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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1640
Location: China
PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2020 6:01 am 
 

CHAIR, I think your fam Mr Met is making a point about pots and kettles and dark colours...in reference to generous scoring. I'm sure your depthy statistical breakdown will soothe all sourness.
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2020 11:36 am 
 

Damn, CHAIR, calm down lol. Your post gave me a headache, in no way I wanted an audit of your scoring. I was simply saying that 70% isn't a bad score at all. I went and checked that Ambush album and would probably give it a lower score than that.
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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2020 2:03 am 
 

Petrus_Steele's review of Trivium's cover of "I Don't Wanna Be Me" by Type O Negative is seriously the shortest review I've ever read on this site, and one of the most barren on top of that.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 1640
Location: China
PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2020 7:00 am 
 

Subrick wrote:
Petrus_Steele's review of Trivium's cover of "I Don't Wanna Be Me" by Type O Negative is seriously the shortest review I've ever read on this site, and one of the most barren on top of that.

Aren't you referring to 'Kill the Poor'? This entire comment is longer than the review for that. As the first persons reviewing those 2 songs, I kind of wanted him to give more context than that, since Petrus is usually better at explaining how stuff fits into the career of the band he's talking about. That's pretty much the reason why we let him do discography reviews without getting snarky.
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Subrick
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Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2020 7:56 am 
 

I didn’t even look at that one. You are correct. That one is 61 words shorter than the I Don’t Wanna Be Me review, for a grand spanking total of 100 words.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2020 8:03 am 
 

I could never tell you what those Trivium covers sound like from those short-ass reviews.

Never heard of Caligula's Horse before now but Livingwave17's review made me want to try it. Good stuff.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
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Location: China
PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2020 10:40 am 
 

Empyreal wrote:
I could never tell you what those Trivium covers sound like from those short-ass reviews.

Never heard of Caligula's Horse before now but Livingwave17's review made me want to try it. Good stuff.

I'm 90% Livingwave17 is George Dan from The Metal Observer. He's been talking about that band for a couple of weeks now and seems really into them.
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EzraBlumenfeld
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Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 12:50 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2020 12:02 pm 
 

I always figured a day would come when the Pyreworks album would receive a negative review, but I had hoped it would come from someone I bit less harsh and more open-minded than Lord of Diamonds. I can see where a lot of his points come from: No, we didn't have time to get the cleanest takes possible; and yes, some of the techniques used for both vocals and bass were somewhat experimental. I may be biased, having written 85% of that album myself, but I think LoD completely failed to capture the spirit of Pyreworks Is Destroying Our Nation!. No, we aren't Necrophagist or wizards like that, but everyone who's heard it has at least agreed it's catchy and fun. Sometimes metal isn't about flawless execution and technical prowess.

LoD, if you're reading this, maybe you should take a look at our newer EP. The instruments are quite a bit tighter and there's no clean singing. The songs are also significantly more complex, with many more sections per track.
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2020 12:20 pm 
 

I did check Pyreworks when you asked for reviews and decided not to review it 'cause I probably would had been mean too. There's a bunch of constructice criticism in LoD's review though.

I also pretty much refuse to listen to something with artwork made by a 13 yo using paint. It could be the best album ever and I'll never know.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
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Location: China
PostPosted: Wed Jun 03, 2020 4:29 pm 
 

EzraBlumenfeld wrote:
I always figured a day would come when the Pyreworks album would receive a negative review, but I had hoped it would come from someone I bit less harsh and more open-minded than Lord of Diamonds. I can see where a lot of his points come from: No, we didn't have time to get the cleanest takes possible; and yes, some of the techniques used for both vocals and bass were somewhat experimental. I may be biased, having written 85% of that album myself, but I think LoD completely failed to capture the spirit of Pyreworks Is Destroying Our Nation!. No, we aren't Necrophagist or wizards like that, but everyone who's heard it has at least agreed it's catchy and fun. Sometimes metal isn't about flawless execution and technical prowess.

LoD, if you're reading this, maybe you should take a look at our newer EP. The instruments are quite a bit tighter and there's no clean singing. The songs are also significantly more complex, with many more sections per track.

