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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8457
Location: York, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:17 am 
 

Ilwhyan wrote:
caspian wrote:
It takes an hour for you guys to write a review?? ???????

Your reviews took less time to write than it takes to read them. :P


Caspian reviews are guaranteed to take less time to write than the release's running time. Usually by at least ten minutes.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 983
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:38 pm 
 

caspian wrote:
It takes an hour for you guys to write a review?? ???????

To be fair, Caspian is good at boiling his opinion down, sometimes to a single sentence. If you read that part of the review, you'll remember what he thinks.

For albums I'm very familiar with, it can take less than an hour. These days, I tend to write more about new music, so I often need an hour and a half to two hours to comb through the music while I'm writing. Getting the correct specific example from an album often takes time.

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 9751
Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:31 am 
 

From RakdosWarlord's new Nile review:

RakdosWarlord wrote:
What amazes me is how fast the songs sound. I looked up what some of the beats per minute online and what I found was Lashed to the Slave stick is 187 beats per minute and Sacrifice Unto Sebek clocks in at 184 bpm. I used songbpm.com for these statistics. According to their site the average death metal song is 117 beats per minute. It blows my mind how everything can sound so clean at speeds like this.


The first and last sentences are perfectly valid, Nile are doubtlessly extremely fast and extremely clean, but the whole middle section, apart from just being kinda tacky to plug a different site in the middle of a review, is really misleading. Yes, Lashed to the Slave Stick is indeed played around 187 for most of the song, but there's still that middle section where it kicks up to 220ish. One of my faults as a songwriter myself is that I tend to stick with three tempos, and 180bpm is my default "fast" mode. So yes, it is fast and impressive to play cleanly, but it's not completely insane. Part of the reason Nile sound so much faster than their contemporaries has a lot to do with Kollias being such an insane drummer making and making everything sound double time. Obviously drumming in general dictates the tempo but you can be playing blasts and double bass or a standard rock beat at the same tempo and it won't actually change the bpm of a song.

But really, the whole thing made me suspicious so I looked up that site, because they must have a really wonky way of calculating these stats if they can determine that death metal is usually played at 117, because unless they're adding every Autopsy song a hundred times each to the pool there's absolutely no way it's usually that slow (for reference, Cowboys from Hell is played at a standard 120bpm and I think we can all agree that a majority of death metal runs a good bit faster than that). So I looked up Hammer Smashed Face, and the site has four versions of it all listed at different bpms (126, 97, 100, 106), none of which are correct (the intro alone is played at 200). So I figured okay, maybe it's just averaging over all of the tempo changes, because metal is loaded with those, but even if they were that seemed incredibly slow. So I decided to look at some songs I know very intricately myself, some Slayer classics. That site lists the tempos of Angel of Death and Raining Blood at 106 and 110bpm respectively, which is so hilariously untrue even if you account for the tempo changes that I nearly fell out of my chair. The vast majority of Angel of Death is played at 210, while the bridge verses sit around 180-190 range, and the solos kick it up to 230ish. Raining Blood has a ton of tempo shifts, but if my memory serves me correctly, the first riffs are around 180ish, the verse riffs jump up to 215, then back down to 180 for the title drop and breakdown, and then the outro with the solos hits nearly god damned 250.

tl;dr - That site is bogus and shouldn't be used to calculate a song's tempo, especially metal which generally has a lot of tempo changes, and even moreso with extreme metal because it seems to be off to an absurd degree. Attaching numbers to a song's speed can be useful if you're learning/playing it yourself but most readers probably won't really understand it anyway, and if they do they'll be likely to do what I did and point out that Slayer was playing 60bpm faster 20 years earlier. And even then that doesn't really help since the outro of Raining Blood still doesn't sound too much faster than your average Nile song simply because Lombardo wasn't playing blasts like Kollias.
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Last edited by BastardHead on Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8242
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:42 am 
 

Yeah, the BPMs are off. 117 is very slow for death metal, so I imagine the average might come closer to that if you include a ton of death/doom and such. 184 is faster than average for death metal certainly. I'd guess most death metal that isn't slow or crawling is between 140 and 175bpm. Nile is known to play well above 200bpm a lot of the time.
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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:09 am 
 

Nile - the gabber of death metal.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 5039
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 4:02 pm 
 

That feel when you go out to a gig and find yourself realizing that CHAIRTHROWER has reviewed every band on this bill.
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Derigin
The Mountain Man

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 4:26 pm 
 

And then you realize CHAIRTHROWER is right there, behind you! :oh shit:
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Metantoine
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:13 pm 
 

Derigin wrote:
And then you realize CHAIRTHROWER is right there, behind you! :oh shit:

And then he turns around and whispers words like "sagacious" in your ear.
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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
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Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2019 12:41 am 
 

Metantoine wrote:
Derigin wrote:
And then you realize CHAIRTHROWER is right there, behind you! :oh shit:

And then he turns around and whispers words like "sagacious" in your ear.

