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Review passages: The good, the bad, and the what the christ
https://forum.metal-archives.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=29824
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Author:  Vlachos [ Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:50 pm ]
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FierceBlackandWicked wrote:
EXACTLY! I'm saying Empyreal is not familiar with Manowar. He just knows what the music is like. Think for a moment, dude. :roll:

...Yeah. I can't talk to you, dude.

Author:  Lippyass Major [ Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:51 pm ]
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Vlachos wrote:
FierceBlackandWicked wrote:
EXACTLY! I'm saying Empyreal is not familiar with Manowar. He just knows what the music is like. Think for a moment, dude. :roll:

...Yeah. I can't talk to you, dude.


Probably because you can't hold a conversation or follow logic.

Author:  Zoldaten_ov_Zatan [ Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:03 pm ]
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FierceBlackandWicked wrote:
Vlachos wrote:
FierceBlackandWicked wrote:
EXACTLY! I'm saying Empyreal is not familiar with Manowar. He just knows what the music is like. Think for a moment, dude. :roll:

...Yeah. I can't talk to you, dude.


Probably because you can't hold a conversation or follow logic.


Pot, kettle, black much? You two are quite the pair!

Author:  Lippyass Major [ Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:33 pm ]
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Zoldaten_ov_Zatan wrote:
Pot, kettle, black much? You two are quite the pair!


You're out of your mind.

Author:  failsafeman [ Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:19 pm ]
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FierceBlackandWicked wrote:
Zoldaten_ov_Zatan wrote:
Pot, kettle, black much? You two are quite the pair!


You're out of your mind.

hmbw, giving up your chronic addiction to having the last word would do wonders for your most recent incarnation's life expectancy.

Author:  caspian [ Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:07 am ]
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to be fair though, he is arguing with Vlachos. That does strange things to the most sane person, let alone HMB.

Author:  Vlachos [ Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:32 am ]
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I attract the oddest of folks. :p

Author:  ThrashingMad [ Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:17 am ]
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caspian wrote:
to be fair though, he is arguing with Vlachos. That does strange things to the most sane person, let alone HMB.


I'm trying to remember, who is HMB?

Author:  EntilZha [ Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:35 am ]
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failsafeman wrote:
Yeah every one of Alex's reviews I've read is just terrible. I'm going to go through his output because I simply cannot believe all of it is acceptable. Do not be surprised if you see his review total dwindle.

When are you going to make good on this promise?

Author:  failsafeman [ Mon Mar 29, 2010 11:08 am ]
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EntilZha wrote:
failsafeman wrote:
Yeah every one of Alex's reviews I've read is just terrible. I'm going to go through his output because I simply cannot believe all of it is acceptable. Do not be surprised if you see his review total dwindle.

When are you going to make good on this promise?

Whenever I am able to summon up the necessary rectal fortitude to contain the diarrhea I inevitably get when I read his reviews. That, or I buy a laptop so I can read them on the toilet.

Seriously though I've already started, but I can't handle very many in one sitting.

Author:  MetalSupremacy [ Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:03 pm ]
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I know we've already taken Alex's reviews over the hot coals, but I've been looking through some of them again and I am truly amazed at the levels of ignorance and stupidity in some of them.

First off, I find it ironic that he so frequently praises deathcore yet hates on Dimmu Borgir's DCA for being, in his own words:

alexlovestheredchord wrote:
I’m guessing Silenoz and Galder must be really huge nu-In flames fans, because the chugging is reminiscent of “Soundtrack to your escape. Gone are the wondrous melodies of “Enthrone darkness triumphant”, exchanged for a few simple power chords and a whole lot of weak chugging. “Progenies of the great apocalypse” is the best example of this, and the second half of “For the world to dictate our death” is the other. Though you can basically hear it in every song no specific example is needed to show that.


...And so he gives it a score of 10%, while giving Impending Doom's Nailed. Dead. Risen a score of 78%. DCA isn't even a black metal record, it's a symphonic extreme metal one, and while it's hardly worthy of a huge amount of respect or anything, it's more than a little ridiculous to hate on new Dimmu while liking Impending Doom.

That isn't the worst of it, though. No, that dishonour comes from the following, something so unbelievably stupid that truly stretches this guy's credibility as a legitimate metalhead:

alexlovestheredchord wrote:
Yeah its emo but its dark and suicidal therefore its acceptable, that and those falsettos Lanquist churns out make up for his cheesy lyrics.


:roll: That passage was from his review for Candlemass's Epicus Doomicus Metallicus. So basically, he's calling Candlemass emo.

If metal archives was a town in the wild west, I was the marshal and Alex rode up and then proceeded to describe one of doom metal's most famous acts as emo, I would have drawn and shot him dead on the spot.

Seriously, someone would have to be ridiculously ignorant to think that all depression is emo, when emos have only been around for two decades at the most yet people have been writing depressing and negative songs for centuries. He even called his Epicus Doomicus Metallicus review "Cheer up Emo kid!" I thought he was joking, but then I read that piece of shit he wrote in relation to Solitude.

I just don't think that kind of ignorance should be acceptable.

This also brings up an interesting point about reviews: if people make completely factually inaccurate statements in their reviews, then no matter how well written they are aside from such things, should said reviews be accepted even if they contain stuff that is totally false?

Author:  failsafeman [ Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:06 pm ]
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EntilZha wrote:
failsafeman wrote:
Yeah every one of Alex's reviews I've read is just terrible. I'm going to go through his output because I simply cannot believe all of it is acceptable. Do not be surprised if you see his review total dwindle.

When are you going to make good on this promise?

Happy now, motherfucker? ;)

Author:  EntilZha [ Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:10 pm ]
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Slightly happier. :nods:

Author:  OzzyApu [ Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:19 pm ]
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ThrashingMad wrote:
caspian wrote:
to be fair though, he is arguing with Vlachos. That does strange things to the most sane person, let alone HMB.


I'm trying to remember, who is HMB?

Heavymetalbackwards?

Author:  ThrashingMad [ Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:32 pm ]
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Ahh yes, thank you.

Author:  Lippyass Major [ Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:37 pm ]
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goredisorder's recent review of Testament's "Practice What You Preach" was an interesting read. However, the sentiment that Testament (during this era, at least) is boring due to a lack of identifiable riffs always confuses me. I though listening to their music should make it blatantly obvious that they are melody-driven? They certainly don't lack identifiable melodies.

Author:  OzzyApu [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:53 pm ]
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The new Burzum review; oh how April Fool's Day gets old too quick.

Author:  Acrobat [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:57 pm ]
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OzzyApu wrote:
The new Burzum review; oh how April Fool's Day gets old too quick.


That review was worth 10,000 OzzyApu reviews. Byrgan is god. Hail to your new god.

Author:  OzzyApu [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:58 pm ]
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ANationalAcrobat wrote:
OzzyApu wrote:
The new Burzum review; oh how April Fool's Day gets old too quick.


That review was worth 10,000 OzzyApu reviews. Byrgan is god. Hail to your new god.

I'll admit that it knocks my "Guys I'd Go Gay For" trilogy out of the water.

Author:  failsafeman [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:59 pm ]
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Byrgan's review for Burzum's Belus is a masterpiece.

Author:  Zoldaten_ov_Zatan [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 1:07 pm ]
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failsafeman wrote:
Byrgan's review for Burzum's Belus is a masterpiece.


I agree. Hopefully it'll stay around for more than one happy day.

Author:  ScourgeOfDeath [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 3:10 pm ]
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Zoldaten_ov_Zatan wrote:
failsafeman wrote:
Byrgan's review for Burzum's Belus is a masterpiece.


I agree. Hopefully it'll stay around for more than one happy day.


That review solidifies Byrgan's position as one of M-A's best reviewers even further.

The best thing about the reviews is the fact that
HE WROTE THE REVIEW WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE ALBUM, BITCHES.

Author:  glyndwr_2002 [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 4:40 pm ]
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failsafeman wrote:
Byrgan's review for Burzum's Belus is a masterpiece.


Um.... WTF. Wow.

Author:  Byrgan [ Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:35 pm ]
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glyndwr_2002 wrote:
failsafeman wrote:
Byrgan's review for Burzum's Belus is a masterpiece.


Um.... WTF. Wow.


Keep your opinion to yourself. I worked very har...strenuously on that.

ScourgeOfDeath wrote:
Zoldaten_ov_Zatan wrote:
failsafeman wrote:
Byrgan's review for Burzum's Belus is a masterpiece.


I agree. Hopefully it'll stay around for more than one happy day.


That review solidifies Byrgan's position as one of M-A's best reviewers even further.

The best thing about the reviews is the fact that
HE WROTE THE REVIEW WITHOUT LISTENING TO THE ALBUM, BITCHES.


Who would get anything written if they listened to every album they reviewed?

Author:  EntilZha [ Fri Apr 02, 2010 4:08 am ]
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A very short quote from Shadespawn's review of the Moonblood/Evil split:

Shadespawn wrote:
the boogie man

Close.

Author:  failsafeman [ Fri Apr 02, 2010 9:47 am ]
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Continue any discussion in the new generic review discussion thread.

http://www.metal-archives.com/board/vie ... php?t=7444

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