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The Review Feedback Workshop https://forum.metal-archives.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=16487 |
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Author: | TrooperEd [ Fri Feb 16, 2018 11:36 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
So I'm currently stuck between two punchlines to conclude a review, and I can't decide which one is funnier. Warning the joke is gross. Here's the setup: In conclusion, (album) is the harsh reality of first time anal sex with your girlfriend. Sure it may seem exciting, fun, and you may even want the thrill of blaspheming religious authority. Metal is supposed to be about breaking rules, isn't it? Fair points, but you also have a much higher risk of contracting disease, or even worse, (potential poo joke here). my punchline choices are:
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Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:09 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Remember, kids, analogies and similes are fine, but they have to follow. The example above is tasteless and bad, sure, but its real failure is that it's confusing because it's broken. More importantly though, kids, people will try to make you scared of someone else's ass, or worse, scared of your own. Don't be shy. Explore your bodies. Be hygienic, use protection, use lots of lube, and above all: communicate with your partner. |
Author: | ~Guest 282118 [ Mon Feb 19, 2018 2:05 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Grave_Wyrm wrote: More importantly though, kids, people will try to make you scared of someone else's ass, or worse, scared of your own. Don't be shy. Explore your bodies. Be hygienic, use protection, use lots of lube, and above all: communicate with your partner. You are the best person, Tomb_Dragon. |
Author: | ~Guest 135946 [ Wed Feb 28, 2018 10:53 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
ThrashFanatic wrote: Hey guys, I just wrote a review for Coven 6669's "Blessed Is The Black" and it is currently pending approval. If it gets approved, then feel free to give me feedback on it. I tried improving my formula this time around, and I read over it a few times. Let me know on how I can approve if there is anything I missed. Thanks guys! First off, I'd like to give you kudos on keeping it up and taking the criticism well. That makes you awesome in my book, especially considering the fact that during the same time as you were taking constructive criticism and thinking on it there was someone else doing the exact opposite. It was a great show of how immaturity meets maturity on this forum. As for the review: Make sure you keep your verbs in line. Coven is a band, not are. Its members hail from Seattle, but this is just a little thing that makes someone like me immediately roll my eyes when I see a mistake in the first sentence. I've done it plenty of times and it sucks to see just after writing for an hour, posting, and finding a typo right away. While you definitely show your voice in this latest review, my main gripe for now would be that you aren't honing your words and packaging them into more cohesive thoughts. This is keeping your writing amateurish at best. I know, we're not writing books here and nobody is Homer or Hemmingway, but there are outlying phrases that would do better to fill the body of a paragraph or could just be thrown out entirely. It comes across more as a preacher trying to be cool by flipping around a chair, sitting in it backwards, and 'rapping' with the kids about how cool Jesus was. It never worked in church and it doesn't come off well here when you are an authority on thrash, or at least seem like one considering how many albums you've gone through. "and I'll be reviewing it here...", that can just go. We know. The criticism in the second paragraph about the production isn't terrible, but rather than negate the criticism with that last line, let the criticism stand, maybe imagine what it could have been if the band rerecorded the album with modern technology. You can still criticize without totally throwing it away like that. It was good enough to say things like "The vocals often bury the guitars and bass" if you're going to talk about how they are played later on anyway. It's good to introduce a thought, but you don't need to say "There are two standouts however that I'd like to mention in greater detail." Just jump into it as Philip DeFranco says. "DEVASTATING RIFFS!" That's a bit much for me. I know, it's a little thing and there's no prescribed manual of style, but as much as it jumps out, it looks garish to me. "maybe that's the case who knows?". Now there is a place worthy of elaboration! Describe some of the massacre, maybe try to find if it fits in the lyrics. That kind of pedestrian thought just makes it seem like you're less enthusiastic about the album than you show in your score. You have so many reviews that highly praise all sorts of bands, but with such a pedigree why not capitalize on the obscure moments that many may not of heard of. That's a great place to show off some knowledge rather than, like has been said before, repeating the already known. Also, elaborate on the creativity that you liked in that song. Describing the music is better than just saying you liked it, especially if you're going over 90% on an album. Try to balance your writing with the score. By that I mean that if the band is truly that great, make sure you do it justice. If a band is totally awful, you can be brutal to it or dismissive. If a band is average, you can be pedestrian, but in all things, describe why you are the way you are with an album and you will be much better for it. Plenty of bands put in a year of work to make an album, some put in a decade. Why not reciprocate with some serious effort if the band truly deserves it? "I recommend this to fans of Metallica, Metal Church, Powermad, Meliah Rage, and Exodus." Rather than just say you recommend it to fans of those bands, tell us why they fit in with that set. Why are they on par with some of the greats and who are those naysayers that criminally underrate the album? What are detractors saying that you can argue against? I hope my criticism hasn't been harsh to you. Your voice is your own, it's up to you to make it heard. Right now you're working on it and doing well, but volume isn't anything if it doesn't come with diction and content. |
