutantClannfear wrote:
yes, that's the end of the review as it was submitted.

The Black Beast of Aaaarrggh strikes again.
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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 258
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:04 pm 
 
gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Quote:
James Hetfield of Jason Newstead

I never realized James joined Jason's side-project :lol:


Hahahauahauahau.

I believe this user tried to say "James Hetfield or Jason Newsted" xd, whatever, this review is illegible, but somewhat >(somehow)< understandable...
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OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Five_Nails wrote:
People who aren't paid, who volunteer their time, and who put effort into their craft, have the freedom to say things their way. [...] Don't pay me, and you'll see my honest talk.
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Midnightwards666
Heavy Metal C-3PO

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 868
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:49 am 
 
Well, I just rejected my first review.
Image

It seems there is no way to find rejected reviews, so I'll try to recall my rejection message.
Quote:
The submission did not properly follow the guidelines. In order for your review to be accepted, you really need to improve your description of the music. Unfortunately, your review leaves the reader with little to no insight as to what the album actually sounds like - all I see is a brief history about the band. For someone who has never heard of Rhapsody of Fire, this could even be a review for a black metal band. Please read the guidelines carefully next time - in our rules, we have a list of content you should write about in your review.''
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Formerly known as HouseSpiders
vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2019 1:12 am 
 
"Take your seat foul-mouthed fan boy!"

ex-HouseSpiders, I salute you.
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Midnightwards666
Heavy Metal C-3PO

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 868
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Mon Aug 19, 2019 8:11 pm 
 
Thank you, Grave_Wyrm.

These ''awful submissions'' are actually more common than I had imagined. I thought they were just the odd once a week exception.
Image
_________________
Formerly known as HouseSpiders
vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."
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Midnightwards666
Heavy Metal C-3PO

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 868
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2019 8:23 pm 
 
I actually know Battle Dagorath very well, and this review was fantastic but Interstellar Lord forgot to do one thing - describe the music. Image
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Formerly known as HouseSpiders
vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11971
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sun Aug 02, 2020 10:05 pm 
 
Review of their debut album:
Amon Amarth are difficult to label with just one term. There's a definite element of death metal in the music, yet calling them that would be terribly misleading as they sound nothing like Morbid Angel, a typical death metal band. They're not 'melodic death metal' either as they're technically and musically quite different from the early Swedish wave bands, see Inflames or Dark Tranquility.

So instead of spending time thinking of the right label, it seems wiser to break down what their sound is made up of. On their first studio full length here, they use a death metal rhythm section of rapid fire drum kicks, heavy overhead use, forceful toms, backed by a prominent bass presence, and for the guitars a heavy use of tremolo picking. The vocals, by viking giant Johan Hegg, would fit here as well as they are growls, loud shouts and screams and contribute rhythmic patterns rather than melody. The actual music, however, at its core is anything but death metal in what it conveys. It's a lot closer to something like gothic metal, albeit heavier, as it is deeply sorrowful and has a penchant for suspended power chords with reverby leads playing on top. It should really be emphasized just how much the focus is on sheer, heart-wrenching sorrow.

Every song offers a new aspect of the same concept. No song repeats the same old formula without supplying a new idea at the heart of it each time.

To not make this too long, I'll just end by saying the first verse riff to the track 'Amon Amarth' towards the end of the record is possibly, if this choice of words makes sense, "the deepest" melody I've ever heard. It sounds primordial, and ancient, like it came out of the abyss of human history. It's as invigorating as it is unsettlingly moving. Absolutely hair-raising moment. It blends the abrasive epic, with deep, seasoned beauty. Like this record generally does.


AMON AMARTH IS GOTHIC METAL YOU GUYS.
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1132
Location: Behind the wall of fire v.2
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 12:03 am 
 
Metantoine wrote:
AMON AMARTH IS GOTHIC METAL YOU GUYS.

Yay, glad to see this thread is back! Until the last couple lines of that review, I couldn't even guess what album it was for. And the debut is probably the most obviously death metal of all AA releases.

Btw Antoine, Luger?
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Osore wrote:
like late Monet with hints of blood
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11971
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 12:07 am 
 
gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Metantoine wrote:
AMON AMARTH IS GOTHIC METAL YOU GUYS.

Yay, glad to see this thread is back! Until the last couple lines of that review, I couldn't even guess what album it was for. And the debut is probably the most obviously death metal of all AA releases.

Btw Antoine, Luger?


Added that it was for their debut!

Oh yeah right! My digital version is lossless, I wanted to convert them to something smaller but I forgot. I'll do that now.
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 29609
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:35 am 
 
I like that he spends a huge two paragraphs rambling about what genre it is or isn't, then just goes 'well, don't want to make this too long, review over!'
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10236
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Mon Aug 03, 2020 10:08 am 
 
Metantoine wrote:
It's a lot closer to something like gothic metal


Well I was expecting a wrong answer but not that one!
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11971
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 6:18 pm 
 
BastardHead wrote:
Metantoine wrote:
It's a lot closer to something like gothic metal


Well I was expecting a wrong answer but not that one!

HEY BASTARD! This looks like I wrote that, I was scared that I actually did for a short second there.

New fun submission for the Diem. An angry answer to this negative review: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tur/373962

Fuck Nazis. Fuck NSBM. etc etc...
Image
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 9784
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 9:08 pm 
 
That's such an AIM name he's got.
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Earthcubed wrote:
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Blacksoul Seraphim Gothic Doom Metal
Autumn's Ashes Melodic Death/Doom Metal
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MRmehman
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 1:34 pm
Posts: 525
Location: Painted World of Ariamis
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2020 7:34 pm 
 
MutantClannfear wrote:
Image


goog cd

cd good

i leik cd, yes

very much goog cd

...

Okay I'll stop but that's such an incredible review. The temptation to let stuff like that onto the site just for kicks much be ridiculous.
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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 258
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2020 8:50 am 
 
Metantoine wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
Metantoine wrote:
It's a lot closer to something like gothic metal


Well I was expecting a wrong answer but not that one!

HEY BASTARD! This looks like I wrote that, I was scared that I actually did for a short second there.

New fun submission for the Diem. An angry answer to this negative review: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tur/373962

Fuck Nazis. Fuck NSBM. etc etc...
Image


I like this review, the angry blacky nsbm punk supporter can drink a milkshake and fuck off with his supremacist nonsense.
_________________
OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Five_Nails wrote:
People who aren't paid, who volunteer their time, and who put effort into their craft, have the freedom to say things their way. [...] Don't pay me, and you'll see my honest talk.
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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 258
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2020 9:37 am 
 
Metantoine wrote:
AMON AMARTH IS GOTHIC METAL YOU GUYS.


Not true guys, Amon Amarth is neo slam pop.
_________________
OpsiusCato wrote:
It's in my Goatfangs text.file
Five_Nails wrote:
People who aren't paid, who volunteer their time, and who put effort into their craft, have the freedom to say things their way. [...] Don't pay me, and you'll see my honest talk.
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