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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 6256
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 10:56 am 
 

HighwayCorsair wrote:
was told by my editor not to cross-post my reviews, so i pulled all the stuff that was written for Invisible Oranges, sorry


I have a similar arrangement with my work on Ghost Cult so the reviews I'm posting here these days are either for the periodic challenges or what somebody else on the site has already covered. The cross-posting is something that I miss about writing for Indy Metal Vault (RIP) but it's not too serious of an issue since I still follow the posts here.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
Posts: 1026
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 12:47 pm 
 

This is why I've embarked on the independent, free-lancer route; no editor is going to order me around, telling me what I can and cannot post!

(One of the reasons I no longer for grand(e)-rock is because "my handler" refused any and all EP reviews...Not happening!)

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hells_unicorn
Veteran

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 3053
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 1:35 pm 
 

Twisted_Psychology wrote:
HighwayCorsair wrote:
was told by my editor not to cross-post my reviews, so i pulled all the stuff that was written for Invisible Oranges, sorry


I have a similar arrangement with my work on Ghost Cult so the reviews I'm posting here these days are either for the periodic challenges or what somebody else on the site has already covered. The cross-posting is something that I miss about writing for Indy Metal Vault (RIP) but it's not too serious of an issue since I still follow the posts here.


I find it curious that sites don't allow cross-posting, this was never an issue for me provided that I included a note as to where the review was originally posted. Then again, both TMO and Sonic Perspectives are up-and-comer sites so they view cross-posting as a way to potentially expand their existing audience. Lately, SP has been throwing me a lot of stuff that I can't cross-post here such as Live Stream write-ups and bands that don't quality as metal here, so there is still an incentive for people to visit SP if they want to read other stuff I've written about.
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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 1091
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 3:07 pm 
 

Yeah, I almost joined the Ghost Cult train after the fall of Indy Metal Vault, but there were too many things I disliked about how they run it (not letting you choose what to review and when, only being able to go through the main dude with anything regarding interviews or premieres, etc.) and now this. Sorry about that restraint, Chris. :(
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 6256
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 4:11 pm 
 

Eh, I can't really complain too much. I can always contribute extra reviews and such to other sites so it's really not that big of a deal. The next step probably would've been just starting my own site or putting more focus on the blog, but I don't have interest in that sort of dedication while I'm also doing the band thing. I'm still holding out for the day when I become better known as a musician than as a reviewer though this in-between status can be fun.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
Posts: 1026
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 4:36 pm 
 

Ah, I oft wistfully imagine and muse on what it would be like to glance up at the silver screen and acknowledge mine own exalted or exhorted presence on the site, albeit as an "artiste" rather than simple(ton), low-hanging fruit picker of a reviewer/scribe denomination/(assassin's)creed.

*In other news, notre copain Mr. Ed Sackbower rated an album an unprecedented 80%, today...

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2338
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 4:14 pm 
 

Okay, I'm genuinely curious about the story of adding in a bunch of Penis Metal reviews in April 1, 2014. I'm especially curious with this one quote from MutantClannfear:
MutantClannfear wrote:
The more people who review Penis Metal, the farther Time I gets from ever again being the #1 most-reviewed album on the website. That's an ideal I think we can all get behind.

So did it had anything to do with Mutant not wanting Wintersun to have the most reviewed album?
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hells_unicorn
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Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 3053
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 5:02 pm 
 

Slater922 wrote:
Okay, I'm genuinely curious about the story of adding in a bunch of Penis Metal reviews in April 1, 2014. I'm especially curious with this one quote from MutantClannfear:
MutantClannfear wrote:
The more people who review Penis Metal, the farther Time I gets from ever again being the #1 most-reviewed album on the website. That's an ideal I think we can all get behind.

So did it had anything to do with Mutant not wanting Wintersun to have the most reviewed album?


