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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 8207
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 11:38 pm 
 

"Toxic Homocaust". lolsofunny. <_<

Also, "this band are amazing". As a man with simple interests, broken English always makes me laugh.
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Blacksoul Seraphim Gothic Doom Metal
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8306
Location: York, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 2:56 am 
 

It sounds a bit weird in that particular phrase, but we normally refer to the band as "are" in British English. "The band are on tour now".
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AddWittyUsername
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:40 pm
Posts: 89
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2019 12:30 pm 
 

Collective nouns are a bit of a grammatical mess anyway, but it's one of those few areas where I think American English takes the more sensible route, as it just looks at the collective noun, sees that it is grammatically singular, and adds a singular verb form to it with *very* few exceptions. British English decides to for some reason throw meaning and emphasis in with the grammatical form of the word to decide which verb-form is appropriate.

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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 8798
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2019 1:08 pm 
 

Well I grew up with Oxford English in school and American English in movies/TV shows so I feel free to do whatever the fuck I want. If Germany can't offer a consistent English education using a mishmash is fair game.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 8207
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 19, 2019 11:06 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... chte/20075

Ultra short and rather lacking in musical description. Definitely one of those "Early years, much lower standards" type of reviews.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I'm just perpetually annoyed by Sean William Scott and he's never been in a movie where I wasn't rooting for his head to sever by strange means.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5245
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2019 2:02 pm 
 

This is extremely light on description. Very short with some pointless throw-ins.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 986/238408
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SweetLeaf95
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 773
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:01 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... oyz/494361

How the HELL was this accepted? I don't even ENTIRELY disagree, as Paranoid is one of my least favorite Ozzy records, but there is literally no real musical description in this. Just "this is more rock than anything" "this is more like Led Zeppelin than anything" and "I'd rather just listen to Judas Priest" or some shit.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5465
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2019 12:48 pm 
 

Hmm yes. Sent back and asked for more of a focus on the music of the album.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 621
Location: Behind the wall of fire
PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2019 10:20 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 999/580297

This is a review from someone who probably hasn't listened to the album. There are almost no specific comments on the music at all, only that the band don't try to be virtuousos; it could be for any album whatsoever. Also, they call the style melodic death metal, while the band tag is black/post/death. I've listened to the album in question and the band tag is really accurate.

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 621
Location: Behind the wall of fire
PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2019 10:31 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... all/216687

Sorry for the double post, but I've just stumbled on this. Orbitball has some horrid reviews, but this one is just ridiculously self-referential. Are we incinerating write-ups with lines like:
Quote:
The music goes well with the guitars. […] For guitar players, the riffs and leads are the most worthy of praise.

Quote:
As long as the vocals on the album are in accordance with the music then there are no complaints on my part.

Quote:
They really stuck to their thrash metal origin or roots (if you will).

Quote:
Upload this on Spotify and then play it loud. You must own this!!

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alexo666
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:53 am
Posts: 345
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat May 11, 2019 10:15 am 
 

Yo that Abigail review has got to go.
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Diplomate
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:04 pm
Posts: 223
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2019 3:57 pm 
 

Is this review really acceptable? He described the album's sound in a very distorted way and without giving any examples. He just writes "this is good" and "this is bad" without clarifying what exactly is wrong with the sound. He has zero knowledge of death-doom or gothic metal. The comparisons this dude makes are ridiculous, what do Nightwish, Therion or Children of Bodom have to do with this genre? He seems to be a fan of Nightwish yet claims that Tristania have overdone symphonics. Tell me please, do you really get any useful information about this album's sound apart from it having no solos?

This is not the worst of this dude's reviews, but is this quality OK when you review a fairly well-known band? I won't hide it, I am a fan of Tristania and this album, but this criticism is not constructive at all. There are some negative Tristania reviews that actually concentrate on the points that make sense, and I am OK with them. This one...not so much.

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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2712
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2019 4:18 pm 
 

That review is perfectly acceptable. I at least have a baseline understanding of how it sounds, choppy as the writing may be. Review stays.
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Diplomate
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2019 7:04 pm
Posts: 223
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2019 4:21 pm 
 

GuntherTheUndying wrote:
That review is perfectly acceptable. I at least have a baseline understanding of how it sounds, choppy as the writing may be. Review stays.

OK, I see why it passes the cutoff, still this review is incredibly hilarious and an example of how not to write reviews.


