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The Official Review Discussion Thread
https://forum.metal-archives.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=7444		 Page 106 of 521
Author:  MalignantThrone [ Fri Mar 02, 2012 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Gah, doomknocker is such a horrible, horrible reviewer. He's the #1 reason why I think MA should instate a Basic Genre Knowledge test before allowing people to submit reviews.
Author:  xexyzl [ Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... hrothgar21
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... gardlord88

I'm almost tempted to post these in Oven Fodder but they are fresh out of the . . . review process. Are these guys for real/not the same person? hrothgar's review reads like an ad and asgardlord's reads like he was forced to write it at gunpoint.
Author:  Zelkiiro [ Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Mods are usually more lenient with the first few review submissions on any given release. Just wait for more, hopefully quality, reviews to arise and then petition for those early reviews to go.
Author:  HeySharpshooter [ Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
xexyzl wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Heidevolk/Batavi/325593/hrothgar21
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... gardlord88

I'm almost tempted to post these in Oven Fodder but they are fresh out of the . . . review process. Are these guys for real/not the same person? hrothgar's review reads like an ad and asgardlord's reads like he was forced to write it at gunpoint.


I have never laughed so hard in all of my life. Anyone with a brain could see right through those reviews, no doubt written by a friend of the band... or perhaps a member of the band.
Author:  Metal_Detector [ Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Incredible review for Bury the Light, Empyreal. It's probably one of the best I've ever read from you. Really all encompassing and engrossing. It also seems that most people justly (who actually like the album) think it deserves a 95.
Author:  ~Guest 282118 [ Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
MalignantThrone wrote:
Gah, doomknocker is such a horrible, horrible reviewer. He's the #1 reason why I think MA should instate a Basic Genre Knowledge test before allowing people to submit reviews.

Do I have to remind you that ConorFynes said Mussorgsky was a band in one of his reviews?
Author:  caspian [ Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
is it really that surprising? Not everyone is a huge classical music connisseur. I've got maybe 50 or so "old music with strings" CDs but I'd never heard of the dude. ConorFynes is a bad, bad bad bad reviewer but in that case it sounded like people were being snobby for the sake of being snobby. I guess that's the review discussion board in general though.
Author:  Lemmyapu [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Everyone says how bad a reviewer ConorFynes is but no one can ever say exactly why other than he writes too many of them with no style.
Author:  ~Guest 82538 [ Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Lemmyapu wrote:
Everyone says how bad a reviewer ConorFynes is but no one can ever say exactly why other than he writes too many of them with no style.

Actually some people have pointed out enough of his wrongdoings, but it varies from person to person. :lol: Anyway, I kind of dislike his reviews because most of the times it feels like he's just reviewing albums for the sake of doing it, without putting that much thought or sentiment into it. The way he writes is a bit "barren" and lacks the eloquence I like to sense in such a text like an album review. If the album evokes any feelings whatsoever he sure isn't able to transpire them and that's why I don't read his reviews at all. That and the fact that most of his opinions are different than mine, but that has more to do with personal taste than quality writing.
Author:  caspian [ Fri Mar 16, 2012 7:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Wilytank has great taste but it's inversely proportional to his review skill, alas
Author:  MalignantThrone [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 4:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... 91/redless
Quote:
I want to kill myself now because I had been writing a review for 20 minutes and I accidentally pressed the backspace button and all was gone :(

OH GOD WHAT IS CTRL+Z HOW DID THIS GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER
Author:  hakarl [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 4:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Crap like that has no place in a review, and neither does cretinism like "if you like extreme metal but don't like this, you actually don't like extreme metal, LOL!"