Author: | ThrashFanatic [ Thu Mar 01, 2018 1:49 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Five_Nails wrote: ThrashFanatic wrote: Hey guys, I just wrote a review for Coven 6669's "Blessed Is The Black" and it is currently pending approval. If it gets approved, then feel free to give me feedback on it. I tried improving my formula this time around, and I read over it a few times. Let me know on how I can approve if there is anything I missed. Thanks guys! First off, I'd like to give you kudos on keeping it up and taking the criticism well. That makes you awesome in my book, especially considering the fact that during the same time as you were taking constructive criticism and thinking on it there was someone else doing the exact opposite. It was a great show of how immaturity meets maturity on this forum. As for the review: Make sure you keep your verbs in line. Coven is a band, not are. Its members hail from Seattle, but this is just a little thing that makes someone like me immediately roll my eyes when I see a mistake in the first sentence. I've done it plenty of times and it sucks to see just after writing for an hour, posting, and finding a typo right away. While you definitely show your voice in this latest review, my main gripe for now would be that you aren't honing your words and packaging them into more cohesive thoughts. This is keeping your writing amateurish at best. I know, we're not writing books here and nobody is Homer or Hemmingway, but there are outlying phrases that would do better to fill the body of a paragraph or could just be thrown out entirely. It comes across more as a preacher trying to be cool by flipping around a chair, sitting in it backwards, and 'rapping' with the kids about how cool Jesus was. It never worked in church and it doesn't come off well here when you are an authority on thrash, or at least seem like one considering how many albums you've gone through. "and I'll be reviewing it here...", that can just go. We know. The criticism in the second paragraph about the production isn't terrible, but rather than negate the criticism with that last line, let the criticism stand, maybe imagine what it could have been if the band rerecorded the album with modern technology. You can still criticize without totally throwing it away like that. It was good enough to say things like "The vocals often bury the guitars and bass" if you're going to talk about how they are played later on anyway. It's good to introduce a thought, but you don't need to say "There are two standouts however that I'd like to mention in greater detail." Just jump into it as Philip DeFranco says. "DEVASTATING RIFFS!" That's a bit much for me. I know, it's a little thing and there's no prescribed manual of style, but as much as it jumps out, it looks garish to me. "maybe that's the case who knows?". Now there is a place worthy of elaboration! Describe some of the massacre, maybe try to find if it fits in the lyrics. That kind of pedestrian thought just makes it seem like you're less enthusiastic about the album than you show in your score. You have so many reviews that highly praise all sorts of bands, but with such a pedigree why not capitalize on the obscure moments that many may not of heard of. That's a great place to show off some knowledge rather than, like has been said before, repeating the already known. Also, elaborate on the creativity that you liked in that song. Describing the music is better than just saying you liked it, especially if you're going over 90% on an album. Try to balance your writing with the score. By that I mean that if the band is truly that great, make sure you do it justice. If a band is totally awful, you can be brutal to it or dismissive. If a band is average, you can be pedestrian, but in all things, describe why you are the way you are with an album and you will be much better for it. Plenty of bands put in a year of work to make an album, some put in a decade. Why not reciprocate with some serious effort if the band truly deserves it? "I recommend this to fans of Metallica, Metal Church, Powermad, Meliah Rage, and Exodus." Rather than just say you recommend it to fans of those bands, tell us why they fit in with that set. Why are they on par with some of the greats and who are those naysayers that criminally underrate the album? What are detractors saying that you can argue against? I hope my criticism hasn't been harsh to you. Your voice is your own, it's up to you to make it heard. Right now you're working on it and doing well, but volume isn't anything if it doesn't come with diction and content. Thanks so much for the advice, I appreciate it! I will try harder next time, I'll get rid of the "I'll be reviewing it here", "DEVASTATING RIFFS", "who knows?" and I'll also try to put more descriptive detail when I talk about the music. I'll also explain why the band sounds similar to other bands and I will try my very hardest. Thanks again, and I will return here once I write my next review. |
Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Sat Mar 03, 2018 2:06 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
ThrashFanatic wrote: I will try my very hardest. I'm sure you will. I want to second Five_Nails's support of your constructive attitude. It will serve you well. Five_Nails gave you a lot of good advice. While you're working on your piece, remember to focus more on the spirit and over all effect that his advice provides more than in making the precise edits. You have a personal style to develop here and a hell of a lot of enthusiasm and willingness. Remember that the advice given here is, one hopes, done with the intent to help you refine your craft. For instance DEVASTATING RIFFS!! could perhaps be made more pallatable by making it normal case letters instead of cutting it entirely. Stuff like that. A note isn't necessarily a cut, and any note is only a suggestion. Keep up the good work. We look forward to seeing what you do next. |
Author: | eva_daymon [ Tue Mar 06, 2018 5:19 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Hi, My last review is rejected, but i don't know why Can anyone tell me why ? Here it is: ************************ First of all, I must say that I found this band quite accidentally. The band was founded nine years ago and now releasing its debut album titled "Goddess of the Moon". The first impression of this album is that it's very layered and after each listening reveals more and more details. The songs do not have a standard structure. Styles and music are largely self contained and not quickly assimilated. The opening track Land of Perun begins with the sound of the viola da gamba, this instrument sounds in the most songs, together with other instruments such as the tambura and baroque flute. Very melodic and unfolding music, complex rhythms and epic choir parts and above all this the beautiful voice of the vocalist Kremena Nikolova. The good thing about this band is that they do not try to copy anyone but create their own distinctive style. The final song Some Other World is a true pearl with the sound of piano, complex rhythm and beautiful choir parts. Highly recommended for fans of Epica, Amberian Down and Leave's Eyes ************************ |
Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Tue Mar 06, 2018 10:28 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
This composition is up to Lack of sufficient musical description. Formatting is confusing, why not use actual paragraphs? It's the barest sketch of that might become something if you took the time to flesh out everything, but really you just need to read the rules as well as some other reviews here and see for yourself. |
Author: | TrooperEd [ Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:35 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Please help me smooth out the edges.
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Author: | TrooperEd [ Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:06 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Wait, where'd Five_nails critique go? I wanted to use it! |
Author: | BastardHead [ Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:44 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
That's uh... not a good one. It's the same issue you had with the original draft of your VDoP review, where you spend over half of the review talking about bands that are completely irrelevant to the album at hand. Going on and on and on about how subgenres are dumb because "it's all metal" is the most bafflingly nooby thing you've said in eons, and is the exact opposite of helpful in this sort of write-up. It leads to you constantly comparing it to bands and albums that it sounds precisely nothing like (never thought I'd see Sabbath, Motorhead, and fuckin Anthrax namedropped in a Blind Guardian review) and it makes it look like you only know ten metal bands. The third paragraph is mostly good, that's the kind of thing you need to focus on. Focus on what the album in question brings to the table. Referencing the context of the time around it is obviously a good thing but you harp on that more than the music itself and you do it in a really misguided way that constantly ties it to scenes that it never had any sort of attachment to. After the paragraph about the title track you speed through the rest of the album in a way that makes it look like you have to finish and submit the review before you clock out and go home in five minutes. The random dick joke in the final paragraph is also so forced and cringey that I got embarrassed and I didn't even write it. Obviously I of all people will tend to let crude humor be so it's not necessarily a rejectable offense, but it's really bad and one of the more blatantly tryhard instances you've come up with in a while. But really, for fuck sake lose the god damned chip on your shoulder about power metal not getting popular in America. It's so fucking played out from you at this point, I could write up a damn bingo card and black the whole thing out with each review of yours. We get it, you don't like grunge or groove metal and you're really salty that they became the new standard for heavy, edgy rock music in the 90s instead of more traditional metal resurgence in Europe but by now it's like you're arguing with your spouse and keep angrily stomping out of the bedroom and shouting "AND ANOTHER THING!" Because of this you keep doing weird shit like praising Blind Guardian for not descending into Dimebag-isms when they've been wholly detached from that scene from the outset of their career. OF COURSE they write riffs that Pantera wouldn't, same reason that Sodom doesn't include trap EDM in their songs. This has zero value in a review of a German power metal album. Maybe it might be worth mentioning something about it if you were writing about an album from a band that was once a pioneer in the 80s that found itself suddenly irrelevant and struggling to play catch up in 90s, but that doesn't describe Blind Guardian in the slightest. It's like you can't wrap your head around the fact that two things aren't related even though they happened around the same time. The joke around here is that you're secretly Eddie Trunk and things like that only reinforce the joke, it's like you're incapable of seeing things any way other than through the filter of major label releases in America. It's out of touch and frankly pretty incompetent on your part to constantly link these two completely separate scenes purely out of a long standing frustration with your preferred style not becoming a cultural phenomenon in your home country. Let. It. Go. |
Author: | TrooperEd [ Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:57 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Well the argument that I'm trying to make is that power metal is simply the next evolutionary step of what the 70s and 80s masters began with their more rock & roll influenced styles of metal. I didn't mean to say "it's all metal" in regards to every genre. Obviously Obituary needs a separate classification from WASP, but I don't think Hammerheart really needs a separate classification from Candlemass or Manowar (to use an example). Perhaps I could have been slightly more discriminating with my classic album examples (substitute Ace of Spades for Stained Class or British Steel, I don't know). Also the Eddie Trunk joke doesn't really work because he doesn't shill power metal even though he really should. I think I'm more mad about that than anything else. Not to mention if I was, I'd probably be pestering you guys about adding UFO to the archives. But yeah thanks for that feedback. |
Author: | Deathdoom1992 [ Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:19 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Okay, this is a review for Krokus's Change of Address. It's still a first draft but I feel like I've gone into excessive detail on some points and not gone into enough detail for musical description. Thanks in advance for any feedback, and apologies as it contains the on-site formatting for bolds and italics which may be a pain in the ass for you to read. Also, it's missing a conclusion, but I'll write that later when I'm happy with the main body of the review.