Last edited by Diplomate on Sun May 26, 2019 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2712
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2019 4:26 pm 
 

Diplomate wrote:
GuntherTheUndying wrote:
That review is perfectly acceptable. I at least have a baseline understanding of how it sounds, choppy as the writing may be. Review stays.

OK, I see why it passes the cutoff, still this review is incredibly hilarious and an example of how not to right reviews.

That's up to you. If he's making outlandish musical comparisons, then it's up to the reader to judge the reviewer's material. If the review meets our criteria, we'll keep it around.
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GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 7585
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 9:57 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... uel/132884

not only does it barely talk about the music, it wholly and utterly misunderstands everything the album is about, as well as prescribing the "black metal has to be x/y/z lyrically" thing that is just pants on head stupid.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5465
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 10:03 am 
 

Agreed. It wasn't really a review of the album so much as a ridiculous rant about the genre. Removed.
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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 7585
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 10:05 am 
 

amen, amen. danke
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Spoiler: show
║\
║▒\
║▒▒\
║░▒║
║░▒║with this blade
║░▒║i cut those who
║░▒║disrespect
║░▒║Carly Rae Jepsen
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2712
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 10:15 am 
 

Long had I called that Kruel DSO review the worst review on the site. Let us give it a moment of silence......

Okay that's good. Back to work.
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Ismetal wrote:
GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 286
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 10:45 am 
 

Great, now you have me curious to read it.
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3316
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 9:17 pm 
 

(Un)fortunately, the final iteration of the v1 website still exists, and therefore it has been preserved. I'm sure it exists on the Wayback Machine too.

http://v1.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=39107

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Kruel wrote:
Christian Music - 0%

Deathspell Omega, though never an interesting band, had made some competent black metal. And then, on this album, they suddenly changed their music to "Orthodox," or theistic, which is basically CHRISTIAN, "black" metal. And this album, while becoming THE album representative of the "Orthodox black metal" movement, also seems to get a lot of praise as a masterpiece of "intelligent" black metal. Hahahahahahaha. NO. This shit is the complete antithesis of intelligence. I am genuinely perplexed to see how many people think this is actually intellectual. Are they so mindless to think that if you throw in random Latin lyrics, you are intellectual?

So... exactly why is this so fucking stupid? It should be obvious if you have a brain. This pile of shit is about theism. They think God, named "Satan" in this case, actually exists. There is no evidence whatsoever for the existence of God, and it takes an extraordinary amount of idiocy or a continual brainwashing starting from childhood in order for someone to believe in a nonexistent invention of ancient human ignorance. In fact, I cannot even be sure if the members of Deathspell Omega actually believe in Satan as a deity. It sounds totally absurd, because if you hate Christianity enough to play black metal, you should be able to see through the bullshit that religion managed to make the herd of mindless lambs believe in. Anyway, whatever their intention was - making music genuinely based on their bullshit belief or trying to get attention by faking theism - this is completely stupid.

There were many black metal bands that have invoked the name of Satan. But those were metaphorical. Satan was representative of anti-establishment and anti-Christian attitude, and liberation from the ignorance of religion. Gaahl, when asked in an all-too-famous interview about what the thing that fuels his music is, replied "Satan," and then when he was asked about what Satan is representative of, answered "freedom." Indeed, black metal is about freedom and the strength of individuals, as opposed to the Christian submission to the supreme power of God. Here, it is the exact opposite. This is authoritarian, demanding a lack of coherent thinking, and this follows the Bible and God. This is basically Christian music, only with the word "God" sometimes replaced by "Satan." (They actually directly refer to Satan as "God," too, at times.) This is not about becoming powerful and being the master. This is about servitude to God, being his slave. This is not black metal - this is Christian music.

