BastardHead wrote: What in the absolute hell is going on here?
Anyway, that Trist review did kinda suck because he spent too much time on some nonsense but it's still acceptable. The other two? Those were totally fine, I don't see anything really disagreeable about those at all.
From his review of Katatonia's Dance of December Souls I mentioned earlier: "Whereas the debut was influenced more heavily by the black metal in Norway, the death metal of Sweden, and the doom metal of Finland, their first full length was much more influenced by gothic rock and a more epic and extravagant doom metal than the rather odd mixture of atmospheric doom, black and death metal. (...) While the album does have some great guitar riffs, it falls into the same pitfalls as the debut"
How is a debut not the "first full length"? Ironically, Dance of December Souls IS the debut. Woops.
"(...) is structurally very different from it's predecessor."
"The guitar riffs are cool, laid back, and melancholy. For example, listen to the riffage in "Gateways of Bereavement"; they sound very melancholy, dark, and very fitting of the atmosphere."
Clearly pretending to know any English.
From his review of Trist's Zrcadlení Melancholie: "Shining's debut album is a fabulous landmark in the genre and Make A Change... Kill Yourself is an example of the genre done right."
Who is he to decide what is done right? Landmark, okay sure, whatever. Fabulous, yeah sure, his opinion must be a universal standard, that their debut is the only one in their discography that's better than their most well-reviewed album, when everything else besides only one album in their discography, has about the same score, including the "debut".
"On a lesser known note, there is also Strid, the pioneer of this sound, who made two impeccable releases in the early 90s before vanishing into thin air, which is a shame, as those two releases showed great potential."
I don't get how Strid is less well-known than those heavily-criticized and controversial-in-value bands. Potential, sure, whatever. Shame, well, I smell deviation from the subject, and doubt he even knows more than 15 DSBM bands.
"However, there are a lot of DSBM bands that are complete shit; this is one of them."
Hm, okay, he must surely be well-versed in DSBM - enough to know most bands are shit compared to the ones he mentioned.
"But this is cringe-inducing in how mediocre it is."
So is your review, you infantile dimwit.
"Take, for example, the lyrics of "Trnový labyrint". This "song" literally has verses consisting of 1 word per line. Seriously, "Pain / Sorrow / Oblivion"? Is this guy for real? Even I could do better than this, and I'm not the best songwriter there is."
He clearly can't even review, so he has to shove that line in, confuse songwriting and writing, and on top of that mention both the lyrics and album art before the music which is the only criteria for DSBM, given the vocals are rarely understood anyways. They must be so important - the music must be a soundtrack to the lyrics and artwork.
"Secondly, the album art. I know DSBM is about depression and suicide, but this album art is unimaginative. A cut arm/wrist is an idea that was done by hundreds of bands in this genre already, so what does Trist do? He follows the trend and adds a cut arm to the album art. (...) The drumming is tedious, like the drummer is extremely tired of this shit. The vocals are mediocre, even by DSBM standards."
Such an imaginative description, considering he said the cover is unimaginative - more so, it is simply common sense that the drummer is "extremely tired of this shit". Oh, he must also know better than everyone what influenced the artist's decision to have that album art - surely, it must be a dry statistic that explains everything. So, the DSBM standards are well-known enough to not be pointed out in ANY of the paragraphs? Considering he's "not a fan of DSBM, perhaps I would need to be a fan of the genre to 'get it'." - he surely knows the standards, but wait, he doesn't understand them at the same time, to be able to explain what they are, because surely, they must be so uniform that they would not need to be pointed out, and that in spite of the fact that the entire uniform genre is already mediocre to him, this album must somehow be exceptionally so, and only he would somehow know the truth - no sir, what it would actually mean is, he would only well-review something that isn't actually DSBM. So what does he do, he follows the trend and adds his own review. Impeccable.
"The riffs are basically the same chord repeated over and over repeatedly."
And?... Isn't that a "DSBM standard"? Oh, missed that one, too bad - at least there are mentions of it everywhere else in the review.
"The bass is just there to add "heaviness" to the recording."
You know best each instrument's role, master reviewer. What an informative insight.
"The vocals are mediocre, even by DSBM standards. Trist sounds like a Varg Vikernes wannabe. While I will admit Varg isn't the best vocalist out there, at least he knew how to do it correctly and add power to the music. Trist adds no power to this already weak recording."
So he's a wannabe? If the vocals are not hand in hand with the music, why point the vocals as a ripoff? It would mean the music is not a Burzum ripoff and he's only pointing out more meaningless details which are strictly his opinion. Also, Burzum is not a DSBM band, too bad Mr. "DSBM standards".
"If you want a good DSBM record, I recommend listening to Make A Change... Kill Yourself, Strid or Shining's first album (the third album is also a good release minus Attila's annoying vocal performance) and avoiding this by any means possible."
He must surely be well-versed in the genre enough to shove mentions of other artists and the entire genre, in most paragraphs. But wait, given DSBM is not a real genre but an umbrella term of a spectrum of emotions in music that can be categorized as blackened - he must surely know the emotions in that album well enough to use the umbrella term multiple times - and not even mention this has Doom in it, claiming to be a Doom fan in other reviews and his profile.
Surely then, there must be at least one mention of an emotion in that review: not one.
He must surpass Perplexed_Sjel's, Nokturnal_Wrath's, GuardAwakening's, BlackMetal213's, and 4 other reviewers' opinions, when the album had an average of 96% and the lowest review score was 90%, enough to warrant a deviation of 96% from the average score of an album with 8 other reviews, done over a period of 8 years, almost 2 years before it, and give it a 0%.
Debunked.
And no, I'm not seriously complaining anymore.
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). It feels like this guy saw the 100% score it once had, listened to one track on YouTube, and based his entire review on that entirely to elicit a reaction.
