A review for Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis's Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis / Butcher ABC

bullshit work - 0%
Written by brujakasadera on February 6th, 2008

and so fucking pistoffffff ....i only say this whole album concept have one place and that is garbage.
a group of crazy monkeys playing as hard as they can their instruments.....
this in not metal, may be only shit.

What's "Pistoff"? Some cheap-ass vodka refresher illegally brewed in the Far East?

A review for Winds of Plague's Decimate The Weak

what can i say!~ - 100%
Written by SATAN_WILLIAMS on February 7th, 2008

you rule dude@!~~ very very nice tracks..... great!~ keep rockin!~ Ave satanas!

Maybe he's "pissed off"?

Maybe he's fucking retarded too.
Or a frustrated monkey trying to find the "E" or "D" button.

But most importantly, he is wrong.

Review for Kimaera's Ebony Veiled

+ - - 92%
Written by ghostofwar on February 8th, 2008

tha album was geat, but the band thing is that you have a lot of work to do on your live performance
example: instead of going on stage without a female vocalist and playing stuff that requires a lot of parts with a female vocalist is not a really good idea
anyway, what i liked the most about the album was that last song, it was like the whole idea in just a couple of minutes, good job!
hope to see you working more on your live performance

This poor schmo submitted about a dozen reviews just like this one -

For Incriminated's Kings Of Misery

MISANTHROPY AT DEPTHS YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD - 100%
Written by optimuszgrime on February 8th, 2008

this is the most misanthropic piece of music released by incirminated. not so much in the core side of things as their previous efforts, but still in the stoner/nihlism/extra slow vein of things. if black sabbath would have listened to mayhem's 'deathcrush' and actualyl worshipped satan, this might be the outcome, although i am not sure they do as many drugs as these guys. this specific incriminated album has at its height the last and also title track, which is a little over 8 minutes and a little over two riffs. it is the most dismal and nihilistic, stoned meandering i have ever heard. this band is incredible, most people i imagine will not like it, cuz its not sticking to any sort of true or singular vision, except their own, which is a stoned, people hating black metal.

A stunningly-named review for Krypt's I Am God

My Review - 90%
Written by Auras on February 8th, 2008

Krypt, the Band which was formed by former Tsjuder Members after their Split-Up, released an EP with 2 (!) Tracks. Well, I loved Tsjuder and was sad that such a great Band was broken down. But when I heard that Nag was doing a new project with Desecrator I just thought of buying their EP.

The EP is quite short with only 2 Songs/~12 Minutes Playtime. But you will get what you expect from them. Krypt is playing a really Tsjuder like Black Metal which always reminded me of Carpathian Forest.

All in all it's worth the money and I can't wait to get their first LP. If you liked Tsjuder you will love Krypt.

Man do I feel embarrassed, being a fellow countryman with this guy. >_>

Why do people keep reviewing like it's a fanmail?

A review for The Sword's Gods of the Earth

Overrated. - 0%
Written by Jason_Voorhees on February 11th, 2008

Unlike the previous reviewer who has shown us exceptional knowledge in this genre of music, what with citing terrific bands such as Sleep, High On Fire, Spiritual Beggars and even the mighty Mastodon, I am not very well informed about this type of musical output. Therefore I will waive off the band's musical know-how and the overall minor technicalities concerning the musical and lyrical part of this album. Who really needs that in an album review? Instead I will, like most of the critics gathered here on this absolutely marvelous and very, very credible site "metal-archives", review the philosophy behind the band and their oh-so-unjustified popularity. It sucks. It really does. Imagine the nerve a band, the musical quality of which unarguably outshines most of its contemporaries, gets to be popular accordingly! I stand in shock and awe and I'm usually unshockable and unawable person. It's that outrageous! So yeah, I'm outlining everything that has been said about this band by the previous critics, whose intelligence truly must come from another world. I am simply humbled by their cranial span, which must eclipse the sun or the moon, depending on when they choose to leave their mighty castles in the sky to shine knowledge upon us mere mortals. I am only hoping one day to possess a glimpse of such looming insight. Brilliance, sheer brilliance. Oh, this band sucks, don't listen to it. I will, of course, but you shouldn't. None of you should listen to this band, I only listen to them because I want to spare you the auditory torment that would sure be unleashed upon you were you to actually purchase this or any of their albums, because someone has to and because I'm such a sweet guy, totally oblivious of a thing called "sarcasm" or "cynicism".

With those words, I hereby leave you good people to ponder upon my relatively wise words while listening to quality bands such as Trivium and Bullet For My Valentine and bid you farewell and godspeed!

I don't think it qualifies as "remarkably bad", just below the level of acceptability. If you could expand it by about twice its current length and add something more worthwhile in terms of content...

He could also make it not a giant whining-about-elitism sarcastic fagfest while he's at it?

Well, that too.

This one is proof that there are three kinds of mathematicians. Those who know how to count and those who don't.


for Odious (Egy)'s Mirror Of Vibrations

Exetremly magneficint!!! - 100%
Written by karimtarek1993 on February 12th, 2008

I can't say more that what have been written by the cool user SHEHAB
But I can add one word about this album... it deserves listening to it more than 100 times...

Awesome.

I can't even point what's worse about that "review". It seems that he is just trying to ratificate the other guy. And with nice spelling.

Ratificate? Say whaaa?

Oh yeah. *Ratify. Mother tongue influence wut.

Reviews for Pantheon (US)'s Vargrstrike and Gestapo SS's Vinlandic Stormtroopers. This guy's in the second band i.e. he 'reviewed' his own cd.

Aryan Rebirth - 100%
Written by overdozer on February 13th, 2008

I am totally into the double digi-pak and think I ought to be considering all the work that me and my bro put into it. I blast it every now and then as I had been jamming it non-stop for the past two years. Anyways, I doubt that we will be doing this in a few years as our practices are very seldom these days. We'll just have to wait and see. I hope that everyone will look out for the Pantheon/Evil/Bilskirnir split 7" ep coming out in Germany. It will rock be another boot to the face of ZOG. As for A.R. it did not take half that long to complete as our other stuff and I really appreciated what we came up with. There are lots of folkish elements as well as other elements incorporated into 5 eps worth or two double lps worth of materials. For those that enjoy it it is much appreciated. We put 150% into that considering our small budgets and the two man show which we have been since 2000 or so.

As for "Paganuclear" the new lp. We are finally making headway on that. I hope that someone will give an honest review on this one as I think we deserve it. I am tired of conniving snakes coming in to troll or diss on our stuff. They didn't work a .01 % as hard to write some worthless diss on some computer. They don't know a damn thing about hard work anyways... Fuck em all! One thing that seperates us from the lucky bm kids that live at their mamas house is that we're working class and always been. Fuck anybody that says otherwise! Work to eat and work to live and work to support your cause and family. That's called growing up. Most of you can't do that so we could care less about what you have to say. Everytime I see you schmucks I'm gonna come on here and give myself a pat on the shoulder for a job well done. I pissed you idiots off and that makes me 100% proud of my recordings... Have a nice life trying to get a life !


Gestapo SS - Vinlandic Stormtrooper - 100%
Written by overdozer on February 13th, 2008

I play in this band and give it a 100% review for the fact that it was the best compilation we could do with that horrible 4-track and the drunken state of which we were constantly recording the live stuff. Yes, some were semi decent and some were just trash. Either way I guess people want to troll on here and hate on our ideology when they really come across as a bunch of uneducated twits. Gestapo SS is just myself now and I will make sure that everybody doesn't get the rough mix of the new "Traitor Crusher 88" lp/cd. Instead I will wait until a very pro-mix of the total Hatecore style we do now is achiveed via a decent studio. I don't care what anybody says, it was a good release for what it was and it sucks but, I support it 100%. It was meant for those that have a sense of humor as the lyrics are quite entertaining for those that can hear them. "Gypsies and Jews to the ovens!" and "Ready the cannons for "extermination!", does that sound serious to you? I hope not! Cause we are past that elementary genocidal phase that some people go through to be "Kvlt". At any rate quit your whining pansies! Or someone will be backhanding you like the bitches you are... Homeboy! Word!

As far as the new lp, pay attention to Strong Survive because this one should open a can of whoop ass for those that can appreciate hardcore/hatecore/grind/death ala AC/Vaginal Jesus/TRB/ and some of the more punchy hatecore sound. This should have a friend from the NSBM project Akasha on drums for the final product. The rough is only a few steps better sounding than VS. I'll let a few bros get a trade on that soon... And maybe I'll give myself a good review on that too? Any asshole can make a review and I just wanted to make my point cause I saw some white trash kid I could guess who he was from Ohio running his little mouth again... See ya on the flipside kid(Got a punch that will send your head down to your asshole) Lucky day in hell till you met me ..

A review for Kaoteon's Provenance of Hatred

best extreme-metal demo - 99%
Written by son_of_burzum on February 13th, 2008


great riffs + great voc+ great drumz (provenance of hatred)
kaoteon its a lebanese band and its a honor ..no comments.. cheerz

A review for Hour of Penance's The Vile Conception

pure mercyless brutal death - 100%
Written by zebacho on February 14th, 2008

excelent production, this album is just ready to make your ears bleed. The music content is just excelent too, definately a must have in your brutal death metal collection. Better than the las one "pageantry for martyrs". This shows a more mature side of the band. non stopping blast beats, a very good combination of voices, pretty fast and intense, very accured with the music...

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Lana just shit a brick.

For Virgin Black's Requiem - Fortissimo

Best of Virgin Black releases - 100%
Written by dwrdeath on February 14th, 2008


I have all releases produced by Virgin Black and was extremely satisfied by this release.
Though calm and meloncholic but dark and heavy. Enjoyed the growl and hard riffs of guitar.
An awesome album.

Best release after Sombre Romantic.

I expect more and more releases from Virgin Black to distruct walls of screaming soal.

Respect

Hahahaha, what?

The content is mediocre at worst, but fuck, look at this capitalization...

For Balthazar's The Elegy of Man

Possibly The Greatest Black Metal Band Ever - 98%
Written by Nattefrost1349 on February 18th, 2008

To Start off i have to state that in my opinion and im sure many others, Balthazar is the greatest Depressive Black Metal Band In Existance, Mort is one Of The Most Gifted Musicians And One Of The Nicest People I Have Ever Had The Pleasure Of Meeting.

The First Track"So It Begins..." Is An Earie Ambient intro That Sounds Like The Intro To An Epic Horror Movie, And In The Background You Can Hear A Gospel By Mort Then Another Unknown Female Voice With Light Guitar Strumming In The Background. This Track Really Gives The Listener A Preveiw Of What The Next 5 Tracks Have Waiting In The Shadows Of This Album. It Almost Sounds Like Somthing A Mentally Insane Person Would Have Going Through Their Head While in A Dark Padded Room, Although This Is Not A Hard Track You keep Expecting Mort To Howl Wich Is Awsome Because It Makes You Want To Keep Listening.

The Second Track "Threnody Of A Withering Soul" Has Such A "Kick Your Skull To Death While Laughing Like A Maniac" Sound to It, It Makes You Want To Stop There And Keep That Song On Repeat, Because After Listening To This Song I Seriously Thought That There Could Not Be Any Song That Mort Could Have Recorded Better! This Song Is Everything Roger Nattefrost Wish He Could Have Written! There Is A Thundering Drum Blast All The Way Through It And It Makes You Feel Everything That Mort Is Trying To Get You To Feel. It Makes You Think That You Are About To Die In A Painful, Slow, And Agonising Way But You Want To Feel That In Some Sick Way, I Seriously Have No Clue How Mort Can Do That So Well, Its Almost Like Reading A Book And Once The Down Tempo Notes Bleed Through Your Speakers You Travel Into Almost Another Zone Completly, Its Like The Pro-Depressive Drug! Im Actually Wondering why my Speakers Didnt Start Puking Up Blood, YES IT IS THIS BRUTAL!