This one from the new The Ruins of Beverast review had me as close to chuckling as reviews at best can make me:
Quote:
But overall, I feel that having the interludes between each track was overdoing it a tad; sort of not just nailing the point home, but rather shooting you in the dick with a nail gun until you give into their creepiness and start weeping in a corner.
Author:  bronxeel [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
MalignantThrone wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Morbid_Angel/Blessed_Are_the_Sick/591/redless
Quote:
I want to kill myself now because I had been writing a review for 20 minutes and I accidentally pressed the backspace button and all was gone :(

OH GOD WHAT IS CTRL+Z HOW DID THIS GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER


This line absolutely killed me: "The lyrics are about the ancient gods and all that occult stuff"
Author:  hakarl [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
The worst part is "one of my favourite riffs of all time, which is also an "effigy of what's to come" - did you see what I did there?"

His intellect is so vast and yet his wit so subtle. Dazzling.
Author:  colin040 [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
His review is indeed pretty crap. His review of Death Symbolic aint great either.

Quote:
Overall, you must not expect anything specific from Symbolic, because you will probably get disappointed


:durr:

Quote:
Maybe words are really poor to describe this music.


Your words are, yes.
Author:  xexyzl [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... MarcosDoom

Another review filtered through Google translate
Author:  Metal_Detector [ Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
xexyzl wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Metallica/Beyond_Magnetic/324847/MarcosDoom

Another review filtered through Google translate


To clean the eye, that review's pretty patetic.
Author:  mad_submarine [ Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
I don't know who this guy is "Torwilligous" but whoever that is, I fucking enjoy reading his reviews. Fucking hilarious!
Author:  hakarl [ Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
...

What is the point of ramblings like this?
Quote:
I'm not foolish; Jotenheim were never going to become the new Metallica, were never going to take the world by storm and put it back together again in their image. 'Epic metal', in the Platonic Ideal displayed here, has never (and probably will never) be popular. If I'm feeling uncharitable I put it down to the crass, depthless and unthinking inanity of people; in a more reflective - and realistic - mood, it's clear that this genre does nothing to endear itself to popular taste.
Author:  Wilytank [ Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
MalignantThrone wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Morbid_Angel/Blessed_Are_the_Sick/591/redless
Quote:
I want to kill myself now because I had been writing a review for 20 minutes and I accidentally pressed the backspace button and all was gone :(

OH GOD WHAT IS CTRL+Z HOW DID THIS GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER


Thus, another advantage of drafting your reviews on paper first. :)
Author:  caspian [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
from a battle hymns MMXI review

Quote:
The riffs of this album have been tuned down an entire octave and it sounds a lot more rough than its predecessor.


Hmm, really.
Author:  Acrobat [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Hahah, it'd be hilarious if it actually was tuned down a whole octave. If you don't have any musical knowledge you should probably avoid technical terms!
Author:  OzzyApu [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Gutterscream, I'm sorry you had to approve all those CF reviews.
Author:  MalignantThrone [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
So I read ConorFynes's new review for Lykathea Aflame's Elvenefris and my fanboy-butthurt kicked in after noticing he gave it a score less than 90%. Then I read this:
Quote:
For those already familiar with death metal, Lykathea Aflame's heavier elements lean towards the niche of 'brutal death metal'; a pummelling brand of death metal that is best represented by its low guttural vocals, and- as one may have guessed by the name- a hyberbolic sense of brutality. Although the incredibly low vocals of Radim Matìjka plant Lykathea Aflame firmly within that particular school of death metal,

1. Radim Matijka wasn't even in the band at that point.
2. Lykathea Aflame's vocals, by any of their members, sound nothing like brutal death.

Disregarded as factually inaccurate. :)
Author:  OzzyApu [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
MalignantThrone wrote:
So I read ConorFynes's new review for Lykathea Aflame's Elvenefris and my fanboy-butthurt kicked in after noticing he gave it a score less than 80%. Then I read this:
Quote:
For those already familiar with death metal, Lykathea Aflame's heavier elements lean towards the niche of 'brutal death metal'; a pummelling brand of death metal that is best represented by its low guttural vocals, and- as one may have guessed by the name- a hyberbolic sense of brutality. Although the incredibly low vocals of Radim Matìjka plant Lykathea Aflame firmly within that particular school of death metal,

1. Radim Matijka wasn't even in the band at that point.
2. Lykathea Aflame's vocals, by any of their members, sound nothing like brutal death.

