Don't know if someone had already translated it, but it means: "it's not bad, because they don't have money"

One for Avathar (Fin)'s Shadows

Great band! - 90%
Written by Annariel on July 23rd, 2008

Excellent album!
The songs are splendid, but I would want more lyrics over here. The firstborn and The Battle of the Five Armies' lyrics in special.

------------

Over where?

Thanks Nhorf! I still don't get the review

And excellent find yet again Gutterscream, why is it that you usually get the worst ones?

'Cause I often have the luck of an Ethiopian. No really, I just spend a lot of my site time in the review que.

There's plenty of that kind of bottom slurry almost daily. I just can't be arsed to post them here, really, unless they are very funny.

Reviews for Impellitteri's Stand In Line

Impellitteri - Stand In Line - 100%
Written by f3lip3123 on July 29th, 2008

métallllllllllllllll

It réally is.

For V Pøítmí's Prázdnota here's one - a gift true.

------------
A Beautiful Tribute To Trist. - 100%
Written by NihiL_izTik_VoiD on July 28th, 2008

V Přítmí is a band totally worth to hear.
The fact that Mexico made a tribute to Trist, makes that Mexico itself stands out, and being a so excellent project, with more reason.

I find majority of Mexican Black Metal bands are "Satanic" which i consider completely stupid, because if someone believes in "Satan" he is believing in "God" too, so they contradict in absolutely.

This makes Mexico black metal bands are almost always made apart from the good ones...

With V Přítmí one can compare the opposite. It is a depressive project but beautiful at the same time.
One can realize it with Sebevražední Andìlé II. Which is a cover from Trist made shorter, this song has a strong feeling in it, begining with a mid-low paced rithm, for moments, the vocals are not shrieks either moans or cries, these are different, more like Golum-like. Before the middle of the song, it comes a really haunting sound that is so malancholic it provides a strong feeling of melancholy, this part is so sweet, it makes the song perfect. Then all becomes monotonous, in a good way, at moments music stops, and only the vocals take part here, it continues with mid-low paced drums and stirring atmosphere, then the sweet melancholis melody comes in again and prepares to finish the song in a majestic way.
The first song Prázdnota begins with a droning distortion, it seems that one is about to listen to a black noise/ambient song, but drums start to play a low-paced rithm, introducing to the rest of the song which contains mostly a monotonous bass guitar, with no riffs in the whole song, just the distorted atmosphere, bass, drums, and the painful vocals, hypnotizing in every way.

In conclusion, if one is wishing to listen depressive black metal this is a great option, and has a very obscure ambient always present.
I really enjoy listening to V Přítmí, and i do not have a doubt that if you are in this genre you will like it.

Had a bit of trouble understanding that one.....

You fuckin' reckon?

some are battle hymns - 85%
Written by defender_08 on July 31st, 2008

Manowar's debut is often considered a classic album in the heavy metal world,but for me it is just a good record.I say this because they were trying to find there sound along with what exacley to write about so was some confusion.Luckley they decided to write about more epic themes by there second record "Into glory ride" which was a better record.This album on the other hand is mixed bag of metal and hardrock songs like "Metal Daze",and shellshock are hardrock,while songs like "Battle Hymns" and "Death Tone" are more metal and epic than others.Eric adams is a great singer and has awsome range in his voice so he really carrys this album along.The production is kinda of muddy but hey its there first record so who cares,the solos are good and enjoyable to listen to thats a plus.So if your a new Manowar fan give it listen or start with Into glory ride.
----

Luckley?? Exacley?
Is that some local slang

----
patan - conquista - 80%
Written by jorgepatan on July 31st, 2008

Patan is a band that always I surprise, that in any case it does not follow the

cliches of the kind(genre). This new disc represents something different the

previous ones, the topics are totally original, unexpected. Patan is not of these

bands that the discs are similar, but only it is necessary to compare them. In

Acero, the previous disc the topics were more atractives, more direct, let's say.
IN conquista the tracks are more conceptual, more elaborated, as if the band

had experimented more. Excluding the first track "Mienten" that it is a track with

the most powerful riffs of a tremendous forcefulness, the topics that continue are

changing constant. For example, one that I surprise is the third one " El

equilibrista " where after an introduction wave I think terrifying of the guitars, the

topic unhooks with powerful riffs wave like Pantera that they accompany on a

letter type " modern nightmare included " that I liked very much.
Well, to be quick, another surprise is the topic " Al borde ", honoring to Pappo,(

argentine guitar hero who died in 2004 in a traffic accident) and the final ballad,

"que dificil es"which really is a great song. It is necessary to emphasize the

excellent performance of the musicians, from Gabriel Oliverio's voices (every time

better) up to the marvellous alone ones of Paul Iácono's guitar (for totally

unexpected moments,) and the prominent début of the new batero, Ranz, that

with his 21 years old is an interesting promise . In end, for me a prominent disc

inside the production of this 2008.