Dude, you review too, you know how it is. Sometimes you don't like stuff and you've got to call it as you see it. If you request a review, be prepared to get a negative one. Besides, hopefully you'll look back on your first album in a few years and see how much better your new stuff is.
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Frowning_All_The_Time
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:03 am
Posts: 51
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:13 am 
 

Soul of the Woods did some hard time while listening to Sepultura's 'Beneath the Remains'
Quote:
The guitar work is what makes this album the anal desecrating masterpiece that it is. Imagine you're in the prison showers, you drop the soap, and get fucked in the ass by a gigantic, musclebound thug with a twelve inch dick. That musclebound thug is Beneath the Remains and his muscles and dick are the riffs in the album. The fucking riffs are some of the best I have ever heard in metal. Bone-crushingly intense, yet extremely catchy... mainly a combination of mid-paced, groovy thrash riffs... and neck breaking, faster than fuck riffs. These riffs are intense. Emotionally, they bring forth feelings of hatred, rage, and malice. I can literally hear the riffs from this album playing when I want to beat the living shit out of someone. This is probably more of a personal feeling, but, either way, these hateful riffs just rape your ass and ears, leaving you waddling away after the carnage has finally ceased.

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hakarl
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
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Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 3:15 am 
 

That's most likely the cringiest shit I've ever read in a review. :|
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gasmask_colostomy
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 5:34 am 
 

Lol and he gave it 100%. Any music that made me feel like I was being anally raped would probably rate a lot lower.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:49 am 
 

gasmask, I don't have a boner for negative ratings at all and am happy about positive ones, but was the 91% on the last Alpha Drone a typo? The review doesn't sound positive at all and certainly not 91% positive.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 2:35 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
gasmask, I don't have a boner for negative ratings at all and am happy about positive ones, but was the 91% on the last Alpha Drone a typo? The review doesn't sound positive at all and certainly not 91% positive.

Fixed the review. I changed my opinion while writing and didn't properly explain my thought process. The recent stuff has all been really good!
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 382
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 8:03 pm 
 

Lord of Diamonds latest Gutalax review is more measured than I remember him being. A nice change of pace.
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Absinthe1979
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:06 am
Posts: 26
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:11 am 
 

gasmask_colostomy wrote:
Absinthe1979, if you keep writing well you might be scribed eventually, meaning that your reviews can be accepted without moderation. Hope that happens in the end, because I've been enjoying quite a lot of yours. It seems our doom death tastes are similar, yet our opinions mostly opposite.


Praise from Caesar. Thanks for the kind words - sorry I missed this until now.

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Absinthe1979
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:06 am
Posts: 26
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2020 1:16 am 
 

colin040 wrote:
That new Paradise Lost review by Absinthe1979 is an interesting one - I can see where he's coming from but at the same time I'm a little surprised he doesn't like the album, yet claims ''Beneath Broken Earth'' is PL's best song, which was pretty much the track that inspired this whole thing. The album is as doomy and heavy as PL with a huge emphasis on doomed out riffing instead of emotional choruses or contrasts between dark and light, even though I'd argue ''Fearless Sky'' and the title track feature both of these aspects.

Perhaps some more detailed explanations on why certain songs don't work out would give me a better understanding of this guy's point of view.


Hey, sorry I missed this until now. I can't tell you how disappointed I was by 'Medusa' compared with 'The Plague Within'. In my view, while 'Beneath Broken Earth' had a majesty and elegance about it, as mentioned in my review I found 'Medusa' really turgid and bogged down. While they share superficial elements that might suggest the song and album are similar, I actually find them quite contrary to each other. I could be in the minority, however, as most reviewers seem to sing the praises of 'Medusa'.

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 598
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:01 am 
 

Is it just me, or review quality has decreased lately? It may be that I haven't been on the site for several months due to university, but I seem to notice way more cringy stuff like the Sepultura example posted earlier, typos (can't name the specific review at the moment, but writing 'trash' instead of 'thrash' in 2020? Seriously?), or just plain mediocre stuff on all terms like: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Uncle_Slam/Will_Work_for_Food/13914/Thrashmetal12104/883021.

Yep, I understand the issues of being a non-native English speaker or a teenager, as I've been in both situations at the same time, but it seems... weird. Seriously, I hate to judge others and my writing is so far from perfect, but I believe my first (and fairly rejected) attempts to a review 5 years ago were of comparable if not superior level (not a huge accomplishment, but whatever). I know I'm not the one in charge of acceptance/rejection, but I do feel standards have lowered and it makes me feel a little sad. No harsh critique to you mods though! If nothing else, this convinced me to come back and find some time to write something, I truly miss the feeling.

Oh and one morning you wake up and find that Agent Orange is suddenly 'THE LOWEST POINT OF THRASH METAL': https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Sodom/Agent_Orange/2583/criscool623/348751. It's tough not to be triggered...