This is Christian music, and a successful one at being that (even if it is a failure as a piece of music). No Christian could have put it better - this whole thing reeks of religious fanaticism of the utmost level. The speaker in these lyrics is really a mirror image of a devout Christian fanatic - words such as faith, holy, father and son, baptism, and divine are frequently used, and there is even a line which reads "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty." Sure, a large number of pioneering black metal bands, including Gorgoroth itself (though Gaahl was not one of the founding members anyway), incorporated theistic language into their music. Satan, devil-worship, rituals, Nordic gods, ... However, those bands did not mean it literally, and expressed anti-Christian ideals through such language. But Deathspell Omega's lyrics mean it. They mean theism. They express Christian thoughts. Satan himself, while being portrayed in a very Christian perspective as the "corruptor and pervertor," is also very reminiscent of the Christian God here, demanding submission from his followers. And there are some exceptionally atrocious lines. Who but a Christian would utter the words "let no human knowledge impeach Divine Truths?" How could anybody even think of claiming this album to be intellectual? It is not merely stupid, but anti-intellectual. This almost seems like it is marketed for the church, to aid them in the quest of brainwashing children into fearing Satan and believing in God. Indeed, if I were a priest, I would use this CD as such a device; play this to the children, tell them this is what Satanists made after hearing the calling of Satan and that only through God can you be salvaged from dying from the hands of those merciless Satanists who are the root of all evil, or something along those lines. And this album would make sense to priests, because this follows the exact same line of thinking as the Christians, just with certain words replaced with their antonyms. And the music itself is very suiting to these concepts.

Right from the beginning of the album, you get a prayer. Yes, this is supposedly a black metal album, and they wrote songs for prayer - and this is not the typical usage of prayers in black metal as in "a-Christian prays-and-then-the-army-of-black-metal-storms-with-riffs-to-destroy-it" type of thing. This is Deathspell Omega itself praying. Why the fuck would any blakc metalhead want to hear a fucking prayer? Prayers make me cringe in real life, and it is no different here. The prayer is in reverse, yes, but that still cannot save it. It just shows how shallow the mindset behind the music is - "let's just do everything Christians do, but in reverse!" This album is really anything but intellectual. And this prayer is used thrice throughout the album, in different forms. All of them are annoying bullshit.

However, these prayers are musically speaking better than the actual songs. Not because they are good, of course not. It is because the actual songs are utterly boring crap. The riffs are technical, at least by black metal standards. You can hear that the guitarist is pretty busy picking all those chords and tremolo notes. Add some arpeggios. But the riffs have nothing to grab your attention except for annoyance. They appear to be disjointed even within a single riff, and there seem to be a bit of toying with complex or irregular rhythmic variations, but when it does appear it just annoys the listener, rather than really achieving anything. The hazy guitar tone with little distortion is another problem - it makes the riffs less recognizable and gives the album a frustrating atmosphere. The vocals, which are lower-pitched than standard black metal vocals (though these are not complete death-growls), frustrate the listener as well. The overall music is very nebulous without much of an emphasis on anything. This might come off as inoffensive to the untrained listener, and hence my comment on its marketability to Christian priests. But of course, this is very offensive to the ears of a black metalhead.

Technical indeed, compared to most black metal bands. But is this really compositionally complex? It is often made out to be one of this album's "intelligent" aspects, in addition to the lyrics. While the composition here is not exactly the apex of stupidity that the lyrics are, it is still far from intelligent. Either there is not much of a complexity to begin with, or it is done so subtly that it is basically unrecognizable - both amount to the same thing: boringness. And even if we assume that this is a very complex work, it still does not make this a masterpiece of any sort. There were many bands that preceded and did better with complex compositions. Abigor is a prime example of this. That band actually achieved something by interesting contrast of two guitars and incorporating a variety of very progressive song structures. Lunar Aurora is another great example. Deathspell Omega does nothing interesting. The riffs are technical but technicality does not make for good music. The bass guitar seems to be doing some work independent of the guitar, but it is nothing in comparison to truly masterful basswork like that of Nagelfar's Srontgorrth. The songs do not progress - just a collection of riffs, which are not high in either quality or quantity, without any climax - and each song is not very distinguishable from another. This is a critical flaw for an album that aims to be artsy and complex, because if you are just going for cool three-chord riffs and headbangingability, just putting same idea in every song and a simple song structure for each of those is going to work given that the riffs are awesome and the vocalist rocks, but not when it has none of the "fun" stuff - and this album has even less fun than pretty much any album that tries to be sophisticated. There is nothing that grabs your attention immediately (except for the prayers of course, which are totally repulsive), and no musical appreciation is brought even after multiple listens. A complete failure, this is.

All this atrocity is not the end. This is already crappy and offensive, but Deathspell Omega just had to prove their Christianity, as if the prayers were not enough. Yes, Carnal Malefactor features four fucking minutes of monk chants. Absolutely no guitars, no drums, no bass, no harsh vocals - just clean Christian hymns. They may be singing "blasphemous" lyrics, but the words are hard to recognize and the lyrics still suck anyway. This is just downright in-your-face utterly offensive suckage. No adjective can describe this... well, there is one: Christian.