New masterpiece:

Reviews for Watain's Sworn to the Dark

Not anti-cosmic enough. - 66%
Written by ballsinabag on August 2nd, 2008

Posers they were, posers they are, and posers will always be. A band of newcomer kids (actually what this guys were doing before 1998?) who trying very hard to copy the Great Old Mayhem, in the end, everybody can realize what kind of pussies they are. Changing every 2 years ideology .After “orthodox black metal” (that time their long tongues asslicking ofermod, funeral mist, malign etc) now they are “Anti-Cosmic” ( This time they were made some good blowjobs to their new dead idol, Jon Nödtveidt ). They are a bunch if trendy wimps and i`m glad that now many ppl can see it now clearly.

PS. Seriously, this shamale Erik doesn`t look like a twin brother of Dani from Cradle of Filth???
----
Twenty years old calls them poser kids?!!

I would have rejected that too. The album is clearly cosmic enough, and he knows it.

The Great Old Mayhem? That's sometihng new. Lovecraft would have been proud, though.

From posers to sexual deviants. Haha, that guy clearly lost it. Although, he only spared them a small paragraph. It would have been much funnier if it was long-winded instead.

Review for Satyricon's My Skin is Cold

chuinia blet - 1%
Written by AnalGrinder on August 4th, 2008

nu....

Best review ever (its for Burzum's "Dauði Baldrs"):


Burzum is good - 35%
Written by helldark on August 6th, 2008

Hello, it is an excellent group BURZUM pity that this Varg Vikernes in jail.

what they most admire of BURZUM is the style of Varg Vikernes, is that the plays all the instruments, or the program on the computer, but the same does not fall easily, as others because they are soloists will not fall and continues with its projects.

And not had the opportunity to hear this album, Dauði Baldrs but I suppose that will do just as good as are all of BURZUM.

for me the best album for my BURZUM filosofem is therefore not being the most leave, goodbye and long life to the metal

He reviewed it without even hearing it. He says Burzum is good, yet gives this one 35%. That is an awesome anti-review.

First he calls Burzum an excellent group, then proceeds to rant on how Varg does everything himself and how cool it is, only to give the album 35€.

That's like the most illogical review I've ever read.

Ahhhhhhh finding this thread has truely made my day... I can't remember the last time I've actually laughed so hard at something on the internet. This one has to be my favourite...



Its so damn irrelevant!
The chain of In Flames reviews came a close second though.

I love the phrase "Goodly hah". It makes me think of a dapper British gentleman with a monocle showing his approval with a single laugh like a gunshot.

Review for Matahero's Matahero


Matahero LP disponible” aaaAAAHORAAAAAAAAAA - 100%
Written by hombreperroleon on August 9th, 2008

Matahero LP disponible” aaaAAAHORAAAAAAAAAA

"14 temas en CD audio pro con carátula/librito a 12 caras couche blanco y negro autogestionado", consíguelo con este amante de la velocidad al correo [email protected], con toda nuestra banda escribiendo a [email protected] ; http://www.myspace.com/matahero, en nuestras tocatas, en ferias y en tiendas del ramo
Valor $3.500; distros, zines, y mosheros al por mayor precios especiales. Si eres de región, o fuera de Chile, hacemos envíos previo acuerdo !!

Yury "7 pulmones" Salinas
[email protected]

I suppose its quite ironic that most foreign people won't actually be able to read the rule that states all reviews must be in English.

Who doesn't give albums euros?

ONE FOR METALLIC FURY'S KISSES FROM BELGIUM!!!!!!!!

------------------
Did you heard what I said? - 91%
Written by RAMHER666 on August 12th, 2008

Don't be confused about the bonkers EP title and front cover, these bastards are about as FUCKING metal as it FUCKING gets.

A (musically) lean as fuck stripped back three-piece from deepest Belgium, fronted by a fat 40 year old lunatic called Filip Priem, there's not a note or a word wasted on this whole EP.