That was the April Fools joke of 2014, everyone was encouraged to review the album as a joke, and in response I heard that the band wasn't terribly happy about it. For me it was one of my last attempts at a comical review, and I basically discovered that what few jokes I could come up with surprisingly worked best on an album that I felt a bit lukewarm towards. There was some talk at the time about wanting to supplant Time I as the most reviewed album on the site, but it wasn't the driving force behind it, at least according to what I remember.
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lord_ghengis
Still Standing After 38 Beers... hic

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5950
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 8:29 pm 
 

Yeah was like a second round of a stupid gimmick thing a few of us more frequent writers had done at the time, I believe the prior one was "spam the front page with reviews of stuff with trees in the name". A few of the mods caught wind/were involved with the Penis Metal idea and spread the word with the idea of seeing just how many we could get in there and made it into the official prank.

So yeah, a lot more about "lol penis" than "oh no, Jari". The Time discussion was mostly like "how big can this go" enthusiasm and cheap humour, nothing sinister.
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~Guest 1195014
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:18 pm
Posts: 227
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 11:41 pm 
 

^ I came here to write this post and it's even funnier realising it was you. I checked the Time I reviews out of curiosity, and this is seriously the best negative (or rather, utter destruction) review I've ever read.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ngis/89436

It's such a gentlemanly yet thoroughly brutal annihilation it's amazing, and when I thought it couldn't get any better, I reached the part about Mr Potato Head. :lol:

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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 12:02 am 
 

I have to give props to gasmask_colostomy for this perfect line in his review of Mandylion by The Gathering.

Quote:
Let's say that you don't know anything about music. You've never heard it before and you can't imagine it, when someone tells you that music is a way to hear everything you can feel.


That's the shit, man.
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EzraBlumenfeld
Metalhead

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PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 12:32 am 
 

Ghengis's review is very good; however, having yet to subject myself to the apparent torture that is Time I, I have to take his opinion with a grain of salt given that he seems to imply that he hates Summoning.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2338
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 6:11 am 
 

Death By Wall of Text wrote:
^ I came here to write this post and it's even funnier realising it was you. I checked the Time I reviews out of curiosity, and this is seriously the best negative (or rather, utter destruction) review I've ever read.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ngis/89436

It's such a gentlemanly yet thoroughly brutal annihilation it's amazing, and when I thought it couldn't get any better, I reached the part about Mr Potato Head. :lol:

Yeah, that Mr. Potato Head line was hilarious! :lol:

lord_ghengis wrote:
Jari is so arrogant that if he went the Amon Amarth route and made an action figure of himself, it'd effectively be a Mr Potato Head with his own face, except all the the detachable parts would just be smaller versions of his own face.
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lord_ghengis
Still Standing After 38 Beers... hic

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5950
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 6:20 am 
 

Yeah I hate Summoning. I hate most things. I should never be trusted. But I'm glad y'all had fun, I had a lot of fun doing it. Seanbaby must be a very happy man because I was totally trying to ape his endless torrents of simile/metaphorical insult parade at that time haha.
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
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PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 8:35 am 
 

we hope you die's review of Atvm's Famine, Putrid and Fucking Endless was good enough to get me to check out the album and order the CD. Thanks, mate!
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1639
Location: China
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 9:10 am 
 

Subrick wrote:
I have to give props to gasmask_colostomy for this perfect line in his review of Mandylion by The Gathering.

Quote:
Let's say that you don't know anything about music. You've never heard it before and you can't imagine it, when someone tells you that music is a way to hear everything you can feel.


That's the shit, man.

