Not a specific passage, but apparently this guy is reviewing his own release...
http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=217471

His username and email refers to the band, so I'm guessing he's either a huge fan or a member of the band. In case of the latter, his review self-fellatio of a massive scale and probably oven-worthy. But then he might just aswell be a big fan.

No wai. What post-rock band do they sound anything like? I'm just saying, they usually get lumped into the same "hipster post-rock/black metal" category as WitTR, who are a hell of a lot more post-rock sounding than Krallice. The only post-rock influence I really get out of Krallice is the relative lack of vocals. The more ambient sections sound like a prog band's ambient sections, not the quieter parts of a post-rock song. Not to mention the fact that Krallice definitely do a lot of wanking type stuff, which you'd never, ever hear on a post-rock record.

What's so post-rock about Wolves In The Throne Room in the first place? If Krallice aren't more post-rock than them, then I'm happy to say that neither band is actually influenced by post-rock.

None of the post-rock black metal bands are THAT influenced by post-rock exactly, it's just a good shorthand for talking about that pseudo-hipster sound.

I'm not sure about Krallice, but if I remember correctly, WitTR have said in interviews that they don't listen to post-rock and therefore aren't influenced by it. However, they do have some decidedly post-rock moments:
Two Hunters: All of Dia Artio, the first half of Cleansing, and the intro, middle part starting at about 6:20 until about 8:05, again from about 10:05 to 13:15, and the entire outro of I Will Lay Down My Bones...
Malevolent Grain: Practically all of A Looming Resonance, the second half of Hate Crystal
There is less of this sound on Diadem of 12 Stars, and I've only listened to Black Cascade twice so I can't really comment there.

Anyway, these parts sound somewhat similar to the more depressive side of things from bands like Mogwai, Mono, and even the more guitar oriented parts of GY!BE.

I came across this gem during my obscure thrash research.



I'm sure it's been mentioned before, but I feel like I HAVE to reiterate it. Seriously, it's one of my favorite sentences ever used in a review.

The Dali bit is pretty good, but car washes are pretty fucking exciting. He could have picked a more boring activity, like filing TPS reports.

Hrmh. Do US car washes have free bj's, live concerts, acid trips or something? Can't imagine going to a car wash exciting otherwise, by any stretch of the word.

None of the above. I suppose it's a syndrome of having grown up without very much money, so going to a car wash was a rare event and I was just fascinated by the complete automation of the process. One of those childhood things that remains cool, I guess. I'm sure (read: I hope) others can sympathize.

After reading this, I died a little inside. Is this supposed to be reasoning?
(New review for "Versus" by The Haunted)

Did this review get taken down? I'm assuming so since I can't find it. Can't say that I'll miss it, this sort of a statement in a review could render even a well written opinion unreadable.

Nope, still there.

Chugging in thrash? By gods!

This review needs to be taken down.

He has that annoying checklist approach. Guitars play riffs. Can't hear bass. Vocals? There's this guy who sings.

Dawnoftheshred on Electric Wizard's 'Chrono.naut':



HOLY SHIT REALLY!?!?!?

Shit, I'm screwed, all my reviews are checklists in disguise.

Most of mine are like that, sadly. I'll go talk about all the instruments in order and then comment on the vocalist, damn.

I do it with some things subtracted and replaced with others. Usually guitars, vocals, production, and atmosphere. Sometimes drums if they play a noticeably different role. Some may criticize the lack of bass analysis, but I really don't feel like repeating "It doesn't do much of substantial value, but I'm sure I'd notice if it wasn't there" for the fiftieth fucking time.

I really think that's the toughest part of reviewing; trying to some up a sound that isn't just a bulk of barely coherent "stream of conscious" rambling, but doesn't sound too systematic, like it's been written by MS Review Simulator 07 edition.

It doesn't bother me if it's well hidden and fits well with the overall cohesion of the review. I notice the same thing in some of my reviews, but I usually don't write about it if I don't have anything particularly relevant to say.

When not hidden in anyway it can really mar an otherwise great reviewer's work. For instance, I love almost everything about Cynical's stuff, but I loathe the way he so strictly adheres to that format.

I'm completely unapologetic about one thing: I always stick to a systematic approach to reviewing albums. Otherwise, it seems to me that a review inevitably focuses overly much on certain aspects of an album's sound. Having a review 'checklist' allows a reviewer to discuss aspects of the album that may be very important to the reader even if the reviewer doesn't give it the same importance. Indeed, having a system renders reviews clearer, more logical, and (therefore) more useful than they would otherwise be. I don't read reviews for fun; I read reviews to find out whether or not I should buy an album.

I totally agree with Thomash. I'm exactly the same. I prefer serious reviews to the fun loving one's with comical metaphors and such. I like to have a system as it makes me feel as if I'm adhering to clarity.

If there's a point I really want to stress, I don't mind of it shadows other lesser points. I don't think every review needs to follow the same rules, I write about whatever I feel like. Of course, sometimes I realise that maybe I should say a word or two about the production or how the instruments are played or something, but that's extra.

It DOES, man.

Yeah, I probably should've checked the album info. That wasn't meant as a "who the singer is really ripping off BG" or anything like that.

Yeah. You beat me to criticizing the album though, I've been planning to do it for weeks. I'm giving it 20 points higher though. I find it quite charming.

Well, it's got some high highs but some really low lows. Wishing Well is really terrible.

deepred's Austere review:
To some extent?? Oh, like, the 25 minutes long song on Filosofem? Yeah, I remember that! Glad he got over it on Dauði Baldrs, right?

Good review though.

The opening paragraph of Cheeses's Cosmic Atrophy completely cracked me up!



Just thought I'd thank him for bringing some joy to my otherwise grey, miserable existance.

What is a romantic influenced aura of structure?

Mocking drums, I can totally hear it.

If you listen really close, you can hear the "neener neener".

It seems to me (correct me if I'm wrong, though) that many people think post-black metal (Solefald) and post-/black metal (that is, post-metal/black metal; Altar of Plagues) are synonyms, which could be where some of the confusion lies.

What do you guys think?

Just have to mention this passage got a big laugh out of me.

Hooray! I'm spreading happiness.

I just ordered Martyr's Feeding the Abscess so I'm disappointed to learn that:

Definitely a minus.

Even though I understand the distinction, on terminology (don't like the music either though)

The terminology isn't the best, but it's the most commonly used and everyone who has heard it knows what it's referring to.

"I would think that making music this terrible would require some insane Rube Goldberg contraption to harness the power of pure fucking tastelessness with which to drive their instruments, but perhaps even more remarkably, all evidence points to Nokturnal Mortum figuring this out ALL ON THEIR FUCKING OWN,..."



Quoted from Noktorn's NeChrist review. I also agree with the score, what a shitty album.

Yeah, good to see some bashing done on that album. Fuck, it's bad. Nice one, Noktorn.

Makes no sense considering the quality of their earlier shit.

Agreed. Lunar Poetry is majesty.

Damn straight, Lunar Poetry and Goat Horns are some of the best Black metal I've ever heard. How they went form those two... NeChrist, is beyond me.