About two nights ago I returned home from a school event feeling incredibly down. Not your typical teen-angst crap, but a sense of depression that was so oppressing I could hardly express my feelings to even my closest friends. Anyways, I went home, turned on the computer and browsed around this site as I usually did, took a shower, and instead of going to bed to sleep off my depression, I went to my keyboard.

I proceeded to hook up my keyboard to my computer, opened Audacity, hit record, and played out all of my emotions. I didn't have a piano sheet, I didn't have any real idea what the hell I was playing (Something in E minor, in retrospect) or where any of it was going. I was so absorbed in the act of just releasing my emotion, playing the keyboard that after I felt that I had returned to a less turbulent state, I realized I had recorded 11 minutes of music. I was rather surprised because I felt like I only had been sitting there for 3 minutes.

I know the psychological explanation for that phenomenon, but regardless, when I listened to the stuff I played, I felt genuinely surprised. I knew that when one enters a certain emotional state and begins the process of creating, the stuff he puts out can't be replicated in other situations because of the intense emotional state. Until then though, I had yet to truly experience that. I listened to that song for almost the entire next day because it spoke to me in a way no other song could. It was an amazing experience, and I post here to ask if anyone else has experienced something similar. I know I'm not alone.

Here's the link, if anyone is interested in hearing the song. http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?4miwmm32yym

3 people so far have downloaded the song, surely one of them must have an opion to offer?

Can't say I've experience anything quite like that.

Nice playing, anyway.

Great song man, well played and composed. The song started of kind of slow, but once it picked up it was fantastic. There were certain individual parts that I thought were extremely well done, most notably the parts from 2:40 to about 3:50, and the part from 5:00 to 6:00.

But what happened at 6:31? You had a great part going there, and then it just abruptly stopped. Otherwise, there was just the occasional hesitation or mistake, which were mostly barely noticeable. Overall, I think it's a great piece and I'll probably give another listen next time I'm feeling depressed.

What you have captured is exactly what music should be. Nowadays it's all about, in the eyes of most metalheads, to say the least, about who can compose the most riveting solo with the most brilliant formal structure.

Pure, unfiltered emotions are what music should be. It's the exact reason I built a home studio - to do exactly what you did. To outlet emotions straight into the instruments, while you are feeling them. I haven't listened to your piece yet, but I am going to right now. It's like Animus's Poems for the Aching... he stated he recorded the songs as soon as he thought them up. No bullshit rearranging to get the most technically proficient structure out of it, just pure unadulterated emotions.

One day this winter I had a similar feeling, just an unexplainable sinking emotion. I got home and it was far too early to "sleep it off". So I went down and played my bass. I didn't even look at what I was playing, I just let the notes flow forth from my mind and fingers. There was a point when I woke up, as this had been an almost trance-like state. I would compare it to meditation. Anyway I felt so relieved afterward. I've never told anyone this because I was scared they'd call me a faggot or whatever.

If someone's willing to call you a faggot for that, they're not a human worth associating with anyways.

I realized that a couple months ago.

This has happened to me a few times. Nothing can duplicate the emotion that comes out in the songs that were totally built from how you feel.

Well, actually it's pretty easy to duplicate them with a computer. It's just difficult to replicate it

Hehe. Thanks for the words of praise. They mean a lot. That little pause actually happened because my mom yelled at me. It did kill the flow, and everytime I'm listening to my song and I get to that part, I'm dissapointed because I expect it to continue. Still, it was a bit past afer midnight then, so yeah, guess I kinda had it coming.

I hesitate to use the term "composed" when referring to my song because it lacks any concrete structure really. Even when you're jamming, you have to follow certain rules. I just went for it really. For a person who's learned piano for about 7 or 8 years, my playing was rather sloppy. But despite those problems though, I am pretty proud of my creation.

In fact, I've been listening to my song lately, figuring out what I was playing during certain parts, and tabbing it on Guitar Pro (not ideal for tabbing piano parts, as if I've found out already) so I can rearrange them later. I've got the majority of the left hand/rhythm parts figured out so I can assemble a rough structure. After I do that, I just have to tab out the melodies I was playing and find where to fit them. I had this realization today about what was going wrong with my arrangements (Simply a matter of getting stuck on where to fit certain things) and I noticed I had attempted to label certain parts with the typical "Verse", "Chorus", "Bridge" tags. Although I don't think he's correct in his interpretation, he said the song strucutre basically went like "Love/Downfall/Panic/Death" and thinking back to when he said that, I realized I should have approached it with a different mindset. I don't know if I'm gonna label certain parts as "Love Melody 1" or "2nd Variation on Death Melody" or something, but I suppose something like that may happen. I'll make sure to post the finished version of this song on here once I'm done.

