It’s been called the collaboration no one asked for, as well as one of the worst albums of all time. Here on metal archives, it has the lowest ratings I’ve ever seen for an album. While I really don’t care at all for Lou Reed and I wasn’t expecting much from Metallica (especially after seeing an interview with Lars Ulrich saying how much of the material was done in one take), I wasn’t sure at all what to expect. After all, it really couldn’t be that bad could it?

To quote Cinema Snob Brad Jones in his review of the movie of Troll 2, “It’s the perfect bad example, name anything about the movie, anything, and it doesn’t just do it bad, it does it TRAGICALLY.” Lulu is the musical equivalent of a movie like Troll 2, except far worse. Everything present here is in fact an absolute tragedy. Whereas a terrible movie like can sometimes be a humorous train wreck, Lulu is an absolute abomination you wouldn’t recommend onto even your worst enemies. This is something I would send to the US government for use in KUBARK torture on political prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, but even that may be too harsh. I’m surprised the United Nations didn’t try to sweep down on everyone involved with this album and accuse them of crimes against humanity, it really is that bad.

I really don’t know where to begin on this atrocity. Remember all those sweet guitar solos and memorable leads we’ve seen Metallica deliver in the past, even in their worst moments? Well that’s all gone here. The guitar consists of an overly murky tone and that’s just the beginning. Boring riffs drone through repetitive and simplistic songs that are stretched so long you’d think they would break. The guitar playing itself as said, is very simple. The riffs themselves can be played by even an amateur guitarist and I’m being nice. While I don’t mind a straightforward approach, when you repeat the same thing over and over again without any buildup or anticipation, you’ve created something that made me want to smash my head in with the nearest blunt object. When we’re not given riffs that have been done better by nearly every single band ever, we get to hear some sweet shredding. And by “sweet shredding,” I mean absolutely painful fiddling with the higher strings in some poor imitation of the guitar playing we know Kirk Hammett is capable of.

The drums sound over produced and it sounds like Lars is trying to do a bad impression of a typical doom metal drummer. Never once are we thrown an interesting fill or… well anything really. To call it generic would be an understatement. The bass is so buried beneath the mix I had to turn my bass EQ up all the way just so I could confirm it was there. Once I did, I just turned it back down to avoid the boring and monotonous performance which simply follows along with the guitar. Lazy playing absolutely dominates this album; there is nothing exciting or interesting going on ever, and this whole album sounds like a bad warm-up, but good god that’s only the beginning.

If the music itself was the equivalent of someone repeatedly hitting you in the temple with a hammer, Lou Reed’s narration is the nails on the chalkboard. Do you like nonsense poetry? Well then, have fun because you’re getting a lot of that here. I mean Jesus Christ, if I wanted to listen to the ramblings of a senile old man with a mix of syphilis and schizophrenia while showing early signs of Alzheimer’s, I would just go under the nearest bridge and hang out with the homeless people there. Reed’s narration sounds off too, although I don’t think it could ever sound “on” to begin with. This is the absolute cherry on this catastrophe, because HE NEVER SHUTS UP. This really puts the listener in-between a rock and a hard place, because you really don’t want to hear the music, but once Reed starts up you know you’re utterly screwed. James Hetfield’s vocals are almost nonexistent, and when they are there, he tends to just repeat lines from the cesspool that is this album’s lyrics. Oh and he sounds out of tune at parts too, absolutely wonderful.

In such a mess of problems, one of the worst offenders is the sheer length of the songs. There was absolutely no reason this needed to be a double album. Don’t get me wrong, even if this was only around forty minutes it would still be a disaster but it wouldn’t be THIS bad. But no, instead we get over eighty minutes that turns what would be an amusing disaster into this monstrosity. And what the hell is up with the production? It ranges from nearly tolerable, to overproduced, to absolutely dreadful. Some of the calmer acoustic bits in particular are so quiet I could barely hear them (not that you’d want to) without turning the volume up, only to have it blast when everything else comes back. Volume seems to be a reoccurring problem throughout much of the album, as parts of it seem to be quieter than they should be, especially when Reed’s narration is absent, although that might just be the brain damage this album is giving me as it drags on.

I know I sound like a broken record droning on and on, but words truly cannot describe Lulu. I had to actually go to a thesaurus because I was running out of adjectives to describe the album. This is an album so terrible I wouldn’t even use the discs as Frisbees or coasters, for fear of insulting my fingers or drinks. I’m honestly surprised there isn’t some liberation movement dedicated to solely destroying every single copy of this album. No one deserves this, not even the worst kind of people.

6:05 to cover … what to write. What to tell a reader about this young and new band from Chile? They offer two songs on this CDr, which is not much, when consider the possibilities. At least they do not attempt to bore the listener. The music is loaded with energy, actually well produced and has a nice touch as well as vibe. It is anything but original, but maybe it is not necessary to stretch this over excess. Speed and Thrash Metal, thrown some amount of punk into it and the direction is quite clear. Old-school stuff to be honest and filled with tons of cliché, but it does not matter that much, because those six minutes and five seconds are are quite enjoyable. They do not last that much and the band is unable to leave much of an impression, but there have been worse early outputs these days. Give them a try I would say.

