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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5261
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 1:46 pm 
 

Interracial sex leads to pink topped mushroom clouds, man! It's serious business!

...why is that mushroom cloud pink on the top?
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KrigareTjovane wrote:
BenjaminC81 wrote:
I've got quite an extensive lesbian vampire movie collection at home

I've decided this is the only kind of collection in the world that matters.

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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 7591
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 1:53 pm 
 

it's a circumcised white dick.
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hats prices are at an all time low

Spoiler: show
║\
║▒\
║▒▒\
║░▒║
║░▒║with this blade
║░▒║i cut those who
║░▒║disrespect
║░▒║Carly Rae Jepsen
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 5:10 pm 
 

So I was looking at the Time Does Not Heal cover, and I noticed something pretty silly. The shadow of the photographer! Unless someone else can explain what its supposed to be. Hahaha..

Spoiler: show
Image
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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inhumanist
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 5635
PostPosted: Tue Dec 09, 2014 7:48 pm 
 

It's supposed to be a bunny rabbit, duh.
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Under_Starmere wrote:
iHumanism: Philosophy phoned in.
Metantoine wrote:
If Summoning is the sugar of fantasy metal, is Manowar the bacon?

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Baroque1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Mar 10, 2013 2:28 am
Posts: 260
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:54 am 
 

Tourniquet - Onward to Freedom. Seriously, a rhino coming out of a train tunnel? Yep, seriously.

Spoiler: show
Image


Pantera's first album looks pretty goofy too. Some weird cat-man is smiling at us and he's not even doing the metal horns right, lol.

Image

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cetacean
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 6:31 pm
Posts: 81
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:11 pm 
 

You could add half of Tourniquet's albums to this list. :P

Antiseptic Bloodbath:
Image

I actually thought this was kind of neat when I first saw it. Until you actually listen to the lyrics for the song that goes with it and realize they're talking about how eating burgers is the same as crucifying Jesus.

Microscopic View of a Telescopic Realm
Image

I'll never forget the day my sister and I were driving across the country and she exclaimed "what the hell is this?" after discovering this album among the CDs in my car. It didn't help matters when she put it on and discovered the whole album has (maybe) two good songs on it.
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Why do you have come here. I didn't know where go, I was cold, You have heated me, I was hungry, you have eated me, I was afraid, now i doesn't have some. This is my kingdom, now it is also your. I am your debtor, ask that than you want. “I wan't your life, I desire your soul”.

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cetacean
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 6:31 pm
Posts: 81
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:16 pm 
 

Baroque1 wrote:
Tourniquet - Onward to Freedom. Seriously, a rhino coming out of a train tunnel? Yep, seriously.


Presumably they're back to alternating between Meat-is-Evil and Zoos-are-Evil (next will be Circuses-are-Evil of course). Also I forgot to ask... why the heck is Ted Kirkpatrick's name floating over the Tourniquet logo?
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arkam wrote:
Why do you have come here. I didn't know where go, I was cold, You have heated me, I was hungry, you have eated me, I was afraid, now i doesn't have some. This is my kingdom, now it is also your. I am your debtor, ask that than you want. “I wan't your life, I desire your soul”.

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dreadmeat
emere vendere cambire

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:50 am
Posts: 7886
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 5:31 pm 
 

Meat is good, circuses and zoos are evil, but meat is definitely good.
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inhumanist
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 5635
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:37 pm 
 

You mean you don't dread it?
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Under_Starmere wrote:
iHumanism: Philosophy phoned in.
Metantoine wrote:
If Summoning is the sugar of fantasy metal, is Manowar the bacon?

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metalistkrieg
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 5:02 pm
Posts: 486
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 6:43 pm 
 

^ :lol:

Dance of Death is my pick. It should have only been Eddie on that fucking dance floor!

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aloof
avant-gardener

Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2008 1:18 pm
Posts: 2117
Location: never neverland, palm trees by the sea
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 2:33 am 
 

Druid's ever-lasting masterpiece...

Spoiler: show
Image


and that was on 12" vinyl :D
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the devil is very old indeed, we sit with a few stories to tell

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dreadmeat
emere vendere cambire

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:50 am
Posts: 7886
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 2:43 am 
 

^ you guys :p

Der Weg zur Unendlichkeit
Trollskogen

Image
http://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Trollskogen/Der_Weg_zur_Unendlichkeit/24257
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Baroque1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Mar 10, 2013 2:28 am
Posts: 260
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 7:40 am 
 

Asian businessman wants a hug
Image

Poorly photoshopped grandma wants to play pool on the beach wtf
Image

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Baroque1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Mar 10, 2013 2:28 am
Posts: 260
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 7:55 am 
 

Image

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EyesOfGlass
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:59 pm
Posts: 186
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:08 am 
 

Hot chick at the front with a lightning background... and is that the malocchio what she's doing with her right hand?