But instead of letting you catch him, he throws a chair at you and sneaks out with barely a hint of ill-natured contumely.

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bayern
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:11 pm
Posts: 93
Location: Bulgaria
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2019 3:31 am 
 

... before throwing everyone in a very hard, headaching dilemma: who has a bigger significance for the world of metal: Bolt Thrower or Chairthrower...

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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2019 6:38 pm 
 

Did you know that the crowd(s) at Wrestling matches in Montreal in the late 60s/early 70s used to chuck chairs all-around in a frenzy whenever they were left wanting at the end of a match?...(Can you tell I'm perusin' the hard-boiled bio of Mad Dog Vachon (RIP), these days?...).

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Five_Nails
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:34 pm
Posts: 628
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2019 7:24 pm 
 

Kind of like this?
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
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Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Mar 22, 2019 9:09 pm 
 

Terry Funk, a man who has made a career giving himself brain injuries for fun, has noted that moment as the absolute scariest of his career. Absolutely one of the wildest moments from the golden age of wrestling without a doubt.
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 12:15 pm 
 

Note that he considered that scarier than when he literally got set on fucking fire in the ECW Arena a year later.
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TrooperEd
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 6:18 pm
Posts: 2115
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2019 11:42 am 
 

After reading BH's review of NMHE, I'm thinking "corsetcore" is good shorthand for terrible (re: all?) symphonic metal. Not that the new Battle Beast is symphonic metal, but boy does it describe 95% of most female fronted bands these days. That Smoulder debut can't come out fast enough.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10498
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2019 12:18 pm 
 

Loved the new Battle Beast review, Bastardhead. Very enjoyable and informative.
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kluseba
Making Metal Archives Reviews Great Again!

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:36 am
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2019 7:30 pm 
 

I liked the last reviews of Bastard Head and Napalm Satan for calling out overrated bands for how weak they really are.
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flexodus
Metalhead

Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 4:16 am
Posts: 2320
PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 1:18 pm 
 

Seems weird to me that Iron Griffin would become such a polarizing band. Maybe it’s just because I’ve really gotten into that style of metal lately, but it seems totally par for the course to me. Like, of course it’s raw, simplistic, quirky, a little boring, and kinda shitty from a technical standpoint; that’s basically what epic metal is :lol: not gonna be what everyone is looking for, it’s a more than the sum of its parts thing I guess
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tahu157
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jul 21, 2014 10:22 pm
Posts: 668
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 8:30 pm 
 

Was just reading the review of the Trond Holter album Vlad the Impaler by Silicon Messiah from a few days ago. In it he says this:
Quote:
except it has no Jørn Lande (because they’re not talking, it’s a whole high school drama for another time)

This is the first I've heard about any drama between Jorn Lande and Trond Holter. Anyone know anything about it?

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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2019 10:19 pm 
 

I agree with Kluseba on BH's latest string of sardonic reviews...which is also lighting a fyre under my butt, spurring me to action, so-called (soon, lads, soon...just have a few nebulous kinks to sort out here...);

God & Satan Speed!

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Napalm_Satan
Ever-Opening Flower

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2015 4:27 pm
Posts: 3511
Location: London, UK
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:10 am 
 

flexodus wrote:
Seems weird to me that Iron Griffin would become such a polarizing band. Maybe it’s just because I’ve really gotten into that style of metal lately, but it seems totally par for the course to me. Like, of course it’s raw, simplistic, quirky, a little boring, and kinda shitty from a technical standpoint; that’s basically what epic metal is :lol:


I mean, if all trad/epic/whatever metal is that boring and amateur (which I know isn't true) then it's a bullshit genre that deserves to be derided, lol. Just because something is meant to/usually sucks that doesn't mean it's exempt from being called out for sucking.

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flexodus
Metalhead

Joined: Sun May 10, 2009 4:16 am
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 11:00 am 
 

I mean if I had heard that band 5 years ago, I would have thought they sucked too. But after listening to metal for so long and finally “getting” that style it seems like an appropriate (if not totally stellar) example of the style.

Something I meant to say but forgot to post is also that it seems weird for that random band to get so much polarizing attention so quickly. If it was a higher profile band like Eternal Champion or Atlantean Kodex it would make since. But for a random band’s debut album I had only heard of for the first time a few weeks ago, it seems really strange for them to get 4 polarizing reviews in just 1 day. Maybe their label is really pushing them via promos and begging people to review it?
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Last edited by flexodus on Tue Mar 26, 2019 11:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
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Location: St. Charles, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 11:01 am 
 

Yeah I can say with confidence that I got that promo from two different companies. They're making the rounds that way and that's why they're getting so much reviewing attention.