Are you sure? Haha, I don't think I'd write that line again if I were doing the same review now. But The Gathering do have a particularly emotionally charged sense, especially on the albums with riffs.
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Slater922
Metalhead

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PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2021 8:36 pm 
 

I enjoyed autothrall's latest Helloween reviews. I did found "Pumpkins United" to be one of the weaker singles, but "Live in the U.K." was still a decent live album.
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Thy Shrine
Metalhead

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Location: Golgotha
PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2021 7:44 pm 
 

Reading Noktorns review of Destructions Release from Agony, I just cant really understand his claims that it's a bay area type of thing, even going as far to say its comparable to Anthrax or Exodus, am I the only one that finds 80s Destruction just about the coldest and most aggressive thrash band from that period?
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2021 12:57 am 
 

It was usually pretty easy to tell when Noktorn was out of his wheelhouse. If he was talking about black or death metal, he could be the best writer the site ever saw. If he was talking about trad or thrash metal, he'd compare Destruction to Anthrax or Iron Maiden to Iggy Pop because he was woefully out of his depth and just reaching for the few bands he was familiar with in whichever genre he was aiming for.
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Lord_Of_Diamonds
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:23 pm
Posts: 1618
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2021 1:47 am 
 

lord_ghengis wrote:
"how big can this go"

An appropriate description for everyone's attitudes toward writing tons of reviews for an EP of that name.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

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PostPosted: Mon May 10, 2021 11:58 am 
 

FacUtGaudeam's Covenant review is really solid. It's nice when somebody can chime in on a classic album and actually provide a different perspective on it than usual.
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nightbreaker33
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2016 11:20 am
Posts: 610
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 7:00 am 
 

Victim Of Science's review of Terminal Earth was very relatable to me. I would put 100% on that album though hehehe. SL Coe was in my opinion the best singer they had and there is no filler song. A step forward from Hypertrace in my opinion since that had some songs I kind of forget even if after I listened to them 2-3 times. Hypertrace for me of course is not a bad album it just ranks 3rd or 4th in my Scanner Discography tier list with T.E being first and then Ball Of The Damned.(Like anyone gives a shit it's just my personal taste). I love The Law and Not Alone! Of course the writing of Victim's review is understandable not many filtering and overexplanation of ideas. And I like he kept it relatively small in size. Also I agree about the Helloween similarities although I think Scanner didn't start to play extremely melodic stuff until 2003 with Lara Croft on vocals.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 11:22 am 
 

Eh? Lara Croft...of Tomb Raider renown? What's going here?!

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2338
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 1:28 pm 
 

Oh look! Another review where someone says that UAFM is overrated!

Honestly, I think the most overrated Darkthrone album would be F.O.A.D. It has its followers, and I can understand why people like it, but the style isn't exactly my cup of tea. Dark Thrones and Black Flags and The Underground Resistance are underrated though.
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nightbreaker33
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2016 11:20 am
Posts: 610
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 3:49 pm 
 

CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
Eh? Lara Croft...of Tomb Raider renown? What's going here?!


Yeah Yeah, I just noticed it seems my brain was thinking about that angry video game nerd review I watched on YouTube on Bad Lara croft games. Her actual name is Lisa Croft
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 5:25 pm 
 

Well, that still beats Lisa Kraft...

...oh, and, um, I guess we're obligated to get all shook up and excited, if Sonja's two track demo single is as good as the man says...(just look at some those name-drops and sim artists.)

ps. What the heck does "simp" (for) mean, anyway?

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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 1091
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2021 1:51 pm 
 

Thy Shrine wrote:
am I the only one that finds 80s Destruction just about the coldest and most aggressive thrash band from that period?


Coldest? Yeah I'll give you that. Aggressive? Gotta hand that to Kreator.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2021 4:05 pm 
 

Colder than Heaven, even:

https://www.metal-archives.com/albums/G ... ven/919511

(for which I simp for, simply...)

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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2338
PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2021 8:52 pm 
 

So I was reading Ziomaletto's review of The Big 4 DVD when I came across this line:

Ziomaletto wrote:
It's mostly the cult following of 'Reign in Blood' that really gets under my nerves, because this album only has hollow aggression and speed to offer. And nothing else. But that didin't stopped metalheads from calling it "magnum opus" of thrash and compare every competent album to this mediocrity. But that's a story for another time.

