Am I the only one who's having problems with this thread? It said Morrigan posted last but when I went on it the last post was Stickyshooz's - it's happened before on this board, where the last page isn't visible unless you've replied in it.

I know what you mean, but it's working fine for me.

This album might be shitty, but never as much as this review:

...kill me

Links, people. Remember to include links to the offending reviews. Or at the very least the band and album name.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=11249

i think a monkey formatted it.

No, you're not. I get this a lot too.

Teh fixx0rz:

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=17464

The one Scorpio flagged is actually decent with a less simian formatting:



The "GRRR" thingie should go too, but looked upon this way, I've seen FAR worse.

I PMed the author of the Cryptic Winds review and asked him for (another, apparently) reformat. If he doesn't comply soon, I'll delete it.

Also nuked the one that Jotun posted.

Frankly, I'm beggining to be irritated by this ridiculous overleniency on review acceptance. The majority of the last few reviews I've nuked as a result of posts in this thread should never been accepted by anyone in a lucid state of mind.

heheh...I have to say that I accepted that most recent Slayer one. I realize it wasn't by any means a good review, but I thought at the time that there were plenty of reviews describing the music in greater detail, and this one just covered the feel of the album in a concise manner. heheh...or maybe I just wasn't being lucid at the time.

You mean the MIASlayer (or whatever) one?

That one wasn't THAT bad...and besides, you're new at this.

But there's no excuse for whomever accepted that Lord_Zaebos "Shit...pure shit" review. That simply should not have occured.

Curse you bad reviewer!

More Snxke fun:

http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=7987


http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=7975



http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=7986



http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=12501


This review is sort of iffy. It's very short, but it sort of describes the music, and it's for a single, so, I guess it can't be too long.
http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=11791

Leave that for a Mod to decide..

Went through the last few; nuked the nukeworthy.

Hell, I ended up deleting 2 extra reviews on 'The X-Factor' page.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=11430#16379

Brutal shit, indeed.

Oooops, I just noticed I didn't include a link. Sorry. Thanks for the delete.

I had a review of The Ethereal's album deleted and I'm not sure why. I don't think it could've been worse or more vague than this.

HOLY HELL!! - 98%
Written by Intoxicata on July 11th, 2004

JESUS!!!

Someone...pass me a diaper...NOW!!
This is brutal eviscerating PERFECTION.3 tracks of funeral doom,played at its most wounded and critical.

I can only say one thing about The Ethereal that can really do justice.You havent heard heavy until youve heard this.This is the slowest and deepest buzzsaw guitars ive heard in memory,and these vocals are guttural echoes spewing from the abyss of a demon infested stomach.

Imagine Mortican with much deeper vocals,playing about 400 times slower,and shredding every aspect of melody to dust.
This is not doom,this is not metal.
This is the end.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=19426

No offense to Intoxicata of course...

I think it describes everything pretty well.

It's a pretty concise review, but I still think it kind of gets the job done. Not Intoxicata's best, but I think it works...

It seems a lot of Intoxicata's reviews are pretty vague in description. I'm going to complain if he can keep coming up with these yet most of my reviews are rejected for "being too minimal with description" or something similar.

The Apocalypse review and Shadow of Death review are 2 others. Apocalypse review was mildly funny, but the lack of description makes it much less funny than the other reviews.

I smell bitterness.

Well the Shadow of Death review is fine. I can see where you may come up with that point with the Glockenspiel, but it isn't anything similar to daudi baldrs. It has more life, Daudi Baldrs is a bit dry in sound.

OPINIONS.

Okay. Still vague though. If my reviews get rejected for vague description I don't know what gives you certain royalties. No offense.

Most of my reviews are only considered vague by you. And you're a dick.

CLEVER BOY!!!

Intox's reviews do tend to be pretty vague, though there are exceptions. The reason he can get away with this is that he usually reviews albums with very few (if any) reviews already extant. The one Sharpshooter posted is VERY borderline; aside from being minimalistic, it also has writing errors. However, it provides a viable description for being the ONLY review of the album.

Your reviews are usually not rejected for content deficiency ALONE, Shadow.

I would not allow any of my reviews to pass if it was for something like say, Judas Iscariot.

Yeah, it is the only review. Because mine got deleted, and I don't know why!

Grrr...

Try re submitting?

I really dislike ShadowOfDeath's reviews. They tend to drag on far too long, his diction is clumsy, and he's entirely without wit. Add to all this that there's very little specific description(i expect better from someone who has been studying music theory for 8 years).

I don't much care for HealthySonicDiet's reviews, either. SoulseekJay is substandard.