Image
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But thus, fingernails are no more. Palms are no more. The awareness you are is no longer bound. By anything.

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aloof
avant-gardener

Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2008 1:18 pm
Posts: 2117
Location: never neverland, palm trees by the sea
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:16 am 
 

no, she's givin us the finger...
Spoiler: show
Image


not that bad a cover, tbh. obv not an artistic masterpiece, but hardly an "atrocity".

oh, and that xentrix cover a few posts up has "conspiracy theory" undertones, if you notice the guy's palms. (lol. those english b**tards.)
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dreadmeat
emere vendere cambire

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:50 am
Posts: 7886
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:21 am 
 

You guys should really be posting links to sources and names etc in here...

Suspended Animation
Fantômas

I can't stand the artwork in this or the packaging, the music is fine but the visual...
For those of you who haven't seen this it's basically a calendar complete with the spiral ring spine and some terrible "art"

Image
http://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Fant%C3%B4mas/Suspended_Animation/72618
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dreadmeat
emere vendere cambire

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:50 am
Posts: 7886
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:25 am 
 

Xentrix Asian businessman ? ha ha I don’t think so :lol:
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I_Crash_and_Burn
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2005 3:16 pm
Posts: 234
Location: San Benedetto Belbo (Cuneo) Italy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:38 am 
 

Anything will ever beat "Dethrone the son of god" by Havohej.

On the podium: Gonkulator - Second war in heaven; Svartkrist / Katassamalass split CD

All these "gems" can be seen here in the Archive.
ENJOY!!!


Last edited by I_Crash_and_Burn on Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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EyesOfGlass
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:59 pm
Posts: 186
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:40 am 
 

aloof wrote:
no, she's givin us the finger...

not that bad a cover, tbh. obv not an artistic masterpiece, but hardly an "atrocity".

Bad zooming here, haha. It's not an atrocity, of course, but the title says "bad, ugly, worse" and I thought this one was pretty bad.
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But thus, fingernails are no more. Palms are no more. The awareness you are is no longer bound. By anything.

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metalistkrieg
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 5:02 pm
Posts: 486
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 2:14 pm 
 

NSFW (Fags)

Spoiler: show
Image


The gay is strong in this one. :gay:


Awesome fucking band but what were they thinking? This cover is horrible!
Image


Pure shit :puke:
Image


Last edited by dreadmeat on Thu Dec 11, 2014 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User was warned for this post

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 6241
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:09 pm 
 

EyesOfGlass wrote:
aloof wrote:
no, she's givin us the finger...

not that bad a cover, tbh. obv not an artistic masterpiece, but hardly an "atrocity".

Bad zooming here, haha. It's not an atrocity, of course, but the title says "bad, ugly, worse" and I thought this one was pretty bad.

Is that chick on the cover photoshoped or what? That neck position is totally weird, like she has a snapped neck or something.

Xentrix cover art = Asian business man :nono:
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~Guest 76452
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:40 pm
Posts: 4414
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:14 pm 
 

The cover for Sacred Rite's "s/t" is pretty hilarious:

Image

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Thexhumed
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2010 2:26 pm
Posts: 1134
Location: Chile
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 8:41 pm 
 

cetacean wrote:

Microscopic View of a Telescopic Realm
Image



Some Donkey Kong Country 2 worship (not the religuous one) right there!
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inhumanist
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 5635
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 5:11 am 
 

If the music is as well then I need this album. :D
_________________
Under_Starmere wrote:
iHumanism: Philosophy phoned in.
Metantoine wrote:
If Summoning is the sugar of fantasy metal, is Manowar the bacon?

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metalistkrieg
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 5:02 pm
Posts: 486
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 6:26 am 
 

Perdition666 wrote:
The cover for Sacred Rite's "s/t" is pretty hilarious:

Image

Nah bro that cover is badass! Just like the album itself. One of the best heavy metal albums ever created imo. It's that fucking good.

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true_death
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:47 pm
Posts: 1868
PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 12:10 pm 
 

By no means a bad painting or album cover in and of itself, but I always thought the font choice on In Flames's "The Jester Race" was very awkward and out of place......who ever heard of a death metal album cover in COMIC SANS???