N_S heard about it from me complaining before it was out though, but I'm sure the other two guys found it in their inboxes.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 5039
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 11:15 am 
 

To be honest, I was a little surprised I didn't get a promo for it but I should have my writeup posted this week. The band sure seems to be enjoying the varied feedback if their most recent Facebook posts are anything to go by. I have a lot of respect for bands that aren't afraid to acknowledge their negative reviews.
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Metantoine
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11867
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 12:27 pm 
 

I've removed Bastard head and Napalm Satan from Facebook after the Iron Griffin incident. If I had more time to review, I'd give it a 90%+!
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hells_unicorn
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 2478
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 1:21 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
I've removed Bastard head and Napalm Satan from Facebook after the Iron Griffin incident. If I had more time to review, I'd give it a 90%+!


Just heard the album, it's pretty good, not quite as good as Manilla Road, but I'd probably give it somewhere around an 80-85. I might tackle it at some point soon, though right now I'm buried in promos from both TMO and Sonic Perspectives.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8457
Location: York, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 3:47 pm 
 

All of you have weird taste according to me, so I'm still wondering as to whether this should be worth checking out. :P
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 27899
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2019 4:01 pm 
 

This is pretty solid traditional metal. Just sounds like a lot of bands in the style - low-fi, fantasy-based nerd/epic metal like old Slough Feg except less heavy. Nothing very out of the ordinary for that style in any way. I like it.
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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 913
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 9:44 am 
 

That Destruction review; wasn't super well-written but I pretty much agree with everything he said. Doubt I'd score it 100% but I love the praise.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:24 pm 
 

I'm not the biggest fan of Kamelot's recent trajectory but holy moly, that Shadow Theory review is some serious salt.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:54 pm 
 

He still gave it a higher score than I did despite us both saying the same stuff about it.
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 1:09 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
He still gave it a higher score than I did despite us both saying the same stuff about it.


Eh, at least you described the actual music and didn't go for a 2018 equivalent of "this is for Hot Topic kids."
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 1:12 pm 
 

Twisted_Psychology wrote:
Empyreal wrote:
He still gave it a higher score than I did despite us both saying the same stuff about it.


Eh, at least you described the actual music and didn't go for a 2018 equivalent of "this is for Hot Topic kids."


Metalheads can be somewhat stuck in time it seems. That's what I've been finding out watching S. Craig Zahler movies.
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Sweetie
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:19 am
Posts: 913
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 2:01 pm 
 

Speaking of "stuck in time," the first paragraph of that Skid Row review made me laugh, as that's how I think every time I see someone freak out any time a "hard rock" band is labeled as metal.

Not sure how I feel about the review overall though....
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Twisted_Psychology
Metal freak

Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 8:22 pm
Posts: 5039
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 2:07 pm 
 

SweetLeaf95 wrote:
Speaking of "stuck in time," the first paragraph of that Skid Row review made me laugh, as that's how I think every time I see someone freak out any time a "hard rock" band is labeled as metal.

Not sure how I feel about the review overall though....


It's well written enough but Subhuman Race as Skid Row's first metal album doesn't sit right with me when Slave to the Grind was pretty damned metal.
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Sweetie
Metalhead

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Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 2:25 pm 
 

True. I gotta be honest, Thick Skin (first Skid Row record without Bach) is actually pretty solid, and I prefer it to Subhuman Race.
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CHAIRTHROWER
Methed-burnt rogue babelfish

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2015 7:10 pm
Posts: 580
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 3:11 pm 
 

Er, BastardHead, may I suggest amending the following from your chill but somewhat cruel Iron Griffin review (you know, ratchet up the ole sardonic factor and all? Just a jocose suggestion, of course!):

"So just like how Fenriz can find Detente a worthwhile band based entirely on great vocals alone, I can almost say the same with Iron Griffin. Unfortunately, the end result is me basically just wishing she was in a much better band, because this is duller than the back end of a spoon."

Don't you mean the "black" end of a spoon? (Oh, boy, am I ever walking face first into this one, eh?!...

p.s. Witcher's Creed or death, yo! (TP agreed!)

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gasmask_colostomy
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:38 am
Posts: 983
Location: Where the heart is
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2019 4:40 am 
 

CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
Er, BastardHead, may I suggest amending the following from your chill but somewhat cruel Iron Griffin review (you know, ratchet up the ole sardonic factor and all? Just a jocose suggestion, of course!):

"So just like how Fenriz can find Detente a worthwhile band based entirely on great vocals alone, I can almost say the same with Iron Griffin. Unfortunately, the end result is me basically just wishing she was in a much better band, because this is duller than the back end of a spoon."

Don't you mean the "black" end of a spoon? (Oh, boy, am I ever walking face first into this one, eh?!...

p.s. Witcher's Creed or death, yo! (TP agreed!)

Old boy, I think BastardHead is punning on two different kinds of "dull"...

Are you talking about the dark side of the spoon?

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Five_Nails
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 1:34 pm
Posts: 628
PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2019 7:02 am 
 

This pun discussion is giving me a context high.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8457
Location: York, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2019 1:51 pm 
 

The newest Benediction review calls them a US band.
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