What a time to be alive.
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thrashmaniac87
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 747
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2020 2:09 pm 
 

There's some seriously goofy stuff in this review.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... len/416676

"Seems like people are only into music these days for the money, quality and fame...not even about the creation-based process, kind of sad, really."

Not like way back in the early 2000s when shit was real!

"When bands and artists get too big, they generally become idiot-assholes who want the fans' money and nothing more than that. In fact, it's the fans that feed big-time musicians. But I guess the bigshots purposely forget that, huh?"

What's the point of this hot take in a DEAD INFECTION review?
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 598
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:37 am 
 

Amazing.

But dare I say, not even the cringiest stuff contained in it.

By the way, I rarely venture into forums, so how can you shorten the URLs in that way? I always end up covering the entire screen width with mine :nono:
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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:57 am 
 

By simply posting the url without the bbcode.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 598
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2020 10:27 am 
 

Ohh I see, that was so basic I didn't even think of it. Thanks droneriot! :beer:

Always liked your writing btw, even if more often than not I never heard about the band in question. Still a good way to find something "new".
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Cat III
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:44 am
Posts: 382
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2020 8:29 pm 
 

Subrick wrote:
Petrus_Steele's review of Trivium's cover of "I Don't Wanna Be Me" by Type O Negative is seriously the shortest review I've ever read on this site, and one of the most barren on top of that.

I remember a mod posting a review they approved that was a single sentence. It was for a single, but I can't remember which one and by what band.
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Subrick
Metal Strongman

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 10167
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2020 6:51 pm 
 

I desperately want to find that one now. Anybody with info will be the coolest cat in the room.
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2020 7:50 pm 
 

Damn, Hells had to write 6 today to beat me!
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hells_unicorn
Veteran

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 3056
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2020 7:58 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
Damn, Hells had to write 6 today to beat me!


lol Didn't even realize that I'd pulled past you, I was basically trying to catch up after losing 2 1/2 days and wanted to see if I could push our total over 400 for this challenge. This is probably the least prolific I've been for a review challenge in close to 10 years, just about everything that possibly could have gone wrong for me short of getting in a car wreck basically happened.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35180
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Jun 11, 2020 3:23 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tch/890206

Fantastic. Fuck this band. Great review.
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Absinthe1979
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:06 am
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:15 am 
 

Empyreal wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Sabaton/The_Great_War/772880/plague_witch/890206

Fantastic. Fuck this band. Great review.


Love or loathe Sabaton, you have to wonder why someone would deliberately review their latest album just for a hatchet job like this.
It's clear that this reviewer hates everything that Sabaton stands for. It's basically hate mail.

Obviously objectivity is impossible in a review, but to be honest I'd rather read a fanboy's gushing (of any band) than this down-in-the-mouth diatribe that is basically excrement on the page with no real intention of considering the album on its merits. What is anyone supposed to really take from that review?

The beauty of Metal Archives (as I see it) is that all views are given fair representation, which is great. But the second I see any album receive a 0-1% review my eyes glaze over and I get my grains of salt ready...

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:27 am 
 

A band as conceptually broken as Sabaton deserves all the mouth-shitting people can muster, honestly. There's an argument to be made about the value of a review written by somebody who just doesn't like the genre whole cloth, but even then that sort of thing barely ever happens, and when it does it's usually done one time to spell out the overarching issues they have with whatever niche they're beefing on and then they drop it forever. It's one thing if a dude is going around giving zeroes to every Opeth album or whatever, but a reviewer taking time to review one band that they think is terrible for a more grand/conceptual reason is totally fine and actually rather valuable I'd say.
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plague_witch
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2020 7:08 pm
Posts: 8
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 4:42 am 
 

Absinthe1979 wrote:
Love or loathe Sabaton, you have to wonder why someone would deliberately review their latest album just for a hatchet job like this.


because its terrible. like absolutely god awful. And because I feel its important to review things you dislike as well as things you like.

Absinthe1979 wrote:
It's clear that this reviewer hates everything that Sabaton stands for. It's basically hate mail.

Incorrect, I'm listening to Carolus Rex right now.

Absinthe1979 wrote:
Obviously objectivity is impossible in a review, but to be honest I'd rather read a fanboy's gushing (of any band) than this down-in-the-mouth diatribe that is basically excrement on the page with no real intention of considering the album on its merits. What is anyone supposed to really take from that review?

That its a divisive album that some people uncritically praise, and other people consider dogshit?