Is he foreshadowing another "RIB is overrated" review? :wanker:
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Demon Fang
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2019 9:42 am
Posts: 534
PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2021 11:20 pm 
 

^ Followed by somebody posting a "RiB is a classic" review.

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 595
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri May 14, 2021 6:23 am 
 

Right from the opening sentence I expected a collection of dead horses already beaten several times, and was partially satisfied, but I swear that's the first time I see someone ripping on RiB immediately after calling God Hates Us All good.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

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Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri May 14, 2021 3:58 pm 
 

we hope you die is a pretty solid reviewer in general but I hope they knocked it out of the park with that Kyuss writeup.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat May 15, 2021 9:44 pm 
 

Oh, don't you fret, Twist! It's knocked out, not only out of park, but orbit, as well!

(You should glean it sometime; then, your prayer will be answered...)

Btw, I'd earmarked some High N Heavy for due doom reviewal, later this month, but am fishing for additional genre heady risers i.e. up and coming newbies for such just cause (like my buddy's hifalutin PC game, version 4, which my stone-age slaptop is disinclined to run - it poopoos my lack of top-grade visual weaponry aka video graphics card stuck forever in the $$$$$$$$$$$+$ price range). Ho hum!

Any suggestions? I'm ta(l)king stoner doom album review requests, now!

Haha, am therefore tempted to jolt my phone number down in my profile, see what happens...

As well, could one of the espiègle mods possibly change my location to Langford, BC, a sleepy hamlet by any means, and far, far, FAR! cry from Van's hellish and super corrupt/twisted Downtown Eastside. (So much so, even the dogs are happy or content, here. They don't bark and poop with dignity!)

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caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 2:35 am 
 

CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
Oh, don't you fret, Twist! It's knocked out, not only out of park, but orbit, as well!

(You should glean it sometime; then, your prayer will be answered...)

Btw, I'd earmarked some High N Heavy for due doom reviewal, later this month, but am fishing for additional genre heady risers i.e. up and coming newbies for such just cause (like my buddy's hifalutin PC game, version 4, which my stone-age slaptop is disinclined to run - it poopoos my lack of top-grade visual weaponry aka video graphics card stuck forever in the $$$$$$$$$$$+$ price range). Ho hum!

Any suggestions? I'm ta(l)king stoner doom album review requests, now!

Haha, am therefore tempted to jolt my phone number down in my profile, see what happens...

As well, could one of the espiègle mods possibly change my location to Langford, BC, a sleepy hamlet by any means, and far, far, FAR! cry from Van's hellish and super corrupt/twisted Downtown Eastside. (So much so, even the dogs are happy or content, here. They don't bark and poop with dignity!)


???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

?????
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1639
Location: China
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 7:22 am 
 

CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
Btw, I'd earmarked some High N Heavy for due doom reviewal, later this month, but am fishing for additional genre heady risers i.e. up and coming newbies for such just cause (like my buddy's hifalutin PC game, version 4, which my stone-age slaptop is disinclined to run - it poopoos my lack of top-grade visual weaponry aka video graphics card stuck forever in the $$$$$$$$$$$+$ price range). Ho hum!

Any suggestions? I'm ta(l)king stoner doom album review requests, now!

I've had a listen to the new High N' Heavy, which was real good to these ears. The latest Wheel might be good to you too, and Cardinal Wyrm lately tickled my pickle pretty nicely.

CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
As well, could one of the espiègle mods possibly change my location to Langford, BC, a sleepy hamlet by any means, and far, far, FAR! cry from Van's hellish and super corrupt/twisted Downtown Eastside. (So much so, even the dogs are happy or content, here. They don't bark and poop with dignity!)