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Author: | SleeperManShish [ Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:49 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Hey people, I wrote a big Om review that got rejected a couple times, I tried editing out a part where I mashed my hand into the keyboard because there was an exciting part, but it still got rejected... The mod asked me to post it here. I'm not complaining, I know it's kind of a slobbering mess of a review but I chiseled away at the slobbers for a while to get it as good as I could (keyboard mash not included in that tbh) and just the way I liked. But just lemme know the offending parts & I'll chop them out / tone them down. Maybe there's stuff missing too but O GOD I don't even want to think about that side of things...
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Author: | SleeperManShish [ Sat Apr 21, 2018 4:00 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
OK I edited down a bit further and took out a couple bits about the stoned news presenter in the MRI scanner and my coffee machine being broken, which were superfluous as fuck now I think about it, hopefully the mods are good with it this time (y)
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Author: | Apteronotus [ Sat Apr 21, 2018 4:38 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
SleeperManShish, feedback is in the spoiler.
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Overall, it's clear you have the ability to write decent reviews. Your writing on this one though is extremely hampered by irrelevant asides and bloated metaphors. Based on your comment you've already started fixing the problem, you just need to wrap up eliminating the excess. |
Author: | SleeperManShish [ Sat Apr 21, 2018 6:24 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Oh gawd, it looks like I'm a long way off fixing this one tbh, I think I've probably judged the tone of this site all wrong. I wrote a few reviews on MA back in about 2005 and they were way wonkier than this, I probably should've checked up on what the reviews were like these days a bit before just bumbling on in the same style. But I did have a good laugh listening & writing it, & this is all stuff to bear in mind if I end up doing any other reviews (y) cheers! |
Author: | gasmask_colostomy [ Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:48 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
SleeperManShish wrote: Oh gawd, it looks like I'm a long way off fixing this one tbh, I think I've probably judged the tone of this site all wrong. I wrote a few reviews on MA back in about 2005 and they were way wonkier than this, I probably should've checked up on what the reviews were like these days a bit before just bumbling on in the same style. But I did have a good laugh listening & writing it, & this is all stuff to bear in mind if I end up doing any other reviews (y) cheers! Are you the guy who was called BringMeMyScissors? He also did super-rambley Om reviews (exclusively so) and dropped anecdotes about Channel 4 documentaries in a similar kind of British where-is-my-sanity style. Anyway, the poster above nailed the big issue here, which is that there's a lot of unnecessary stuff in the review. I know that Om's music is pretty boring to explain from a purely factual perspective, but I would suggest that you use some of those anecdotes and metaphors to describe the content rather than context, since MA cares a lot about actual description of the music, though stresses that reviewers should avoid exact, blow-by-blow accounts of an album. Also, it's worth noting that weird reviews will get excepted, but it tends to work against you if its the first review you're submitting because the moderators don't know your style and don't want to encourage you to write like that every time. As it is, I actually really liked the first draft because it's definitely entertaining, though if I were a prospective listener I would find it annoyingly verbose and unfocused. Don't give up! |
Author: | Deathdoom1992 [ Wed Apr 25, 2018 7:09 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
^^Seconded. I actually enjoyed the anecdotal, stream-of-consciousness style, but some of the metaphors are taken to such lengths (i.e. the opening paragraphs of the first draft) that it distracts from the overall review. If some of those were cut in lieu of musical description, this'd be an entertaining review. A prime example is the bit about Chris Hakius and his cymbal. The initial reference is amusing, then it is stretched out over a good 3 paragraphs to the point where it loses its novelty. |
Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Tue May 08, 2018 10:00 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
SleeperManShish, overall it's confusing, rambling and way too long. Focus it into some definable points and integrate any flavor text into it cohesion. Wandering through a tangential maze is only worth it if there's a pay off (or if there's literally nothing better to do with your time), but there's not enough treasure in this dungeon. I started skimming for content after the first couple of sentences, had to force myself past the first few paragraphs, started scrolling after the second heading, and stopped reading all together when I saw it was more of the same for ages. Edit, condense, and get to the point. |
Author: | cyriisman [ Thu May 10, 2018 4:21 pm ] |
Post subject: | Looking To Make This Review Better |
Looking for constructive criticism to help this review become better: I found this in the used bin in Buffalo and I now know why it was discarded. Very unconvincing death metal with amateurish growling vocals and inane lyrics. For some reason, they are billed as doom metal or sludge metal but I see none of that in their playing. Admittedly, the first song on the CD "Wrecking Ball" has a bit of a groove upon first listen but it just doesn't stick with you. The rest of the songs just come off as limp and unmemorable, almost as if they were written by kids who were trying to be a death metal band but really weren't into the music. Apparently, these guys have been around for awhile, not sure why, maybe they don't know when to call it quits. I guess they have a girl guitar player, another gimmick to cover for a sheer lack of talent? |