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Absinthe1979
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:06 am
Posts: 26
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 5:08 am 
 

plague_witch wrote:
Incorrect, I'm listening to Carolus Rex right now.


Any good? I've been thinking about checking this album out for a while now, as a Charlemagne fan but not a Sabaton one.

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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
Posts: 598
Location: Italy
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 6:49 am 
 

Absinthe1979 wrote:
What is anyone supposed to really take from that review?

I've never listened to Sabaton, but that review did a particularly good job of summing up why they are so hated around the net. We're not talking about the best band in the genre, and neither their best album, so...

I don't rule out the possibility of giving their most rated albums a chance in the future, by the way. If nothing else, I may already know what I won't like.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 8:47 am 
 

I just found it funny that 100% and 0% reviews were published for the same album on the same day. Holy hyperbole, Batman!
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:34 am 
 

Absinthe1979 wrote:
Empyreal wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Sabaton/The_Great_War/772880/plague_witch/890206

Fantastic. Fuck this band. Great review.


Love or loathe Sabaton, you have to wonder why someone would deliberately review their latest album just for a hatchet job like this.
It's clear that this reviewer hates everything that Sabaton stands for. It's basically hate mail.

Obviously objectivity is impossible in a review, but to be honest I'd rather read a fanboy's gushing (of any band) than this down-in-the-mouth diatribe that is basically excrement on the page with no real intention of considering the album on its merits. What is anyone supposed to really take from that review?

The beauty of Metal Archives (as I see it) is that all views are given fair representation, which is great. But the second I see any album receive a 0-1% review my eyes glaze over and I get my grains of salt ready...


It's a well-written piece that makes a point about the shallowness and vapid quality of the band. The idea that every review only has to slavishly stick to describing the music and never the more symbolic or aesthetic qualities that can also be appealing or not, is faulty to me. It got the point across. I've come to think of reviewing as a way to write in an evocative, descriptive manner rather than as a buyers' guide - you can do a lot of things with a review, really.
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TheBurningOfSodom
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:28 am
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Location: Italy
PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2020 7:06 pm 
 

Shoutout (posthumous, not literally speaking) to GrindcoreBreath420's only review for this site. I've never been into grindcore that much, but his review for The Kill's Make 'Em Suffer urged me to check it out some time ago, and I found one of my favourite albums of the genre. A concise review that covers every aspect of the album, not unlike Tanuki in this regard. After reading it I was even certain the rating wasn't exaggerated. At all.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 420/279171
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Big, juicy, veiny, throbbing hard riffs. Big heavy knuckle dragging, cock swaddling compositions for those in fear of soap/bathing. Listen at your own risk. No signs of intelligent life.

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zeingard
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:49 pm
Posts: 659
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2020 9:07 am 
 

Empyreal wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Sabaton/The_Great_War/772880/plague_witch/890206

Fantastic. Fuck this band. Great review.


That score is 1% too high, otherwise it's punchy and effective. I dig it.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 6260
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2020 2:11 pm 
 

Luvers' Rocka Rolla review is certainly interesting. I kinda feel like she spends more time talking about what the album isn't more than what the album actually is, but I really don't mind since Judas Priest's early history is always fascinating to hear about.
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Slater922
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Apr 14, 2020 6:24 pm
Posts: 2342
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:18 pm 
 

Twisted_Psychology wrote:
Luvers' Rocka Rolla review is certainly interesting. I kinda feel like she spends more time talking about what the album isn't more than what the album actually is, but I really don't mind since Judas Priest's early history is always fascinating to hear about.


Hard agree. It's a refreshing experience from all the other Judas fans who blindly praise the album and ignore the flaws. (Btw if I were to review the album I would give it a 70-75%)
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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3812
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2020 3:20 pm 
 

Slater922 wrote:
Hard agree. It's a refreshing experience from all the other Judas fans who blindly praise the album and ignore the flaws. (Btw if I were to review the album I would give it a 70-75%)


It's not really an album most Judas Priest fans really single out as being amazing or even especially good - most of the reviews on MA range from mediocre (44) to rather positive (77), it's one of their least popular albums based on last.fm numbers, and I certainly don't hear fans put it on a pedestal above a majority of their subsequent output with Halford, at least. Hell, I'm a big fan of the first Halford era of Judas Priest (even the more divisive moments in that stretch of their career) and I'd also give the album a 70-75. I think it's rightfully rated as solid classic hard rock album that is a product of its time and is only slightly indicative of where the band would end up on their next few albums, while also being of immense historical importance.
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