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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 984
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2020 10:34 am 
 

nightbreaker33 wrote:
Hi, guys, I posted some reviews a month ago and they were rejected because they had line breaks. Can someone please help me solve the line breaks problem because other websites and text cleaner from google docs do nothing. I would really appreciate it. Help, please. As I know, line breaks are like when one sentence has the same length as the next sentence. Or when a sentence is continued in the next sentence.

Nope, you are thinking about things like sentence fragments. Line breaks are not really an issue of writing, but of presentation. It's when you leave a blank line between one paragraph and the next.

See, I just made one. The line breaks should be appropriate. Not after every sentence, nor should your paragraphs be too long. If you are using line breaks very messily, your review will probably be rejected, but it's an easy problem to fix.

Hope you can post your edited reviews soon. If you have further problems, post them in this thread and someone can take a look.
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nightbreaker33
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2016 11:20 am
Posts: 293
PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 11:16 am 
 

Image

An Example

So the problem here is that I can tell it's a bit messy because the sentences don't have the same words and there are blanks in all the paragraphs that make it look bad ok I get it. How do I solve this problem though? Do I need to write it from scratch or is there an option on apache open office ( That's what I'm using because it's free).

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 984
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 11:42 am 
 

nightbreaker33 wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image


An Example

So the problem here is that I can tell it's a bit messy because the sentences don't have the same words and there are blanks in all the paragraphs that make it look bad ok I get it. How do I solve this problem though? Do I need to write it from scratch or is there an option on apache open office ( That's what I'm using because it's free).

From reading this, I feel that the problem is not line breaks, but the length of your sentences. Especially in the first paragraph, you have really massive sentences that need to be broken into 2 or 3 parts each, in order to make the meaning clearer. For the first sentence, here's my suggestion:

"Crystal Winds is an old underground band from Greece that got its first opportunity to record a small album of 4 tracks [a 4-track EP] in 2016. Previously, the band had recorded a self-released demo in 2004 with vocalist Giannis Britsas, now of Crimson Fire fame, though this recent release features an entirely new line-up, except for founding member Giannis Vrontis."
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Oxenkiller wrote:
I was driving out west to visit family for Christmas the other day, and in the middle of Nevada I turned on the radio. And guess what; lo and behold, they were playing the newest Sloth single!

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 9758
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 11:47 am 
 

Well from that screenshot I can also tell you right away that the line breaks are wrong. This is by far the most common formatting issue I've seen in my years in the queue and I really should get on somebody to rewrite the rules to be less confusing, because it asks for "two keystrokes" and so many people misinterpret that as "two blank spaces", when really we only want one. We want spaces between paragraphs to look like

this, not like


this, like you have it. Yeah technically that is "two keystrokes" of the enter key but I swear tons of people read "two" and then let their brain fill in the most logical next word in that context. Run on sentences can be an issue, sure, but it's much, much lower of a formatting priority because damn yo we're writing metal reviews, not thesis statements. Unless every paragraph is one two hundred word sentence I don't think that's going to cause much of an issue.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
Location: Across the croggy plain
PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 12:40 pm 
 

Nice to see your name in red, BH.
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Metantoine
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11867
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 1:39 pm 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
Nice to see your name in red, BH.

Nice to See Your Name In Red sounds like a mid 2000s screamo band.

nightbreaker33, like previously said, your sentences are way too long. Read the review aloud, it can help you add some punctuation to the whole thing.
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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 913
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 3:50 pm 
 

I thought BH's name was in red since the beginning of the year
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
Location: Across the croggy plain
PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2020 1:37 am 
 

Sweetie wrote:
I thought BH's name was in red since the beginning of the year

That may well be true.

Metantoine wrote:
Nice to See Your Name In Red sounds like a mid 2000s screamo band.

