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j4m3sb0nd
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jan 02, 2007 6:29 am
Posts: 2
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:17 am 
 

Shape Of Despair - Angels of Distress, review by thebleakhorizon: http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=4004#77304

An elegantly beautiful review which succesfully sums the aesthetics of the music perfectly as "the realization of so many hopeless dreams and unfulfilled ambitions of this ephemeral existence" and realised in form as "not angry or fueled by vitriol, but terribly unsatisfied and troubled".

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cinedracusio
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 7:59 am
Posts: 169
Location: Romania
PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:42 am 
 

Droneriot's review for Nile's Black Seeds Of Vengeance, for Ityphallicophobes (like me). At last somebody to slit Nile's ass more seriously.
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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8638
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:29 am 
 

Bloodstone nails Stone's No Anaesthesia! on his new piece. Perfect. I'd just rate the album half a dozen points higher, but then again, at least two of those points would be for the neck-breaking memories from the late 80's...

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=13655#7600
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Bloodstone
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 11:48 am
Posts: 296
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:03 am 
 

Thanks. :) My rating system is pretty non-generous, so there. ;)
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Peregrin
Cricket Bat of Longinus

Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2004 3:09 am
Posts: 178
Location: Denmark
PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:04 am 
 

Still today, UltraBoris' review of Never Say Die never fails to crack me up, especially not now that I own the Black Sabbath boxed set and am listening to that album while reading his skewering of it.
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HowDisgusting
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Mar 19, 2003 6:39 pm
Posts: 1489
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:50 pm 
 

wight_ghoul's review of Kill.Fucking.Everyone dwarfs my own in quality. I really wish this guy would write more.
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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 2926
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 1:57 am 
 

Indeed. I haven't given out 8 points in a long, long time.
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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 2926
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:35 am 
 

The man has the touch.
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Nahsil
Clerical Sturmgeschütz

Joined: Sun Jan 08, 2006 2:06 pm
Posts: 4507
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 12:40 am 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:


Wow, yes, very entertaining review.
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Muloc7253
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 343
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:30 am 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:


Exactly what I came here to say. Cheeses_Priced not only writes some of the best reviews, but also the funniest. The 'named after a pokemon' part made me laugh (the guy was called 'Charmanden' or something) and how he's say that Cradle Of Filth and Dimmu Borgir are 'gay', using the dictionary definition of gay as in happy and bright. Hilarious. The Decrepit Birth review is good too, but not as good as this one.
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droneriot
incelgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 9065
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2007 5:35 am 
 

I first thought that was a great review, but what's with that rushed ending? Suddenly he just decided to stop writing, I guess, so the entire last third of the review is squeezed into that tiny last paragraph.
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Emerald_Sword
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:37 pm
Posts: 41
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:12 am 
 

Peregrin wrote:
Still today, UltraBoris' review of Never Say Die never fails to crack me up, especially not now that I own the Black Sabbath boxed set and am listening to that album while reading his skewering of it.


Haha that review is comedy gold for this paragraph alone:

Quote:
Speaking of credibility (Insufferable Blows Thereto department) Break Out is Black Sabbath's foray into disco music. I wish I were kidding. I wish "Black Sabbath's foray into disco music" were just a Regurgitated Cow Fetus song title, with absolutely no bearing in physical reality, sorta like "being anally violated with an entire warehouse". This is worse, because this is true. But it kinda feels similar.


:lol:

By the way, don't know if it has been mentioned before but I really enjoy OSS's review of Trans-Siberian Orchestra's "The Lost Christmas Eve". Very descriptive and a rather amusig read as well.

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RightIntoTheGrave
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun May 22, 2005 9:03 pm
Posts: 41
PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:40 pm 
 

I would like to take this time to thank CannibalCorpse for his Beseech review; since they so quickly changed into some goth rock merged crap, that release is always overlooked, both by those who like they later style and those who don't. Awesome to see some appreciation.

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CannibalCorpse
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:55 pm
Posts: 320
Location: Austria
PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:45 pm 
 

RightIntoTheGrave wrote:
I would like to take this time to thank CannibalCorpse for his Beseech review; since they so quickly changed into some goth rock merged crap, that release is always overlooked, both by those who like they later style and those who don't. Awesome to see some appreciation.