Again, this is not black metal, although musically it may be considered to share certain similarities with some black metal bands. Black metal is thoroughly anti-Christian, and you cannot truly oppose something while espousing its core ideas. An Islamic fundamentalist who claims to be thoroughly anti-Christian is in essence only mimicking a Christian fundamentalist. And Deathspell Omega is in the same league as those people. An attempt to incorporate theism in black metal is an exercise in futility. To accept an assumption given without any evidence, and furthermore, to kneel before, succumb, and worship the assumed deity - it is clearly opposed to everything black metal stands for. When the ideology expressed through a work is directly contradictory to its aesthetics, it loses all its merits. The part of this album resembling black metal is a failure on two levels - the aesthetics have no value, and it is conflicting with the ideals it is conveying. The Christian part, such as the prayers, does hold some form of value, but a clearly negative one. Thus, Si Monumentum Requires, Circumspice is at the nadir of anything imaginable in the field of art.

Black metal is about Satan. And yes, Deathspell Omega worships Satan, the enemy of Christianity. However, that amounts to nothing when the object of worship is nonexistent. Black metallers should believe in Satan. But Satan is the personified ideals of anti-Christianity, not the character appearing on the world's best-selling fiction. Black metallers should not submit to Satan. They should become Satan themselves. Black metal is about Satan, but it is not about throwing in the word "Satan." Just because one invokes the name of Satan does not mean that it is truly Satanic. One can complete Satan's work (and this is in a metaphorical way) with or without directly referring to his name, and one can be serving the will of Yahweh and Jesus with or without using the word "Satan." Deathspell Omega's Si Monumentum Requires, Circumspice is a case in which the word "Satan" is used to serve Yahweh. And indeed, it is quite successful, in that it deceived a lot of "black metalheads" into thinking that worshipping a biblical deity is "cool" and "true."

Indeed, this is not just simply another Christian "black" metal act. This is worse than any straightforward Christian "black" metal, because this utter bullshit is masquerading as the "new black metal that is pushing the boundaries and will save black metal, taking it to another level." Complete bullshit. This is Christian metal, disguised in the name of "Satan," appealing to the mindless sheep that cannot grasp the idea of what real black metal is. This is built upon bullshit ideology, with no musical substance that will make it worthy of a listen. This, along with the entire "Orthodox black metal" garbage, should be forgotten. THIS is the worst offense black metal can ever receive, not Christian "black" metal. Theism has no place in black metal, and theistic bands cannot be called black metal no matter how much they try to emulate the aesthetics of black metal. One can only guess whether they are genuine about their faith in Satan as a deity or just in for the money and fame. But one thing is clear: those theistic bands are highly reprehensible either way. The "Orthodox" trend should be eradicated.

Again, I repeat: this is not black metal. This is Christian music.

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BastardHead
Worse than the PMRC

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
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Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 10:31 pm 
 

The #1 best thing about that shitty review is that it gave Kruel an even more inflated sense of self worth and emboldened him to try something similar in the other direction with Altars of Madness. He was talking about it for days, maybe even weeks iirc, building up hype for the review he was writing, posting snippets of his work in progress, drumming up interest in his magnum opus... only for Nightgaunt to just reject it outright for being overlong pretentious nonsense.
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 11:46 am 
 

He's not wrong about the stupidity of theistic Satanism, but that topic should at most take up one paragraph with maybe a callback somewhere at the end. Also, just about any review that's eleven paragraphs is too long. Way too long.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:57 pm 
 

Bonjour Chat #3,

first time on this thread/feed, and I don't mean to unduly (or ever-so-ruefully) interject myself here, but there are times whence an abundance of paragraphs - provided they aren't too lengthy and/or orotund - congenially befit the write-up at hand...I'd dig up a fellow colleague's were I not pressed for time right now, as an example (and not to toot my own horn, either), but what do you think of this here contrapuntually espoused review of mine for Spain's oh-so-raucous n' jocose Witchtower and its slightly retro sophomore, Hammer of Witches, which encompasses a dozen (a baker's if you include the addendum) paragraphs, albeit reasonably, I believe, conservatively (in length only) construed?

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... WER/374625

Should you find the review overly long-winded - I agree it's bombastic, no-how - commit to avidly, if not honorably, gulp down your scratching post asap!