Modern bands have succeeded in emulating many of the great sounds of the 80’s, but one subgenre that has been largely ignored in present times (like it was in the 80’s) is US power metal. The US part may be a bit arbitrary, as it’s more about the sound, but in any case, newcomers Avalon Steel are from the US, and they play metal in the vein of classic bands like Omen, Manilla Road, and others. Much like those bands, Avalon Steel features a singer who is immediately noticeable as being completely unique. He has a huge bass of a voice, likely influenced by some doom bands or even Peter Steele (Carnivore/Type O Negative). He does have the ability to get into a higher range, but his more natural lower sound is great because it makes everything sound completely epic. He is one primary factor of what sets this EP apart from most modern metal, but there are definitely others as well.

In many ways this release is a rebellion against newer traditional heavy metal bands that have perfect production, soaring high vocalists, and endless shredding. In contrast, “Ascension” has a sound that isn’t excessively clean (though still pretty good sounding), a deeper vocalist, and more tasteful lead guitar playing. The solos are still relatively prominent on this release, but they aren’t simply there to be flashy. Musically, Avalon Steel tends to gallop along at a mid-paced tempo for most of the EP. Both “The Winter King” and “Curse of the Doomwraiths” make plenty of use of that charging sound in their verses, then lay off the gallops into a more melodic chorus. Both songs have enjoyable choruses, but it is the former track that is truly incredible. “The Winter King” is an immediate winner of a song, and you’ll find yourself humming along to the vocal lines after a single listen. This track really manages to capture the epic, majestic feel that a band like Cirith Ungol portrayed. “Curse of the Doomwraiths” is a bit less obvious in its quality, as it took a few listens to get into, but it is still quite a potent track. The final song, “Trapped In A Nightmare”, is largely similar to the other two, but it feels a bit less energetic for most of the track as it doesn’t use any galloping. Nevertheless, it is just as good of a song. The end of the chorus shows the heights of Tommy Parnelle’s vocal range. While this sound is not used often, it is certainly effective. Towards the end of the song, however, the speed picks up, which is pretty much the only time on the EP that things get pretty fast.

Overall, “Ascension” is a unique release in today’s times. They’ve brought back a sound that was under appreciated in its own time, and is still largely ignored by newer bands. If this EP is any indication of the band’s potential, they are going to make an impact in the metal scene. Don’t wait around for an album though; “Ascension” is worth every penny and then some!

Highlights
"The Winter King"
"Curse of the Doomwraiths"

Originally written for Skull Fracturing Metal
http://skullfracturingmetal.blogspot.ca/

Iced Earth – The Glorious Burden
After Horror Show, every release by Iced Earth has been a mess. And in retrospect, the albums previous to that release have a lot of flaws, even if they can be fun. The Glorious Burden probably marks the nadir of the band, although I wouldn’t put it past Schaffer to surprise me with something even worse. Iced Earth has shown it can handle epic ideas—the 16+ minutes of Dante’s Inferno, the Suffering trilogy from Dark Saga, and the Something Wicked trilogy are all excellently executed. Some of their best work. The bloodiness of American history set to metal—thrown in with some orchestral moments—could have been sonic gold. Instead, we get flashes of greatness with mostly dull, silly, and pretentious lead. Heavy metal that’s not worth much.

Iced Earth was one of the first metal bands I got into back in the 90s, so I used to have a soft spot for them. Burnt Offerings blew me away, and I listened to it repeatedly. But when I read some interviews with Jon Schaffer in which he came off as arrogant and conservative, and heard about the concept behind The Glorious Burden, I started to get nervous. ***Toss this. Maybe move that you like Burnt Offerings up into the opening paragraph, but the rest about personality and ideology has just been complained about so much that noone wants to hear it again.***

I’m neither especially patriotic nor anti-American. But ideology combined with metal doesn’t sit well with me. Napalm Death does a good job from the leftist side, but that’s because the ideas don’t get in the way of the music. Here, the music itself fails to match the intensity of war and national struggle, the themes behind every song. Iced Earth’s sound used to strike me as a combination of power metal and thrash, with the galloping guitar and epic atmosphere of power metal, but with the darker and more aggressive feel of thrash. While this album seems like it wants to continue in this tradition, the rhythms lack the dynamic power metal aspects, and aside from a couple of tracks, lacks the aggressive and darker tones of thrash.

In terms of guitars—riffs, solos, and melodies—there isn’t much to interest the listener. The pacing is very mid-tempo, and the lyrics and music all feel rushed and poorly thought-through. What seems to ruin a lot of The Glorious Burden, for me, is the sense that Schaffer tried to shoehorn his patriotism and obsession with history into epic songs that just don’t work. ***What's that got to do with guitars?*** That’s the downfall of a lot of concept-driven stuff, even though the literature lover in me does get a hard-on from the idea of combining metal and narrative.