I almost felt happy
But now I feel dead
So fucking empty
I painted your name in a straight line
All of the things that I never said
Everything in my head
Blood red
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plague_witch
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:08 pm
Posts: 8
PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2020 1:33 pm 
 

hello. i wrote a few reviews and they were all accepted but i am curious as to how they compare to other peoples opinions of reviews. i don't really like reading long reviews (i sleep) so all of mine are pretty short - maybe that is good, maybe that is bad. anyway, they're mostly for bands that had no reviews and also they are all positive since i don't know how i would review something i don't like. i just felt like collecting my thoughts on some albums/EPs more cohesively than just "i like". any thoughts welcome

https://www.metal-archives.com/users/plague_witch

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ThStealthP
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:16 pm
Posts: 665
Location: Dominican Republic
PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 12:08 am 
 

Image

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 984
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 5:26 am 
 

plague_witch wrote:
hello. i wrote a few reviews and they were all accepted but i am curious as to how they compare to other peoples opinions of reviews. i don't really like reading long reviews (i sleep) so all of mine are pretty short - maybe that is good, maybe that is bad. anyway, they're mostly for bands that had no reviews and also they are all positive since i don't know how i would review something i don't like. i just felt like collecting my thoughts on some albums/EPs more cohesively than just "i like". any thoughts welcome

https://www.metal-archives.com/users/plague_witch

I know you got feedback on your Sabaton review in the main thread, but that was mostly about the opinion. I just read your Dissipate review and noticed a few things:
- Good overall use of language, including some non-standard descriptions (e.g. "masticated"), which I find help to define the mood of an album.
- In-depth description of the music, from both technical and emotional points of view.
- Poor structure that just vomits forth basic information about the album and then settles into (almost) track-by-track analysis. Write an intro or some general impression first.
- A few dodgy bits of punctuation. I've spotted commas used where you need something more substantial: try colons.
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Oxenkiller wrote:
I was driving out west to visit family for Christmas the other day, and in the middle of Nevada I turned on the radio. And guess what; lo and behold, they were playing the newest Sloth single!

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 984
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:33 am 
 

ThStealthP wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image

I'm assuming you posted this because it was rejected? Please tell us what you want help with, we are not mind-readers.

If it was rejected, I can suggest several things for you to improve:
- You are mostly comparing Genesis to Doom. That's useful for anyone who know JFAC due to their EP, but useless for everyone else. You need to describe the album itself, not just saying it's more/less something than Doom.
- When you try to describe the sound of the album, it's too basic and unclear. You say the riffs are more consistent, more technical, and like Decapitated and Nile. You also say they don't exactly sound like Decapitated and Nile. So I don't know what the riffs really sound like. You say that Doom had slams and breakdowns, but I don't know if this album has.
- Mostly you are saying whether each bandmember performs well or poorly. We know they perform well because you say the album is good, but I want to know what they are doing. Of course the guitarists play riffs and the drummer plays blasts and double bass - how are they making music with them?
- Describe some of the songs, for god's sake.
- The structure is really boring, going one by one through the band. That's not how we listen to music, so try to focus on more general things sometimes and more specific things at other times.

Your writing isn't bad, but the way you have approached the review needs big changes. You should be reviewing and describing Genesis, but you have written "My evaluation of how JFAC members improved betweenDoom and Genesis".
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Oxenkiller wrote:
I was driving out west to visit family for Christmas the other day, and in the middle of Nevada I turned on the radio. And guess what; lo and behold, they were playing the newest Sloth single!

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ThStealthP
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:16 pm
Posts: 665
Location: Dominican Republic
PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 10:58 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
ThStealthP wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image

I'm assuming you posted this because it was rejected? Please tell us what you want help with, we are not mind-readers.

If it was rejected, I can suggest several things for you to improve:
- You are mostly comparing Genesis to Doom. That's useful for anyone who know JFAC due to their EP, but useless for everyone else. You need to describe the album itself, not just saying it's more/less something than Doom.
- When you try to describe the sound of the album, it's too basic and unclear. You say the riffs are more consistent, more technical, and like Decapitated and Nile. You also say they don't exactly sound like Decapitated and Nile. So I don't know what the riffs really sound like. You say that Doom had slams and breakdowns, but I don't know if this album has.
- Mostly you are saying whether each bandmember performs well or poorlycorrectow they perform well because you say the album is good, but I want to know what they are doing. Of course the guitarists play riffs and the drummer plays blasts and double bass - how are they making music with them?
- Describe some of the songs, for god's sake.
- The structure is really boring, going one by one through the band. That's not how we listen to music, so try to focus on more general things sometimes and more specific things at other times.

Your writing isn't bad, but the way you have approached the review needs big changes. You should be reviewing and describing Genesis, but you have written "My evaluation of how JFAC members improved betweenDoom and Genesis".

I just wanted to know if the spell / grammar were correct, Is that all. It's a rewritten review from yesterday

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 984
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 5:49 pm 
 

ThStealthP wrote:
gasmask_colostomy wrote:
ThStealthP wrote:
Spoiler: show
Image

I'm assuming you posted this because it was rejected? Please tell us what you want help with, we are not mind-readers.

I just wanted to know if the spell / grammar were correct, Is that all. It's a rewritten review from yesterday

Passable but not great. As you can see from my earlier post, you’ve got bigger problems. Also, please remember to communicate well in this thread too.
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Oxenkiller wrote:
I was driving out west to visit family for Christmas the other day, and in the middle of Nevada I turned on the radio. And guess what; lo and behold, they were playing the newest Sloth single!

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plague_witch
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:08 pm
Posts: 8
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2020 6:45 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
- Poor structure that just vomits forth basic information about the album and then settles into (almost) track-by-track analysis. Write an intro or some general impression first.
- A few dodgy bits of punctuation. I've spotted commas used where you need something more substantial: try colons.


Thanks for picking these up. Really helpful - inadvertently slipping into track by track for an EP feels much easier to do than for a full length.

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MohawksAmongUs
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2016 6:14 pm
Posts: 3
Location: Chile
PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:40 pm 
 

Hi, everyone. I wrote a review for Cattle Decapitation's "The Harvest Floor" and it got rejected due to spelling/grammar errors that make it difficult to read. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing wrong, so I'd love to hear your feedback.

Spoiler: show
Cattle Decapitation has a quite technical approach to deathgrind. The band experiments a lot with rapid sweep picking, non-stop shredding, and intricate songwriting. It is obvious that they are extremely talented - but can they deliver a proper album?

Let's start with the way this release is structured. There are flurries of rapid, dissonant notes that seem to clash with each other. An example of this can be found in the intro for "The Ripe Beneath The Rind": a swirl of confused, discordant notes that lasts mere seconds before going back to more orthodox riffing patterns. In contrast, one can find melodic, upbeat, and progressive passages which create a sort of sonic link between these two styles. Think of them as a less refined version of the melodies found on "Monolith Of Inhumanity".

Occasionally, the band slows down and delves into slam death metal territory; since CD plays in D# tuning, these slams unfortunately don't pack much heaviness.

The drumming is probably the most remarkable trait here. David McGraw performs a multitude of methods: relentless blast beats, groovy rhythms, and at times, patterns that are seemingly undirected, following the steps of the cacophonous string section. The bass, which is pretty high in the mix, seems to battle against the guitars, shining through the sharp, crystalline production.

Travis Ryan uses a myriad of techniques that prevent the music from becoming too dull. Standard death metal growls, incredibly raw and animalistic shrieks, extremely low gurgles - a truly versatile vocalist.

Despite the proficiency shown on this album, CD fails to comply with one of the most important factors in any musical project: memorability. At times, it sounds like the band members threw around a bunch of riffs with no real coherence or structure. It's not a bad album, but there are much more solid deathgrind releases out there.