@ Prominence
Mhm. In my experience when writing in an unaroused state, it's hard for material to come out. I wrote one half-decent grindcore song but it sounded like Insect Warfare's Cancer of Oppresion and I wrote this nice thrash riff but it reminded me of Demolition Hammer's Pyroclastic Annihilation a bit too much. Both are great bands though. I guess you could say I am also worrying if my song sounds like some other piano piece on my iPod, though I daresay it is most likely the lengthiest piece. I don't have the money for a home studio right now (Still living under my parent's roof, living the life of a broke high school student) but once I graduate, maybe get myself a decent music education so I can pursue my love for music, I may try to cough up the cash for a home studio. Must be quite expensive though, no? And I'm not too great with tech, so I have my hesitations. Still, it sounds pretty cool, being able to have a medium with which you can transfer your emotions through and just produce something beautiful and alive.

@ Eligosianblasphemy
Sounds like an interesting experience my friend. I haven't had many experiences with meditation (My AP Psychology teacher has brought in meditation in a couple classes, though I always fall asleep half away:P), but I think I can grasp what you're saying about it being like meditation. You just enter a completely different state for a moment where you're simply existing, simply being. In meditating, my experience was that was "being" but with music it was "playing". Instead of acting with any conscious plan, you just become the "mouth" for your emotons. The music is the words that come out. That was the way it felt for me. And ditto to what Prominence said. Complete asshole behavior for someone to call you a "faggot" just because you have a greater sense of emotional intuivity or whatever than them. xD.

@ Ciraxos
Duplicating the songs isn't difficult, I just need to have bothered to plugged my cable into my computer, and hit the record button, but yes, replicating the emotions is difficult. I've been experiencing a newfound optimism, hope, and general happiness that I haven't had in an extremely long time, and despite how I would like to be able to replicate this song faithfully, I'd rather not. It feels good to be happy. Not saying it is outside my technical ability to perform this song, just that it won't feel quite the same, at least, not to me. Who knows though, I may be able to get myself into a similar state if my emotions start flowing. We'll see I guess.

@ Windwaker
Hehe. It's a really incredible experience. Not to sound like a hippie, but I felt reborn after playing out that song and overcoming my pain. Anyways, thanks for the praise.

I'm only 17. I've only been building it for a year or two now, I have a collection of a decent selection of microphones, an 8-preamp interface, a macbook computer and all required hardware (mic stands, mic clips etc) and other equipment such as headphones or monitors. It does get rather costly, but it wasn't possible for anyone other than a professional engineer to afford this kind of thing ten years ago.

Oh wow. That's impressive. How'd you get the money?

Just with a part-time job. You don't need everything to start - it's actually fairly inexpensive to get started. The bare essentials would just be an interface (a decent one is anywhere from 200-1000$), a microphone (not required either if all your instruments are direct, and if your keyboard has a MIDI out or a stereo out, you won't need any microphones) and a computer. Most interfaces come bundled with recording software, so just make sure you get an interface that comes with a decent software (preferably not Ableton Live Lite, something more along the lines of Cubase LE or Sonar LE)

Of course, you won't be able to mix properly without a good pair of headphones or monitors/speakers, but at least you can get the audio recorded and play it back, which is a good place to start (better than Audacity, at least). You can start capturing these Cathartic Experiences now and worry about mixing them later

EDIT: oh, and I'm on a Mac, so I can't unzip .rars Can you upload an mp3 or a zip?

I've been in bad writers blocks and will end up in a similar mood and then write some good riffs and whatnot.

That's why music is an art - you're expressing yourself. Like someone else said, it's how music should be. Well done.

This was goo...no, good isn't enough. Better if I don't say anything.

But what's up with that part at 5.51? Sounds like you got agitated or something.

Listening to this makes me want to write my own music.

i often feel very depressed or angry like you must but i dont usually go to an instrument when im like that, save form maybe the drums.

Maybe i will next time.

@ Prominence
Here's what you requested. http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?wmijxgdwhcw

@YogSothothe
Yeah, pretty much. It fit decently though.