Not sure what you mean by that but I wasn't getting onto him for questioning me, simply ribbing him for writing more positive reviews than someone who was paid to ONLY write positive reviews.

Unfortunately I don't pen negative reviews (or positive ones for that matter) for the sake of creating some illusion of credibility or proportionality, it would involve a level of intellectual dishonesty that I'm not really keen on. I have taken the time to read many of your negative reviews (hence my criticism), as well as most of the positive ones. Naturally I don't have the monetary issue to deal with, so my opinions are, if nothing else, genuine.

P.S. - Droneriot has this odd fixation with me of late, pay it little mind, it will pass.

I know that man, you just like everything you hear and you're honest about it.

Meh, I can see where Hells is coming from. I've deliberately tried writing some negative reviews recently to even mine out, and it's hard to do. I can only write on albums if said albums inspire me to write, it's hard to keep things even.

I find it really easy to write negative reviews, that's probably not a good thing but there's something about terribly made or over-rated albums that just makes me write without even trying. My Meshuggah and DT reviews were both spawned rather spontaneously in such a method.

I see.

Am I the only one on this thread remembering that H_U has actually penned some negative reviews, most notably for Sigh No More and Blood Mountain?

I did some counting on HU's profile because I'm sick of arguing the obvious without some numbers on my side:

465 total
23 reviews 59 percent or lower (an "F" grade) (4.94 percent)
168 reviews 60 percent to 89 percent (36.1 percent)
274 reviews 90 percent or higher (58.9 percent)
48 reviews exactly 100 percent (10.3 percent)

For comparison I am considered much too positive of a reviewer by many as well, but I've got:

494 total
87 reviews 59 percent or lower (17.6 percent)
249 reviews 60 to 89 percent (50.4 percent)
158 reviews 90 percent or higher (32 percent)
23 reviews exactly 100 percent (4.65 percent)

Edit: If the percents don't look like they add up correctly remember that 100s are also counted as being over 90 in that tally. Try adding all but the last row in both lists and it should work.

Holy fetus that's a lot of math that makes my head hurt. But if it counts I enjoy BOTH hells unicorn reviews AND requiem99's reviews.

Not fighting with HU, just proving a point, used myself as a comparison because I get accused of being too positive quite often.

But compared to him, I'm a mean old mother fucker.

Maybe I made that a little unclear. The reason I like Systematic Chaos is because it's a return to Dream Theater's unique style. They're not trying to sound like Muse or U2 or Tool, they're trying to sound like Dream Theater. And it's heavy without being mallcore like ToT was. And there are some godly riffs on there.

Definitely, if it's a very overrated album I find it quite easy to write a negative review- my Nightwish reviews would be a good example, as would my Opeth one. It's hard to pick a crap, obscure album and bash it, though.

..And inspired by Requiem's stats, thought I'd do some as well:

224 total
35 reviews 59 percent or lower (15.6 percent)
134 reviews 60 to 89 percent (59.8 percent)
50 reviews 90 percent or higher (22.3 percent)
5 reviews exactly 100 percent (2.23 percent)

..Turns out I'm a much harsher writer then both of them. Not what I expected really.

Someone do the stats for me!!!

I got your point. Mine, though phrased sardonically, was simply that they haven't 'unsold-out'. Their mindset, which seems to be to shill soulless technical wankery to music clinic geeks, remains unchanged since 1999. The new album might, ostensibly, sound more like the cliche DT sound but it certainly isn't any better than the last few records have been. It's still hideously out-of-touch, uninspired drivel. I wish they'd packed it in after Falling Into Infinity, which was their last half-respectable effort.

*cough*Prophets of War*cough*



*cough*The Dark Eternal Night*cough*

Systematic Chaos is the only late DT album I've heard, but in any case I'm definitely with OSS on this one. Can't say old DT was entirely without "technical wankery" either, but beneath all that there actually used to be good songwriting.

