Oh, and before nuking that turdface review (which will surely be nuked), I'd recommend finding out who the hell accepted such an abomination. Such a review wouldn't even be acceptable as the first review for an album, much less the fourth, in my opinion. Here's the direct link, if needed:

http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=52990#32279

I just submitted my review for the album, too.

Thamuz: Link/s, dammit (matter of principal).

Selloutica strikes back. - 25%
Written by Minion on November 8th, 2003

What the fucking hell is this shit?! This isn't even rock, much less metal. This is motherfucking COUNTRY! I half-expected a cameo by Garth Brooks or Tim McGraw when I listened to this aborted fetus. What the shit possessed them to release this pile of condensed dog crap?

Lar$' thirst for money once again lets us know that God hates this band and all of its fans, as he serves as our guide through a wonderfully fetid pile of wet pig feces, which probably came from the place where he sat down to write these songs. How Load got to be on Metal Archives is a mystery, because this is fucking country "music", not metal, not even rock. James' voice has somehow intensified ass-wise into a strained, I'm-taking-a-shit voice, and it makes the album even less bearable than it was originally. There are virtually no actual riffs to speak of here, and Kirk opts for a twangy western-style lead sound that makes me want to fucking insert my foot so far into his ass he could actually taste my knee.

Highlights: None! Isn't that fun? No? No, it fucking isn't. God, I fucking hate you, Lar$. The only reason this gets a 25 is that it actually has solos, some of which are actually enjoyable to a degree (then they realize this fact and go back to James' grating voice over twangy acoustic guitars).

Metallica are a band that burned brightly yet briefly, then went to hell and destroyed itself forever. Fuck you, James, Kirk, Jason, and Lar$. Fuck you.

This is really shitty - 27%
Written by langstondrive on October 6th, 2003

Simply put, I cannot enjoy this album. I have tried. I have put it on subliminally, like when I do school work, so that I don't have to concentrate too hard on it, but it still manages to be the worst Metallica album. None of the songs are truly memorable. Ain't My Bitch and 2x4 have a few decent riffs, and create a semi-hopeful atmosphere for the rest of the album, but this is promptly shat on by The House that Jack Build and Until it Sleeps. King Nothing has a decent bass line, but the rest of the song doesn't match it. Hero of the Day sounds like a poor man's One. Bleeding Me drags on worse than any Metallica song ever (except maybe Invisible Kid). Cure, Poor Twisted Me, Wasting Me Hate? All these songs sound pretty much the same. Lame guitar riffs throughout. Mama Said is the worst Metallica song ever (along with St.Anger). What was Metallica thinking with this load of country bullshit? Thorn Within is better than Mama Said (Limp Bizkit is better than Mama Said) and Ronnie goes right back to sucking. Outlaw Torn ends the album off on a better note than the rest of the album, which isin't saying much.

The guitar tone is pretty nice, I will give it that. It sounds very smooth and melodic, and fairly good distorted. Too bad they don't have any riffs to back it up. Lar$ drumming is nothing special as usual and James' vocals just keep getting worse. Never buy this album.

load of crap - 25%
Written by Thrash_Till_Death on January 7th, 2003

Everyone knows the history of metallica. Well after 5 years of mystery, the band returned with short hair and rock radio anthems. At this point, almost all the fans of the band gave up and called it day, while the die hards will still argue to this day how this album isn't bad. Well actually, it is.

I shouldn't even have to be saying this, but there are 4 or 5 singles on this cd that were played on the radio for quite some time. "Metal" and the word rock radio should never been mentioned together, but 'tallica' decided it was time for some more radio hits. The cd is pretty boring and just plain strage at times (see the house jack built) and standable at others. It opens with one the standable tracks in Ain't My Bitch, but soon goes to downhill after that. The singles dominate the middle of this cd and then it gets ok again with the song Wasting My Hate. Now brace yourself...ok nevermind, i'm sure everyone has already heard this cd. The next song is fucking country!! Yes as in twangy guitars and shit. At this point, it is very clear the band was replaced by faulty robots after that bizarre gardening accident. The tracks after this try and make up for the crap that was Mama Said and basically if you made it that far into the cd and suffered through that country crap, any of these songs is 10x better.

