Okay, we all know and love ANA, but I feel like I need to further shower praise on him by saying that this paragraph:



Is one of the best on the site. I don't know why, but this cracked me up far more than it should have.

Actually, the entire thing is fantastic, everybody should read it right now.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=3626#115569

Jesus, man, can you change the station?... I've had a rough night and I hate The fucking Eagles, man

And finally, the last stinker: The Evil that Men Do!! Oh yes, how the hell is this song considered a classic? Whiny lyrics, very poor guitar work, annoying chorus... yes, it's that bad! One of the most overrated heavy metal pieces, really.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, ambient/post-rock, what the hell? I know Agalloch can do better than to explore new territories and add new influences to their sound. So disappointing.

Intention does not equal quality. Simply incorporating new influences into your sound means nothing if you can't do it well. Oh, and did it ever occur to you that he may not like ambient/post-rock, and thinks they were taking their talents in the wrong direction?

He simply states that he found the new direction disappointing because it's no longer the same folk-metallish Agalloch that he likes.

I suppose we just interpret the review rather differently then, nothing to do about that. I thought it was very strongly claiming that Agalloch's change is bad, not that post-rock is bad.

That really isn't a problem. I don't like metalcore and if I reviewed a metalcore album, I'd definitely say so and justify my negative scoring with that sentiment.

I think their points are that the criticism of it for being post-rock, in itself, is alright, but he didn't back it up with reasons as to why he doesn't like post-rock. Or maybe I'm misinterpreting it?

Boring is incredibly vague; I could say watching golf on TV is boring and metalcore is boring and be completely truthful in each case. For that matter I could probably say every album I don't like is boring, and be reasonably accurate. Still sticking to very general terms, "boring" can be narrowed down quite a bit; does the music meander too much, lacking a suitable climax? Is it too repetitive? Are the riffs/melodies/vocals/whatever simply not very good? Some combination of the above? Golf on TV would perhaps fall into the second category, while metalcore fits the third.

For another example, what if I were to say about Chaos AD that Sepultura lose some thrash and gain more groove, and that the album is boring because of that? It would be true, it would even tell you something useful about the album if you'd heard nothing about it before, but if that were pretty much all I said it wouldn't be a good review. The Agalloch review describes some tracks, sure, but the post-rock parts -apparently the main reason for his giving the album such a low score- are summarily described as "boring". That's it.

This band is nice. This album is nice. It's just something you put on, lie back, and relax. You know, kind of like Enya, Sigur Rós or those relaxation CDs you can buy at the supermarket with sounds of ocean waves or tropical rain or whatever. It is very nice. Very relaxing. Very comfortable. But quite frankly, there's a bit of a problem with that, for me at least. The problem is the same that plagues aforementioned "artists": There's absolutely nothing behind this music. It's as shallow as that breeze on your "sounds of nature"-CD. Where other bands come at you with the force of a tidal wave, Agalloch trickles by like the sparse remains of a long-passed mild rain in the gutter. You know, the type of stuff that makes muzak seem exciting in comparison.

This actually made this review one of the hardest for me to ever write, because this whole thing is just so unmemorable that every time it was over I had to put it on again just to refresh my memory on what it was like. When everything just passes by you without impact it is hard to find something to either praise or lament. There's just nothing at all. No drive, no hooks, no atmosphere, no emotions, no message... Nothing to jumpstart your imagination or to get you thinking, or at least something to rhythmically nod your head to, it's all missing here. It goes far beyond "unspectacular", it's just nothing at all.

The music itself is, I don't really know what to say, because I already used the word "unspectacular" about a handful of seconds ago. The whole band sounds like they swallowed more valium than even pharmacies from the United States would allow one to consume. The guitarist certainly sounds like the only thought on his mind is going to sleep as soon as possible, and apparently his band members forced him to record an album on the most excessive sleep deprivation imaginable. Not sure if there was even any songwriting involved, or just going along with playing the most obvious of scales, I really wouldn't know, but everything on this record does sound like I have heard it about four billion, three hundred and seventy-four million, two hundred and thirty-six hundred and six hundred ninety three times before.

The bass is playing something I guess, sometimes even trying to be prominent, but it makes me care about it about as much as those little commercials about black kids in some backwards part in Africa looking for a foster parent do. And the drummer, well, he does his job, but quite frankly, doing one's job as a drummer and providing some generic background beat isn't exactly something to write home about.

That leaves us with what? The vocals and the keyboards? Oh don't get me started. Well, you may get me started on the vocals, because they are about as spending your day watching grass grow, but I guess they are somewhat acceptable on some kind of superficial level. I mean, yeah, they go in one ear and straight out of the other, but they aren't offensive in any way, they just kind of exist and do whatever the fuck it is they are trying to do without ever accomplishing anything of any significance, but I can live with that, I suppose. It's nice. Quite nice. Without substance, but, well, "nice". The keyboards are probably the only thing about this album that remotely approaches something along the lines of being not easy to stomach, but not in an excessive manner, either. They play their nice relaxing tunes as well, and they do sound annoying at times, but they just plod along as well, just doing their nice "lay down on the bed and fall asleep" kind of thing, trying to put you to a very nice and restful sleep.

Every single melody on this album seems either carefully crafted to make you fall asleep very comfortably, or just like something very boring people would think might be exciting. The way it is, it doesn't really matter, it's, well, kind of nice, quite relaxing, but there's absolutely nothing behind it, no creativity, no passion, no emotion, no vision, no workmanship, it just kind of does its thing, you never really pay attention to it, and never really feel the need to do so, either. Just some background stuff you wouldn't mind hearing while being stuck in an elevator, but nothing you'd listen to by your own free choice.

That's why it's a review.

If you'd never heard Agalloch before you'd think that they were an Enya cover group or something.

but it makes me care about it about as much as those little commercials about black kids in some backwards part in Africa looking for a foster parent do.

I found it to be an excellent review, in my opinion it should stay, no questions asked.

Not very informative or descriptive, but gives an idea of the album's biggest problem.

I suppose some 'metal' examples instead of Enya would have helped there.

I agree that it's not my best, but, as I said early in the review, it's not an easy album to write about because there is so little to review.

Sounds like you just have a really strong opinion on it. I don't consider myself anywhere near equal to you as a reviewer, but I could've easily written a more descriptive one.