Disregarded as factually inaccurate. :)

:lol: :durr: :lol: :durr: :lol: :durr:
Author:  hakarl [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
They sound like uncupped vocal fry growls. They are neither very similar or very different to the usual brutal death metal fare.
Author:  MalignantThrone [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
You know, I wonder if ConorFynes has ever come to this thread and seen how much everybody hates him. :lol:
Author:  bronxeel [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
MalignantThrone wrote:
You know, I wonder if ConorFynes has ever come to this thread and seen how much everybody hates him. :lol:


Wow. That guy posted 52 reviews today.
Author:  Metal_Detector [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Of course he knows. He's posted in this very forum before. I think he's still submitting just to spite those who hate him.
Author:  Necroticism174 [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Which seems like the most pointless thing ever.
Author:  Wilytank [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Metal_Detector wrote:
Of course he knows. He's posted in this very forum before. I think he's still submitting just to spite those who hate him.


You know that doesn't mean anything right? He's only posted 7 times. All in November of 2010.
Author:  ~Guest 82538 [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 8:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
I hate to bash a fellow reviewer, and I was actually going to read CF's review of Watchtower's debut but his first sentence changed my mind fast, really fast!

ConorFynes wrote:
At a time when 'being thrash' usually amounted to little more than playing fast and gurgling into a microphone, a band from Texas sought to change everything.

Seriously???

Also, now I know that Demilich are famous because Antti Boman single-handedly invented brutal death metal vocals! :lol:
Author:  Empyreal [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Semantics, nothing more. It's just an adjective used to describe something offhand.

He is a pretty bad reviewer though. Just not much content to his stuff.
Author:  Necroticism174 [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
But he does serve a purpose : he makes you appreciate the good reviewers that much more.
Author:  ~Guest 82538 [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Empyreal wrote:
Semantics, nothing more. It's just an adjective used to describe something offhand.

Uhm, something like saying "barking at the microphone"? That would make some sense. Mind you that I'm not a native English speaker, but I immediately associated it with other type of vocals not present in thrash.
Author:  Empyreal [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
It's just not anything that's worth complaining about. It's one adjective used in a sentence that doesn't even affect the rest of the review, and so it just seems like needless bitching and moaning. Eh.
Author:  Metal_Detector [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
It's a verb. :lol:

But I do agree with your point, Empyreal. Many of these things might be ignored if a different reviewer wrote them, or merely laughed at. There's a vitriol towards ConorFynes that's so strong it almost makes me uncomfortable. After all, many of you would be in the same boat as he if you wrote nearly as much as he does. I know I would. :boo:
Author:  Necroticism174 [ Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
It's funny that you should mention the quantity thing. Maybe he should write less, but put more time into actually writing non-shitty reviews.
Author:  hakarl [ Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
I got a little guffaw out of autothrall's Horna live album Vihan Tiellä review. He succesfully spelled Örkkivuorilta, Perimä Vihassa Ja Verikostossa etc, but then stopped bothering to copypaste and typoed up garbage like Maista Kaipuu (Musta Kaipuu), which would actually translate to as "taste yearning" rather than "black yearning", and complete nonsense like Sielhuhaaksa (Sieluhaaska).
Author:  autothrall [ Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Official Review Discussion Thread
Ilwhyan wrote:
I got a little guffaw out of autothrall's Horna live album Vihan Tiellä review. He succesfully spelled Örkkivuorilta, Perimä Vihassa Ja Verikostossa etc, but then stopped bothering to copypaste and typoed up garbage like Maista Kaipuu (Musta Kaipuu), which would actually translate to as "taste yearning" rather than "black yearning", and complete nonsense like Sielhuhaaksa (Sieluhaaska).


Just what I needed before the morning coffee, a reminder of my nonexistent Finnish understanding.

Hehe. I shall make these corrections, thanks for pointing them out.
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