So yea, this cd is pretty crappy, though it does have a few songs you can actually listen to. And sadly, this cd is better than the 'second half" of this cd, in re-load, where it went even further downhill. I didn't know how far any band could stoop until these cds came out.

Yes, Nuclear Assault do kick ass. - 88%
Written by DanFuckingLucas on March 9th, 2004


I love Nuclear Assault. Nuclear Assault are great. This EP is great. Buy it.

The intro, "Game Over" is a great thrash instrumental. It's just great. I can't think of what to say about it - although there are words to describe it, honest!

"Nightmares" is a great song, too. By now you may have noticed that I think NA are... yep, you guessed it, GREAT! What do you think my verdict on this song is going to be? GREAT!!! I enjoy this song, it makes me want to get my guitar out and thrash around with it (not actually playing anything, because I'm shit and would ruin the song.)

"Butt Fuck" is funny. Motley Crue are lame. Not the best song, but a funny one.

"Justice." I like this song. The "Now we'll see/What the future will be" part is okay, not as bad as Boris makes it out to be. But probably the worst part of the EP.

I love the title track. It's a lovely, slow (well, compared to most thrash) track, nearly 5 minutes long. It's great and it makes me want to touch myself.

"Cross of Iron" is also a good song. Great, I might add.

This EP is great, and you should buy it. If you don't, I may be forced to ram my erect penis into your eye.

88%

It appears that Darkness Descends is one of the more solidly-endowed albums on the site in terms of reviews--from UltraBoris to Falconsbane.

Excellent - 92%
Written by turdface on March 22nd, 2005

This is my first Rotting Christ album, and judging from Sancatus Diavolos, it probably won't be my last either. Black Metal is hard to come by where I live, but this album has motivated me to try harder to find some. To tell you the truth, I never really liked Black Metal until now. Anyways, if you're a fan of Rotting Christ, this CD should be essential to your collection. The opening track is very nice grabbing your attention immediately. Some other stand out tracks are tracks #3(sorry forgot the song's name) #9, and 10. That's definately not to say that any other tracks aren't bad eithier. You've also gotta give the production credit too. Two band members have left but the CD sounds as if a full band of 5 or 6 were playing. What amazes me the most though is how bands like Dimmu Borgir and Cradle of Filth can get all the attention when bands like Rotting Christ put out albums that are several times better.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=63608#29082

Masterpiece - 100%
Written by deatheater on February 14th, 2005

Rhaaa! What a masterpiece. After a couple of more experimental albums (« Projector », « Haven », « Damage Done »), Dark Tranquillity returns to their original swedish melodic DM. Stanne’s vocals are incredible, the musicians are all very talented. I like the electronic arrangements (Am I 1 ?, Senses tied,…), it gives the music a new dimension. The bass-work gives a nice texture to the rest of the instruments (Out of nothing). The drumming is powerful. All songs are great with catchy riffs and good synth. I see it as a perfect blend of DM agressivity, emotions, beautiful melodies, and cyber metal arrangements (check out Sybreed).
A great album for those who appreciate sensitivity in music, will seem to gay for others.

Fav. Track: My negation

I personally question how this was accepted.

Something very different and unique - 93%
Written by Ferox on June 25th, 2003


"Tuatha Na Gael" Cruachan's first album was a big success and surprise alltogether. Now, after 8 years have passed, an album may not give such a new taste of metal, as the first did. Still Cruachan remain love to its roots and culture. One thing is for sure - it is a band, that always keeps its own style of music, so you will be sure that hasn't been done before. Even if you do not listen often to that kind of music, I suggest you try this, because you won't ever forget tunique guitar solos, dreaming flutes, banjo, violins...

It's a different kind of metal, and as most critics say that's best balance between Folk and Metal, but still very nice and unforgetable.