Review for Virgin Black's Requiem - Mezzo Forte



This is all he writes to describe the guitars/riffs. Shameful effort.

From Gutterscream's review of Black Death:



It's funny because it is so goddamn true.

Actually you are quite close to mine. Within 10 percent overall.

For droneriot:
109 total
42 reviews 59 percent or lower (38.5 percent)
30 reviews 60 percent to 89 percent (27.5 percent)
37 reviews 90 percent or higher (34 percent)
5 reviews exactly 100 percent (4.5 percent)

I rule.

For me:
Six total
Three at 59% or lower = 50%
Two at 60 to 89% = 33.333%
One at 90% or above = 16.666%

"'You must admit that there is the happiest man alive, for he is superior to all he possesses.'"

I was glancing over The_Boss' latest review and came across this:

Now, maybe it's because it's two in the AM here, but does that sentence really make sense?

Haha, I was trying to think of a comparison that really made sense to me and well, came up with that.

I gotta come up with better comparisons if I am competing with that.

made me .

This is fools gold!

I blame CHPR2432... all I could think of was equations when I was writing that review. Good to know people find it funny despite that review being one of my more schizophrenic ^_^;

Fixed it up.

Human66's review of Maze of Torment's new album:



Seriously, what the fuck?? The second sentence is all over the place and is plain stupid. I realise he was trying to reinforce his point, but the bad engrish makes it worse.

From Noktorn's review of Defective Epitaph:



This is seriously the greatest simile ever used in a review.

DawnOfTheShred - Judas Priest - Jugulator


Heh, never noticed that, actually.

A 'colorful' line from eViLBOris's latest review of Merrimack's Of Entropy And Life Denial.

"These dudes take the happy-pink-and-purple-with-seven-striped-multi-colored-candles birthday cake for lyrics, too."

I've always loved this passage from Droneriot's review for Arboreal Eternity by Rainfall.


We all know that expression "by numbers". That Brian Posehn guy (I still have no idea who the heck that is) recently made it famous again with his "Metal by numbers"-song. Well, as we all know, that expression it derived from that colouring by numbers thing, where you have the outlines of a picture and fill them out with different colours according to the numbers within the different outlined shapes. Now, in colouring by numbers, there are different levels of difficulty, from complex pixtures with hundreds of different shapes and dozens of numbers for dozens of colours, all the way to simple three colour pictures for the youngest ones. If "Metal by numbers" went by the same levels of difficulties, Rainfall is what the very lowest difficulty level for Black Metal by numbers would sound like. Imagine a ten step program to achieve complete emulation of Burzum's "Filosofem", this release is a thorough representation of step one, and it is stuck on said first step. It's like a ten step program to achieve sounding completely like old Slayer, and the first thing you learn is how to play palm-muted power chords. Now imagine you'd take what you've learned and release a demo with nothing but palm-muted power chords and call it "Thrash Metal". Horrible thought, isn't it? This is the exact same thing, just with a Burzum-twist. The slow, extremely distorted arpeggios are there in their simplest form, and some tempo changes with switches to strummed chords are there as well, and that's that. "Filosofem" for ultra-green beginners, lowest amateur level.

I believe I out-clevered myself in my review for Elend's newest release, A World in Their Screams. Can someone please comfirm this.

*Commits suicide by jumpin' off his ego*

Uhm, you're not evil at all. No negative reviews???

I may not have any negative reviews up yet, but I recently re-upholstered my apartment with the skins of a thousand Jewish children, and I think that qualifies me.
Or: When I've only reviewed about 10-15 releases, 'You don't have any negative reviews' is not a grand sweeping statement with which to infer my overwhelming positivity.

I have less reviews and some of them are negative.

One of the first five or six reviews I did was negative (that Nightwish one).

From Noktorn's review of Gore Obsessed:



I can't help but agree with him here. It's so spot on.

From brutalfritzy's review of Abysmal Torment's Epoch Of Methodic Carnage (which I just accepted). This line makes me wonder: