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HeWhoBreedsPestilence1
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:46 am
Posts: 17
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2022 4:17 am 
 

How was this approved:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... th/1503029

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FontaL
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2021 4:07 pm
Posts: 35
Location: Córdoba, Argentina
PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, 2022 12:42 pm 
 

I know I'm not the epitome of excellence, but this is just a recommendation. Being IM the most reviewed band on the site, I think it has a couple of things to clean up since it's usually the first reference for novice reviewers like me. Here's a list of poor reviews that you should reconsider or resubmit to their authors' draft. Mods know which of them should stay especially when it comes to an album overloaded with reviews. That's all I have to say, I won't bother again.

Spoiler: show
Track-by-track and little description
Very little description
Track-by-track and poor description (Idrownfish's one is similar but at least is more descriptive)
Track-by-track (The deficient introduction talks about the story of the band and barely gives the album a description. Then he does track-by-track and adds no conclusions as the other reviewers did.)
Track-by-track (Idem)
Track-by-track (Idem)

If you notice, they're all pre-2010 reviews... perhaps acceptable at their time but they fall short with the reviews submitted in the last 10 years. Even the ones published in the 2000s are waaay better than the ones I list here. Considering that the band has 667 reviews, the ones I listed here may not be very large losses.

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2022 1:08 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... pud1/13377

Very bare bones review from the early years. Uses very general terms to describe the music in a review too short to go into detail. He kind of contradicts himself talking about how the band has been going downhill for years, yet the way they've progressed through the years show why they're the best. Huh? Plenty of better reviews for the album, even the other early bare bones ones that may warrant taking a look at.
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Deathdoom1992
Metalhead

Joined: Sat May 07, 2016 9:19 am
Posts: 555
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2022 8:31 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/users/JakeDevil

11 reviews dating from 2004-05. Didn't click through all of them but 4-5 are only a few lines long. Could be worth taking a gander through all of them

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King_of_Arnor
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2020 12:35 pm
Posts: 777
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2022 7:05 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... pon/322707

I think this focuses too much on context and not enough on content. All the musical description amounts to is "the riffs are really catchy and radio-friendly" without referring to any particular songs. Compared to the 13 other reviews of the album, it's lacking in analysis, yet is the most recent one.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 598
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2022 5:32 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ment/18213

This user's writings are the very definition of 'relics from the past' - full of grammar mistakes and incredibly short with very brief, as well as vague, musical description.

The absolute gem comes at the Satanic Warmaster one (second in this list), though:

Quote:
just because a band has hatred for the Jews, Does not affiliate them with NS

Fuckin' LOL. This is wrong on so many levels.
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A very promising new reviewer wrote:
Big, juicy, veiny, throbbing hard riffs. Big heavy knuckle dragging, cock swaddling compositions for those in fear of soap/bathing. Listen at your own risk. No signs of intelligent life.

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2342
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2022 8:44 am 
 

TheBurningOfSodom wrote:
The absolute gem comes at the Satanic Warmaster one (second in this list), though:

Quote:
just because a band has hatred for the Jews, Does not affiliate them with NS

Fuckin' LOL. This is wrong on so many levels.

Unbelievable :ugh: :durr: :brick:

Definitely seconding that Satanic Warmaster review to be deleted as well.
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linkavitch
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 5:54 pm
Posts: 298
Location: Korea, South
PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:03 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... nitro/8697

Third paragraph is the only description of the album and is minimal. He also admits to not listening to the full album.

Quote:
Admittedly, I didn't listen to the entire album but you can, at least, have the impression on where the music is going to. I only listened to the first few tracks and then took it off because this is just terrible and has almost no substance to go around to enjoy it and I can assure you that there's no headbanging around here, whatsoever.

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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 10167
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2022 9:45 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 403/377356

Minimal musical description, super short, does the whole "Why isn't this heavy? It sounds like pop music!" thing, and gives me no real idea of what the music sounds like outside of mentioning one Uriah Heep song.
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hakarl
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8816
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2022 2:32 am 
 

colin040 wrote:
Old Tad Morose review that's probably not needed anymore; https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... vixen/5804

The main musical description is incorrect - it's not a thrash metal album with power metal vocals. It's mid-paced and andante power metal riffing from start to finish.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2022 2:22 am 
 

This review was written in a single paragraph and the musical description is shallow: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Soundgarden/Ultramega_OK/13748/The_Burning_Snowman/69367
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2022 1:27 am 
 

LongHairIsSoFuckingCool wrote:
This review was written in a single paragraph and the musical description is shallow: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Soundgarden/Ultramega_OK/13748/The_Burning_Snowman/69367

Another review with little musical description: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2022 10:00 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ent/29994/

Super brief!

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DanielG06
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2020 8:11 pm
Posts: 535
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2022 11:07 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ngV/106118

This one's very old, the grammar is atrocious, there's the edgy, passive-aggressive take of "muh Cryptic Writings and Risk suck becuz POP SONGS REEEEEE", and the reviewer doesn't mention the music at all with the exception of saying that two of the solos are good, and that one of the songs has a catchy chorus. No descriptive language used at all.
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Lee Harrison wrote:
Evolution is call evolution I doubt that Oystein Aarseth wasn’t stab at death he was thinking the same bullshit of ‘90…

The sound of perseverance didn’t even came out under the name of Death….

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DanielG06
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2020 8:11 pm
Posts: 535
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2022 11:09 am 
 

colin040 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Amaranth/I_Have_the_Right_to_Remain_Silent/29994/

Super brief!


I feel like these older reviews rarely cover the music itself, they pretty much just say "this song is good, and this song is good".
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I'm the King of the necrobumpers

Lee Harrison wrote:
Evolution is call evolution I doubt that Oystein Aarseth wasn’t stab at death he was thinking the same bullshit of ‘90…

The sound of perseverance didn’t even came out under the name of Death….

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DanielG06
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2020 8:11 pm
Posts: 535
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2022 11:14 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147

Another masterpiece from Boris, starts off well but ends with tasteless political references and incoherent ranting with the word "fuck" thrown in there about 100 times.
_________________
I'm the King of the necrobumpers

Lee Harrison wrote:
Evolution is call evolution I doubt that Oystein Aarseth wasn’t stab at death he was thinking the same bullshit of ‘90…

The sound of perseverance didn’t even came out under the name of Death….

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2022 4:48 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ekFox/1919

Review doesn't say much.

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invoked
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Sep 01, 2006 6:54 pm
Posts: 1525
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2022 2:02 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... eInc/49692

Vague and poorly worded throughout. Certainly doesn't explain its perfect score.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2022 11:14 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... _Kurtz/410

Track-by-track.
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2022 1:03 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... emon/46974

Reviewer literally states he can't describe the music at all because he doesn't know anything about the genre, so mentions literally only a single tiny detail and absolutely nothing else.
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recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2342
PostPosted: Sun May 29, 2022 7:06 pm 
 

So, um... this review for Finist's debut is kind of lame. Like, he gushes over this national socialistic power metal band a little too much if you ask me. Not to mention not really describing the music enough to give the readers an accurate picture of the music besides "dIs sOnG Is sO CoOl iT MaKeS Me fEeL LiKe i'm a nAzEe!111"
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MetlaNZ
Veteran

Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2013 6:45 pm
Posts: 2695
Location: Lost in Necropolis
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2022 10:27 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Domine/Dragonlord_%28Tales_of_the_Noble_Steel%29/2059/Vic/31

This review is hopeless and brief. Vic makes virtually zero effort to describe the album, only that it's power metal and may appeal to power metal fans, well duh, and then complains about being jaded about the whole power metal scene. I say turf it.

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TheLoneForest
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2011 3:16 pm
Posts: 760
Location: Quebec
PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2022 6:58 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... le/1237977

This is written terribly. Typos all over the place, awful sentence structure etc

It's written like a third grader wrote it.
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2022 11:00 am 
 

Should these following UltraBoris reviews still be on the site, given how brief they are?

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147

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swine_brothers
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:24 am
Posts: 58
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2022 4:52 pm 
 

Those reviews read like bad Facebook posts, not actually reviews.

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2342
PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2022 5:36 pm 
 

Okay, if we're gonna be removing Boris's reviews, at least save them on the Wayback Machine before you post them here. I'm an archivist at heart, and I do try and preserve these reviews as much as I can before they get 404'd, and for one of my main inspirations in writing MA reviews, I'd like to keep some of his work saved.
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 2:06 am 
 

Slater922 wrote:
Okay, if we're gonna be removing Boris's reviews, at least save them on the Wayback Machine before you post them here. I'm an archivist at heart, and I do try and preserve these reviews as much as I can before they get 404'd, and for one of my main inspirations in writing MA reviews, I'd like to keep some of his work saved.


Why you'd care about these super brief, non-descriptive reviews is beyond me. Nothing wrong with being inspired by UltraBoris, but some of his reviews were actually enjoyable to read. These are not. :p

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swine_brothers
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:24 am
Posts: 58
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 2:09 am 
 

Eh, I'd still have them archived on the Wayback Machine.

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swine_brothers
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:24 am
Posts: 58
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 2:12 am 
 

Slater922 wrote:
Okay, if we're gonna be removing Boris's reviews, at least save them on the Wayback Machine before you post them here. I'm an archivist at heart, and I do try and preserve these reviews as much as I can before they get 404'd, and for one of my main inspirations in writing MA reviews, I'd like to keep some of his work saved.

All 4 are archived already, just checked.

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2342
PostPosted: Mon Jun 20, 2022 9:31 am 
 

colin040 wrote:
Slater922 wrote:
Okay, if we're gonna be removing Boris's reviews, at least save them on the Wayback Machine before you post them here. I'm an archivist at heart, and I do try and preserve these reviews as much as I can before they get 404'd, and for one of my main inspirations in writing MA reviews, I'd like to keep some of his work saved.


Why you'd care about these super brief, non-descriptive reviews is beyond me. Nothing wrong with being inspired by UltraBoris, but some of his reviews were actually enjoyable to read. These are not. :p

I guess so, but even if the reviews aren't that good, I think they can still be saved as an example on what you shouldn't do when writing a review.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5998
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2022 10:48 am 
 

You can grab any Boris reviews off archive.org if they exist there, but we're not going to go out of our way to save them.

We understand if people see them as inspiration, but there really isn't anything special about him. The only reason he ever got any attention was because he was one of the first reviewers for well-known albums here, and so has gained a reputation and legacy because of that. The vast majority of his reviews have been removed over the years because of their low quality/lack of description.
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
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swine_brothers
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:24 am
Posts: 58
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2022 11:24 am 
 

He did a couple reviews I really like and are an inspiration, the problem was inconsistancy. But the good ones were good, funny, and nicely over-the-top.

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 598
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2022 2:51 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sion/15785

Quite possibly one of the briefest and vaguest writings from the days of old I've seen so far.
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A very promising new reviewer wrote:
Big, juicy, veiny, throbbing hard riffs. Big heavy knuckle dragging, cock swaddling compositions for those in fear of soap/bathing. Listen at your own risk. No signs of intelligent life.

It's the dawn of descending...

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2022 12:19 pm 
 

Another old and hardly descriptive UltraBoris review right here https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... aBoris/147

I also don't get the ''it's just an EP, so I'm giving it a lower score'' reasoning.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2022 10:35 am 
 

And another one super brief one; https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Xeper/1073

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CreepingDeath16
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2021 12:49 am
Posts: 863
Location: Hyperborea
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2022 3:17 pm 
 

Noticed a weird thing: a user named 102themastertherion102 is re-submitting, in edited form, reviews that were apparently originally submitted under the username themastertherion. Most likely the same person owns both accounts, as the rewriting is even acknowledged in at least one review. Is this acceptable? The old reviews could surely be nuked.
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2022 3:35 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... an/1547181

This review brings up so little about the music, and so much about the band's reputation and fanbase I'm surprised this got accepted at all.
_________________
recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.


Last edited by LongHairIsSoFuckingCool on Mon Jul 18, 2022 5:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5998
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2022 10:27 am 
 

CreepingDeath16 wrote:
Noticed a weird thing: a user named 102themastertherion102 is re-submitting, in edited form, reviews that were apparently originally submitted under the username themastertherion. Most likely the same person owns both accounts, as the rewriting is even acknowledged in at least one review. Is this acceptable? The old reviews could surely be nuked.

Thanks for catching that. Same user, he lost access to his old account and is updating his old reviews for his new account. I thought I had gotten them before, but must've missed this latest bunch.
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018
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LongHairIsSoFuckingCool
Edgy Metal Noob Catchphrase Dispenser

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 3:22 am
Posts: 547
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 1:13 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... un/1142510

See here: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=7444&start=19280
_________________
recyclage wrote:
When a labeling of music gets stucked in the past, than germans are still nazi

recyclage wrote:
Anyone who writes "The Deftones" isn't trustworthy.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 7609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2022 3:27 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... agus/19299

Hardly saying much.

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