Metallic Fury are different from most bands these days because they actually fucking MATTER. Furthermore they sing about shit that FUCKING MATTERS. They sing about METAL, sing about WAR, sing about BEING FUCKING RIGHTEOUS and most importantly, sing a whole fucking lot about THEMSELVES.

This is their second release in 2 months and dispels the theory that frontman and RIFF-BEAST Fat Fil has been stockpiling songs for most of his 40 year existence, simply because this EP BLOWS THE FIRST ONE TO SHITTY, WORTHLESS, SHITTY, SHITTY, SMITHERINES. By the end of the awesome first song "We're Fucking Back!" I knew there was no need to EVER listen to the Revolution EP again. This track alone is FASTER, GROOVIER, HARDER, SEXIER and flat out BETTER than ANYTHING on the first EP, which was pretty decent in its own right. "METALLIC FURY WILL ALWAYS BE... HERE!!!" roars Filip, like some fat twisted version of Super Ted.

Where the first EP was tight enough and well recorded, this one is RAW AS FUCKING BOUTALISM, and tight as the rhythm section's own teenage arseholes. The one weak point on Revolution, Filip's vocals have improved immeasurably here.

Filip's on awesome form on the second song, the anthemic "Not Liking Metallic Furry..." which builds and builds like tension on Filip's waistband until BOOOOOMM, he unleashes a mind blowing 61 second guitar solo, the second half of which he plays AT THE SAME TIME as singing the final chorus. FUCKING incredible.

Next up is the version of the original MF classic, "Revolution", taken from a September radio session for Belgium's F.O.G. station. Totally reworked from the original, Fil replaces some of the original's glib lyrics with jazz-inflected scat singing, Sander adds tasteful percussion and Jen lets rip on a storming harmonica solo. One complaint with this EP is at around 11 mins total playing time they had plenty space to have "Sweating Lard", the other acoustic song from that session here also. Maybe we'll see it on the next release?

The E.P. proper is rounded off with the rip-roaring "And That's The Truth Bibi!!!!" a 51 second blast of pure Filip madness, and yet another twist on the so far FLAWLESS MF formula, branching out to almost hardcore punk here.

With 2 EP's already under his huge belt, Filip must surely now be looking at making THE album that he and his young chums look capable of delivering now.

Let's hope for the sake of music everywhere that people keep making them ridiculous.

ROCK ON!

Ha, I can't say I didn't take a shine to his enthusiasm, but unfortunately I have no fucking idea what kind of music he's talking about...well, aside from FUCKING METAL!!!!!!!

It's the METAL that MATTERS!!!!

Nah, it's the FUCKING METAL that FUCKING MATTERS!!!

Uh...

Reviews for Mayhem (Nor)'s Dawn of the Black Hearts

Write a review
for this release.

miley - 60%

Written by
miley
on August 13th, 2008

dog clothes clothes dog apparel dog dog clothing clothing dog collars puppy dog carriers

To quote UltraBoris: "The ... fuuck?"

THE SPAMBOTS HAVE INFILTRATED!

ABANDON SHIP!!

That has to be the most random string of words ever. Made me laugh at work though, damn it

A serene one for Christ Tormenti's Demo I

CHRIST TORMENTI - 0%
Written by SIEGHEIL68686 on August 14th, 2008


THIS FUCKING SUCKED
JEWS CANT SING
YOU MAKE SATAN ANGERY

THIS FUCKING SUCKED
NAZIS CANT WRITE
YOU MAKE HITLER ANGERY

But seriously... ANGERY? WTF?

The guy vandalized the page, too.

I sent a report on that, i dont think its been seen yet though.

Reviews for Agalloch's The Demonstration Archive: 1996 - 1998

Pfffff it's good - 89%
Written by MidEvil on August 15th, 2008

At last there is a band who listens to fans!
Agalloch presents a compilaton album and it is a true gem. It only contains numbers from the demo's. And those songs are after all these years still standing strong, nothing edited or anything else, just it's purest form as they were recorded in 1996-1998.

A beauty for every fan of the music agalloch is making in the past 12 years. And it's also a great cd for people who have't heared from them!
Now we will wait, patiently, for the next gems they will make!

It's poor, but not haha funny poor.

Review for Pan.Thy.Monium's ...Dawn



help please - 85%
Written by laloman on August 16th, 2008

can anybody help me ? because I want to state that this release was only in tape in the section notes but I can't do it and about the ep called dream II that is out of print I want to state that in notes too.

thanks