More total abortion: http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=6300

The first one, but the second sure isn't good either. Hell, durst all 3 of that first guy's reviews. They're all crap.

Yeah, a lot of Snxke's early reviews are crap. He was like a slightly less extreme PumpkinFlyFree at the time.

But I generally like his reviews. Maybe it's just me, but I usually come away from them with a decent idea of what the music sounds like. maybe it's only because I share a lot of his taste...who knows though. I did however have to reject something he submitted yesterday though..can't remember what band it was..Faustcoven I think?

Out of curiosity, what did you reject the aforementioned review for?

This review by Iced_Demon for Nevermore's "Dreaming Neon Black" doesn't seem to describe the music too well. It might have been able to stay by itself or with 3 other reviews.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=150



It's the very bottom one on the page.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=174#8061



This part says nothing about the album.



This is the first sentence that says anything about the music: specifically, that the riffs are different than those on the first two albums. This bit of information is nearly useless, however, as he doesn't describe the kind of riffs present here.



Once again, nothing but "I like this, I don't like this."



That's funny, because he does not even mention
1. how Barlow's vocals sound,
2. what kind of songs Brainwashed and the Pierced Spirit are.

Furthermore, The Pierced Spirit is the one slow and accoustic song on the album. Contradictions, contradictions.



This paragraph says NOTHING except which songs he prefers.



Finally, something that describes the consistency of the album's sound.



Once again, simply stating which parts of the album he likes. He does not go further to explain why Greely/Adam would be better.

In conclusion, though the score given by this review is quite unique, the issues assessed in the review itself are mentioned by at least a third of the other reviews. Moreover, this one fails to describe the actual sound of the album.

EDIT: I'll elaborate.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=938




Short... and more about his life than about the album...

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=39432

o_0

More spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors in the first paragraph alone than I can even count.

(which is, itself, a sentence fragment, but leave me alone it's 7:30 on a weekday)

Aye, both of those suck.

bwahahaha

eh? :/

Ignore him, he tries to insult me at every opportunity because I'm his superior in every intellectual and critical aspect that matters, and he knows it.

That still doesn't account for him 'bwahahaha'ing. Teh crazy bar steward.

You said "both of those suck". One of them was by some random guy, the other was by requiem. Apparently, BJP got a kick out of hearing that someone thinks requiem's review sucks.

Oh, was the Skyclad one by requiem?

No.

Anyway, deleted the one the Req posted. Y'know, I don't think I've seen a single review by Benign Hypocrite that didn't suck.

He thought you meant both the reviews (meaning mine as well) for Wotan sucked, which I was pretty sure was not what you meant.

If that is what he meant he would most likely not be confused.

Now I'm starting to get confused...

sausages

I rejected it because it barely toucehd on the music at all, instead focussing on how the album was good but not as good as the demos. I don't remember any real musical description at all.

Yeah, I say we just can all his reviews.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=860#3282

Isnt that kind of contradicting himself?

First Entombed CD, great stuff. - 90%
Written by Immolation on July 2nd, 2003

This is the first Entombed CD I've ever listened to, I don't know how good (or bad) their earlier stuff is, but this CD was amazing. From the start I liked Petrov's vocals, not really boring, and I wouldn't call them generic at all. Cederlund and Hellid are both good guitarists, the riffs on this albums were great. The aggressive-ness of some of the songs are great, "The Fix Is In" is probably my favorite, and notable mention to Descent into Inferno and Children of the Underworld. The only song I really didnt like was Incinerator, just sorta boring. Overall though, the drums weren't GREAT, they were mediocre and fit the music, but it seems like they could go better with the album. Definetely recommended to any metalheads, as I'm off to get more Entombed CDs.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=17535

...gone. Not a terrible review, but spelling and awkward word use make it a pain to read.

What's wrong with this one? I've always thought that the primary purpose of a review was to describe the music, and this review does a pretty good job of it.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=9930

Doesn't describe the music in much detail and he seams to have a lot of inner rage that he is letting out ...

Neoclassical influence, guitar solos and a bit of black metal. That is all we learn about the music apart from it "kicking ass", as stated about a gazillion times. Now how do these "neoclassical influences" sound like? Like Puissance perhaps? And the "bit of black metal"? You mean like Ildjarn or Mütiilation? And guitar solos? Like the one on Mayhem's "Freezing Moon" or Burzum's "Lost Wisdom"? A mixture of Puissance and Ildjarn with simple guitar solos? Sounds like an album I would love to hear!

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=58#21667

You beat me to it. To get a review for fucking HATEBREEDER accepted you'd have to do REALLY good, certainly a whole lot better than that. Actually, that one shouldn't be accepted for ANY band IMO.

Agreed. Too many "kicks ass", not enough sound description.

And let us not even speak of his insistence on the presence of black metal.

That latest Follow the Reaper review is SHIT. It may be detailed, but it's SHIT, and I dislike it, and would like to state as such.