Here we have the most nukeable review in the history of the world:

An epic masterpiece from Filth - 97%
Written by mercyfulfate666 on April 7th, 2004


Cruelty and the beast is an epic classic from Cradle of Filth. After this album filth started to change their sound so I guess you could call this the last classic filth album. The songs are epics with excellent guitar playing and screeching vocals with classic drumming. It is a concept album and tells the story of the countess Elizabeth. You don’t need to listen to the album all the way through to enjoy it and this story is kind of complex. This album is classic from its first three seven minute epics to the final seven min. epic at the end.
Once Upon Atrocity- This is just an incremental track to start the album.
Thirteen Autumns and a Widow - This is probably one of the best Cradle of Filth songs of all time. It starts out slow and then gets heavy with excellent riffs and tempo changes. The song has some many riffs and it still flows together so good its insane. This song is a classic.
Cruelty brought thee orchids- This is another epic like the song before but just a little weaker but still a classic.
Beneath the Howling Stars- this is another epic songs with complex riffs and classic drums. This is like the first two but slower.
Venus in Fear- this is another instrumental track that consists of Dani's screaming vocals and the female vocalist moaning.

Desire in Violent Overture- This is another classic song with excellent riffs. Its sorter than the previous three epics but still is an amazing song.
The Twisted Nails of Faith- this is again another classic song with many tempo changes making this a complex song.
Bathory Aria- this is an eleven-minuete epic that consists of three different parts. The first part is slow and pretty short. The other two are about five minutes each and are similar so its hard to tell them apart.
Portraits of the Dead Countess- this is another instrumental track. Nothing special about this one.
Lustmord and Wargasm(the lick of Carnivorous Wounds)- This is another and seven minute epic and a great way to end a classic album. This is probably the heavyset song on the album because there are not many tempo changes.
Disc two- Limited edition contains a second disc with three songs and two covers. Venoms "Black Metal" which is a classic. It sounds much better than the original. Iron Maidens "Hallowed Be Thy Name." They did an amazing job with this, they re-created a classic and one of the best metal songs of all time. The other three songs are "Lustmord and Wargasm(the Relicking of the Cadaverous Wounds." it almost the same as the one on the cd. "Sodomy and Lust" which is a classic and finally “ twisting further nails (the Cruci-fiction mix." I have no clue what this song is it’s some kind of dance/techno mix and it’s not metal.
Overall this album is a masterpiece and all fans should get this now. This is a good place to start for new fans.

Only real musical description is instruments involved. 2 other solid reviews for this album to so this won't be much of a loss.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=346

ad's review of Fleshcrawl's Made of Flesh:

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=36191#10170


flesh bloody flesh! - 97%


This is death metal at its best! Great gutar-riffs and perfect voice! The lyrics about apocalypse, death and of course flesh is great and sounds good to the music. In the titletrack; Made of flesh, the band shows their technique and speed, but there are also a lot of meldic songs, like Beneath a dying sun and one of my favourites: When life surrenders. The sound is a bit like Dismember, maybe because the album is recorded in Sweden! The german death-metallers has done a great job with this album and with this review i hope everybody will buy this great record!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is very bad review: http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=11006 and should be deleted

and this one as well http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=18594

Possibly the most evil album ever recorded... - 100%
Written by mercyfulfate666 on September 5th, 2004

I really can’t think of many words to describe this album. It truly is a grim, evil masterpiece. No other album sounds like this. I think this may be the most evil album ever recorded. The sound the band has is very cold and grim. Nocturno Culto's vocals on this cd are amazing...they are truly evil, no black metal vocalist can even get close to the sound he has on this album. Some may say "A Blaze in the Northern Sky," is a classic, others say "Transylvanian Hunger," but I’m telling you "Under a Funeral Moon," is the greatest Darkthrone album. Every song on this album is amazing. From the first track to the last. The tracks the really stand out are " Summer of the Diabolic Holocaust," "Unholy Black Metal," the title track, and a track that was a real surprise to me, “To Walk the Infernal Fields," this track unexplainable, this is pure black metal. You cannot call yourself a fan of Black metal if you don’t own this cd. Buy this now and experience True Norwegian Black Metal.

Good - 93%
Written by danyates on December 5th, 2004

This album is alright, except for the repetitiveness. I can't stand it. I love the lyrics and the vocals. The drums are good too. But those repetitive guitars...ugh. The bass is decent.

This is a great album to get someone into Black Metal. The opening track, Natassja in Eternal Sleep, is evil and raw, like black metal should be. Also, Unholy Black Metal, with the vocals starting instantly, is amazing. A very fast, and brutal album by Darkthrone. Much better than the others.

My favorite track would have to be the 7th, 'Inn i de dype skogers favn.' I just love the sound of the vocals and the music.