Chairs!

p.s. in return, as well as in fairness, I shall gloss over any one of your duly selected writes...for constructive feedback (I'm wan when it comes to criticism of any kind, as you may very well know!)

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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 5465
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 2:35 pm 
 

Hehe. Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with the overly lengthy reviews, just as there's nothing wrong with the shorter reviews, too. There's a time and place for both.

I find though that with both they often suffer from the same problem, in that reviewers don't always focus on describing the music of the album. With short reviewers, reviewers are inclined to tell little about the album and divulge few details justifying their opinions. With long reviews, reviewers are inclined to tell too much, but not so much about the album itself, but about some other aspect that they very much want to give their two cents on. For instance, instead of focusing on the album, they may choose to rant about the band, or about the genre, or about something totally unrelated or only loosely unrelated, like religion, politics, or culture. It's OK to have rants about this stuff, of course, but your review really should be mainly focused on the music of the album. It's a review, after all, not a soapbox.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 4:42 pm 
 

Great way of putting it, the ole soapbox pitfall. Totally.

In a somewhat relative sphere, when describing the music, it's sometimes tricky to find a just balance between nailing the overall and primordial essence of the album with in-for-the-kill, DYI descriptions as in: "yeah, then this killer, upbeat, palm-muted riff paves the way for a downwind, kick-ass bridge, upon whence a hair-raising, whippersnapping lead break tears us a new one prior to a knockabout - or lambasting as all-get-out - return to crunchy, cranky form and yiddi-yadda, bla-bla-bla etc.".

Thus, I appreciate twisted_psychology's style for his "power of brevity", where he sticks to the main points while astutely comparing the album to that outfit's previous efforts, or other of the genre (granted, often doom!) whereas I myself get super wrapped up in the whole exclamatory stimulation of it all, risking, no doubt, losing the thread or, just as bad, alienating the poor, addled reader.

I guess what I mean, is, to truly get the job right, it helps immensely to give the album a shit-ton of listens from start to finish (requiring patience and erudition), as well as propping said album reviewed against other ones, to avoid describing the music in a (wordy, word choked) vacuum, or perhaps too vaguely and at large. For myself, the reviews I feel turn out better, in addition to more competent, are the ones, like I stated earlier, which "demand" a write-up, i.e. write themselves, autodidact style, pushed straight from the gut - like, they want to, with the Metal Godz are your side, egging you on with fistbumps/goosebumps...

Oh, and it certainly helps reviewing other, less familiar genres as well to glean new/fresh inspiration, not to mention reverting to the same old tropes (or cliches) all the time.
I used to think writing "request" reviews, or ones handpicked by a zine (as when I covered a fair lot of power metal for grande-rock) where tougher, as they were more cerebral, as opposed to straight-from-the-heart, but from an analytic and "professional" point of view, doing so more or less works to one's advantage at times. Perhaps it's simply smart to mix it all up, I s'pose, like a tossed (rat) salad of (diverging) musical opinions.

OK, I'm losing myself here!

(Next!)

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Cat III
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Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 3:19 am 
 

Certainly one can write a good review that's at either extreme of length, but staying within 3-6 paragraphs is a useful heuristic. Plus a bad review that's short will always be better than a bad review that's long.

CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
In a somewhat relative sphere, when describing the music, it's sometimes tricky to find a just balance between nailing the overall and primordial essence of the album with in-for-the-kill, DYI descriptions


I say the former should be the focus, and the latter, while important, should be limited to a few examples. Of course, there's no exact formula and some albums demand to be dissected and written about in more detail than others; reviewers have writing styles better suited to writing one or the other; etc. etc.
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 10:46 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... TY8/111766

The guy barely talks about the music. It’s almost like he wrote this for the sole purpose of condemning the use of gory themes in metal, which is on a grand level of ignorance.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 11:22 am 
 

He talks about the music just fine. Little choppy in the writing, but it's acceptable. Review stays.
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Vadara
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Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:14 pm
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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 11:29 am 
 

I mean, he's kind of right. Gory themes are played out as fuck nowadays with Slam/goregrind bands taking them to their obvious limits (I'm not even going to get into the fact that these gory themes just so happen to also be rankly misogynistic, and fuck that). The whole "graphically describe a murder in somehow the most sterile/boring yet still offensively graphic way without the slightest attempt to be poetic or thought-provoking or fucking anything really" is just eyeroll worthy these days. It was shocking in the 90's, now it's just "oh yay, another band talking about murdering sluts and bitches and cunts".