You mean the one by lumabyte? It's ooouuuttttaaa hereeeeee!

It was the twenty-first review, and it had poor English and the use of "u" for "you", which I find particularly obnoxious.

EDIT: I'm also pretty sure I saw the word "headbrand" in there somewhere.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=245#15231

Still Not There Yet - 44%
Written by meedley_meedley on December 14th, 2004


This production on this album does not do the music contained justice. The songs rerecorded on the First Strike Still Deadly release is where these songs should be heard. the guitars are still muddy, and the drums are still not full and tight. A maturation in muscianship is definitly shown, but doesnt make this much better. Some of the songs on here are real boring anyway. The first 4 tracks are ok but nothing great. And there's too many songs that have these clean intros before giving way to some thrash.

Eerie Inhabitants starts out very dark and moody and shows some good things, but the thrash riffs here are really boring.

The title track is nice, but sounds 11 million times better on FSSD, where this song just turns evil and crawls into your skin. Chuck Billy's vocals are kinda all over, and not contained.

Trial By Fire is just an average song by thrash metal standards. There's nothing special about it. Everything echos and Alex Skolnick tries to sound evil on some little leads, but production keeps him from doing that.

Into the Pit shows problems the previous album showed; out of control drums, super muddy guitars, and tempo insanity that just makes your head implode. This song RIPS on the rerecorded version. The chorus sounds really dumb here. I will say, the lead is very well done, but doesnt save the song much.

Hypnosis is reeeeally boring. I think I'm under hypnosis during this one. It's a dumb instrumental that just goes nowhere...

Oh man! Disciples of the Watch!!! This is a killer song! This song is absolutely thrashy and destroys everything in its path!

But not this version...

Here, it's too slow and the main riff just kinda sneaks in after the little clean piece. The drums would so help this song if they were just menacing!

The Preacher is again in need of some help. This one just needs to be redone. I cant emphasise how much better these songs are on FSSD. Even without it, you can tell something's missing on these songs.

The last 3 songs are the most boring songs on the album.

Nobody's Fault takes a while to start, but has a nice verse riff. Unfortunately, it's the only good thing about the song. The rest is snooze city... This isnt even thrash, but more like early power/groove metal.

A Day of Reckoning has nice leads by Skolnick, but the rest is boring as watching as a cat shit. Billy tries too hard to sound like James Hetfield as well.

Musical Death (A Dirge) is like Hypnosis, only slightly better. That's not saying much. It's still boring as hell. Havent there been enough clean intros in all these songs? Do we really need ANOTHER clean, boring instrumental?? DAMMIT!

---

ARRRRGGGHHH, not only does this review nothing but compare the songs to the versions on FSSD, but he also prefers the FSSD versions TO THE OLD ONES.

I'm biased as hell, I might not have reported this if he preferred the originals, but really, that review should go no matter what.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=20655#23633

666 Salutes To NED!!! - 99%
Written by Force_Fed2001 on December 15th, 2004

At The moment NED (Norma Evangelium Diaboli) is hands down, and appears to be the hottest black metal label in the underground right now as well with an impeccable roster boasting the likes of Katharsis (Ger) Watain (Swe) Deathspell Omega (Fr) and the black pheonix of them all the mighty Funeral Mist. although Salvation was last years release, I had no choice to include it to my collection. Sweden's Funeral Mist have existed since 93 yet aside 2 demos (Darkness & Havoc) and a ep (Devilry) it is only now that a proper full legnth has been unleashed. I can easily say that in no uncertain terms, Salvation is one of the most savage,sadistic,torturous,hateful,punishing,grim,truly evil and utterly devastating black metal releases ever!! The extreme level of passion,violence and destructive sincerity that blasts out of your speakers is just unbelievable. Capturing the aural essence of Hell,utter darkness, and evil arcane atmospheres is no easy feat, and to pull it off with such depravity and originality is almost unheard these days. By no means easily digestible. Salvation is as muli-layered, 9 headed -beast of a record. An all out assault on the sences. FM literally seems to attack you from the angles all at once,yet Salvation is a very diverse record loaded with many little elements and intricacies that I could fill in trying to describe. Arioch's vocals are awesome,not the typical screech, but the gutteral,commanding,demonic bark as he were actually demonized by the Devil him self. The drums are raging and bombastic, (reminiscent a cross over between Taake's "Nattestid Ser Porten Vid" and Gorgoroth's Under The Sign Of Hell). If you are willing to give Salvation the necessary time,there is so much to discover,the album is truly a musical journey into the deepest and darkest abyss. A Modern Day of De Mysteriis,Salvation is the black metal album by all others should be measured. aside from the latest Mayhem and Deathspell Omega albums, I doubt very much that a better more unique and innovative true blackmetal album anytime to soon.!!!!!


Who the hell let this piece of crap through?

That review is more dramatic than William Shatner, but it easily fits the guidelines.

The content guidelines, yes. Not the writing standards.

Pitty it didn't describe the riffing or any of that crap, but it definately caught my interest