I just noticed ozzeh has only 2 non 90+ reviews. At least he's a really good reviewer unlike some people with similar styles of reviewing.

I guess i can ramble a bit, but with the exception of a few reviews i didn't think i made anything THAT overlong. Any review in particular that you didn't like?

Some albums deserve to be shit on again and again. I think Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler is bad enough to, to swipe a phrase from Nightgaunt, be used as an abuse receptacle to the end of time.

From the newest Atheist review



It isn't Anthrax!

Gah, brainfart. Thanks for the catch... though now I have to go fix that everywhere it's been posted. *scowl*

Whitechapel - This Is Exile, what the fuck dude, that's like fucking War And Peace.

hmm, i guess it is somewhat overlong. It and the Opeth review could both use a bit of shortening, but at the same time, they are the longest i've written by a significant margin. (Not meaning to be annoying with this, but) are my average reviews way too long, in your opinion, or just those? cause most of mine are about half that length.

Some of Gutterscream's recent stuff has struck me as the work of a talented writer forcing his muse a bit, but his new piece grabbed me. It's not one of the works I'd point the neophyte towards, but his ability to describe boring metal albums in an interesting fashion while emphasizing their boringness is practically unparalleled. I love this passage to death.



http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=18033

Cheeses_Priced's Black Metal Ist Krieg review is probably the single funniest review on this whole site, just for the way that he subtly put effectivly ridicules Kanwulf throughout the whole thing. This is review humor done right as far as I'm concerned.

This line in particular had me in me laughing hard:

"This is a black album about black metal. It uses black metal's iconography and aesthetics, apparently not because of what they signify, but because they are black metal's iconography and aesthetics."

I found this 'un from OSS on Diary of a Madman, few of you may get it.

' nimble aquatic existentialist canoodler "S.A.T.O." (which is the kind of song that probably had Michael Schenker pouting into the eager breasts of a groupie with only the foggiest idea of who he was)'

Ah, Michael, he liked a drink or brewery.

Continuing the OSS bukkake/circle jerk party, his Metallica reviews always bring a smile to my face, for fairly obvious reasons.

Damn that man, I made a jibe about the recomendation thread being "Hey, OSS did a new one!" and then I proceed to find one of his reviews immensely amusing. I can't really fault him much, except his opinions on Maiden, especially in relation to Metallica. But that can't affect content. But I suppose there's not much point mentioning that one near you, caspian.

OSS could do nothing but write about how good deathcore is, and I'd still love him for the met reviews. Every time I read them (err, not that I've made any real habit of doing that) I almost end up pumping my fist in agreement and mutual fanboydom, although I have no idea what the dude was thinking with the new album. I was expecting large cumstains over the whole thing, but I guess it was not to be, oh well.

This remains OSS' greatest reviewing achievement:



In one sentence, it conjures up an exceptionally vivid and hilarious image of what the music must sound like.

Guys, we're going have to stop. Lest a new forum is opened called 'OSS discussion'! However, I can't remember reading much of his Metallica stuff, I generally go straight to Boris or Napero (I tend to be most interested by MoP's reviews). However, you can be damn sure if it's they are awesome I'll be keeping it to myself!

I don't agree with mostly every single one of OSS reviews/opinions (I'd say 95%), but the way he writes them makes up for it. They're slightly pompous yet funny at the same time! I guess lately they have been an acquired taste or seomthing.

You're in luck, since they're not. They're the first reviews I wrote for this website, almost four years ago now (I think one's even 2003) so my writing has developed immensely since then. Still, people seem to enjoy them, and although my opinions on those records have changed in some ways, I'm unlikely to make any serious revisions to them. Let people know everybody had to start somewhere I suppose.

Well that's a pretty good start when you have people who actually enjoy your first reviews, most of us start with abominations of grammar, content, accuracy and originality. I can't remember what my first review was, but it probably dates to about August last year. I've read some of my stuff from around that time recently and I was ashamed and a little amused. Thankfully, I think I've come on leaps and bounds in the last year... *cue standard disagreedment "Your grammar sucks!" "Your sense of humour is terrible!" "Your fucking English!"

Most of my reviews from that time have either not survived the mods or my own self-Stalinism.

Edit: on the review for Trivium's newest I have the 'heafy metal' term used again, shouldn't I be getting royalties! Seem to have struck quite a note with that one.