You out of Van?
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 11:09 am 
 

I know it's passe to debate Reign in Blood but man, I can't help but think people rating it low because of the "underdeveloped" nature of the songs want art to follow strict cookie-cutter rules and never try anything interesting. I mean review whatever you want but how many more RIB reviews do we need anyway, especially ones making the same points like a dozen others have done before?
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King_of_Arnor
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2020 12:35 pm
Posts: 771
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 11:27 am 
 

Ziomaletto wrote:
Reading through the reviews here makes me think that a lot of metal fans probably don't like to think too critically about the media they enjoy. While it's not a bad thing to mention the brilliant song writing or tight musicianship, the fact that out of 37 or so reviews only one man named "bayern" has anything to say about the tracklist - not exactly in positive light, but hey, that's his opinion - makes me speechless. The rest, more or less, just repeats the well-known by everyone points why this album is the greatest/worst thing ever. It's fine to read about first 2 or 3 times, but almost every review is basically the same - either it's "there's only 2/3 thrash songs, it's not thrash album!" or "songs are awesome". Maybe it's about time we start taking more in-depth look on album we listen to, realize what makes them truly awesome and separate them from albums that sound "awesome" only on the surface level.

Then in his next review:
Ziomaletto wrote:
This is the "Be all, end all" of thrash? - 45%

this literally has the exact same title as UltraBoris' review. He also names Angel of Death, Postmortem and Raining Blood as the three highlights, which has become a well-worn cliche among RiB detractors since those are supposedly the only well-developed tracks. I get that when reviewing hugely popular albums it's a hard thing not to regurgitate the points of the ten others who made them before you, but if you're going to call out others for doing that, Practice What You Preach, my man!
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CHAIRTHROWER
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Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 11:28 am 
 

Chairs and cheers, gas, for the name drops; I'd envisioned covering that great Wheel album, as well as Cosmic Reaper's latest, but was thrilled beyond words by buddies' tight respective write-ups, in their regard...Now, the early bird catches the Cardinal Wyrm, eh?

Glad to see Trooper Ed is back - am also looking forward to some more timeless back and forth quiproquos between him and his favourite antagonist - all in good fun - here at the Forum...(Nice play on [s]words's with the title of his Accept review, as well).

Finally, how is it that The Rods' bodacious Let Them Eat Metal has yet to be honoured, at all?!

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Slater922
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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 11:50 am 
 

Yeah, there were a lot of reviews accepted today, and it's gonna take me a while to check them all out but Ziomaletto's RIB review is definitely gonna be a highlight.

On the plus side, though, I did finished my mini-review series of the Unholy Trinity of Darkthrone, and going back to those albums made me appreciate them more.
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Last edited by Slater922 on Sun May 16, 2021 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2021 11:52 am 
 

King_of_Arnor wrote:
Ziomaletto wrote:
Reading through the reviews here makes me think that a lot of metal fans probably don't like to think too critically about the media they enjoy. While it's not a bad thing to mention the brilliant song writing or tight musicianship, the fact that out of 37 or so reviews only one man named "bayern" has anything to say about the tracklist - not exactly in positive light, but hey, that's his opinion - makes me speechless. The rest, more or less, just repeats the well-known by everyone points why this album is the greatest/worst thing ever. It's fine to read about first 2 or 3 times, but almost every review is basically the same - either it's "there's only 2/3 thrash songs, it's not thrash album!" or "songs are awesome". Maybe it's about time we start taking more in-depth look on album we listen to, realize what makes them truly awesome and separate them from albums that sound "awesome" only on the surface level.

Then in his next review:
Ziomaletto wrote:
This is the "Be all, end all" of thrash? - 45%

this literally has the exact same title as UltraBoris' review. He also names Angel of Death, Postmortem and Raining Blood as the three highlights, which has become a well-worn cliche among RiB detractors since those are supposedly the only well-developed tracks. I get that when reviewing hugely popular albums it's a hard thing not to regurgitate the points of the ten others who made them before you, but if you're going to call out others for doing that, Practice What You Preach, my man!


Yeah it's just that all of these negative RIB reviews seem to make exactly the same points, as if they were churned out by a clone machine. I'd like to see a more thoughtful reasoning for why they dislike it then "the tracks just aren't developed" like we've read dozens of times.
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