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Slater922
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 36
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2020 1:30 pm 
 

MohawksAmongUs wrote:
Hi, everyone. I wrote a review for Cattle Decapitation's "The Harvest Floor" and it got rejected due to spelling/grammar errors that make it difficult to read. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing wrong, so I'd love to hear your feedback.

Spoiler: show
Cattle Decapitation has a quite technical approach to deathgrind. The band experiments a lot with rapid sweep picking, non-stop shredding, and intricate songwriting. It is obvious that they are extremely talented - but can they deliver a proper album?

Let's start with the way this release is structured. There are flurries of rapid, dissonant notes that seem to clash with each other. An example of this can be found in the intro for "The Ripe Beneath The Rind": a swirl of confused, discordant notes that lasts mere seconds before going back to more orthodox riffing patterns. In contrast, one can find melodic, upbeat, and progressive passages which create a sort of sonic link between these two styles. Think of them as a less refined version of the melodies found on "Monolith Of Inhumanity".

Occasionally, the band slows down and delves into slam death metal territory; since CD plays in D# tuning, these slams unfortunately don't pack much heaviness.

The drumming is probably the most remarkable trait here. David McGraw performs a multitude of methods: relentless blast beats, groovy rhythms, and at times, patterns that are seemingly undirected, following the steps of the cacophonous string section. The bass, which is pretty high in the mix, seems to battle against the guitars, shining through the sharp, crystalline production.

Travis Ryan uses a myriad of techniques that prevent the music from becoming too dull. Standard death metal growls, incredibly raw and animalistic shrieks, extremely low gurgles - a truly versatile vocalist.

Despite the proficiency shown on this album, CD fails to comply with one of the most important factors in any musical project: memorability. At times, it sounds like the band members threw around a bunch of riffs with no real coherence or structure. It's not a bad album, but there are much more solid deathgrind releases out there.

There are some grammar issues I'd recommend fixing up:

    "Cattle Decapitation has a quite technical approach to deathgrind." should be "Cattle Decapitation has quite a technical approach to deathgrind."

    You should add a semicolon after "'The Ripe Beneath The Rind'", so it's "'The Ripe Beneath The Rind'; a swirl of..."

    "Think of them as a less refined..." should be "Think of it as a less refined..."

    "the band slows down and delves into slam death metal..." should be "the band slows down and dives into slam death metal..."

    "The bass, which is pretty high in the mix..." should be "The bass, which is pretty high in the mixing..."

    "Standard death metal growls..." should be "With standard death metal growls..."

    "CD fails to comply with one of the most important factors in any musical project..." should be "the CD fails to comply with one of the most important factors in any musical project..."

There are probably other grammar mistakes I didn't found, but these are the ones I recommend fixing. The review is decent overall, but its grammar issues are a problem.
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 9758
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2020 1:58 pm 
 

I wasn't the rejecting mod, but I would never reject a review for completely insignificant word choice nitpicks like that. Every single one of those is fine as it is.

What I suspect the problem is is simply how it's written. It's very fragmented with loads of full stops and kinda reads like See Spot Run. "This is like that. That is like this. Sometimes a colon: but then it's like this". Try to make your sentences and ideas flow into one another, expand on what you're describing beyond three or four words describing what techniques they're using. How do the different elements and instruments interact with each other? How is the work when taken as a whole? You touch on most things we want in a review but it's like six words each and it's kind of a tedious read despite its brevity.
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niix
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:48 pm
Posts: 483
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:56 pm 
 

so I finally entered my first review, after all these years- and it was rejected. any particular reason ? it was for Kalmankantaja 'Musta Lampi'
.
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Slater922
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 36
PostPosted: Tue Jun 30, 2020 10:21 am 
 

niix wrote:
so I finally entered my first review, after all these years- and it was rejected. any particular reason ? it was for Kalmankantaja 'Musta Lampi'
.

Can you at least show us the review so we can help you on it?
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