The Third Track On This Split Is Called "Death Whispers In Blackened Tongues" This Song Wastes No Time To Bring You Right Into The Atmosphere Of This Song. The Guitar Riff That is In The Beggining, And Modifies Toward The 60 second mark is so amazingly epic if it was 2 strings higher iced earth would want this riff! Mort howl's in this so much it wouldnt suprise me if he was coughing up blood after the third verse! its completly amazing and i cant even catogerize it, its beyond words.

The Fourth Track is titled "The Desolate Fog Descends" And this song is so great that i almost came in my pants! in all seriousness though this song sounds like somthing that you would hear behind all of the people being stabbed to death and murdered in a war between dark forces. This song is so epic it almost leaves black metal and starts its own Metal Sub-genre all its own. You can feel all of Mort's Rage, Anger, Hatred, Sadness, and overall every emotion he is feeling in this song, i had this song on repeat for a long time! This song gets you so much in another atmosphere it makes you feel possessed by a very dark force and makes you want to beat the shit out of everything around you but the speakers this song is pouring out of!

The Fifth, and Final track this album is titled "The Raven's Sacrifice" it has almost a early Burzum on Aske type sound to it, but Mort's voice is so much better than vargs! i even think Varg would agree that this song kill's everything burzum ever did all albums included, just in one amazing Balthazar song! This song leaves you with Mixed emotions, Both Anger, Sadness, and a hint of Hope and that vibe continues through all 5:18 of it. Toward the middle Mort let's out a haunting high pitched scream that makes your ears bleed! But at the same time your happy that your ears are bleeding!

If you havnt already heard Balthazar then you need to immediatly! like i mentioned before many time, Balthazar is the greatest Depressive Black Metal band to date! Along With 3 Other Projects Besides Balthazar I Am Constantly Amazed On How He Can Record Such Amazing Songs In Such A Short Period! I Garentee you That Balthazar Will Be Remembered As One Of The Greatest Metal Bands In Existance and Mort Will Be The Next Varg Vikernes.

I can read a short post written like that, but with an entire passage like that, my eyes just glaze over by the end of the second paragraph. Did this "Nattefrost1349" sleep through English from kindergarten all the way to high school graduation or is he just mentally deficient?

No One Else Writes Like This, Take A Goddamn Hint.

It's even more amusing that he doesn't always capitalize 'I'. I mean, if you're going to cap everything else why skip over one of the instances where it's actually appropriate?

He doesn't capitalize Iced Earth either.

Hmm, the guy appears to be even dumber than the average nazi.

Something for Mortum (US)'s Enslaved

Enslaved - 80%
Written by Nach0death on March 4th, 2008

Mortum is some real sick stuff!
The vocals sound nasty and cruel but Since the bassist is also the singer you can tell he focuses on his instrument more.
The blastbeats are brutal! But there is also some punk influences behind them, to me at least.
All in all Mortum has some great tunes and its good to hear some sweet Jersey Metal!-Eddy Ulcer

Another winner for Job for a Cowboy's Doom

Underrated - 95%
Written by dcmongeau44 on March 4th, 2008


Well im not a person who cares about genres so maybe im a little uneducated in the field but i think Doom was and increadable album considering it was only an ep and not even a real album and if they listened to people on this message board thanks alot assholes..... i should have taken 12 dollars out of my pocket and wiped my ass with it cause genesis sucked out loud and the only decent song was coalsailing prophesy i see alot of people dissing the rising tide and FUCK yall cause t was a good song and im sorry but doom was infuckingcredible for them being 18 and also making a genre huge so far as i can tell so anyway in conclusion doom rocked and for those who influenced the way genesis came out i hate u all

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Unfortunately, there's a bug jamming up the review que and its ability to shove reviews into the oven, so we're stuck looking at this one on the list 'til it clears up. In fact, there are at least eight that I've looked at in there right now that will not be getting the 'ol deep six 'til it gets repaired.

Review for Allen / Lande's The Revenge

Amazing - 100%
Written by janhalik on March 5th, 2008

It doesn´t get much better than this. Two great vocalists and one guitarist with ability to write the most memorable songs. Great productions and awesome solos. Lande and Allen are at the top of their game. The best album of the year in my book. go and buy it. everyone should own one

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Make that nine. Has it been a friggin' full moon since the 2nd or something?

Not glowingly pathetic, but goes here nonetheless.
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A review for Ringworm's The Promise

Ringworms Best - 95%
Written by pizzasauce123 on March 6th, 2008

My favorite and what I believe to be Ringworm's best album. starts off with the sample "there is no god." and then kicks into the first track numb(blind to faith) which is one of the best and raunchiest songs i have ever heard, that is just the beginning of the thrash attack that is The Promise.

The recording quality is raw, yet tolerable. The guitar riffs are crunchy and fast. The drums also fast and heavy. The vocals are just about the most angry thing i've ever heard. it makes me want to punch out car windows, set a neighborhood on fire and then run headfirst into a brick wall. Eventually when im done being knocked unconscious I will listen to it again.

A review for Draconian (Swe)'s Turning Season Within

excelent - 100%
Written by graveyardghost on March 7th, 2008

Draconian new album Turning Season Within is the best album in Draconian carrear .
The melodies combined with agressive vocals from Anders and the beauty from Lisa´s vocals and instrumentally perfect made this album a must have from any Draconian fan or anyone who enjoys good music . The painfull atmospheres the darkness in this album is simply magic.
Higlights of tha album ... All The songs simply perfect

A review for Human Filleted's Hideous Sculptures Of The Dead

WOOOH! - 100%
Written by GoochSutton on March 7th, 2008

Blew my fucking head off! Awesome CD!

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Am I seeing things, or does Gestapo SS have a black guy in it?

False.

If Empyreal thinks otherwise, you know you're fucked.

A blundered review for Artisian's Na Beiste Bho'n Talamh

Na Beiste Bho'n Talamh - 80%
Written by battlewagon on March 12th, 2008

the overal feel of this album is a hell of a lot more aggressive then the demo and first album, for a start they have a live drummer rather than drum programmes, the production is really harsh and the riffs incorporate brutal death and grind influence but still keeping the black metal root.

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keep going for the quick spin 'round the drain - G
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beards and dresses opens teh album after a suitbly nasty intro, a f*kin brutal onslaught of a track that really rips you ears open, teh rest of the album keeps the this initial blasting in place until half way through roughtly where there is a nice -but dark accoustic track, quite stringy wihta dark drone string going on, but was obvioulsy placed to put the listener into a false sence of security as the track after that burst in right away and if you managed to chill a bit you are given a bloody shock, teh starke dynamic contrast is actually very clever.

teh album continous in a tearing wain and closes with highland bagpipes after bling which is a stomer of a track and theh inlay says it features a member of corpsing doing a guitar solo, the pipes seem to be a regular thing with ARTISIAN, but then the scottish gaelic names would suggest this isnt out of place.

this is well wortha listen if you like original sounding extreme music mixing death/black and grind

i have ordered my copy of the 3rd album, and will review it soon

battlewagon

Review for Ensiferum's Victory Songs

real folk viking - 90%
Written by firty on March 13th, 2008

i think this band is a real viking metal band,the spirit of the ancient viking gods it is in their soul.they play from the hart and for all who have the spirit of the viking in their harts.