Author: | RustInPissZygadena [ Sat May 12, 2018 6:08 pm ] |
Post subject: | Review help request |
Hi to all English is my second language and I have some problems with posting one of the reviews. Could somebody help? Thanks! The first time I saw a little note about Pan.Thy.Monium was in 1992 while reading a Polish magazine called Morbid Noizz (by the way, on the very same page, I read about Sadness and Profanatica for the first time!). This short article was already intriguing. It said that the members of Pan.Thy.Monium are followers of the Raagoonshinnaah cult, that the main aim of the band was to play brutal death metal, but different from what the metal scene was serving at that moment, and that the band used unorthodox musical instruments like, for example, the saxophone. It also said that they had just signed a contract with Osmose productions, which will release their debut album very soon. After a while, in another magazine I came across a very positive review of “Dawn of Dreams”, which meant that the album was already out! Soon after that, I got my own copy of the cassette version at a music store in my home town, and I came back home excited and anxious to put it on my stereo and listen to it for the first time. I had never listened to anything like that yet in my life! In fact, I have never experienced something as different as “Dawn of Dreams” to this day – maybe with the exception of Pan.Thy.Monium's second album – “Khaooohs” from 1993. I reveled in the sounds from “Dawn of Dreams”, gradually immersing myself in the personal world of euphony that it spread in front of me. The cover of this cassette was an interesting compliment to the music – it didn’t include almost anything but the name of the band, the album title and a short motto, with a cloudy sky in the background. Carnage rec., the Polish publisher of this album, even put a short note inside the cover that they don’t have any information about the song titles, lineup, etc. But back to the music of Pan.Thy.Monium. This music is so exceptional, unique and original. All these epithets still perfectly illustrate the music of this band today, despite the fact that over 25 years have passed since it was released. Well – time doesn’t stand still… Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock…. – the sound of the clock over an enigmatic-sounding saxophone - that’s the way this album starts… Both the motto included on the cover of this album as well as some of Pan.Thy.Monium's other releases refer more than once to the motif of “passing time”. Over the years I have heard so many clones of some unique bands such as of Slayer, Sepultura, Celtic Frost or even younger, smaller bands like Absu or Destroyer 666 but I have never come across a band that tried to play in Pan.Thy.Monium’s style, which makes this music even more unusual! I don’t know – maybe because what these five guys created is just impossible to copy? I mean, the feel and magic these guys possessed while composing their stuff…? After all, you could call it death metal rooted mainly in the early Swedish death metal trade. But the way these tracks were composed is 100% Pan.Thy.Monium’s personal style! Most of the material is planted in mid tempos; sometimes the band accelerates to maniacal, bestial speeds but very often, suddenly we are offered such 100-ton slow-downs which with a mammoth’s grace level the listener out with the ground’s surface, squashing you with enormous heaviness. I love the drum arrangements from this album – seemingly not that technically advanced, but perfectly balanced. Every single beat, stroke, accent, passage, and fill suits this music, matching the guitar and bass lines. I could say the same about the guitar solos (Excellent bass solos can also be found here) – each has its own personality and its own character. In some tracks, we can hear the keyboards, but this instrument is used here to produce some special effects, mostly hidden behind the sound of the basic instruments (as for example in the first track at some point we can hear strange sounds that bring to my mind the sound of a navigation-system of a war submarine). As a matter of fact, I could go on and on and I still would not be able to explain of what is going on just in the first over 20-minute long composition! I think it might be easier to tell you what Pan.Thy.Monium didn’t use here You get spoken parts in the Spanish (?) or Portuguese (?) language, excellent bass lines, broken & varied tempos, some type of hand-drums, genius saxophone parts (I like these parts a lot!!!!), low growls and frenzied screams and so on. It is impossible to describe that shit! But despite all of that, I think that the genius of this album is not that these guys were not afraid to experiment, or that they used so many instruments, etc. I think that the main asset of this album is its honesty and naturalness. This avant-garde doesn’t sound forced, planned or like an artificial bending of the boundaries of death metal. In some parts, this music brings to my mind Tiamat from their debut album – this specific nostalgia and atmosphere of mystery. Other parts are drifting into weird, improvised-like regions, so fucked up that it is almost ambient & unreal. But these fragments match the rest of the music perfectly, and even if it is just a mixture of chaos & noises, I can’t imagine this album (this band) without these parts and using such experiments! The most insane in those terms is, in my opinion, the composition that closes “Dawn of Dreams”, where the vocalist’s demented growls repeat the word “Echo”, over and over again, and it is overlapped with a steady guitar riff resembling the march of an infernal beast. Strewn into that was the schizophrenic shrill of saxophone. The ending turns into sick whispers continuing: “Eeeeechooooo, eeeechooooo…oooo”. It sounds killer! For me, “Dawn of dreams” is not just the usual death metal album. It is a nearly 45-minute trip into an unknown and strange world! If somebody asked me what I could change in this album if I had this possibility the answer would be short and easy: “NOTHING!!!” It is a splendid album and perfect work! During the past over 20 years I have listened to this album many, many times, and I know it through and through but still it doesn’t bore me, and it still delivers indescribable sensations! I’m totally surprised that this is still a pretty unknown and underestimated album and band – even the big comeback of death metal didn’t change this fact, when all the average shit from the past is praised and excessively glorified. For me, personally, it is one of the best death metal albums that was recorded in the early 90s in Sweden! An absolute must for every single fan of death metal and fans of metal in general. PS – After some time, all the secrets came out, who the people behind Pan.Thy.Monium are, etc. I tried to listen to many different bands, projects, albums, etc created by these musicians (especially these involved Dan Swano) and sadly nothing succeeded to convince me as much as the music they created under the moniker Pan.Thy.Monium... |
Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Sun May 13, 2018 1:54 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
You can't be serious. |
Author: | Sultan of Purgatory [ Tue May 22, 2018 11:37 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
This place is still a joke 3 years later haha |
Author: | Babbette Baboon [ Wed May 30, 2018 3:39 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Hey people, I have two reviews that have rejection because of the grammars. Review number second I ask my friend to helps me but I am suspecting now he is a buffoon because it again recieves rejection. Does anyone helps me fix the lines that is wrong? Thanks you
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Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Wed May 30, 2018 11:12 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
I want my 4.23 seconds back. |
Author: | Peyp [ Sun Jun 03, 2018 3:29 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
I've rarely had any trouble getting my reviews through the queue but I still think they could be better. I've improved as of recently, but I want some feedback on one I may submit soon before the memorial challenge starts.
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Author: | Peyp [ Sun Jun 03, 2018 3:48 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Looking To Make This Review Better |
cyriisman wrote: Looking for constructive criticism to help this review become better: I mean, I'm not an expert at writing but I think the main problem here is that you need more meat on the bones. A review on this website should have a decent amount of paragraphs (I'd say around 5 or more, but I bet it could be pulled off with less; it really depends on the writing itself) and within those paragraphs should be more than a few sentences that are mostly medium to large in size (short sentences are good for frankness, imperatives, or comedic effect). Believe me, I get it, there's not a lot to say about this album because of how boring it is. I'd have trouble writing such a review too. But I'm certain you can expand your review on certain topics more. For instance: Although I don't mind the first sentence of the review as a start, you could give this band a proper introduction and then figure out a way to tie it in with your thoughts on the album if you're running out of things to say. Expand on the songwriting more. So it's mediocre. But what makes it mediocre? Is there really nothing else besides Wrecking Ball that stands out in a way? Relisten to the album and really consider that. Finally, focus on the band members and their performance. You hypothesize that the female guitarist is a gimmick. What makes it clear to you that she lacks talent? How do the rest of the members stand up? Maybe go in-depth about the growl technique as well? Also, use complete sentences. That second sentence needs to be fixed (though it's more likely to be scrapped while rewriting this). |
Author: | SpinRightRound [ Mon Jun 04, 2018 9:49 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
So I wrote this review (the title and the text are under the spoiler below).
Spoiler:
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Code: https://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Ария/Ночь_короче_дня/1096 (MA forum doesn't want to parse URLs with Cyrillic characters correctly for some reason, but this is not relevant here).It was rejected and the reason is spelling/grammar. I used a spellchecker, so I guess this must be grammar. I made two minor edits to change what could possibly be the problem (the text under the spoiler is the new edited text), but I am not sure if it's good enough yet. My main problem is that I am not a native English speaker, and I don't really have anybody to ask to review my review, except you. Therefore I kindly ask for help with this review here. Also I am not sure if I should transliterate Cyrillic song names when I refer to them in the review? I think I saw Cyrillic names in some other reviews, but it could be a false memory. |
Author: | gasmask_colostomy [ Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:39 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Peyp wrote: I've rarely had any trouble getting my reviews through the queue but I still think they could be better. I've improved as of recently, but I want some feedback on one I may submit soon before the memorial challenge starts.