Even though I think Matthew Barlow’s vocals best suit this band, I do love Ripper’s voice, and he does a very passable job on here. In fact, his vocals could have worked quite well with the music. Unfortunately he has shitty material to work with. The same applies to drummer Richard Christy, who returns from Horror Show, where he strengthened some of the more lackluster moments (Jekyll and Hyde, for example). Though he does a decent job, the drums never seemed especially important to IE for me, and there’s not a chance for him to do much that’s interesting. The elements were there to make this a solid album, but someone crapped in the pool and muddied the waters here.***beef this up somewhat. Where's the crap in the pool? Non-catchy vocal lines? Plodding lazy pace for the drums?***

Two of the most listenable songs are The Reckoning (Don’t Tread on Me) and Greenface. They have a thrashy feel to them, with Ripper doing some great high notes. Like 90% of IE songs, both get too repetitive, running good sounds into the ground. Greenface also has unfortunate lyrics extolling the green-painted faces of American soldiers hunting out “evil” subhumans in deserts and jungles (I’m not exaggerating, look at the lyrics), yet is catchy for all that.

The worst songs are Declaration Day, When the Eagle Cries, and Hollow Man. Rather than making me love America or headbang to terrorists being gunned down, they make me wish that the British had won the Revolutionary War so that we didn’t have to hear this. ***Highlights/ lowlights stuff is generally not welcome, especially since you do it better in the next paragraph!***

The Gettysburg trilogy, as others have noted, contains some of the more interesting pieces on the album. However, I am not in love with it. The first part, “The Devil to Pay,” starts out with some great energy and a hint of the epic-ness it is supposed to unfold, ***energy and epic-ness, derived from what?***but putters out by the end of the 12+ minutes this song lurches into. The next song, “Hold at All Costs,” really ruins the atmosphere for me. With ultra-cheesy (even by IE standards) lyrics, it starts out with a melodramatic set-up of a Union soldier lamenting that his best friend is fighting for the South. The music is bland and repetitive. In “High Water Mark,” the cheese stinks worse than Limburger, with some stupid dialogue between Generals Lee and Longstreet. Pretentious orchestration accompanies the mid-tempo guitar that sounds more rock than metal. Another pointless extension into 12+ minutes. A 30-minute long epic about the Battle of Gettysburg done by Iced Earth could have been superb, and there are gleams of what it could have been. The titles of the songs sound promising, but they are about the most rewarding part of this.

Subsequent releases, though not quite as bad, have been pretty forgettable, even with the amazing Stu Block (formerly of Into Eternity) on vocals the last few albums. The problem with IE is that they have great vocalists and ideas, but the execution has gotten more watered down, repetitive, and unimaginative over the years. I give The Glorious Burden such a low rating because of its musical failings, but also because it promises to be so much better than it actually is.

Nicklas Rudolfsson barks his way through the album. Like a caged lion he sounds vicious, dominant and not to be messed with – yet he sounds absolutely in control, too, as he knows when to show off with random ‘’oohs’’ and when to let the instrumentals do the talking. Most of the time Nicklas’ roars sound deep. Occasionally he pulls off a more agonizing shriek up that could make your hair stand up at night.

Guitars sound heavy and thick. Despite the downtuning and heavily distortion, riffs themselves are just as clear as one would have hoped for thanks to that giant guitar tone. Sometimes they’re played in a groove-y fashion or tremolo picked but most of the time grind along in a midpaced way and are demonstrated as wall of sound created by simple power chords. Leads themselves are tasteful, mournful and never get into the whammy-bar abused gritty squeak territory one would expect them to.

Keyboards pop up here and there – a risky move, as far as I’m concerned, but Runemagick know exactly what they’re doing here as they never come off forced, overlong or unnecessary and show up just in time, giving certain songs more depth and warmth.

Songwriting wise the /The Supreme Force of Eternity/ flows as good as it could have been. Starting off with the longest track on the end and ending with the shortest? Seems odd for a death metal release, but it definitely works here. Songs such as ‘’At the Horizons End’’ and ‘’The Supreme Force of Eternity’’ seem like every headbangers wet dream with plenty of hammering sludgy riffs to enjoy. The former going through some tempo changes and having most variety to offer as far as songs go here while the latter leaves no mercy for your neck and explodes right away like an volcano that’s about to erupt.

The cover art could be classified as something silly or appropriate. I’d go with the latter. An equipped beast in armor carrying a sword slaying down its enemies? I like that. Runemagick aren’t just about violence as one would think they would be however. Indeed, ‘’The Black Wall’’ does something I did not expect to hear at all the 4 minute track consists of just a few basic palm muted riffs keep repeating itself over and over again without changing mood or pace, slowly setting the listener into a trance. The song is dense, hypnotizing and eerie – yet features riffs that remain perfectly headbang-worthy. The final track is a chilling piece with an acoustic guitar showing up. It’s rather a journey, though, and I wish it was longer because the mysterious, cryptic vibe it conjures is just cool as hell. Way to end an album.

Runemagick have done something magnificent here, creating an album that truly stands on its own. An album that combines pounding aggression with ethereal melody and simply is well written. While some of the other albums by this band that I’ve heard are enjoyable, they just don’t quite tickle my testicles as much as this one does. Get this if you like your death metal slightly out of the box.