Thank you :)
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fluffy_ferret
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue May 11, 2004 4:11 pm
Posts: 26
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:02 am 
 

I'd like to mention Xeper for his special talents. His reviews are short and blocky but he manages to sqeeze in a lot of quality content. Easy, fast and fun to read, and very informative.

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Muloc7253
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 343
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:30 pm 
 

Bukkake has churned out quite a few good reviews, and I rarely ever see him get mentioned. Nice work.
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fluffy_ferret
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue May 11, 2004 4:11 pm
Posts: 26
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 8:27 pm 
 

Muloc7253 wrote:
Bukkake has churned out quite a few good reviews, and I rarely ever see him get mentioned. Nice work.


Yup, pretty good :)

A lot of good reviewers on this site, i've probably only discovered 1/20 of the talent...

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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8638
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:30 am 
 

Darkreif is gradually turning out to be rather good. I haven't heard most of the bands he reviews, but the reviews themselves are nice, in a basic, down-to-earth way. Of perfect length (in my opinion), they cover everything essential and are easy to read. They'd be good school-book examples for wannabe reviewers to take a look and perhaps emulate.

Check them out.

Edit: I meant that the stuff he has reviewed recently is unknown to me. There's plenty of familiar stuff in the older parts of his portfolio, of course.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10381
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:36 am 
 

Napero wrote:
Darkreif

Although him and I differ on ratings for different bands, we don't review too differently.
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LORD_VAG
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 12:27 pm
Posts: 75
Location: Hong Kong
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 9:13 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
Napero wrote:
Darkreif

Although him and I differ on ratings for different bands, we don't review too differently.


His ideas on metal are generally strange but yes, a very succinct reviewer I would have to say.
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cinedracusio
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 7:59 am
Posts: 169
Location: Romania
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 7:06 am 
 

Sean16's review for Summoning's Oath Bound made me fall in love with the guy. :love:

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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 317
Location: Japan
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 2:01 pm 
 

cinedracusio wrote:
Sean16's review for Summoning's Oath Bound made me fall in love with the guy. :love:


Are you a 20-years-old brunette? :love: No? I'm disappointed :(

This Summoning review had been collecting dust on my computer for several weeks now, but it's just this morning I decided to give it its final form and post it; glad to see someone appreciated it :)
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Muloc7253
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 343
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 2:54 pm 
 

TortureFiend's review of Soulside Journey is pretty cool.
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pinpals
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:18 pm
Posts: 73
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 9:58 am 
 

Bash's, well, bashing of Skyclad was an enjoyable read, even though I rather like the band.
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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1826
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 12:37 pm 
 

Well I finally decided it's high time I started writing some more reviews. I've just been so lazy with starting a new job and moving like 3 times in the past six months. I'm moving one last time, hopefully, and once I move, look forward to some new reveiws. I haven't quite decided what to review yet, but I think it will be back to some black metal reviews for a while. I'm debating between Woodtemple and Darkestrah, most likely. Oh well, time will tell.
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saintinhell
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2006 8:19 am
Posts: 1355
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:03 pm 
 

I tend to agree with Sharpshooter's negative reviews a lot and rather enjoyed reading them..especially his deconstruction of Time does not heal. Then again, didn't find Dehumanizer boring at all and don't see how it (or any decent metal album or that matter :D) can have a lower rating than St Anger :D but everybody is a fanboy of some band end of the day and so am I :).

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Helvede
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2003 6:28 pm
Posts: 1520
PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 4:02 pm 
 

RAUD's review for Arckanum's Kostogher is really good. I pretty much agree with the whole thing. It is just to damn difficult to get that album!! I only got a crappy tape-copy of it.

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requiem99
The Buddhist Killbot

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 4:11 pm
Posts: 118
Location: British Indian Ocean Territory
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 3:44 am 
 

Sean16 wrote:
cinedracusio wrote:
Sean16's review for Summoning's Oath Bound made me fall in love with the guy. :love:


Are you a 20-years-old brunette? :love: No? I'm disappointed :(

This Summoning review had been collecting dust on my computer for several weeks now, but it's just this morning I decided to give it its final form and post it; glad to see someone appreciated it :)


I love Summoning but I appreciated your review a great deal because I can understand exactly why you feel how you do (because you fucking described your feelings perfectly). Only review I've ever read of Summoning that was negative and did NOT make the reviewer look like a complete fool.