This album is pretty easy to find, so if you're looking to expand your collection, or get into black metal, pick up this album. "Under a Funeral Moon"

Under a funeral moon - 95%
Written by burnthepope on November 15th, 2003

Darkthrone have, since I heard them first, always been a favourite of mine.
One attribute to their unique style is their, um... Uniqueness, Darkthrone have an efffect in their music I have never heard in any other band, which is a raspy-static distortion on the guitars as to make the music sound as if it was recorded in a garage, if you're in the right mood, this style is unbeatable.
At first al the saongs sound the same, but after 2-3 listens, there is shitloads of variations that show up , like short riffs on the guitar between the verses and longer solos at the end of songs (sometimes), you also notice that the darkthrone drummer's style, it is very... simple.
Another noticble attribute/irratation on this album is that the vocalist doesnt say a single word that hasnt had an echo of it just after he finishes shrieking it out. not one.
Some better drum tracks, more solos and defenitely more songs, and this would be a 100.

Hail DarkThrone - 100%
Written by axman on December 20th, 2002

After the monumental A Blaze In Northern Sky, DarkThrone returned with the even more primative Under a Funeral Moon. This album is even darker and colder than A Blaze, now Zephyrous takes the lead guitar spot and Nocturno Culto is on bass and summoning. Fenriz is as always the Satanic Poet and the drummer. Any hint of melody that A Blaze had has now been completely abolished and Under a Funeral Moon is even more minimalistic. The lyrics are as brilliant as ever this time being a little more Satanic and dark than the ones on ABITNS. The opening song, Natassja In Eternal Sleep has chilling vocals and a very cold vibe to it. The next song, Summer of the Diabolical Holocaust, is one of the best DarkThrone songs ever, with great lyrics and evil riffs. Unholy Black Metal is quite simply DarkThrone's anthem and has some killer blasphemic lyrics. My favorite song on the album and quite possibly my all time favorite DarkThrone song is the title track. Very chilling vocals, great riffs, and great lyrics that tell the story of some kind of satanic ritual. Inn I de Dype Skogers Favn is the first DarkThrone song in Norweigan and is very cool even if i don't know what the hell he's screaming about. Ending the album is the supremely evil Crossing the Triangle of Flames. Creepy as fuck. Quite simply, if you don't own this album you don't deserve to have any opinion on Black Metal.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=12154#7221

"Perfect to the bone - 100%
Written by zzooouhh on March 29th, 2005

Grogs ;s 2nd full lenght release is a pure and perfect masterpiece!If you enjoyed the debut CD ,you will worship "Odes To The Carnivorous" for sure.This release is "ultra GUTTURAL Brutal Death Fucking Metal" at its best.

Throughout the 36 minutes of "Odes To The Carnivorous",blast beats,hacking riffs and growling vocals never stop !.The vocals are just impressive ,pure violence and hate as the whole music.Grog reminds me to no other band as they are 100 % unique!!

There aren;t that many albums that completely epitomise the uncompromising relentlessness of brutal and violent devastating death metal as much as this album does.
The sound on this recording is perfect.Put this CD in your player and enjoy."

...

Those were nuked as well.

Great album - 85%
Written by Hype on August 8th, 2003


A very good album despite the obvious critisism above... I got to the third review and they where just going on and on about selling out and whatnot. Whatever just because Dimmu are so good they are actually making money instead of fading into obscurity the entire genre is claiming that they are sell outs. Why dont you just let the music do the talking. An amazing album like I said, Vortex clean vocals are fantastic, in contrast to Shagraths Varying,, black metal vocals, great solos on "Kings of Carnival Creation". Intensly long and extreme riffs on "IndoctriNation", almost makes me think im in hell experiencing evolution through demons. Mustis does an amazing job on the synths with his quick fingers. The only negative thing I thought about this album was that Nick Barkers INTENSE drumming and his triggers kind of overpowered the rest of the music, im glad in their forthcoming album Death Cult Armageddon they toned him down a bit, man hes POSSESSED, and he likes to show it.

Very good album Dimmu's lyrics and sound are definitly evolving.