Spoiler:
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Hey Peyp, I had a look at your X Japan review and felt like there were a couple of things you could consider. I definitely like the fact that this teaches me a lot about the band, because I've never listened to X Japan and don't really know anything about them. However, for people who already know the group, I bet a lot of that information will be readily available, either on the Metal Archives or through general band knowledge. As such, it's fortunate that the "historical" paragraph is at the end, because I could skip it if I already knew the details. On the other hand, for someone who doesn't know the band well, I really get very little idea what the music sounds like on Dahlia. You express the change in the band's sound quite clearly and tell the reader about the mix of genres that X Japan moved onto, though there are no detailed descriptions of how any particular song progresses or of highlights or outstanding moments. I can tell from browsing through the band's entry on this website that they go through quite a range of styles at different points, though most of your comments are built on having an understanding of the band's other work. Also, the comments on the contributions of each musician tend to have subjective descriptors like "impactful songs", "mastered his vocal range, and it sounds beautiful", "piano work sounds great". It's useful to know that the vocalist has improved his English pronunciation, but the others need some more concrete language. Another point from this that I think is great is that you analyse how the lyrical subjects have evolved and matured, which seems very useful in the context of a less heavy album. On the other hand, like quite a bit of the review, I think you could concentrate those comments into a more focused area, since you could probably cut 200 words from this without damaging the content. I'm usually verbose myself (as you can tell), but being succinct will maintain interest for reviews. |
Author: | gasmask_colostomy [ Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:49 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
SpinRightRound wrote: So I wrote this review (the title and the text are under the spoiler below).
Spoiler:
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Code: https://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Ария/Ночь_короче_дня/1096 (MA forum doesn't want to parse URLs with Cyrillic characters correctly for some reason, but this is not relevant here).It was rejected and the reason is spelling/grammar. I used a spellchecker, so I guess this must be grammar. I made two minor edits to change what could possibly be the problem (the text under the spoiler is the new edited text), but I am not sure if it's good enough yet. My main problem is that I am not a native English speaker, and I don't really have anybody to ask to review my review, except you. Therefore I kindly ask for help with this review here. Also I am not sure if I should transliterate Cyrillic song names when I refer to them in the review? I think I saw Cyrillic names in some other reviews, but it could be a false memory. Hey Spin, I've taken a look at your review and frankly I can't see many grammar problems in there. You do tend to repeat words quite a lot (such as 'obvious' in the third paragraph), but that's more like poor style than bad grammar. It's possible that someone has chosen the wrong reason for rejecting the review and that it's been rejected for lack of content, since that's probably what I would think about first. I'm aware that the description of the music basically comes down to "it sounds like Iron Maiden songs", but you could describe the sound of the instruments and singer a little more, as well as mentioning something about the album highlight you've chosen. At the moment, there's not much meat on the basic ideas. If you address those things and it gets rejected again, I think it must be someone taking exception to the Cyrillic. However, I don't think it's necessary for you to transliterate titles and people's names, since those are proper names. Hope it gets accepted soon. |
Author: | SpinRightRound [ Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:56 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Seems legit, thank you. I will think about it for a while and try again with an updated text in a few days. |
Author: | BastardHead [ Mon Jun 04, 2018 11:09 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
I don't think that's one of the ones I handled yesterday, though I do recall seeing it so maybe I did. Transliteration may make things easier for the readers to pronounce or understand but it's by no means a requirement if the source material is in the native script, so using Cyrillic isn't a problem at all. From the looks of things, your spelling and grammar is fine. Maybe your small edits were all that was needed, or more likely you got the default canned message for poor formatting, which includes "poor grammar" as one of the bullet points for what might be the problem. If that's the case, the rejecting mod likely meant that the issue was the section where you bullet point individual songs to point out where they were ripped off from. That's great to point all that out, but we really try to discourage easy list formats like that. What would be better is if you reworked that section into a regular paragraph and explained which parts were lifted, as opposed to just listing song titles. That would fix both your formatting and the relative lack of depth in your description. |
Author: | gasmask_colostomy [ Mon Jun 04, 2018 11:15 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