Also that guy has given good reviews to a bunch of gory DM albums so I think he just thinks the albums sucks--and with an 18% rating, clearly the rest of Metallum agrees with him.

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Lord_Of_Diamonds
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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 2:33 pm 
 

Vadara wrote:
I'm not even going to get into the fact that these gory themes just so happen to also be rankly misogynistic, and fuck that.

Are you suggesting that metal needs to be... politically correct???
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Vadara wrote:
How can something be riffless slam when a slam, by definition, is a metal riff?

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 3:07 pm 
 

I can't think of much metal that's politically incorrect anymore - maybe some good stuff was risqué back in the 80s but these days it's hardly a requirement for being good. Everyone's desensitized to metal's un-PC ways now. Some lame brutal bands with misogynist lyrics are hardly doing anything worth championing.
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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 3:17 pm 
 

People seem to imagine everybody listens to Mortician for their lyrics. Same people probably criticise porno movies for their plot.
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Vadara
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2016 11:14 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 3:37 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
People seem to imagine everybody listens to Mortician for their lyrics. Same people probably criticise porno movies for their plot.


If lyrics really didn't matter for metal, then bands wouldn't write them and just bark incoherent noises. Even Metallum considers a band's lyrical themes to be so important it's listed in the info header alongside stuff such as their genre and country of origin.

Lord_Of_Diamonds wrote:
Are you suggesting that metal needs to be... politically correct???


Given that all "not PC" media is shitty garbage wearing it's un-PC aspirations on its sleeve because it's trash devoid of any other positive qualities? Probably, yeah. I'd rather hear some dude angrily growl about the dying gasps of late stage capitalism and the crushing inescapable hellscape that is the working class's plight than "blah blah gore blah blah rape please like me edgy 4chan bros".

(bands like Venom Prison or Korpse are far more brutal and horrific than bands like Mortician could ever aspire to be)

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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 3:46 pm 
 

Well at least your post fits the thread title. Since you don't know that Mortician is a band that makes songs about movies and seem to have them confused with Waking the Cadaver I don't know what you felt you could add to the subject.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 621
Location: Behind the wall of fire
PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 10:20 pm 
 

Vadara wrote:
I'd rather hear some dude angrily growl about the dying gasps of late stage capitalism and the crushing inescapable hellscape that is the working class's plight.

This is absolutely my favourite quote from this thread. I don't even know if I agree with the point, but the way Vadara writes it makes it sound gnarly as fuck.

However, to get the thread back on track, I want to ask for opinions about this review:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Melvins/Hostile_Ambient_Takeover/11727/cinedracusio/38591

It's not written terribly, just a few bits of bad English, but it is track-by-track. The musical description is alright and - key point - it's the only review for that album. Would you guys normally delete that?

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 621
Location: Behind the wall of fire
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 3:37 am 
 

Here's a shorty I'm not too sure about: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... hine/23664

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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 172
Location: Argentina, Brazil
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 2:42 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Here's a shorty I'm not too sure about: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... hine/23664


Wow.. That review transmits nothing... The only thing I understood is that the album is melodic and similar to My Dying Bride.. But for what I saw there are a bunch of old reviews like this lost in the forum heh.
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 79
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:20 pm 
 

Can this one be sent to the furnace?

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 69_/481697
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Vadara wrote:
How can something be riffless slam when a slam, by definition, is a metal riff?

https://therealdiamond02.bandcamp.com/ - My project - Formerly metalcore - now satire based on insipid slam, porngrind, etc.

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ᴎostalgiʞK
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:27 pm
Posts: 172
Location: Argentina, Brazil
PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:26 pm 
 

Yeah... I can't believe it was accepted, I'm starting to think that this was accepted maybe by the age of the author, otherwise doesn't make sense. I tried to understand it, but there's NOTHING about what he hear, come on.. Fast songs? mixture of Napalm Death and punk? grind with death metal vocals? "The instruments are good and fast and sound great together?" I have been illuminated ohhh...
Sure, maybe the album is good (or not) but I'll probably like because it's grindcore anyways.. period.

Now to the point, why is good? Why it does not deserve a fucking 0%? Why is not bad at all? By shouldn't be considered the worst album on the earth?

Lots of useless words describing the same all the time. Literally nothing...
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