Spoiler: show
Image


I don't think this is official, but this one looks much better to me:

Spoiler: show
Image
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Necrostalker
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:50 pm
Posts: 141
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:51 am 
 

NSFW

Spoiler: show
Image


Any cover with dead people are terrible .
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Bellum omnium contra omnes

Status: unobserved


Last edited by dreadmeat on Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
NSFW tags please

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Necrostalker
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:50 pm
Posts: 141
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:58 am 
 

I said dead people , man. :lol:
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dreadmeat
emere vendere cambire

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:50 am
Posts: 7886
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 2:01 am 
 

Yeah but still: viewtopic.php?p=2472687#p2472687
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Corpsey the Clown
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2011 7:38 pm
Posts: 250
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 4:59 am 
 

Necrostalker wrote:
NSFW

Spoiler: show
Image


Any cover with dead people are terrible .

"Man, that's some hot coffee."

Okay, here goes. Some of the worst covers in heavy metal history, and I'm not talking about stuff like Riot's 'Narita' or Scorpions' 'Fly to the Rainbow'. At least that was legitimate artwork. This is stuff that fails on every level.


Microsoft Paint. It's serious business.
Spoiler: show
Image
METALUCIFER - Heavy Metal Chainsaw


If you think budget late 90's/early 2000's computer art hasn't aged well, get an eyeful of 1986.
Spoiler: show
Image
EXCITER - Unveiling the Wicked


Possibly from a very remote village somewhere in northern Europe, photographed and designed by the one 13-year-old kid in town who owns a computer.
And he wasn't feeling good that day.
Spoiler: show
Image
TROLLHORN - Demo


So lazy it doesn't deserve a snarky comment.
Spoiler: show
Image
CRONOS - Dancing in the Fire


Warning: NSFW
No bad covers thread would be complete without this cruel joke from...Enchant, Erogoat, Enoch's Cat, whatever that is. One of the worst of all time, if not the worst.
Spoiler: show
Image
??? - Night Monumental Evil



And finally, the worst cover ever that somehow turned out awesome.
*DING* "Pardon me, sir. I think I'm done."
Spoiler: show
Image
MANDATOR - Perfect Progeny

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dreadmeat
emere vendere cambire

Joined: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:50 am
Posts: 7886
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:29 am 
 

Ha ha ha! that last one rules! that's so bad it's good :lol:

Image
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BloodSacrificeShaman
Leopold Herman Stotch

Joined: Wed May 11, 2011 3:20 am
Posts: 2109
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 7:33 am 
 

Any cover with Neal Tanaka on it can never ever be considered bad.
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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 6241
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 8:03 am 
 

I don't know about you guys, but that Mandator cover is fucking awesome!
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kingnuuuur
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:35 pm
Posts: 2314
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:23 am 
 

dreadmeat wrote:

This has such an uncanny resemblance to Cecilia Jimenez's infamous botched restoration attempt of Ecce Homo. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... eover.html

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true_death
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:47 pm
Posts: 1868
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:10 pm 
 

Image

Fantastic album, but the cover is unbelievably bad. It's ugly, cluttered to hell, with too many different ideas going on at the same time, while also being too close to each other.
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Necrostalker
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:50 pm
Posts: 141
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 3:32 pm 
 

dreadmeat wrote:
Ha ha ha! that last one rules! that's so bad it's good :lol:

Image


Like a censored/hurr durr version of Exumed´s Gore Metal .

Image
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aloof
avant-gardener

Joined: Sun Dec 14, 2008 1:18 pm
Posts: 2117
Location: never neverland, palm trees by the sea
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:28 pm 
 

NSFW and beyond horrible...

Spoiler: show
Image
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the devil is very old indeed, we sit with a few stories to tell

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Metantoine
Big Beautiful Famgot

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11773
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 9:31 pm 
 

The double cock forehead is by far the best thing on there. And wtf, these NS dead officers?
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Metantoine, what does "fam" stand for, "familiar"? Like a witch's familiar?!...Have you been playing d & D again?...

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Halberd

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MorbidEngel
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:37 pm
Posts: 959
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:57 am 
 

Corpsey the Clown wrote:
NSFW
Warning: NSFW
No bad covers thread would be complete without this cruel joke from...Enchant, Erogoat, Enoch's Cat, whatever that is. One of the worst of all time, if not the worst.
Spoiler: show
Image
??? - Night Monumental Evil


Searching the album name finds this: http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Enochian/11685
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