Marvellous work - 97%
Written by Erikjar on January 29th, 2004


the first time i heard the album i thought it was a simple primitive blackmetal release, but then realized i was wrong. The album grows inside you every time youlisten to it. The album is powewrful, atmosferic,dark,and satanic. In this release you may find all you want to find in extreme music. The best track for me is hearse, cause its very well done. I see the band has now passed theline of primitive extreme music, and now is more like dimmu borgir. Finally i think you have to listen at least three times to the album to be sure what it is really!

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=13941

That sucked.

Marduks funeral........ - 40%
Written by TheTrueMayhem on September 26th, 2003


For a start this is not Black Metal it is Norse Core, I just neede to clear that up, This entire album is in the vein of later Marduk, however there is a few good songs however for the main part it is doomy and slower which is really annoying. Songs like Bleached Bones are just painfull and the lyrics are really weak, "Rush-That fills my head when I hunt you down and kill oyu,Hate-which I inflict this is what I do and what I love" The lyrics come across as childish and half hearted not forgeting Marukd realeased a single from this album, in the shape of "Hearse".
Overall Marduk have lost their originality and become boring and bland, to be honest I would give this album a miss.

That also sucked. Same location.

Can't you just delete Marduk from the archives?

Those have both been purged.

I remember SoulseekJay very unfondly. It took several nasty responses on my part to get him to stop writing.

Yeah. I really should work on my writing.

"THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING! GET NOW! - 100%
Written by Black_Void666 on October 24th, 2004

Deathspell Omega is one of the only bands today in metal who can even attempt at sounding good. These days it's really hard to find good bands, or even bands that can be taken seriously. You have people like Nekro Vinterstrom who seems like some wigger who heard a Dimmu borgir or Darkthrone tape and said "Hey I should make kewl black metal too!!1," but that's beside the point. Deathspell Omega are by far one of the best black metal bands to come out now. Actually, Deathspell Omega is probably THE best black metal since Bathory and early Darkthrone.

First of all I have to say the lyrics are excellent. I have never read more beautiful satanic poetry and anti christian warfare. Even Darkthrone's lyrics are this blasphemous which is actually a surprise to see bands school darkthrone with their amazing anti christian lyrics! It's very inspiring to see a band come along that can actually write lyrics that are more than just laughs. This is serious satanic poetry.

The vocals are also amazing. Very evil. It's like hearing the devil himself preaching to you of his ways. I have never heard anything like the vocals I hear from this guy. He makes the most wicked vocal work ever to grace the black metal scene.

The music itself is very innovative. It's a new path for black metal. This isn't any ordinary darkthrone worshipping bullshit like most black metal bands, these guys can actually fucking play their instruments and they play them well. I'm amazed at their skill. Most black metal is a lack of skill in the actually playing and remain with a bunch of tremolo riffing for an entire hour where it turns into the most boring sack of Diarrhea ever to be created.

I recommend this album. It is by far in the very top of black metal's best!! Buy it as soon as you can. This beauty may not last forever. You should hear the hymms before they dissapear into obscurity."

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=39107#20279

Which resource-wasting arsehole accepted this? STOP SMOKING CRACK.

Gone.

You'd think someone might have the decency to own up to some of these...

Perhaps. I suspect that most of us don't read this thread.

But it went up, and then was deleted later, so I don't want to piss anyone off... or force myself to listen to that record again. *shudder*

In any case, no big deal. Don't take the review criticism personally, it just looked a little thin.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=8800

"Little Known Classic... - 93%
Written by Beretorn on June 17th, 2004

This is a little known classic that probably not many ever got... Granted its not like the band is groundbreaking or anything... They most likely are not gonna go down as legends or anything like that... Still they managed to do something right on this album... It seems to have a Bathory vibe to it, maybe its just me... There is an edge on this album thats not easy to describe well... Some might think of it as something like Immortal meets DarkThrone or something like that...

My favorite songs on this album are Where Ancient Lords Gather, The Dawn of War, Nifelheim, The Calling Blaze, and A Winter Chant... Nothing against the other songs on album, just those are my favorites ... This album to me seems to have the right mix of things... Even the production the sound seems to fit things almost perfect... Their album after this they do a cover of Black Sabbath hehe... They have a different lineup and sound for that album though... I would say that one sounds more metalish than this one... I prefer the sound and lineup on this album though...

Still if you pick up this album and like it... You might want to think about getting On Twilight Enthroned as well... Don't confuse this band with Nifelheim cuz of the album name... They are much better than anything that band ever produced... Anyways this is worth getting if you like early 90's sounding Scandanavian Black Metal... If you like early Bathory and Immortal you probably will like this album..."