Hype

Svake kristne! Dø i natt! - 91%
Written by omen on March 11th, 2003


The last album where the lyrics are in Norwegian. I gotta say that I find the lyrics to be hilarious at times. Example from the song 'Da Den Kristne Satte Livet Til':

"...Men endelig fikk jeg øye på stakkar'n
Jeg hevet min knyttede neve
Og skrek
Svake kristne!
Dø i natt!
Jeg skal flerre din sjel i to!..."

Translated it goes something like this:

"But finally I saw him
I raised my clenched fist
and screamed
Weak Christian!
Die tonight!
I will rip your soul in two!"

The whole album uses a lot of keyboards/piano, which gives it a certain atmoshpere I find spine-tingleing (is that even a word?).

The album starts with "Alt Lys Er Svunnet Hen" (All Light Is Gone), where there's a lot of piano playing and instrumental, untill Shagrath breaks loose his harsh voice. Just beautiful.

"Broderskapets Ring" (The Ring of Brotherhood) starts with Shagrath's vocals, but is mixed with clean talking/vocals.

"Når Sjelen Hentes Til Helvete" (When The Soul Is Brought To Hell) starts out the regular way, a bit calm to begin with, before some heavy guitar riffs, and Shagrath singing.

"Sorgens Kammer" (Chamber Of Sorrow) is an instrumental song, is just fucking beautiful. Nothing more to say about this one. It just adds to the brilliant atmosphere of this album.

"Da Den Kristne Satte Livet Til" (I really don't know how to translate this the right way, but it means something like When The Christian Was Killed) is a bit different from the other songs, by starting out quite fast and heavy from the beginning. A good song.

"Stormblåst" (Storm Wind) starts out with a lightning strike (literally), then goes right to a heavy tune and vocals. Also mixes in some clean vocals/talking.

"Dødsferd" (Death Journey? Don't know of a good english word/expression for it really) is a good song, with a small mix of clean vocals and harsh. The harsh vocals are also quite clear compared to the guitar, drums etc. on this track.

"Antikrist" (Antichrist) is one of the weaker songs on the album, but along with the other songs it matches the album fine.

"Vinder Fra En Ensom Grav" (Winds From A Lonely Grave) is, much like Antichrist, best when listening through the whole album.

"Guds Fortapelse - Åpenbaring Av Dommedag" (God's Perdition - Revelation Of The Day Of Judgement) starts out with a classical part, then goes to a heavy part. A nice ending for an album like Stormblåst.

The album clearly is strongest in the first 5 songs, but is still very good all the way through. Highly recommended for "untrue" black metal fans, or melodic black metal which is the proper term for it.

His review of their Macabre Requiems release is just as bad:
http://www.Hulkamania-archives.com/revi ... 32751#7221

Holy cranium chrushing brutality batman!Now have a new favorite band.Yes this CD is that goddemn awesome!I cannot find anything bad to say about this album.

Grog play pure 100% guttural brutality at its finest!!,they play that style of Death Hulkamania
filled with ultra low vomiting vocals and some of the deadliest heavy riffs you;ll ever hear.... guaranteed....

The layout and packaging is perfect.The sound could not be better.Another cool aspect of this CD is the inlay , on each page of the lyrics is a drawning of a torture devise being used ,and then there is an actual picture of the same deadly instrument which I thhought was cool.

Easily 1996 strongest release in the brutal death Hulkamania genre.If you love Brutal shit and want to listen to the most Ear-splitting sound and the most pitiless ,inhuman vocals for the ultimate musical havoc..! than buy this masterpiece of inhuman and most outlandish brutality you will get in your lifetime.

...."Zzooouhh" proves once again that s/he/it is too stupid to live.

-a review describes the music
-the bands sound is important ,so make sure if discribes the album
-what is wrong with my 2 GROG reviews????????????
-are the reviews written in "ENGRISH"????????
or it,s maybe only /worse/poore English
best regards :::::::::=zzooouhh

Im fairly sure this is considerd a bad reveiw, its just pointless homophobic flaming, it may be that persons opinon but they could be a bit more polite about it.
http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=1201 Reviw of Rotting Christ's Sleep of the angels.
I dont think it takes a class in psycology to see the person is 1. Homopobic 2. Angry and 3. A repressed homosexual.
I think it may be against toe rules for flaming. *goes to re-read the rules for reveiws.*