You are still wrong, of course, but I understood your point of view! :D

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Sean16
Moody Tabulator of Torn Hymens

Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 11:03 am
Posts: 317
Location: Japan
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:52 am 
 

Thanks a lot requiem, a compliment from you is deeply appreciated, as you're one of the reviewers I respect the most - except when you write your one-paragraph post-stamps :D :D
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cinedracusio
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 7:59 am
Posts: 169
Location: Romania
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:43 am 
 

MegaTormentor's review of Ad Hominem's Planet Zog - The End. Laughed my ass off: Sieg und Krieg, Krieg und Wang... hahahahahahahaAAAA!!!

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Muloc7253
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 343
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:40 pm 
 

Noktorn's new Black Tribe review was a good read.
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Noktorn
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 5:31 pm
Posts: 1713
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:26 am 
 

Muloc7253 wrote:
Noktorn's new Black Tribe review was a good read.


Thank you.

Cheeses_Priced is not a great writer. He IS a great communicator, and has an incredibly ability to make the most abstract ideas understandable to the layman. His reviews have made me aware of or made me able to phrase a number of ideas in metal music that I hadn't considered before. His conversational tone is also a much more pleasing read than that of some of the more erudite reviewers on the site. I find myself emulating his style more and more every day, because while his reviews are less linguistically 'pretty' than a lot of the legendary reviewers here, they manage to have more content than ten 'pretty' reviews combined.

At the same time, I'm afraid of letting him know how good he is.
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PhantomOTO
Exterminator 666 Does Not Answer

Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2003 8:19 am
Posts: 1507
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 2:08 pm 
 

OutlawXanadu's two Dream Theater reviews are worth reading.

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Muloc7253
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 343
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 8:56 am 
 

Noktorn wrote:
Muloc7253 wrote:
Noktorn's new Black Tribe review was a good read.


Thank you.

Cheeses_Priced is not a great writer. He IS a great communicator, and has an incredibly ability to make the most abstract ideas understandable to the layman. His reviews have made me aware of or made me able to phrase a number of ideas in metal music that I hadn't considered before. His conversational tone is also a much more pleasing read than that of some of the more erudite reviewers on the site. I find myself emulating his style more and more every day, because while his reviews are less linguistically 'pretty' than a lot of the legendary reviewers here, they manage to have more content than ten 'pretty' reviews combined.

At the same time, I'm afraid of letting him know how good he is.


For some reason, he never seems to accept praise.
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Bloodstone
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 11:48 am
Posts: 296
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 12:53 pm 
 

Empyreal just absolutely nailed Stratovarius's s/t, now I won't have to worry about reviewing it myself sometime in the future because I won't have anything to add. :)
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 26893
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:11 pm 
 

Bloodstone wrote:
Empyreal just absolutely nailed Stratovarius's s/t, now I won't have to worry about reviewing it myself sometime in the future because I won't have anything to add. :)

Why thank you.
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Muloc7253
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2005 9:47 am
Posts: 343
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:18 am 
 

I have to mention Noktorn again as I don't think he's really given that much credit - very unique and absolutely unbiased reviews of lots of random and obscure releases.
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Noktorn
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 5:31 pm
Posts: 1713
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 7:32 am 
 

Muloc7253 wrote:
I have to mention Noktorn again as I don't think he's really given that much credit - very unique and absolutely unbiased reviews of lots of random and obscure releases.


Heh, thank you. The random parts are my webzines; the obscure parts are just me. :P

EDIT: Coming up a thousand more reviews of generic brutal death metal releases.
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Cheeses_Priced
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2004 6:11 am
Posts: 552
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:50 pm 
 

Muloc7253 wrote:
For some reason, he never seems to accept praise.


Can't ever think of a good response. Popping into discussions about how great I am strikes me as kind of unseemly. I very much appreciate comments anyway, since it's the only way I know I'm not just shooting in the dark.

Noktorn wrote:
[...]make the most abstract ideas understandable [...] phrase a number of ideas in metal music that I hadn't considered before


That's what I attempt to do and for me it's the whole point of writing about music. I consider appraisals of quality, detailed aesthetic descriptions and flashy metaphors all to be vastly overrated, especially in the mp3 age, which potentially puts me at odds with people's ideas what a good review is supposed to be like. Sometimes I do wonder if anyone understands what the hell I'm talking about.

I'm going to go submit some stuff now.

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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2719
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 12:21 pm 
 

Gotta give some props to Noktorn for his review of The Gallery.
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