You're amongst the most popular current reviewers, and given your satiric approach to the work there's little surprise that some of your soundbites might be getting around (though some other humorist may have come up with it independently since it's just a matter of a letter swap). Just enjoy your renown, and do your best to join the fairly elite group of posters who still gain kudos in spite of months (or even years) of inactivity. A legacy is a nice thing, even on the internet.

Well that's a very nice way of putting it. I never considered my self popular! (This is the MA equivalent of the teen movie nerdy girl when she takes off glasses and puts back hair... wow she's hot!) I can assure you that 'heafy metal' is of my own creation. Me and my brother would goof around saying "Man, this shit's really fucking heafy!"

Actually I think you're right, OSS. I think my worst of the recent is that Trouble (Swe) review. I was trying to get a listening vs. collecting comparison/contrast thing going with an image I thought would pan out, but I think it wound up coming out kinda silly. And talk about a boring release, at least for me. Plus I really have to take a vacation from similes and metaphors concerning motor vehicles.

I actually enjoyed that review. Though I did think your writing style was getting increasingly absurd as you went to more obscure stuff. Guess I liked that.

I have the hardest time reviewing boring releases. I don't have as much trouble reviewing stuff I really dislike, or those uneven albums where a few songs are really good and a few are pretty bad. If I don't have passion for the music I'm reviewing, the reviews tend to come out as boring as the music.

Very nice.

New review of Motorhead's debut sez


'So this is what the 70s sounded like, at least in the rock'n'roll scene.'

Not really bro, that's what Motorhead's debut sounded like. It's not that typical of the 70's rock sound. If he'd put that in a Bad Company review (who are strangely absent from the archives) I could see what he means. But you can't really generalise 70's rock in such terms, it was rather broad.

So Mötorhead sound like Pink Floyd.

...Wait what?

It's bad enough that he implied that cheesetastic power metal that sounds like music from Sonic the Hedgehog was comparable to Mercyful Fate, but saying that a prepubescent Vince Neil is a better singer that King Diamond? One can throw words like "technically" and "out of context" to prove said point, but... but.....

YYYYYEES HAAAAAAIIL SAAAAYYYTAAAAAHHHN!

Martin Steene is pretty damn bad.

Seconded. He's probably the worst vocalist I've heard sing for a prominent power metal band.

This thread seems to be turning into the "Review Section That I Disagree With Thread". I mean, yeah the last two ones are weird but are they really "WHAT THE CHRIST?" moments?

The weird thing is, I still like Iron Fire a good deal.

Their debut had a couple decent songs, but that's all that's done it for me. His vox didn't mar the debut as much as the 2nd album though. The debut kinda had a naive/amateurish/youthful charm, but that 2nd album, god they sure fell flat on their faces. I only heard a few songs from their newer stuff and didn't care much for it (despite it being less annoying than the 2nd album)

I liked the second album.

PRINCE OF AGONY!!! Ewww haha

Actually when that album was leaked, I had the misfortune of hearing that album, the 3rd Athena (terrible compared to the first 2) and a MCD by Pandemonium (the Italian one), all in a row. God that was vile.

Saying that Martin Steene is better than King Diamond is way out of line, I question if the guy has ever heard a Mercyful Fate album. Granted, Martin Steene isn't bad, but he's not what I'd call amazing.

The first album was great, I still enjoy it about as much as I did the Helloween EP, and the 2 latest albums were pretty solid, but nothing they've done touches what King Diamond and Mercyful Fate has accomplished, although personally I think the Iron Fire debut is better than "Voodoo" and "Spider's Lullaby".

Hey, I'm willing to accept if someone finds King Diamond's voice ridiculous since... it is. I love him to death, and his vocals are awesome, but I can totally sympathize with people who find him intolerable.

Yeah, but Martin Steene is just him with no balls or dynamic to his voice.

I've actually noted that if you compare King Diamond's recent albums where he doesn't use the falsetto quite as much, there is a little bit of a similarity between him and Steene, odd.

I have an Iron Fire album (On the Edge) and Steene is the main reason I dislike it. I haven't listened to it in ages, but the main thing I remember is how nasal he was, almost like he was wheezing with a stuffy nose. There's that, and then half of it is average heavy metal, but the second half is almost like a cock rock revival.

Ha, I'm a sucker for any Vince Neil related quip. Especially if related to his driving antics. My brother used to make loads... before Vince took his life too. I suppose we can never expect true universal recognition for the true King.