BastardHead wrote: I don't think that's one of the ones I handled yesterday, though I do recall seeing it so maybe I did. Transliteration may make things easier for the readers to pronounce or understand but it's by no means a requirement if the source material is in the native script, so using Cyrillic isn't a problem at all. From the looks of things, your spelling and grammar is fine. Maybe your small edits were all that was needed, or more likely you got the default canned message for poor formatting, which includes "poor grammar" as one of the bullet points for what might be the problem. If that's the case, the rejecting mod likely meant that the issue was the section where you bullet point individual songs to point out where they were ripped off from. That's great to point all that out, but we really try to discourage easy list formats like that. What would be better is if you reworked that section into a regular paragraph and explained which parts were lifted, as opposed to just listing song titles. That would fix both your formatting and the relative lack of depth in your description. Seconded. Yeah, the list was something I forgot to mention. Zap that and you'll be chilling. |
Author: | The Phobos [ Wed Jun 13, 2018 11:07 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
I made this review for the Possessed by Steel EP by Under Assault. Maybe one pf you could look over it and say what you think? Title: Possessed by solid Thrash Rating: 70% Under Assault is a paraguayan thrash metal band that was shortly signed to the now sadly defunct label Witches Brew. This is 7" was intended to be a kind of appetizer for a full length album that the band is (was?) recording and that Witches Brew would release. I don't know if they are still recording said album due to the already mentioned demise of Witches Brew, but that isn't the point of this review. This EP features two songs, Possessed by Steel and Necrobutcher. These songs were already featured on a spilt with fellow Paraguayan thrash band Evil Force,that was released in 2015. The two songs on this EP were rerecorded in 2017, but I can't say if they are superior to the original versions as I've never heard them. But now to the review of these two songs. Now to be honest I only bought this because it was cheap at the final Witches Brew online shop sale and I figured why not. I went in with no expectations and was pleasantly suprised. What we've got here a two solid thrash songs. They showcase some solid songwriting and not just someone slamming on a snare while shouting. The lyrics are your standard metal lyrics about death,gore and war and nothing special. There isn't really much to say about the songs except that they are solid thrash. Now to the performance of the band. The vocalist sometimes remind me a little bit (really only a little bit) of John Cyriis when he is not doing his high pitched scream. The vocals are better than your standard thrash singer, but not on a level with the legends (John Cyriis, Sheepdog etc.). The guitarwork is also good and the guitar solos are enjoyable.They have a nice tone and are propably the best thing about this EP. The bass isn't really that notable, you just feel that it's there and thats it. But after all this is thrash metal, which isn't relly known for its bass virtuosos . I can't say much about the drums, as I don't know much about drums but I would say that they are the weakest part of this recording. They don't sound that good and I feel that they propably drag the quality of the songs a bit down. Personally I think that the title track is the better of the two songs, but not by far. Maybe it's because Necrobutcher is a bit slower than Possessed by Steel. If you are a fan of thrash and want to expand your collection with a few 7" of underground bands, then I'd say buy this. If not, just check it out and hear for yourself. |
Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:33 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Musical description is lacking. You're speaking mainly in musical opinions. Formatting (spaces between paragraphs, quotations around track titles, etc.), punctuation (presense of and spaces around them), and capitalization all need fixing, and that means careful proof reading. Seems like you feel like the music is pretty meh, and I don't much see the point in reviewing something that's meh because those reviews end up being meh. Maybe review something you think is good instead. Up to you. |
Author: | The Phobos [ Sun Jun 17, 2018 3:12 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Thanks for the feedback. Maybe I should just review my favourite album. |
Author: | ~Guest 435953 [ Wed Jun 20, 2018 12:51 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
I wrote this review the other day and it got rejected. Why did it get rejected?
Spoiler:
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Author: | PaganiusI [ Wed Jun 20, 2018 1:09 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
Paragraph 1: Intro Paragraph 2: Tracklist with genre tags Paragraph 3: Tracklist with genre tags part 2, this time with at least some description of the music Paragraph 4: What instruments were used Paragraph 5 Conclusion To me this lacks an actual description of the sound/music itself rather than simpy calling it "Blues Rock", "Amazing" or "descent". How's the progression? How's the production? What are "competent riffs"? Try to add more depth. Why do Ozzy's vocals suit the atmosphere and what atmosphere gets created by the songs. How do they do that? Take the second part of your third paragraph and go from there. |
Author: | Grave_Wyrm [ Sat Jun 23, 2018 4:42 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: The Review Feedback Workshop |
It fails on some technical levels. The second and thirds paragraphs are a lazy, nondescript track-by-track. There are grammatical issues throughout. The arrangement of ideas is disorganized and meandering. But that's all standard stuff. My beef is with its truly impotent attempt at iconoclasm, in particular its failure to follow through on its main premise: "Does it hold up as many in the metal scene would like you to think?" Theoretically, the follow up is "NO, and here let me show you" with a review that goes on to competently critique the album. It does not, preferring to just sort of slag it off a bit. The arguments are weak; the comparisons are monotonous; the style is wordy and insubstantial. Utterly unconvincing and barely even a decent first draft. This critique of an enshrined legend, to use a baking metaphor, is raw dough. As Paul Hollywood said, "I won't be eating that." |
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